Finding Ashlynn (4 page)

“I totally have no idea. Like, I had this big plan to talk to you at the meeting, but….”

“Sorry about that.” Jenna pulled her hand away and sat back in her seat. She took a sip of her coffee, peering over the paper cup while Ash took a sip of hers. Her throat waved as she swallowed, and Jenna couldn’t help imaging her lips against Ash’s pale skin. “I’m taking the SATs for the first time tomorrow, and I sort of want to be ready for it.”

“I didn’t think people took those until their senior year.”

“I am a senior. I’ll be eighteen in about five months.”

“Oh, I thought you were closer to my age.”

“You’re seventeen, right?”

“Yeah, just turned seventeen. I’ll be a senior next year.”

They kept talking for a little while about school. Apparently, their high schools had this huge rivalry and both girls thought it to be incredibly funny. Ash didn’t participate in extracurricular activities. She had her band, and that kept her busy. She did well in school, but not like Jenna. Ash did better in the art and music classes, while Jenna was better at English and history.

Jenna sucked down the last drop of coffee, swished the cup around, and put on a playful pout. “It’s all gone,” she said. “You want to go back to my house, or…?”

“Sure,” Ash abruptly said.

“Promise not to run away this time?” Jenna gave Ash a playful smile before adding, “I’m just kidding.”

Ash leaned across the table and whispered, “I won’t leave until you tell me to go.”

Jenna’s breath caught in her throat.

T
HIS
time, when they arrived at Jenna’s house, Ash knew to expect an over-the-top suburban palace and knew Jenna didn’t care that Ash’s life didn’t measure up to hers. So this time, she had no reason to bolt when Jenna opened the door and all that clean-scented air and bright white light escaped. Even if she had any inclination to run for her dignity’s sake, she wouldn’t get far with Jenna latching onto her hand the way she did.

Ash looked down at their intertwined fingers, and for the first time since she’d met Jenna, she felt 100 percent confident that she belonged right there beside Jenna. There weren’t any unanswered questions, no self-doubt, and no worry. Jenna wanted her there and made it abundantly clear, and there was no other place in the world Ash would rather be.

“Do you mind meeting my parents?” Jenna asked. The sound of her voice pulled Ash’s attention away from their locked hands. “They have rules. They like to meet anyone I bring to the house.”

“I don’t mind,” Ash said, and she tried to pull her hand away, only Jenna wouldn’t let her. She gave Jenna a questioning look.

“I came out to them, remember? I don’t keep secrets, and I want them to know who you are to me.”

“Who am I to you?”

Jenna answered without hesitation. “Someone I like… a lot.”

Oh my God, Jenna likes me!

Ash’s pulse went into hyperdrive, her heart beating wildly in her chest. She could almost feel the thump, thump, thumping in her sternum. It was same feeling she got every time she strapped on her instrument and started to play. It was an adrenaline rush and a sense of euphoria wrapped up into one absolutely exciting and terrifying moment.

Exhaling, she gave Jenna a nod and a grin. The girl of her dreams had a new sparkle in her dark-brown eyes. Her glistening pink lips curled at the edges. What Ash wouldn’t give for just one innocent kiss from those gorgeous lips.

“You ready?” Jenna asked.

Ash gave her hand a gentle squeeze and said, “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

She stepped inside, and Jenna closed the door behind them. Some sort of musical played in a room to the right of the hall where they stood. Darkness with hints of flickering light spilled out of the room and into the hallway. Before Ash had her bearings, Jenna pulled her closer toward the mysterious room.

The moment they crossed the threshold, the two people on the couch sat up and the lights came on. The music paused, and all eyes were on the two of them.

“Mom, Dad, this is Ash,” Jenna said.

Her parents stood and crossed the room, her dad’s arm extended. He was a handsome man with thick brown hair and pale skin, clean-shaven and tall, like six feet or something. Jenna got her height from him, had to, because her mother was a few inches shorter than Jenna, but that’s where Jenna’s beauty came from. They had the same almond eyes, the same button nose and high cheeks, even the same flawless skin. From the looks of it, Jenna had a great future to look forward to.

“Nice to meet you, Ash,” her dad said as he clamped his hand around Ash’s. He gave it firm shake. “I’m Philip and this is Monica.” He released Ash’s hand, then Jenna’s mom gave it a gentle squeeze. Philip asked, “So, do you two know each other from school?”

“No, sir,” Jenna said. “We met at group.”

One of those “oh” expressions crossed both her parents’ faces, as if they already had the entire scenario measured up and knew everything there was to know about what Ash and Jenna had going on.

The longer the perfect American family stood there talking and laughing, the more twitchy Ash got. She had that I’m-ready-to-bolt feeling and was about to give into it despite telling Jenna she wouldn’t this time.

As long as they don’t ask me about my parents….

“Earth to Ash,” Jenna said with a hint of laughter. Her parents were still smiling like two overly happy puppets. “You in there?”

“Yeah, sorry. I, um… I just remembered something I have to do.”

“You’re not leaving, are you?”

Jenna’s whole expression saddened, and that was no exaggeration. Even her eyes looked like they were frowning. She stepped in front of her parents and gave Ash’s hand a gentle tug. How in the hell did Ash forget they were still holding hands? Jenna gave her a pleading look, a
please-don’t-go-because-I’m-not-ready-for-the-night-to-end
look.

“I wasn’t planning on it,” Ash lied.

Jenna grinned wide, then turned back to her parents and said, “We’re going up to my room. If it’s too late, do you mind if she spends the night?”

Her father’s stare shifted back and forth between the two of them, then down to their clasped hands. His brow quirked. He said, “Can I trust the two of you to be on your best behavior?”

“Of course, Daddy,” Jenna said.

“Hmm… Promise not to stay up too late. You have SATs in the morning, and you need a good night’s sleep.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Does Ash need to call her parents?” Monica asked.

Jenna looked over his shoulder, and Ash was shaking her head like crazy, eyes all bugged out. Nope. No need to call her dad. No need to explain why a child her age spent so much time at home alone.

“Her dad knew she wouldn’t be home tonight,” Jenna lied.

“Okay, well….” Jenna’s father tapped at his chin as he stare-bounced between them again. “I suppose she can stay, then.”

Jenna made a squealing sound as she pushed up on her toes to hug her father’s neck. He patted his massive hand on her shoulder and grinned as she kissed his cheek. Then she did the same with her mother.

Ash stood back, both hands gripping the straps of her backpack. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d hugged her mom, couldn’t remember the last time her daddy had ever given her anything so great she squealed. The love and happiness was almost too much to watch, and the harder she fought not to tear up, the harder she gripped her backpack straps.

“You ready?” Jenna asked as she spun on her heels.

Ash nodded a little too quickly.

Their fingers intertwined again. Jenna urgently pulled Ash out of the living room and toward the staircase at the foot of the foyer. Pictures of their happy family lined the walls—pictures of Jenna as an infant, her kindergarten graduation, pictures of her with friends and family. The photographs seemed to span Jenna’s life, and the one resounding theme in them all was how absolutely happy and adored she seemed. It was beautiful and heartbreaking.

There weren’t any pictures of Ash hanging on the walls of her and her father’s apartment. In fact, the only pictures that had ever been taken of Ash—that she could remember, anyway—had been taken by friends and put in scrapbooks. Her drummer’s boyfriend considered himself a photographer and took pictures at the two shows they’d had, but that was it. Those were the only testaments to Ash’s existence, and that really sucked.

“You okay?” Jenna asked when they hit the second floor landing. She pulled Ash’s hand to her lips and gently kissed the knuckles before letting go. “You look… lost or something.”

“Or something,” Ash quietly replied. “You’re really lucky, ya know?”

“How so?”

“To have the life you have.” Ash thumbed in the general direction of all the photos hanging on the wall. Jenna seemed to follow. “There isn’t a single picture of me hanging on any walls.”

“I suppose we’ll have to fix that, won’t we?”

Ash frowned, and Jenna grabbed both her wrists this time. Walking backward, she guided Ash down a hall and into a bedroom. The room was relatively bright, not only from the light, but from all the vivid colors. It looked like a rainbow had found its end there and exploded all over everything. Her furniture was all white, but she had a neon green desk chair and a hot pink area rug. Her curtains and bedspread were purple, but the pillows matched the chair.

“Damn, girl,” Ash said. “Have a hard time picking just one color?”

Jenna laughed and looked around the room. “I suppose I did.”

Leaving Ash standing there, Jenna went over to her desk and rifled around for who knew what. Ash could only stand there for so long before curiosity got the best of her.

A floor-to-ceiling bookcase lined an entire wall at one edge of the room. Books filled almost every single shelf, but a few shelves had been reserved for trophies and a few keepsakes from Jenna’s childhood. The trophies caught Ash’s attention first. She’d never won anything in her life, had never stood on a stage and triumphantly held an award in the air. She briefly wondered what that must’ve felt like.

“Spelling bee champion? Seriously?” she asked, running one finger over the fake golden figurine of a bumblebee wearing glasses. It was from Jenna’s fifth-grade year.

“Yeah. Spelling and grammar were always my strongest subjects. I’m great with English. Like I said, I want to be a writer.”

“Have you written anything?”

“Yeah, I actually won a few essay contests.”

“Of course you did,” Ash mumbled as she turned back to the shelves.

Ash continued to peruse the collection of awards and achievements, the keepsakes from Jenna’s childhood, and random knickknacks that were probably gifts from her adoring parents. Jenna continued to dig through her desk for God only knew what. Unknown things clanked together as she pushed them around in the drawers. Ash tried not to pay attention, figuring Jenna might mistake her curiosity for being nosy.

“I found it!” Jenna proclaimed.

The sound of her voice made Ash’s head whip back. Jenna spun on her heels, holding a digital camera up in the air.

Ash quirked her brow. “Um, what’s that for?”

“Pictures, silly. You said you don’t have any pictures.”

“I don’t want to take pictures. I look horrific.”

“You look adorable, even cuter than you did the first time I saw you.”

Jenna crossed the pretty impressive distance of her bedroom and hooked her arm around Ash’s waist. Though Ash was hesitant, Jenna guided her over toward the bed, where they both sat down on the edge. Jenna held the camera far out in front of them, nestled against Ash’s side, and said, “Say cheese!”

Ash smiled, though the closeness made her nervous. She smiled though she wanted to hug Jenna and kiss Jenna and cuddle up beneath the warm covers. And when Jenna turned her head and snapped off a picture of her kissing Ash’s cheek, Ash thought she would melt into a puddle of molten, crushing girly goo.

Heat filled her cheeks and she slowly turned her head, and when she did, her lips met Jenna’s in the softest, most tender touch. She swore to herself, no matter how nervous she was in that moment, she wouldn’t pull away because she’d been dreaming of this kiss since the night she’d first laid eyes on the girl she wanted to be close to more than anyone else.

W
ITH
their lips barely touching and their eyes set on each other, Jenna held the camera out to the side, closed her eyes, and snapped one more picture. The flash tried hard to penetrate her closed lids, but it didn’t take anything away from their kiss. It didn’t intrude upon that first and most precious moment between the two of them. And that photograph of their first kiss would become a treasure Jenna would keep forever and then some, because Ash was already special to her, special in a way no other girl had ever been—not even her ex-girlfriend.

She set the camera down on the bed without moving away from Ash’s lips. Their sweet taste and soft caress made her want to linger. The feel of it made her want to stay there forever. She reached up and gently laid both hands on either side of Ash’s face, and Jenna spread her lips a little wider, hoping Ash wanted a truly passionate first kiss as much as she did.

The tip of Jenna’s tongue peeked out between the part of her lips. She didn’t open her eyes, even as she slowly licked across the seam of Ash’s closed mouth.
Please, just one little kiss.
One intensely meaningful kiss to start things off. One kiss to tell her Ash was interested in becoming something more than mere acquaintances.

One single, beautiful kiss. That’s all I really want.

As Jenna silently begged for a comfortable level of intimacy, one of Ash’s hands touched her hip. The other went to the side of Jenna’s throat. Another slow, delicate sweep of the tongue, and she felt Ash’s mouth open. Jenna’s heart fluttered. Her hands shook, but she wanted this more than she’d wanted anything before, and God help her, her shaking hands wouldn’t stop her. Her racing heart would have to wait, because the most important thing to her right now was taking that extra step with the beautiful, colorful girl who’d accidentally waltzed into her life a mere week ago and hadn’t left her thoughts, not even for a second.