Finding Arun (18 page)

‘She was scared, Arun. After Bapu-ji left we had
almost nothing; if we hadn’t come to Rachna Hari then I don’t know
what would have happened to us. Mata-ji was scared to be alone
again and with three small children to take care of, how was she
going to work? How was she going to feed us and give us clothes?
She told all this to Dr Cathy, but Dr Cathy was pretending to be
her friend only, pretending to care when really she was using this
information to trick Mata-ji. Instead of giving some reassurance,
she agreed with her and made it sound as though two children would
be ok to manage alone, but three would be impossible. It’s like
this only that she convinced her.’

‘Okay,’ mouthed Arun slowly, ‘suppose I believe what
you’re saying. Suppose I believe that Kalpana was worried about how
she would cope. Why didn’t she put me up for adoption properly? If
my mother wanted a child so badly then surely she would have gone
through the process, not offered Kalpana money. It wasn’t in her
nature to take advantage of other people.’

Yet even as Arun said it, he wasn’t sure that he
believed it anymore. It disgusted him to think that his mother had
behaved in this way, but it suddenly made sense of everything. Made
sense of the lies that she had told to both him and Arthur, made
sense of the secrecy surrounding Kalpana’s letters, and made sense
of why there was no record of his adoption either at home, or at
Rachna Hari. At last he had an answer, but the moment was
bittersweet and there in the stifling heat of his birth mother’s
house, he had never despised his adoptive mother more.

‘All this Mata-ji asked Dr Cathy,’ Hanara explained
quietly, ‘but Dr Cathy said this way was better for everybody. The
money she gave to Mata-ji would be enough for us to make a new home
and a new life; Mata-ji would know that Dr Cathy was a good person
who would look after her baby and give it a good life, and Dr Cathy
would know the baby’s history and be certain that it would not have
health problems later on. She told Mata-ji that adoption was
complicated, that it takes a very long time, and that they wouldn’t
tell Mata-ji where they were sending you. This way, Mata-ji would
know everything and Dr Cathy promised to give updates, if Mata-ji
promised not to contact you.’

‘
I am understanding that this is not
in our agreement,
’
muttered Arun to himself, drawing from somewhere in the depths of
his mind the memory of Kalpana’s words in the first letter that he
had found.

So much had happened since that day in his mother’s
study, the day on which his world had changed forever, that he
could barely remember the detail of it and now the weeks of anguish
and anger at his mother’s loss boiled down to a single,
all-consuming emotion: disappointment. Disappointment that she had
played on another woman’s fears and goaded her into giving away her
child. Disappointment that she had paid cold hard cash for his love
and his trust. And disappointment that she was not the woman that
the world had believed her to be.

‘Arun,’ continued Hanara timidly, interrupting his
spiralling thoughts, ‘there is one more thing also … it wasn’t only
money.’

Arun felt the lump reforming in his throat.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Mata-ji was not happy about never being allowed to
contact you and she was not going to make the agreement … but then
Dr Cathy promised to fix Lucky’s smile also.’

‘His cleft lip surgery? Why would that convince
her?’

‘
Before, Lucky’s smile was a very big problem for
us; it is considered bad luck, like an evil spirit. People in India
wouldn’t accept his face like this and he would have had trouble
going to school, getting a job and even finding a wife. This
brought even more shame on Mata-ji for having no husband
and
a sick child, but we never had
enough money to fix it. Even at Rachna Hari they said it was too
expensive for the operation and they wouldn’t do it
there.

‘It is like this only that Dr Cathy finally
convinced Mata-ji. You would have a good life and become a doctor,
Lucky would have a chance to make a good life for himself here, and
Mata-ji would have money to start again and support our family. Dr
Cathy said that everybody would be better off if Mata-ji made the
agreement. Does that make sense?’

‘
Remember it’s for
Lucky,
’ Arun muttered
slowly, recalling Arthur’s account of Catherine’s last days and
finally comprehending what his father had been unable to. It made
sense, of course it did, but it didn’t make the explanation any
easier to digest. Arun sighed deeply. He was exhausted, mentally
and physically, and he no longer had the strength to fight what he
knew in his heart to be the truth: his mother was a fraud. There
were no more tears left to cry for her, no more words left to say
in her defence, and all that remained in his heart was an empty
hollow where the memory of a woman that he had once been proud to
call his mother used to be.

‘I’m sorry, Hanara. I’m sorry for all the hurt and
pain that my mo –, that Dr Cathy has brought our family.’

‘It’s not only Dr Cathy,’ answered Hanara, a genuine
look of sadness in her eyes, ‘why did you never try to find us?
Didn’t you ever ask about us or wonder how we were?’

‘I didn’t know about you, or Lucky, and … Dr Cathy
told me that Kal –, Mata-ji, died after I was born, otherwise of
course I would have tried to find you. I was told that Dr Cathy and
Mata-ji became friends at Rachna Hari and that Mata-ji asked Dr
Cathy to take care of me just before she died. That’s what I’ve
always believed … until now,’ he finished sombrely.

‘
She told you Mata-ji was
dead?
I had no idea,’ gasped Hanara in surprise. ‘So you
really came as soon as you could? As soon as you found out about
us?’

‘Of course I did. As soon as I found Mata-ji’s
letters, as soon as I knew that she was alive and sick I started
asking questions, but nobody could tell me anything. Arthur, my
adoptive father, he didn’t know any more than I did. I had to find
you through Rachna Hari and believe me it wasn’t easy.’

Hanara stared at her brother for the longest time,
her almond-shaped eyes unblinking, yet devoid of the malice that
had once possessed them. She seemed to finally understand that Arun
was an innocent victim of circumstance, but just when she parted
her lips to respond, the front door burst open.

‘Sorry I took so long! Mrs Satpathy was having such
a conversation with her cousin that it was impossible to leave
only. Can we eat please? I’m starving,’ rushed Lucky all at once,
oblivious to the discussion that he had interrupted.

In an instant the moment was gone. Without uttering
a word, Hanara dutifully stood and returned to the kitchen to heat
up their food, leaving Arun to contend with Lucky’s inane chatter
all alone. Frustrated by the interruption, Arun tried to feign
interest in the details of Lucky’s trip with Mrs Satpathy, but it
was too difficult to focus. Hanara had unexpectedly opened up to
him and at last he knew the truth about his mothers and his
adoption. It was not at all what he had expected and he found
himself involuntarily recalling Arthur’s words of caution about not
liking what he might find. He didn’t like what he had discovered,
but it was the truth, and at the very least he would now be able to
quiet his mind, all his questions finally answered.

A few minutes later, Hanara reappeared with the
evening meal, but she refused to meet Arun’s watchful gaze,
focusing her attention on Lucky instead.

‘Lucky, could you please just run and pick a few
coriander leaves from outside? I thought that I had enough, but I
just need a few more to sprinkle on the top here,’ she smiled
sweetly.

Obediently, Lucky scrambled to his feet and shuffled
out of the front door in search of the missing ingredient, but as
soon as he was out of earshot, Hanara turned to Arun with a worried
look on her face.

‘You mustn’t tell Lucky any of what we
discussed.’

‘Why not?’

‘Oh Arun, it would break him. It would break his
heart to know that Mata-ji gave you away so that Dr Cathy would fix
his smile. He would never forgive himself. Please, you have to
promise me that you won’t tell him, not any of it, not ever.’

Arun contemplated the request; he didn’t like the
idea of keeping yet more secrets, but then it would serve nothing
and no-one to dwell on the specifics of their terrible past. He had
the answers that he needed and, if Hanara were to be believed,
shattering Lucky’s illusions could cause untold damage, not only to
Lucky, but also to the relationship that they had built with one
another. He didn’t want Lucky to feel guilty or resentful, and
having reached an understanding with Hanara, for the first time in
weeks, he dared to hope that he might still be able to forge a
relationship with her too. The past had nothing left to offer him
or his siblings and Arun resolved there and then to put it firmly
behind him.

‘Okay,’ he said, nodding at Hanara decisively in
agreement, ‘I promise.’

When Lucky returned he continued to dominate the
conversation, still unaware of the exchange that had taken place
between his siblings, but this time Arun welcomed his brother’s
trivial chatter while he ate his fill and wound down from the
earlier tensions of the evening. When their stomachs were full, the
trio relaxed in the dimly lit house, and for the first time, Lucky
and Arun’s conversation was not punctuated by abusive remarks from
their sister.

‘Have you given any more thought to staying for Rath
Yatra, Arun?’

‘
You know that I want to, Lucky, but I really can’t
afford to move my flight home
and
pay
for extra nights at the hotel. And I’m not really comfortable
asking Arthur for any more money.’

‘How many times do I have to tell you? You can stay
here with us, isn’t it,’ cried Lucky, looking somewhat
exasperated.

Arun looked uncertainly from Lucky to Hanara, trying
to gauge his sister’s reaction, but she remained mute and
expressionless. He wasn’t ready to leave at all, but equally he
didn’t want to outstay his welcome, and after their earlier
exchange, he was aware that Hanara was approaching the limits of
her tolerance for him.

‘You don’t have the room, Lucky. Besides, where
would I sleep?’

‘You would sleep with me, in my room, of course.
There is plenty of room.’

‘That’s very kind of you, but really, I’ve already
been far too much of an inconvenience to you both. And you need to
get back to work,’ he added, glancing sideways at Hanara.

‘Ha! I am going back to work even if you come to
stay. Don’t you worry about this. My holidays are over now, even if
yours are not.’

‘Well there you go then; what would I do all day
whilst you are out working? There are still two whole weeks until
Rath Yatra. I would only get in Hanara’s way.’

‘You could help in the shop,’ she interjected, her
voice unusually small, but firm nonetheless.

Lucky turned to her in surprise, astonished that she
had ventured any suggestion, least of all one which would see Arun
staying longer, and in their house.

‘Are you … are you sure?’ whispered Arun slowly,
searching her eyes for tacit understanding.

But Hanara closed her eyes and simply nodded her
head in answer to his question.

‘It is settled then,’ cried Lucky excitedly, ‘you
will stay here with us and you can help Hanara in the shop until
Rath Yatra.’

Confused by Hanara’s sudden change of heart, but
smart enough to secure Arun’s stay before she had the chance to
change her mind, Lucky began to dance elatedly around the room. He
rambled on, listing out all of the things that he and Arun would
now have the time to see and do, but Arun was no longer listening.
Speechless, but genuinely grateful, he smiled at his sister with a
newfound respect. They had turned a corner and though he was sure
that there was still a long way to go, when he looked from her to
his perpetually beaming brother, he knew in that moment that he was
right where he was supposed to be.

‘WHAT do you mean you’re not coming home for another
two weeks?’

‘I’m just going to stay until Rath Yatra, and then
I’ll come back. It’s really not that big of a –’

‘What the hell is Rath Yatra?’

‘Oh, sorry. It’s a Hindu festival that happens here
in Puri, at the Jagannath Mandir.’

‘So now you’re a Hindu all of a sudden?’

‘No, of course not. It’s just meant to be really
cool; one of the main things to see here. They have this big
procession, and it’s the only time that non-Hindus can see
Jagannath, Balabhadra and Subha –’

‘See who, who, and who? Aaron, you’re not even
speaking English anymore!’

Arun held the receiver away from his face and stuck
his tongue out childishly at the mouthpiece. He had already been on
the phone for an hour, possibly the longest one-on-one conversation
he’d ever had with Arthur, but the old man wasn’t making things
easy for him.

‘To be perfectly frank, Aaron, I don’t understand
why you didn’t just come home after you found out that this Kalpana
woman had passed away. She’s told all these lies to her children
about how, and where, and why you were adopted, and who’s to say
that these Lanky and India characters are even your real brother
and sister? They could be anyone.’

‘Arthur, I –’

‘I bet you they’re both having a field day. Some
unsuspecting young boy turns up on their doorstep looking for his
mother, they invite him in, feed him a few stories and next thing
you know he’s moving in with them. Then they start borrowing
things, asking for a little money and before you know it they’ve
taken everything you’ve got!’