Finding Forever (Living Again #4) (33 page)

“Your numbers look fabulous,” Dr. West said. Brant squeezed Lacey’s hand. “I’m confident that after your radiation regiment, we’ll be able to consider you cancer free.”

“The words I’ve wanted to hear for a long time now,” Lacey said.

“There are a few things that we need to discuss,” Dr. West continued. “I know that you’ve been told the risk of pregnancy during and after your treatment.” He looked at both of them, and Lacey nodded. Nothing embarrassed her anymore. “You know that since your cancer is estrogen-fueled, you cannot take birth control. Also, the medicine you’re going to be on for the next ten years is not meant to be taken during pregnancy, and I need you to take it for the full ten years. It’s shown great results in preventing breast cancer patients from relapsing, and as your doctor that is more important than you having a baby.

I know that it’s doubtful that you’ll want to wait ten years to have a family, but this is what we need to do at this point. I’m also not sure how the chemotherapy affected your ovaries. Sometimes it damages them beyond the ability for a woman to get pregnant. But I can’t stress enough how imperative it is that you don’t get pregnant. I would actually recommend that we do a partial hysterectomy and leave your ovaries, but that’s completely up to you. If you got pregnant with an egg that was damaged during treatment, or while taking this medication, your baby would more than likely be born with birth defects.”

Lacey sucked in a breath, and Brant knew that she was trying to hold it together. She was only months away from turning twenty-seven, and they were engaged to be married. A family was something both of them looked forward to, but they also knew her cancer would pose risks. This was the first time either of them had heard that it wasn’t a good idea. He put his arm around her shoulders.

“What else can we do?” Brant asked.

“I had Dr. Blaise retrieve some of my eggs and freeze them before I started treatment,” Lacey admitted. “I read up on this. I knew that I probably wouldn’t be able to have children myself.”

Brant’s mouth dropped open. She had never told him she did that. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Sorry,” she whispered. “I just wanted to make sure we had a chance to have our own child if that’s what we wanted.”

“That’s definitely a great possibility, but you’d need a surrogate,” Dr. West interrupted. “You continuing on that medicine is the priority to keep you healthy. Your other option is, of course, adoption. I have a great agency I can recommend.”

Brant’s head was spinning. In the matter of five minutes, he had found out that they couldn’t have children themselves, that Lacey had eggs frozen before her treatment, and that they could also adopt. And to think he thought they were only here for her checkup before she started radiation next week.

Noticing the look on his face, Dr. West reached over to shake both of their hands. “None of this is anything we have to decide right now. Lacey, I would like you to discuss with Dr. Blaise the possibility of you having the partial hysterectomy. A pregnancy wouldn’t be a good idea for many reasons, and I feel we just can’t take the risk. Plus, it doesn’t completely eliminate the possibility of cancer affecting your ovaries someday, but it keeps you from having to take hormones, which you can’t do. If you’re interested in reconstruction, you can discuss that with Dr. Blaise and she can get you in contact with a plastic surgeon she recommends. I would suggest you think about getting a consultation for that before you start radiation, because that sometimes affects your skin’s ability to stretch again. I know you have a spacer for that reason, but you’ll want to keep in touch with the plastic surgeon during radiation if you are choosing to reconstruct after. You start radiation next week, correct?”

“Yes,” Lacey answered. “I see the radiologist at the beginning of the week to find out my schedule. I’m also going back to work tomorrow.”

“That’s wonderful,” he answered. “Good luck to you, Lacey. We’ll still see each other every few months, just to make sure you’re bloodwork doesn’t show any cancer markers, but other than that, enjoy.”

“You’re quiet,” Brant observed. Lacey turned and looked at him, absently rubbing her head. He loved that she did that now. She had some hair coming in, and her head felt like a newborn baby.

“Just thinking,” she mused. “I’m really sorry I never told you about the eggs, Brant. It wasn’t that I didn’t want you to know. It was just early in our relationship, and I didn’t want to be like ‘Hey, I froze my eggs so that someday you can have a baby with me.’ I wasn’t sure what was going to happen with us, or with me for that matter.”

“I’m not angry,” Brant said. “I was just surprised. I’m thankful you thought of that, because I want to have as many kids with you as we can. That being said, if we don’t find a surrogate or it doesn’t work, I’m not opposed to adoption, either. Having a family with you, in whatever way I can have it, is what matters to me.”

“My head is spinning, Brant. I’m so thankful that whenever the radiation is done, this will be over for me. But in a way, it’s never really over. I have to decide if I want to do a hysterectomy at the age of twenty-six? And do I want reconstruction on my left breast, or just leave well enough alone?”

Brant reached over and grabbed her hand. “Lacey, whatever you decide, I’m here for you. If it’s dangerous for you to have a chance at getting pregnant, I think it might be worth looking into. You know we’ve had to be… careful… during the treatment. But, this is
your
body. Whatever we need to do, we will. And the breast? That’s purely cosmetic. If it makes you feel better to have it reconstructed, then do it. If you don’t want any more procedures, then skip it.”

She smiled. “I love you, Brant.”

Six weeks of this hell, every single day. And she had thought chemotherapy was bad. She stared at the signs everywhere that shouted “Radiation: Keep Out”. The room was large and white, and she was freezing cold. Every day she had to lay on this table and watch the technicians line up the machine to the small tattoos on her chest, then bolt for the door like the place was going to blow up. Yeah, that made her feel confident in what she was doing to her body.

They watched her through a glass window like she was on display at a museum. When the machine turned on, it was deafening. Lacey wondered every single time if something malfunctioned with the machine, what would happen? Would they leave her there to burn up?

The first two weeks had been nothing in comparison to what she had endured over the last week. At first, she had just kept her skin hydrated by using lotion on her chest. But something happened on week three, and now it was like she had been burned by a curling iron all over her chest, underarm, and back. It was excruciating, yet she still had to come do this every day and add more burn to the already beyond painful skin. She couldn’t even wear a shirt when she got home, and she was sure that Brant must really think she looked like a freak show now. Between her fuzzy hair growing in on her head, to her one breast, then now this horrible burn, her womanhood was going away one embarrassing thing at a time.

The machine stopped, and Lacey breathed a sigh of relief. One more day done. When the technician came in, she took one look at Lacey and gasped. “I need you to see the doctor. Get dressed and meet me in the hallway.”

Great. Lacey carefully removed the gown and put on her shirt, wincing in pain. This was like voluntarily torturing yourself on a daily basis.

She sat, waiting for the doctor. Pulling out her phone, she texted Sam. She was in the process of doing something she hoped would be great for Brant and his family, but it was taking more time than she thought. Sam was off touring, this time with her new baby. They weren’t going as far from home and were taking more traveling time. Seeing Kerri now made her heart ache in a way she wasn’t used to. She wanted to be a mom, and wondered if it would happen for her now. It still shocked her that she even thought that, but she attributed all of that to falling in love with Brant. Now she wanted nothing more than to have a family with him.

Lacey looked up, wondering how much longer she was going to have to wait. Thankfully she went at the end of the day so she wasn’t missing work time. Being back at work for the last three weeks had been a godsend. She had really missed doing what she loved on a daily basis. At work she wore her wig, so not many patients noticed much difference in her. It wasn’t that she was embarrassed about it; she would tell anyone that asked. Chloe had been urging her just to wear her scarf, since she voiced her hatred of the wig often, but she hadn’t quite been that brave yet.

The day she had gone back to work, they had thrown her a huge welcome back party. The whole office had been full of pink balloons. Just when Lacey had thought her tears were over.

“Lacey? Sorry for the delay. Come on back.”

She sat on yet another examining table for yet another doctor to look at her. “Lacey, I’m Dr. Ahman. The tech was concerned about your skin, so let’s take a look.” She lifted her shirt carefully so he could examine her.

“We’re going to have to stop treatment until next week. Your skin is too burned. I’m going to prescribe you an antibiotic ointment. You need to use it several times a day. We’ll schedule you for next week, but you’ll need to come see me to get checked before you go in for radiation.”

“These are the words I love to tell my patients,” Dr. Blaise said. “Lacey, you’re are considered in remission. We’ll always have to keep you ‘on watch’ for sneaky cancer cells, but at this point, there is no trace of anything left.”

Lacey grinned, pumping her fist in the air. There was going to be no tears today. She was done with crying. She had finished her radiation finally after having to take an almost two week break. But now, it was all over. Brant whooped, not quiet at all, and the three of them laughed. “Those are the words I’ve wanted to hear for a long time. Through all of the pain and sickness, this was what I kept going for.”

Dr. Blaise hugged her. “You’re a miracle.”

“She’s my hero,” Brant said, and Dr. Blaise nodded.

“Mine as well. When Dr. Ahman clears your skin, we’ll go ahead and schedule your reconstruction and partial hysterectomy with Dr. Jenks and myself. We’ll do both at the same time so you only have to go under once.”

Lacey looked at Brant. “One more thing,” she whispered. “Then it’s really over.” She had decided to go ahead and do the partial hysterectomy, as much as it pained her, because she just couldn’t take the chance of having to go through this again or having a pregnancy that would be detrimental to both her and the baby. Of course, nothing was fool proof, but she felt like if she could do something to prevent it, she should.