overanalyzed things, but the way he’d acted the last
couple of days wasn’t like him. He never cared about
having someone with him, never needed anyone to take
care of him. He had given up that dream so long ago.
Why, al of a sudden, was he considering alowing
someone into his life now, someone who could
eventualy hurt him again? Logicaly, he knew he
shouldn’t do it, but he didn’t feel in control of his
emotions anymore. He was smitten with Bily, and no
one was more surprised than him. Within a half hour,
while his head was stil reeling, the pain pil got the best
of him and he drifted off to sleep.
Bily drove Ian’s SUV toward the Lazy H Ranch
in silence, thinking about what had happened over the
past couple of days. Damn if Ian Dilon hadn’t taken his
heart and run with it. Up until now, Bily had been so
career-driven and concerned about keeping his
sexuality quiet that he hadn’t dared date or have a
sexual relationship with anyone. In this business, you
could never realy tel who anyone was or who they
knew. He had heard stories about guys getting their big
break and then being outed by some scorned lover or,
worse than that, a one-night stand. He thought back to
the big scandal when a particular up-and-coming singer
was arrested in a public restroom for propositioning a
police officer for sex and wondered what drove a man
to such measures. But whether it was true or not, it had
brought down his career and he’d never realy
recovered from it. Bily wasn’t the type to have casual
sex anyway, but he’d been very guarded about his
lifestyle, until yesterday. He thought about how Ian had
reacted to being taken care of, cared for. It was clear
that he had been a loner for some time, and there was a
reason behind that. Someone had hurt him very badly
and he had never gotten over it. What did that mean for
them? Could Ian get past it? Did he want to help Ian get
past it? How would Ian affect his career? Would it hurt
his chances of getting a break? Bily knew that
eventualy he would have to decide these things, but for
now, he just wanted Ian. He didn’t know what it was or
why it had happened, but it had and he was going to
enjoy it.
When Bily got to the ranch, he headed right to
the bunkhouse to gather his things. Some of the guys
from the early shift were already off work, enjoying a
beer and discussing what they were going to fix for
dinner. A couple of the guys knew what had happened
because they had met Bily to take care of the horses
when he’d gotten Ian back from Bels Bend. The guys
greeted Bily and immediately asked about Ian. He
explained that there were no broken bones but a pretty
bad sprain and Ian would have to stay off it for about a
week. He walked over to his locker, opened it, and
began to rummage around for what he needed. After he
packed his bag, he told the men he was going to bunk
over at Ian’s house to give him a hand until he was back
on his feet. As the other guides were walking out the
door, they offered to cover for Bily if he needed to be
away or do whatever he needed them to do. He
assured them that it was under control and that he
would see them around six in the morning.
While Bily was putting the last of his things in his
bag, one of the guys stayed behind and walked over to
Bily. He looked like he wanted to say something but
just stood there.
“Is something wrong?” Bily asked.
“I don’t know, maybe,” the ranch hand said.
“Look, I don’t know if this is anything or not, but Buck
was in here earlier laughing and talking about how the
queers were up at Bels Bend having a quaint little lunch
and one got thrown off his horse.”
“Realy,” Bily said. “Now how would he know
that?”
The ranch hand continued, “I just wanted you to
know, watch your back, Bily. That guy has got some
serious issues.”
“Thanks, man. I’l keep an eye on him,” Bily said.
The ranch hand left, and Bily finished packing his
bag and headed back to Ian’s.
IAN was awakened by the sound of the garage door
opening and realized Bily must be home. He sat up,
wiped his eyes, and ran his fingers through his hair.
How bad do I look?
Ian was reaching for his crutches
when Bily walked through the door with a black leather
bag and a great big smile.
He dropped the bag by the staircase, walked
over to Ian, and kissed him on the lips. “Hey,
handsome, you are so cute when you wake up. I
assume you got a little rest?”
Ian licked his lips and sleepily said, “Hey, Bily.
Yeah, I think so. What time is it?”
“About six o’clock. How’s that ankle?”
“Right now it feels pretty damn good; it must be
the pain pils.”
Bily sat down next to Ian and put his arm around
his shoulder. He leaned in and kissed Ian again and
puled him in close.
“I missed you,” Bily said. “The guys at the ranch
asked about you and send their best.”
“That’s sweet. Can you help me up? I need to
pee, and I want to change my clothes. These tight jeans
are kiling me.”
“Yeah, but they look hot,” Bily said as he helped
Ian to his left foot. “If you don’t mind, I’l change as
wel, now that I have some clothes.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Ian replied.
Once Ian was up and had his crutches, Bily
picked up his bag and closely folowed Ian up the stairs.
When they reached the bedroom, Ian went directly to
the bathroom and Bily took the clothes out of his bag.
He kicked off his sneakers and quickly changed into a
pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt. Ian
emerged from the bathroom and made his way over to
the armoire. He opened the massive doors and
retrieved a pair of long cotton pajama bottoms, and
Bily helped him into them.
“Thanks,” Ian said. “That feels so much better.”
“I agree. If you’re up to it, let’s head back
downstairs, and I’l light a fire and pour us a glass of
wine.”
“Sounds perfect,” Ian said.
Before Ian could pick up his crutches, Bily, in
another one of his fluid moves, had Ian in his arms. “No
use wearing yourself out on those things while I’m
here,” Bily said. “Besides, you’l need your strength for
later.”
“My hero,” Ian sighed as he buried his head into
Bily’s neck and alowed himself to be carried down the
stairs.
When they reached the main floor, Bily placed
Ian on one of the stools at the breakfast bar. He took a
pilow from the couch, placed it on the stool next to
Ian’s, and lifted his ankle and gently placed it on the
pilow. Then he leaned over and kissed Ian’s toes and,
looking up at Ian with a smile on his face, sucked on his
big toe.
“Don’t start something you can’t finish, cowboy.”
“That’s got to hold you for now,” Bily said as he
kissed Ian’s toe one last time, straightened up, and
made his way around the bar to the kitchen. He opened
a bottle of wine and poured them each a glass.
“Now what?” Ian said.
“I’m going to start a fire, and you’re going to
keep me company while I start dinner.”
“And… what are we having?”
“That depends,” Bily responded. “What do you
like?”
Ian looked up at the ceiling with a quizzical look
on his face.
“Mostly everything: no anchovies on my pizza, no
fishy fish, and no animal parts I can’t identify. Other
than that, I’m good.”
“That’s good, because we’re having shrimp
Creole over white rice.”
Bily took a sip of wine and walked over to the
fireplace. He strategicaly placed the kindling on the iron
grate, placed three smal logs on top, and lit the
kindling. Within minutes he had a great fire going.
“You’re realy good at that,” Ian said. “I’m
impressed.”
“I love wood-burning fireplaces. Something about
the crackling sound and the smel of wood burning
makes me think of home.”
For a moment, Ian thought, maybe one day this
could be your home, too, but stopped himself mid-
thought and shook his head.
Stop it, Ian
, he said to
himself again
. This is crazy
.
Bily was looking through Ian’s CD colection and
saw Ian shaking his head out of the corner of his eye.
“Is something wrong?”
Ian didn’t respond.
“Ian?”
In an apologetic voice, Ian said, “What? Oh,
sorry, did you say something?”
“Are you stil with me, buddy?”
“Yeah, I just got lost there for a minute, I’m back
now.”
“Anything you want to talk about?”
“Nah. Did you find anything you like?”
Understanding Ian was struggling with something
and wasn’t ready to talk about it, Bily said, “How
about Michael Bublé?”
“Sure, he’s great!”
Bily loaded the CD, checked the fire, and joined
Ian at the breakfast bar. He placed both hands on the
back of Ian’s barstool and gently kissed the back of his
neck. Ian relaxed and melted into the kiss. He turned to
face Bily, and they exchanged a long look. Bily said,
“Thanks for that, but time’s a-wasting.”
Ian smiled and said, “What can I do to help?”
“Just sit there and look handsome,” Bily replied.
“I can do that for now, but eventualy I’l need
something hard to do.”
“And eventualy you wil have something hard to
do, if you get my drift.”
“I like the way you think, cowboy, but how long
is eventualy?”
“As long as it takes me to prepare shrimp Creole,
meatloaf, and mashed potatoes, and red beans and rice
with Italian sausage. That should get us through the rest
of the week,” he said with a sly smile on his face.
“Geez, al that. I’d better shut up and let you get
to it or we’re gonna be here al night,” Ian said with a
disappointed look on his face.
BILLY did a mental review of everything he’d
purchased at the supermarket and started by pouring
them each a little more wine. He opened a hunk of
sharp cheddar cheese and some crackers and put them
on a plate to keep Ian occupied while he started to
prepare the meals.
They were both quiet for a few minutes, and Bily
noticed that Ian was fidgeting like he wanted to talk
about something but wasn’t sure if he should. Just then,
Ian sliced a piece of cheese, placed it on a cracker, and
put it in Bily’s mouth. He took a sip of wine and
nervously said, “So… uh, have you had any lasting
relationships?”
Now Bily knew what the fidgeting was about.
“Wel, I’ve only had one, and it lasted about three
years.”
“I’d realy like to hear about it, if it isn’t too hard
to talk about?”
“No, I don’t mind at al, and by the way, my life is
an open book, and you can ask me anything you want
and I’l answer honestly.”
“Thanks,” Ian responded. “So…?”
Bily thought back and started the story.
“I was twenty-one, and it was shortly after my
divorce. I started going to the only gay bar I knew, but
I’d drive around the block over and over again and then
leave, because I was too scared to go in. That routine
lasted a few weeks, and one night I said the hel with it,
and I parked around back and walked it. I stayed al of
two minutes because I was so scared. The next time I
went in, I ordered a beer, took one sip, and left.”
While moving the base of his wine glass in circles
on the surface of the bar, alowing it to breathe, Ian