Fianna Kelly Versus the Jeebees: A Collection of Steampunk Stories (8 page)

"You
didn't tell them of that time we jumped in the Irish Sea during winter, did
you?"

"We
only mentioned good times. Once they knew what you were really like, we'd be
paying for our own drinks."

Darina
added, "We have decided that once you plan any other tournament trips, we
will be there to support you. Come with us to the pub tonight. I would say the
drinks will be on us, but I am sure that you won't be able to drink all you are
offered."

"You
only have to ask me once."

My
friend, Bevin, ran up behind the others, out of breath.

"Did
I miss the announcements?" she gasped.

"You
did. What were you doing?" I asked.

"I
was talking to a guy we met last night. He's going to write a ballad about you
and I will play my concertina."

"Tell
me you didn't bring that here."

"I
bring it everywhere I go. Anyway, how did you do?"

"I
placed third overall."

"Are
you disappointed?" asked Darina.

"I
am just a bit disappointed, but I competed against some of the best in the
world. Do you know what that means?"

"What?"
asked Bevin.

"It
means I am now one of the best in the world. In addition, I earned three other
medals: best woman contestant, best score with an experimental weapon, and best
score among combat veterans. That last one was a surprise."

"How
much money did you win?" asked Melissa.

"About
20 quid."

"Let's
go and try to spend some of it. I bet we can't," said Darina.

I
was sitting in the hotel lobby waiting for my friends when I saw a familiar
face. I said, "Good morning, Eric. How was your evening?"

"You
Irish lasses sure know how to party. I'm sorry I couldn't stay for all of it;
any longer and they would have had to carry me back to the hotel."

"Thank
you. We like to have a good time."

"I
read that you saved the Brits. What did they give you for it; A shiny brass
medal?"

"They
gave me 960 pounds, a rifle, a pistol, and this..."

I
showed him my new gold charm bracelet with precious jewels amongst the charms.

"'Tis
the prettiest thing that has ever been my own."

"What
are you going to do now?"

"I'm
going home"

"Before
you go, I'd like to invite you to perform at the International Colonial and
Export Exhibition in my home country, the Nederlands."

"I
don't know. This has been a hectic week."

"It's
several months away so you'll have plenty of time to rest. Plus, it is not a
competition, but an exhibition. It will be an opportunity to demonstrate your
rifle and your marksmanship to my countrymen... and women."

"Okay,
you talked me into it. I'd appreciate it if you could mail me a postcard with
the details so I don't forget."

My
friends chose that moment to make their presence known. They were loaded down
with assorted bags and cases. I suspect they went shopping while I was
otherwise occupied.

I
asked them. "Would all of you like to ride back home with Bradan and I? We
are going by rail car to the coast and then we will find a nice, clean ferry to
Dublin. Perhaps you'd prefer those boring airships instead?"

End

'Tis
closer than I thought.

I
asked, "Why do I have the feeling that I am being taken advantage
of?"

My
cousin Felix replied, "I don't know. Do you have that feeling often?"

"No,
I don't."

"Then
how can you be certain that is the feeling you are having? Maybe you are
feeling happy. You don't have that feeling often either."

I
liked him a lot and we loved to tease each other. To look at us, people would
think we were twins. We've been told that we act like twins too; always
competing with each other for the last word. Felix had tried several times over
the course of a month to convince me to come to this scientific convention with
him until I finally relented. Now I was wondering if I had made the right
decision.

"Perhaps
I am happy that you invited me to go with you to a convention of scientists. Perhaps
I will enjoy being in a building filled exclusively with old men who will treat
me like an idiot."

"It
won't be like that, I promise."

"Cross
your heart and hope I don't miss it when I shoot you?"

"Yes...
What was that last part?"

"How
much further?"

"About
one mile less than the last time you asked."

I
glanced back at Bradan as if I expected him to say how he felt. His display was
blank as usual. He was carrying my rifle and pistol because I was paranoid as
usual. Felix was acting happy which for him was usual.

Felix
said, "You are right though. I am taking advantage of you having Bradan
with you constantly.

"Does
that mean what I think? That you are going to display Bradan as if you built
him?"

"Of
course not... You are going to be on the display with him extolling the
benefits of automatons as servants. That is why I asked you to dress as if you
were going out to a dance and not like you were going to be scrubbing
floors."

"I
recall reading that story and I forgot my glass slippers. When were you
planning to tell me that we were going to be put on a pedestal?"

"As
soon as we got in sight of our destination. In other words, right now."

"Did
you think I might refuse?"

"Not
for a second. I figured if you knew, you'd tire out the horses getting
here."

"I'm
getting a strange feeling."

"That's
just stage fright. Knowing you, it will pass quickly. I'll let you and Bradan
get out by the entrance and I'll take the wagon to the stables. You will wait
for me, yes?"

"We
will display ourselves outside until you return to show us off with a grand
entrance."

"That's
good enough. Try to smile when people stare at you."

I
gave him my best impression of a lioness baring her claws and teeth. He knew
what it meant as I had been doing it to him since we were children. He would
normally feign fear and cover his face with his arms, but he couldn't do that
and reign in the horses at the same time.

I
was not impressed with the venue. It looked more like a circus than a
convention. Perhaps I was expecting too much; like the Royal Albert Hall. I had
seen that and it was magnificent. This was several giant tents connected
together by smaller tents. At least it would not be like a hothouse inside and
I could remove my bonnet.

Getting
Bradan out of the wagon was always difficult. He couldn't see behind him and
there wasn't enough room for him to turn around. I had to tell him how to move
his legs as he slowly backed out. Once he got one leg on the ground, Felix
moved the horses forward a few steps so Bradan could bring his other two legs
down. We moved off the dirt path to wait so other wagons and carriages could
drive by and discharge their passengers.

I
think Felix was hoping that we'd enter the convention all by ourselves and be
noticed by everyone. That didn't happen. We were in the middle of several
groups of people and Bradan had to be careful not to step on them. They had to
be careful not to push on him since he was hotter than usual due to being out
in the sun. Bradan and I found a spot out of the crowds while Felix did the
required paperwork.

He
said, "According to this, we have a place in the Northwest tent. We don't
need to go directly there. Let's take the long route and see who else is
here."

"We
need to stay close to Bradan and watch for people. I worry that he'll
accidentally fall on someone who didn't watch where they were going and crush
them."

"That's
a good idea. I'll take his right side; you take his left."

It
took us an hour to reach our assigned spot. Felix had to stop and inspect every
exhibit on the way. I feigned interest in a few, but I didn't understand most
of them. I wondered how many times it would take before I atoned for what I had
done to my father in Dublin. I silently prayed for forgiveness.

We
approached an area roped off with his name on a paper hanging from them.
"I just need you and Bradan to stand here and look pretty while I talk to
people who walk by."

"I
don't know if I can do that," I replied.

"You
can't stand there or you can't look pretty?"

"A
bit of both," I said with a big smile.

He
laughed a bit and asked me, "Would you rather I stand there and you talk
to people?"

"It
might be more interesting with you standing next to Bradan with you wearing
your Sunday best suit."

"I'm
in a very good mood. Let's both talk to the people. Tell them how helpful
Bradan has been in your life."

That
was how it went most of the day. I would tell people the very short version of
Bradan and I, omitting the jeebees and the fighting, while emphasising how he
carried heavy items and looked out for me. Felix would tell people how one day
every family will have a mechanical servant. Bradan just stood, looking
imposing, and not really making it easier for Felix. It seemed that people
wanted people-sized automatons and Bradan was not even close. He was more elephant-sized.

When
we felt like it, one of us would go out and see what was happening in the rest
of our tent. Felix would come back and tell me about wonderful inventions and
how everything would be so much better in the future. I didn't see what he saw
when I went looking. I saw wooden boxes filled with brass pipes and gauges. I
saw glass spheres with strange gases inside connected to other glass spheres
with thin wires. I saw metal contraptions with gears and pistons and devices
powered by steam engines. I felt overdressed as the few women attending the
convention were wearing the same dresses that they wore any other day.

There
were periods where we'd have several interested families at once and times when
we were standing around by ourselves. I had to keep too curious children from
getting close to Bradan as there were places on his body that could burn them.
This did not help Felix's speech about household automatons as few would want
one that could catch their house on fire by accident. I think Felix would have
done better with a few barrels lashed together and a smile painted on one.

Felix
bought us some sausages for lunch. He said they had been cooked by electricity.
I didn't think that would ever be popular because they were unevenly cooked
with some areas cold and other spots burnt. At least it was real food. He also
brought us salads with giant vegetables grown by special processes. It seemed
to me that a tomato only had so much flavour, and when you made it bigger, each
slice was less tasty. Lettuce had no taste to me no matter what size it had
grown to.

I
was talking with one man several times during the day. He'd always have a
technical question about Bradan. He said that he was a professor at a
university in Scotland. Some of the questions I could answer; mainly the ones I
had already asked Bradan. The other ones I just looked back at Bradan and let
him respond. The man scribbled some notes in a pad each time and then he went
off to another place to talk with another person. I got the feeling that Bradan
was acting as the professor and he was the student.

As
it got towards evening, many of the people had left and we had a scant few left
in our tent to talk with. Felix's wife, Mary, arrived with our dinner in a
picnic basket. It was so much better than lunch and I expressed my appreciation
for her efforts. Felix was a lucky man as she made sure he ate at regular
intervals in spite of his work. She had dressed extra special today because
Felix had promised her a great evening. He had only promised me that I wouldn't
hate being here. At least I wasn't the only woman overdressed here anymore.

I
could hear a band tuning their instruments in another tent. I checked the
programme and saw it was a local group. Bevin sometimes helped them out when
they needed more musicians. I sometimes helped Bevin out when she needed more
singers. I didn't need to try hard to convince Felix and Mary to come along
with Bradan and I to hear them play.

It
wasn't just music though. There was an amazing display of electric lights in
all colours and shapes. The band was on a stage that was lit by four bright arc
lights from over 50 yards away. I hoped all that light did not blind the
musicians. Unlike most of the exhibits here, I could imagine some of this
becoming popular. It kept one's attention focused on the band and not wandering
around the tent looking for mischief.

Bevin
was on the left side playing her concertina. I thought about waving to her, but
I doubted she could see me. Perhaps the lights were meant to keep the performers
focused as well. If they couldn't see the audience, they wouldn't get stage
fright. Since I wanted to talk to her, the four of us headed that way when the
band took a break.

I
had an idea and I told it to her and she told it to the band leader and he told
it to the band and then to the people controlling the lights. The next set
started and they covered the arc lights so the stage was barely lit. The music
kept playing though. I ran for the right side of the stage while Felix helped
Bradan up on the left side. We were in position when the next song started; the
one I had picked. They uncovered one arc light to show just me as I sang.

 In
Glasgow Town my Mither dwells,
As sure the Maidens ken,
For oft her counsel warns the Girls,
O ne'er to trust the Men,
But let her chide and call them bad,
the folk must all agree

When
it came time for the chorus, I called out "Everyone sing along!" and
they uncovered another light to shine on Bradan. He had the words displayed for
all to see.

BLYTHE
SANDY IS A BONNY LAD

The
band played it slower than usual so he could keep up with the word changes and
everyone could sing.

AND
DEARLY HE LOVES ME

BLYTHE
SANDY IS A BONNY LAD

AND
DEARLY HE LOVES ME

HE
DOES

AND
DEARLY HE LOVES ME
[v]

His
light was covered again after the chorus while I sang the next verse. When the
next chorus came, he was lit again and the audience joined in. We did it one
more time for the last verse and chorus. When the song finished, I curtsied and
left the stage while the audience applauded. Felix helped Bradan down the steps
to make sure he didn't topple over. All the lights were uncovered and the band
continued with their next song.

It
took a minute or so for the spots in my eyes to go away. I figured that someone
would have to invent a way to light up the band while keeping the lights out of
their eyes if they wanted to keep doing it. Felix and Mary danced while Bradan
and I just stood by the stage and listened. I was thinking about how nice it
would be to listen to a band playing music whenever I wanted. I recalled that
someone had invented a device to do that. I'd have to ask Felix if he could
build one for me.

Bevin
walked to the edge of the stage near us and addressed the audience. "We
have one more song for you to end the evening. Who wants to hear Fianna sing
while I play 'The Hokey Cokey'?
[vi]
Let's give her some encouragement!"

I
didn't need to be coerced to sing, but Bevin believed the audience should
always have an opportunity to express their appreciation. There was a decent
amount of applause as I came back onto the stage. We hadn't asked for anything
with the arc lights, but the men working them got into the mood and shown one
light on the two of us and the other three onto the dance floor. I let Bevin play
once through the song as a solo and joined her as it started again.

That
was a long song since we did all the verses and I needed a drink when we
finished. Mary had thought of that and had glasses of cold lemonade for Bevin
and I as we left the stage. I asked her about them being cold and Felix
interrupted with his usual 'benefits of science' line.

We
all walked outside to watch the fireworks show coming next. I really did know
where I was and what was going to happen, but when the first rocket went up I could
only think of jeebees attacking. I looked back at Bradan and was comforted by
the lack of warnings. It was a minute or two before I managed to relax and not
jump at every loud noise. They had some spectacular blossoms this year.