Finding Me (The Bad Boy Series) (24 page)

She gasped. She realized what I had done.

I stopped breathing, waiting for her reaction. Sitting over her shoulder is Betty Black, the guitar Angel had given her. I waited, hoping I hadn't made a mistake. But, when she strums the chords on the guitar, I allow myself to breathe. She really was healing.

I walked off the stage slowly as she started to sing, her husky voice hitting me from all angles. I watched as she threw herself into her version of Coldplay's 'Fix You' and I smiled. We were both trying to fix each other from the pain we caused. When trying to find her through the darkness, in reality, I realized I was also finding myself. We both were.

I couldn’t love Neva anymore if I tried. She was it for me, the woman who I would spend the rest of my life holding, protecting and loving. She is my purpose and I’ll be damned if I screw it up.

“I have missed listening to her sing,” Tate said quietly, as he watched his sister with pride.

“Me too,” I agreed.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Low, making her way out the door and she didn’t look impressed. Something has been off with her lately; I have no idea what it is and when I look at Tate for answers, he looked just as clueless as I was.

“What’s going on, man?” I asked, nodding towards the door she just walked out of.

“I have no fucking clue, and it’s scaring the shit out of me,” he whispered. “I’m going to go after her, tell Neva she sounded amazing and I'm proud of her, okay?”

I placed my hand on his shoulder and squeezed, an understanding passing between us. He smiled and grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair before walking out of the bar after Low. Women, crazy as hell; especially that one. The woman took my door of its hinges three months ago, and I was still fucking clueless as to how she did it.

I turned my attention back to Neva as I took a seat back at the table. Dex and Trix were laughing and joking while I listen to Neva’s voice. She had a voice that could completely render me speechless. As she finished her set, I jumped up and pulled her towards me. Picking her up by her waist, she squealed as I spun her around, kissing her lips over and over again.

“You were amazing, baby,” I said as I placed her back on her feet, never letting her go.

“You really think so?” she asked.

Was she crazy? Her voice and the way she can play a guitar? It's soul destroying and I couldn’t be more proud of her.

“Hell yes!” I shouted, pulling a laugh from her lips.

“Where have Tate and Low gone?” she said as she finally got her bearings.

“They had to leave, but Tate told me to tell you he is really proud of you,” I whispered, pulling her closer so I could kiss those perfect lips.

“Okay.” She blushed. “Why Betty?”

The guitar. I knew she would ask me why I gave it her to play. Truthfully, I had no idea either.  It seemed like the thing to do, the right time, and I hoped it would help her on her journey through PTSD and her journey to become a musical therapist.

“Because, even though he did what he did, he is still a part of you, and I said I would love every single piece of you. Every. Single. Piece.”

Epilogue

Angel

She hadn’t seen me. None of them had.  I suppose that's what happens when you want to disappear, people don’t notice or care, and eventually you’re just the guy who has a fucked up father who threatens people to do his dirty work. Yeah, that’s me. The idiot who was supposed to follow a simple order: find her, start a relationship with her, and bring her to the house. I couldn’t even do that. No, I ended up falling for her, hard.

Now my own mother couldn’t even stand to be in the same room as me, never mind look at me. The woman I love has forgiven me, but can never forget what I did. And now, my father was rotting in a prison cell, serving more time for the chaos he fucking caused. It’s time for me to completely disappear now, but I needed to see her one last time, so I can keep her image ingrained in my memory.

It’s her voice that hit me first; the pain, the fear and the guilt have all but gone, leaving behind a voice no longer laden with her past, but full with her future. It’s no longer painful; her voice sounds experienced. But, what I notice next took me completely by surprise. Around her shoulder lies my guitar, her guitar … Betty Black.

I didn’t think for one second she would ever play her, but there she was, standing on the stage strumming her like they had been playing together for years. I took in Neva’s face, full of happiness but lined with nervousness. But it’s her beauty that catches my eye the most. From her long dark hair, to her stunning brown eyes, to her plump lips and her perfect smile. It’s as if she was made for me, but I knew it wasn’t true. She wasn’t mine, she never had been. There had always been something holding her back, keeping her from giving herself over to me. It was me, what my father did … what I did.

My eyes roamed her face as she plays a version of ‘Fix You’ by Coldplay, it’s a version I have never heard before. She wasn’t singing it for the audience who were currently mesmerized by her voice, she was singing it for him. The man who I could never compete with, the one who could hold her up when she broke. I couldn’t do that; instead, I was the one who broke her in the first place.

I couldn’t listen anymore, I couldn’t take in her voice and expect it not to leave more scars than I already carried. I'm full of scars, old wounds and permanent reminders of my ugly past, present and, no doubt, future. It’s time to leave, to leave her and in my own way help her heal.

I don’t know where I'm going, and at the moment I don’t care. The farther away from this place, these people, these memories ... the better. I won’t stay if it means causing her more pain. I won’t do it. My Mustang is in the parking lot, waiting for me to drive her someplace new. I need to find somewhere to stay, somewhere to find my own forever.

The End

Coming late summer '14

Finding Us

Tate & Low’s Story

The term post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or post-traumatic stress syndrome (PTSS) is used to name a range of symptoms you may develop in response to experiencing a traumatic event, which is outside of your normal human experience. It is often a delayed response.

PTSD can happen to anyone, at any time.

Don’t ignore the signs, get help.

http://www.mind.org.uk/

Acknowledgements

To my husband - Your continued love and support keeps me writing,
 I don't know what I would do without you. I love you, thank you for being my real life Logan. 

To my little dude - Thank you for understanding when mummy was in the writing cave, high on caffeine, and had little sleep. I hope in the future, this will inspire you to follow your dreams, no matter how big they may seem.
 

To my editor, Jenn (who is no doubt reading this right now) - Thank you so much for all you have done. You jumped in and helped me out when I was stuck in a rut and pulling my hair out. Your work is amazing, and I can't wait to work with you on future novels!
 

To Liz King - I love your face, lady! Thank you for your continued support and friendship. Since starting on this amazing journey, I have made some amazing friends, and I am so happy to call you one of them.
 

To Hannah Anderson - You are one in a million. You call me out on my shit and tell me to get back into the cave! I love you tons, woman.

To Judi Perkins - You keep me smiling. You crack me the hell up, but you also saved my ass in my time of need. Thank you for everything you have done for me; without you,
Finding Me
would never have made it to publication. I love you!

To my amazing friend Katy Evans - Not only did you inspire me to write, but when I thought I couldn't do it, you gave me the pep talk I desperately needed. You are an amazing friend, and such a gifted author! Thank you for standing by my side and pushing me to take the right direction. Just remember ... BUV.

To Tijan - For being kick ass! You're an amazing writer, with such an awesome talent. Thank you for your support.

To Shanora Williams - I love you, girl! Your support of
Finding You
and
Finding Me
has been amazing. Thank you so much! I know that
Who I Am
will do awesome!

To MJ Carnal and her band of Minions - You guys are insane, but help me keep my sanity. You have been with me through the rough and the smooth, and I am so glad I am a part of such an amazing group of ladies! The Moretti Minions rock!

To TA McKay - My Scottish diva. I love you, lady! Thank you for your continued support, your opinion means the world to me. I am so excited to get my hands on
Into The Deep.

Kellie Mountgomery - My Biotch. I love you, lady, you rock my world. Your support has been endless and I am so grateful for your friendship. I love you! #GretchenHeartsBiotch

To B.A. Wolfe - Your writing brought us together!
Away
was an amazing novel and you connected with me through your amazing talent. I can't wait to see what your future holds, and I hope that at some point we will finally get to meet! You got this, girl!

To K. Langston - Ghetto Fabulous. You are one of very few who can call me some of the names you do. You make me laugh, and you pull me out of my writing slump and
 negativity towards my own work. I love you and your warped mind, and I can't wait to get my hands on
Until You're Mine.

To Ena Burnette - You are the best woman I could have asked for to do all of my promo. You are efficient and such an amazing person. I look forward to working with you in the future.

To Cami and Kim, from the Crazies R Us Book Blog - You guys are amazing! Your support over the last couple of months has been awesome. Thank you so, so much!

To all the blogs that have helped support The Bad Boy Series - Eyecandy Book Store; Crazies R Us Book Blog; Romance Addiction; 50 Shades of Gabriel's Crossfire Unscripted Destiny - Book Club; Swoon Worthy Book Blog; Blissful Book Blog; Books, Coffee & Wine; Stephanie's Book Reports; Fab, Fun and Tantalizing Reads; and so many more! Thank you!

Finally to my discussion group and Heartbreakers – Thank you for supporting me and this journey. We are in this together, and I am so bless to take you all with me. Your support and enthusiasm has been truly amazing, and I am so happy to have met and awesome group of women who love my characters just as much as I do.