Finding Kat (2 page)

It’s sort of sad that this is my life. It’s all I’ve ever known. I’m really starting to think something needs to change. All I can see in my future is more if this faking, posturing, and I want more for myself than that. I deserve more than just that.

I pulled up to the arena thirty minutes later and felt giddy with excitement. I’d been looking forward to this night since Ally told me about it a year ago. It had become the finish line, in my head. If I could just make it to the concert, things will be ok. I didn’t think things would actually change afterwards, but some days I needed to know that sometimes I did things just for myself because it was what I wanted. I didn’t want to be a puppet anymore. I felt like a bird in a cage when I imagined a life of doing what I was told would make me the most money and generate more star power.

I kept doing things the same way I’d always done them but every time I went to a party or lied about the simplest things in an interview I felt myself sink deeper into a hole that I couldn’t escape from. I’d always thought of myself as a happy person. I like to joke around and I say ridiculous things when I’m nervous, but I’d lost some of that part of myself recently and this concert was a chance for me to reclaim it. Things weren’t going to change unless I changed them, and tonight was the perfect night for a new start.

I grab my iPhone and text Ally that I was here. I put on my shades and hoped in the dark people wouldn’t recognize me. This wasn’t the sort of place people who watch my movies and TV shows would go to, at least I didn’t think so.

“Sexy lady!!” Ally yelled at me and pulled me close for a hug and quick kiss on the cheek.

Ally was everything I’d always wanted in a best friend. She was open and friendly, a real person not one of the plastic people my parent’s thought I should be seen around. I met Ally on the set of a talk show, she was an intern and we just clicked. She didn’t seem to care who I was and she could see that I wasn’t anything like the person I always pretended to be.

“Come on! We are in the front! You don’t even want to know who I had to screw to get these! No really, you don’t.” She winked at me and I laughed.

We were soon engulfed in the crowd and became anonymous, just any other rock concertgoers. I loved this! I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face.

“So the opening act is this band Rejecting Convention. They’re decent. I heard them at a bar a few weeks ago.” She said as we pushed through the crowd to grab a couple beers.

“I’m actually kind of here for work. The show has been trying to get Occam’s Razor on for ages. They always get turned down so they thought maybe a couple hot chicks with a few suggestive winks could do the job a little better.”

“That’s probably not a bad strategy if their reputation is accurate. I did a movie with Celia Dawes once. You know, one of his many girl toys. She wasn’t the brightest bulb. But, she heard me playing them in my trailer one day and started gabbing about the band. Swore she had a threesome with Cade Walker and Trent Johnson. Pretty juicy stuff.” I said conspiratorially.

“Oh, really? I bet it went down just as she said.” Ally said sarcastically. “Like she would have any reason to exaggerate the truth. Come on we are right down here.”

We walked to the front row of a section right up front. I was surprised. I really thought we’d end up in a mosh pit or something. I had been looking forward to it to be honest.

“How’d we luck out with chairs way up here Al?” I asked.

“Someone at work who is friends with someone who is a relative of a crew member. They told them to invite whoever they wanted. It’s pretty awesome, right?” Ally responded.

“Wow. Why did they set everything up this way?” I’d never been to a concert but the live streams I’d seen weren’t set up this way.

We were in the front row of a section of seats about 10 rows deep. There was a mosh pit behind us full of people talking and drinking. I was pretty sure I saw someone smoking a joint. I grinned when I saw it. This concert was exceeding my expectations and the music hadn’t even started yet.

“They have some VIPs, and their own families coming. The band lives here in LA now and they wanted to give special seats to their friends and family, but they didn’t want to put them in some fancy box. They wanted them to be able to experience the concert, so they came up with this. Pretty good idea I think.”

“Wow. That’s nice. Makes them seem a little more human. I can’t wait for them to start! I’ve always wanted to go to one of their shows. Mom has no idea I’m here or she’d shit her pants. Or something more subdued and less gross but, you know what I mean.”

“She is so hilarious. Fake as Celia Dawe’s left tit. I can’t believe she’s your mom. She’s like an android or something. She doesn’t ever seem to express any emotion. It’s creepy.”

“You have no idea! She’s always been like this. Even when I was a kid, I hung out with the housekeeper and my nannies, or the gardener’s kid. My parents would see me for dinner, to get progress reports, and talk about upcoming commercials or photo shoots or whatever. I don’t know what I would have done if I had been an ugly kid. They’d have turned me into Cinderella or something.” I laughed

By this point, I was passed feeling upset or like I’d missed anything because of how my parents are. They’ve always been this way and it just seemed like a waste of energy to spend my life pining away about my missed childhood or whatever. I’ve got more money than I know what to do with because of their pushing me into acting. I’ve gone along with their plans for 24 years.  They were going to be really surprised soon though. I was going to go my own way, and they’d better get on board or get out of the way.

Just then, the lights dimmed and the masses roared with excitement. I couldn’t help the adrenaline that flooded me. The curtains in front of me shook and the sound of drums pounding began. As the curtains opened, a guitar wailed and the band came into view. They looked like your typical rock band. Black clothes, tattoos and a don’t-give-a-shit attitude.

Ally was right, they were pretty decent. I sipped my beer and basked in the glow of my first real rock concert. It was so great. The energy in the arena was pulsing. This band was just another trying to break in to the big time, but the crowd wasn’t hesitating to get into their music. People screamed and moshed in the pit behind us. Girls wailed about how hot the lead singer was. It was everything I’d ever imagined it would be. I was in rock heaven. Rejecting Convention shouted their thanks into their mics and announced the next band to play. Anatomic Anomaly was another band I liked. They weren’t quite as popular with the mainstream music crowd but they were great lyricists.

I got totally into Anatomic Anomaly. I raised my arms and swayed with my eyes closed. I could feel the pulse pounding drumbeats and the siren call of the guitars. The lead singer had a velvety soft voice as he sang of heartbreak and defeat.

“These guys are pretty good!” The guy next to me said.

“I know! They’re one of my favorites. Next to Occam’s Razor of course.” I smiled at him and introduced myself. “Hi, I’m Kat, newcomer to the concert scene.”

He chuckled. “Chris. Veteran to the concert scene. Rock is in my blood. You look familiar. Have we met?”

I looked at him fully for the first time. Short brown hair, eyebrow piercing, tattoos. Muscular body, about six feet, and pretty cute.

“Nope. Don’t think so. I just have one of those faces I think.”

Beside me, Ally coughed a laugh and then held out her hand.

“Allison Allen. Nice to meet you.”

“How’d you get such awesome seats Chris?” I said curious about who he was related to, or knew, to get to sit here.

“Oh, I’m actually Cade’s brother. But don’t spread that around OK? I try to stay away from the media circus as much as possible.” He scratched his head sheepishly and shrugged.

“No problem there! I'm a bit too familiar with them myself. So what’s it like having Cade as a brother? I’d love to hear some embarrassing stories.” I winked

“Oh I’ve got a shit ton of ‘em too. But we’d need a quiet corner and several hours to go through all of them. He was just like you’d expect he’d be. A little wild, sneaking out, and underage drinking. But, he was the best big brother and over protective.” He smiled in memory “You’ll have to come backstage with me after the show. I’d love to introduce you and Allison to the guys. They’ll love you.” He grinned.

“Hell yeah!” Ally grinned, “We’ve already got passes though, but we’d love to meet the band. Kat here has been a huge fan since they started! She’s such a fan girl it’s almost embarrassing.” She laughed and I blushed

“They’re amazing. But I’m not that bad.” I looked at Chris “Really I won’t go crazy or anything, I promise. No need to worry for their safety.”

“They’d love it if you fangirled out on ‘em. They eat that shit up.” Chris chuckled “You’re a babe Kat. They won’t care what you do. They’ll be too busy staring at your tits to listen to what you’re saying.”

I laughed at this announcement. Chris was great! No one had ever had the nerve to be that honest with me. I had a real appreciation for people with the guts to cut through the bullshit and be completely honest. I was always saying what I was expected to say instead of what I wanted to say. Maybe one day I’d go on an honesty kick and tell everyone what I was really thinking. They’d shit bricks.

“Girl! This is too awesome. What luck to sit by the lead singer’s brother! And he’s hot too!” Ally squealed in my ear.

We grinned at each other and had a girly freak out moment with our eyes. My first concert was turning out to be the best night of my life!