Finding Isadora (41 page)

“
And you’re entitled to some happiness of your own, young lady.”

Happiness. Would having an affair with Gabriel make me happy? Maybe for the moments we were in bed, but in the long term surely it would only make me miserable.

Make me
miserable? As Althea had pointed out, it was up to me to decide how to feel. What if I could have a short-term fling with Gabriel—a secret one that no-one, especially Richard, ever knew about—and afterwards just let it go? Have fun without obsessing over the future. A few nights, or weeks, with Gabriel need not have any effect on my long-term plan for marriage and kids.

But was I capable of sleeping with the man and not getting emotionally involved?

“I should carry on with my run,” Althea said, rising to her feet. “This is an eight mile morning and I don’t want to be late getting to the office.”

“
I’m glad you stopped to talk. You’ve given me some things to think about.”

“
As have you.” She bent, bestowed a final pat on Pogo’s head, then jogged off without a word of farewell, leaving me wondering what on earth I’d given her to think about.

I
’d forgotten my watch, but the increasing number of people on the seawall told me it was time to head home. What shift was I working today? What day was this anyway? Friday?

Back at the apartment, I confirmed it was Friday. I was scheduled to work the afternoon and evening, finishing up
at eight.

In the kitchen, I sipped a big glass of water and
texted Janice.
“
CM when u can
.
”

My cell rang a few minutes later.
“I have a class in five minutes,” she said. “What’s up?”

“
Is there any way you could make it dinner rather than lunch? Late, after I get off work at eight?”

“
That’d be perfect. I’ve got some cousin from Prince George staying at my place this weekend—like, what, I’m running a hotel?—and I really don’t want to be forced to entertain her.”

“
Can we eat at my place? I’m not in the mood for a restaurant.”

“
Sure. How about I come over around seven or so and get dinner started? I could feed and water the beasties, too.”

We had copies of each other
’s apartment keys. I heaved a grateful sigh. “Jan, you’re the greatest. Pick up a bottle of wine, will you, and I’ll pay for it?”

I hung up, yawning, wandered into my sitting room, and studied my tangled sheets. Was there any hope I
’d sleep now?

Then I remembered. I
’d told Gabriel I would visit Cassie at the hospital.

But I was too tired
and distraught to concentrate, to be clever, to get the information I needed. It would have to wait until tomorrow. Besides, if I did visit her, I’d have to find some way of telling Gabriel the results—and I didn’t know when I’d feel ready to talk to him again.

That messy bed
drew me. I set the alarm and tumbled between the sheets. In less space than it took to register how good it felt to be lying down, I was asleep.

The alarm woke me. Still groggy, my first thought was—as it always used to be—that I should phone Richard
and say good morning. Then I remembered all that had happened in the last few days.

I
’d meant it when I told Richard I wanted to remain friends. Before I could change my mind, I leaped out of bed and punched speed dial. He’d likely be in a meeting but at least I could leave a voice-mail and let him know I was thinking of him.

To my surprise, he answered.

Nervously, I said, “Hi, Richard, it’s Isadora.”

After a moment he said,
“Oh, so you decided to call.”

More guilt.
“I was hoping you’d call me. I wanted to give you some time.”

“
So now you figure you’ve given me enough time—a whole day and a half—to get over being dumped by my fiancée?”

Okay, now I was moving past guilt to annoyance.
“I didn’t call to fight. I told you I hoped we could be friends, and I’m hoping you feel the same way.”

“
It’s too soon. I don’t know how I feel.”

Sensing he was about to hang up, I said quickly,
“How did it go last night at the hockey game.”

He was silent for a few seconds.
“It was okay.”

I
’d hoped the subject of Eric would loosen him up. “Just okay?”

“
Actually, it was good.” Another pause, then he went on. “That kid, he’s always trying to be so cool. But he lost the attitude when the Canucks made their first goal. After that, he was yelling and jumping up and down.”

“
That’s great. Sounds like you’re making real progress with him.”

“
Yeah, I hope so. Iz?”

“
Yes?”

“
Something weird happened.” His voice had softened now. “We were sitting there, Eric in the middle between Care and me.”

Care? That was how Caroline abbreviated her name?

“All of us drinking sodas,” he said. “Eating fries, shouting at the top of our lungs. And I had the oddest feeling. It made me think of … family. Like, being a family.”

Family?
Jealousy surged, jealousy I had no right to feel. I forced it away and said carefully, “I guess that’s natural. Man, woman, kid, all enjoying something together.”

“
Then something even odder happened. In the middle of that huge stadium, with hockey players flashing across the ice and the audience bellowing, I had this memory of when I was a kid. Of times with Mom and Gabe. He’d pull out his guitar—” He broke off. “Did I ever tell you Gabe played the guitar?”

“
No, you didn’t.” I pictured that glowing golden instrument in his living room.

“
He has a decent voice and so does Mom, and we’d sing together. Kids’ songs, folk songs, popular songs.”

“
I grew up with folk songs and protest songs. I have some good memories.”

“
Me too. We were a family,” Richard said slowly. “There were times we actually felt like a family.”

In a way it was like old times for Richard and
me to be exchanging childhood reminiscences, but in the past we’d usually spoken critically. Maybe we were both growing up. Had we needed to break up to do it?

“
He’s not a bad man,” I said tentatively. “Only human. There are things he doesn’t do well.”

“
Or does differently. He sets his priorities differently. Causes come before family.” He paused, then said slowly, “And maybe, in the grand scheme, his priorities are right.” For once he didn’t sound bitter, just reflective.

“
A person can care about family
and
about social causes,” I said. “Grace and Jimmy Lee do, and they balance them pretty well. Your father could take a lesson from them.”

“
My father,” he said slowly. “It’s going to be really strange if it turns out he’s not.”

“
The two of you will have to sort out what kind of relationship you want to have. But, please, Richard, give yourselves a chance to have a relationship. Don’t … bail out because he hurt you in the past.”

He was silent for a moment, then said abruptly,
“He called me this morning.”

Oh, goddess. Had Gabriel told him about last night? My pulse pounded in my throat and I could barely breathe.
“Oh?” was all I could choke out.

“
Asked if I was free for dinner. I didn’t know what to say.”

“
And?”

“
I thought… Well, why not? Let’s see what’s on his mind. Like you said, maybe I need to give both of us a chance. I’ll try to keep an open mind.”

Open mind. How would he feel if Gabriel said
… what? That he wanted to sleep with Richard’s ex-fiancée? No, Gabriel wouldn’t do that. At least not without discussing it with me first. That wasn’t why Gabriel had called his son.

Perhaps
something good was coming out of this whole mess. The two of them were finding their way to each other. “That’s wonderful, Richard. You know, I’ve been thinking lately about how judgmental I’ve been about my own parents. I’ve focused on their flaws rather than their strengths. They’re actually really terrific people.” I laughed softly. “I’ve finally figured out that I respect and admire them.”

“
Oh, Iz, you always did. It was so obvious.”

“
It was?”

“
Even through all the bitching.”

“
Why didn’t I see it?”

“
Maybe we expect more from our parents than from other people. We focus on the ways they don’t measure up to our ideals.”

“
And we’re both just starting to recognize the ways in which they do measure up. Or the ways they’ve helped us form those ideals.”

“
Form them?” He was quiet for a few seconds. “Maybe so. When Gabe was there for me, he was something special. Guess that’s what I wanted, full time.” He gave a wry little laugh. “Selfish kid, eh?”

I grinned.
“Hey, kids are selfish. That’s their nature. But you’re not a kid anymore. You’re a man, having dinner with his father. The two of you get to create whatever relationship you want.”

“
Scary.”

“
Relationships are. But they can be so rewarding.”

I heard someone speaking to Richard. He said,
“Pull out the file and I’ll be right there.” Then, “Sorry, Iz, I have a meeting. But thanks. For calling, for talking. I think you’re right, about us being friends.”

Tears of relief, of joy, filled my eyes.
“I’m so glad. Talk to you soon.”

After we hung up, I let the tears spill over. We
’d made some big steps in that one phone call, and it looked like I wasn’t going to lose Richard from my life.

Then I buried my face in my hands. But what about Gabriel? What on earth was I going to do about Gabriel?

I could always count on the clinic to restore my sense of balance. The company of great colleagues, lots of animal problems to solve, and concerned humans to reassure. I was so absorbed that, for eight hours, there was little time to worry about Gabriel or Richard.

Though when I left work, I did wonder where they were eating and how their dinner was going.

As for my own evening, I had a lot to look forward to. My pace quickened as I anticipated a warm welcome and tantalizing cooking aromas. When I opened my apartment door, I called,
“Honey, I’m home.”

Pogo of course came to greet me. So did Janice, wearing navy
Juicy Couture sweats, her hair tied up in a high ponytail, laughing. “Izzie, it’s me, not Richard.”

I gave her a quick hug.
“Girlfriend, you are
so
out of date.”

She pulled back and stared at me.
“You look wasted. What’s wrong?”

“
Pour me some wine and I’ll tell you.”

In the kitchen, she sloshed wine from an open bottle of sauvignon blanc into a glass and handed it to me. Topping up the glass she
’d been drinking from, she said, “Dinner’ll be fifteen minutes. Let’s go sit.”

When we were both seated, me in my favorite chair and her cross-legged on the floor, I said,
“Richard and I broke up.”

“
No! Oh, my god! When? Why?” She reached out to grab my hands. “Are you okay?”

“
Getting there. I was the one who initiated it.” I explained my reasons—everything but the Gabriel ones—told her about Richard’s reaction, and finished by saying, “We talked on the phone this morning and I think we’re making steps toward a solid friendship.”

Her mouth
had been hanging open for a couple of minutes. A timer went off in the kitchen, and she snapped her lips together and rushed away to deal with it.

I followed, to see her remove a casserole dish from the oven.

“I can’t believe it,” she said. “And this happened Wednesday? Izzie, you should have told me what was going on. I’d have canceled my plans for last night.”

“
It’s okay. Actually, last night proved to be, uh, quite interesting.”

“
Interesting?” She cocked a brow. “If I didn’t know you better, I’d say you’d met another man. But knowing you, that’ll take months and months, if not years.”

“
Maybe you don’t know me so well after all. Maybe I have met somebody.”

“
No!” She almost dropped the casserole she’d been carrying over to my teeny kitchen table. Once she had it settled safely, she turned to me. “Who’s this maybe guy?”