Finding Me (17 page)

“I know you will. I’m just sad it has to be like this.” She shook her head, smiled – a sad grin, but it was an improvement over her pout. Then she vanished. I stood still for a moment, watching the air where she had stood shimmer with jade and aqua mist.

“You okay, princess?” Chris asked. He placed his hand on my shoulder. I swiftly pushed it off and turned to face him.

“I’m fine. Frustrated. Tired. But I’m okay. I think.”

“Nothing happened. Right? I mean, aside from a kiss…last night.” Before I could answer, he closed his eyes and balled his fist up at his side.

“No. Of course not. You…I mean, he, was aggressive. I slapped him. He left angry, but he left.” I gritted my teeth to stifle the anger that rose at the thought of what had happened last night.

“You slapped him.” His forehead wrinkled. “Why didn’t you use your power to push him away?”

“He was too strong. I couldn’t do anything but slap him. Not that the slap made a difference. I’m sure he was just surprised that I did it. Like I’d caught him off guard.”

His lips pursed. “He must have disabled your powers. You slammed my head against the wall in your room when I said something you didn’t like. I wonder how he did it, though. You shouldn’t have had to slap him. This is an entirely new situation for us. This must be why it’s been so hard to capture him. He shifts into someone else and disables our powers, preventing us from capturing him. I’m starting to think that we may only be able to capture him in his true form. But if he can come to one of us and disable our powers, he could lure us away from one another. Maybe even kill us before we can call each other for help.”

“Um, are you trying to freak me out? He was wicked scary. I should’ve known something wasn’t right.” I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “How could I kiss him and not know?”

Chris caressed the side of my face. “I’m sure there was no way for you to know.” He stepped closer and continued to run his hand across my cheek. My heart stirred. “You don’t ever have to be scared again. I’ll die before I let anyone hurt you. I may not be certain of many things, but the one thing I am positive about is how much I love you. I need you. You have to believe that.” He stepped even closer and pressed his lips to mine gently. I had anticipated this kiss last night. Perfect. With sparks and all.

He pulled back and looked thoughtful for a moment. “I think I know why he came to you.” I remained silent, waiting on his theory. “Maybe he was trying to feel you out. See if you remembered anything. Or maybe he thought you’d give yourself to him.”

“Give myself to him.” I frowned up at him.
What did that mean?
He arched his brow and his mouth turned up at the corners. “You mean if I’d had sex with him,” I said, disgusted by the thought. “Ewww!”

“Maybe sex with a female Peacekeeper could strip her power for good. Again, it’s just a theory. We really don’t know much – we’re basically working blind here until you remember everything. But I guess he came in the form of me because he thought you’d give yourself to me.” He couldn’t conceal his smile then. It spilled out over his entire face. “I wonder what gave him that idea.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” We laughed for a couple seconds. And for a small moment, it released the tension. Once we calmed ourselves, I asked a pivotal question. A question that had been on my mind since we’d determined he wasn’t in my room last night.

“So if you weren’t in my room, where were you? Where have you been the last three days?” I had a noticeable shrillness to my voice, a little hurt he hadn’t told me beforehand.

“We went to Tierra for research.”

“Tierra. Isn’t that one of the universes you lived on before?” How in the world could he have been there yesterday? This would be another interesting story, I suspected.

“Correction. We lived on. And yes, it was. It’s home to the facility created for all the Peacekeepers. All of us are trying to apprehend the ENO.”

“How did you get there?”

“That’s not a story that should be explained at this juncture. We can communicate later this evening,” he said. He lowered his brows and his breathing increased. He looked around us from left to right.

I turned my head to follow his peculiar gaze. “Is there something wrong? What’s happening? Why are you talking like that?”

“I believe we’re being watched,” he said. “My instincts take over at a certain point. I can’t control it. I need to throw him or her off our trail. I think you were wise to suggest we not know one another intimately. I let my emotions get the better of me. I’m positive that my absentminded behavior was what set the ENO on to you. I can’t make a fair assumption about how many people the ENO has working for him. So we must practice extreme caution while out from now on.”

“What do you mean? Others are working with him…to destroy us? No. Wait. What? Gosh, great time to tell me,” I said. I slapped his muscular arm hard. Why do things continually pop up? When would I ever get the complete story? When would this madness end? I rolled my eyes so hard it felt like they might pop.

He looked at me with a pained expression, “I’m messing this up, aren’t I? I’m trying to do this right. To show you little by little. Not to frighten you. But I’m not doing this right.” He balled his hands into fists again and turned his back to me.

Guilty butterflies immediately twisted away inside my stomach. I released a loud sigh. “Chris, you’re not messing up. I’m just…a little confused with all this. That’s all. You’ve never had to do this before, remember. We’re both learning as we go along. I’m so thankful for you. Before you came along my life was–”

“Uncomplicated.” He kept his back to me. Sulking into the crowd of frozen kids.

I reached for him and pulled at him until he faced me. “You brought me happiness. You brought me you. If it turns out that I’m not Amanda…I couldn’t regret any of this. Please don’t think I regret it now. My life before was so…normal.” I laughed, nervous to reveal such personal things to him. “I’ve had time to think without you near.” I bit my lower lip, wondering if I should continue.

His eyes were bright, engaged, and his lips were curled just so at the ends. He needed to hear this as much as I needed to say it. I continued. “The world seems small when we’re together – when you’re holding me. Nothing else matters. Regardless to how I try not to, and I do try,” I swallowed back the fear of what I was about to confess, “I’m falling in love…with you. What I feel for you now only after a short period, I never felt for Zack. I ask myself how that could be possible. Truthfully, I don’t have the answers and may never have them. What I do know is that you’re always here even when we aren’t together.” I pointed to my heart. “If I feel like this…now.” I inhaled a deep breath then exhaled it. “How could this be wrong?”

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. His eyes were locked on mine and reflected what his mouth couldn’t say. Something I knew to be true: he loved me. We communicated without speech, just touch. Sweet, soft caresses melded together with the rise and fall of our breathing, while our souls embraced through our eyes.

I swallowed hard and made myself press on. “Please don’t blame yourself for anything that’s gone wrong. Or that may go wrong in the future. My biggest fear now is I’m not the person you’re looking for. Then you walk out my life forever.”

“You are. I know you are. There’s not a question in my mind. I love you so much. I just want to do this right. Without scaring you to death in the process,” he whispered. “We can’t talk here, I’ll talk to you later…this evening.” He turned and abruptly walked off. After he was a few yards away, he swung his hands out and flipped his wrists to release the school from his spell.

The entire school was buzzing again, like “normals” do.

I tried to concentrate when I arrived in class, but my thoughts continually turned to my conversation with Chris. Something nagged at the back of my mind. The conversation ended with Chris and I assuming the ENO was the shape shifter in my room last night. This seemed a plausible explanation. However, a portion of that scenario didn’t add up: the fact that I lived to tell the story. By Chris and everyone else’s accounts, the mission of the ENO was to destroy us so he could carry out his plot to wipe out humanity. If so, why wouldn’t he kill me when he had the perfect opportunity?

Mr. Fielding, my biology teacher, called on me to answer a simple question, right when I was working at full capacity trying to understand last night’s mystery visitor. I should have known the answer to whatever question he posed, but my mind was scrambled.

Science had always been my favorite subject. But not even it could contend with the prospect of an angry ENO trying to destroy me.

“Are you okay, Miss Carmichael? You seem distracted today,” Mr. Fielding said. “Come on. You know this answer.”

I didn’t want to tell him I barely heard the question to begin with. So I kept my mouth shut and shook my head to signal that I didn’t know.

He shook his head in disapproval and restated the question. “What is the most significant element of survival for a living organism?”

“It needs continuous energy,” Casey said. She turned in her seat to glare at me as if I were a green one-eyed Martian. When did she decide to pick up a book and learn something? I guess while I’d been stressing over my multiple personality disorder.

I ducked my head in my seat.
Duh.
I shouldn’t allow this situation with the ENO to destroy the life I’d created here. I had to learn to balance my two worlds.

I glanced out the window next to my desk, looking to the sun for some perspective. I spotted Ms. Graves crossing the campus with a student from the lower grades. The poor girl looked as if she were in a great deal of pain. Ms. Graves held her hand as she escorted her to the administration building. I hadn’t seen her since the incident in the hall with Melissa.

Usually, we would find one another so we could talk. Ms. Graves was a great listener and never seemed to judge me or divulge anything we discussed. I’d told her things I couldn’t tell anyone, not even Melissa and Emily. I wondered if Chris had ever received my mind message regarding her behavior a couple days ago.

No sooner had the thought entered my mind, than Ms. Graves looked up and directly at me. It was as if she’d heard me thinking about her. I sat straight up in my seat and watched her until she entered the building. I was positive she couldn’t make me out with her short glance. She may have been looking at a bird in her path. She could have simply heard something. However, no matter the excuse I conjured, it all lead to one conclusion: that was strange.

How strange would depend on the person you asked. I didn’t take anything for granted. Not anymore. Anything was possible in the double world I lived in. But was it possible that was a coincidence? Chris had made the comment once that “we can never say anything is a coincidence – there’s a reason for everything.”

So I contemplated Ms. Graves’ behavior with this theory in mind. Could it be possible that Ms. Graves could hear my thoughts, that she also had power of her own? That she knew who I was – or at least who I was supposed to be? Yes was the resounding answer, yes to both.

But how?

Chapter 15

“Why are you pacing so much? Sit still. This was why I did not involve you in the planning of the party. You are so incredibly inpatient,” Mother said. She shoved me back into the faux leather seat. I bit my lower lip to stifle the anger that was burgeoning within me.

“Mother, I don’t need my hair done,” I said, getting up. “Please, let’s just go home.” I didn’t want to waste any of the time I could be spending with Chris on a haircut. One I didn’t even need.

“Chloe, it is imperative that a woman remain well groomed at all times. Life can present a woman with many challenges, but beauty can sway the odds.” She smiled at me, then pushed my unwilling body back into the seat again.

I gritted my teeth and rolled my eyes. “Mother, that’s ridiculous.”

“It’s okay, Karen,” said Nadia, our beautician. Mother came to her for all her beauty needs. She was a tall Spanish woman and she reminded me of one of those soap opera actresses. “La belleza es desperdiciado en los jóvenes.” She laughed, and my mother, who was fluent in Spanish, joined in with her.

“I know what you said, Nadia. Mother forced me to take Spanish for three years,” I smiled smugly up at her. “I don’t take my appearance for granted…I just really need to go.”

“Mommie, one day you gon’ appreciate those good looks. And you’ll tank heaven for your mama whose tryin’ to help you reach your true beauty potential. Sometimes, a pretty face is all a woman has.” A look of sorrow crossed her face as she glanced sideways into the mirror at her reflection.

I didn’t say it aloud, but I would never grow up to imitate the likes of my mother. Or Nadia. Both beautiful women in their own right, but both equally lost. Beauty was important in our society, yes, and prestige and honor was bestowed onto those who had it. I knew. I was a recipient of that favor a lot. But I didn’t rely on my beauty like a crutch. Beauty would fade. My mother still grappled with that concept.

I didn’t complain anymore; it was futile. My beautification would take place no matter how I felt about it. Mother happily chatted away with Nadia and Alexis, Nadia’s sister who worked on our nails. This was the only time she appeared to relax.

I cringed, as the little hand on the clock inched closer and closer to eight. Finally, tiring of Mother and her incessant cackling – this was the only time I could say she cackled – I announced loudly, “I have got to get home.”

“Speaking of los niños,” said Nadia. She looked at me out the corner of her eye but totally ignored my comment. “Have you heard anything about Zackary’s case? Do they have any suspects? Any leads – cualquier cosa?” she asked. She still wouldn’t meet my eyes and I had them glued on her the entire time.

My mother sighed softly. “They have a few leads, nothing concrete. They are looking at one possible suspect right at the high school.” She leaned forward, in a secretive crouch. “A new student who recently transferred in with a questionable background.” She arched her eyebrows and folded her arms over her chest.