Fianna Kelly Versus the Jeebees: A Collection of Steampunk Stories (14 page)

"'Tis
not that exciting when I look back upon it. It is nothing when compared to
Jim's tales."

Jim
offered, "You tell it the way it happened and I will endeavour to make it
sound exciting."

"Gerald
comes by our house and talks with my father. We headed to Dublin to take the
airship to London in the morning."

"A
handsome stranger comes to your house and steals you away into the night."

"My
girlfriends show up to wish us a safe trip."

"Many
lovely sirens try to tempt the stranger to forget about Fianna and to go with
them instead."

"The
dock workers tie Bradan down wrong and we have them correct it."

"Evil
men try to tie up and run away with the heroic automaton who fights them off to
remain with his mistress."

"We
have an uneventful flight to London, arriving at sunset."

"The
tiny airship is tossed about by the winds and barely limps into port."

"We
transfer onto my airship and set off into the starry night."

"You
have your own airship? Pardon me.
The brave adventurers commandeer another
ship to continue their journey
."

"I
woke up in the morning and they told me the engine was broken."

"T
he
lovely Fianna was disturbed while sleeping by a tremendous explosion as the
engines overloaded. Fearing for the lives of all aboard she rushed out of her
room and smothered the flames with her gown."

"We
drifted down towards the sea for a few hours."

"The
airship spiralled down, going ever faster, as it approached the bottomless
ocean."

"A
pirate airship came along to assist."

"Just
as they were about to crash, another airship came to their rescue.
Unfortunately, it was a pirate ship come to take everyone and everything."

"I
made stew for them and they towed us to port."

"The
pirates forced Fianna to cook and clean for them. When they were looking the
other way, she escaped in her airship and brought it down safely on dry
land."

"We
spent the night in it as the people thought we were pirates too."

"Unfortunately
for our heroine, she had landed in the middle of a savage village. She spent
the night fighting them off."

"In
the morning, Eric explained we weren't pirates and sent carriages for us."

"And
then the gallant Eric showed up on his white steed to teach the villagers a
lesson and ride off with the beautiful Fianna."

"I
like your version better. You can write all my adventures."

"I
don't even write my own. Some writer in New York who I've never met thinks up
wild events and puts my name on them."

"The
places you've been and the things you have done must have been just as
interesting as those a man in a city invented for you."

After
dinner is the time for the men and women to segregate. I didn't mind it as the
men broke out their pipes and cigars which made it difficult to breathe near
them. It would have been worse had I been wearing my corset. I guess I should
be thankful it didn't fit with this dress. The other women wore all kinds of
clothes, likely what they wore for special occasions in their home country, so
I didn't feel like I was overdressed either.

I'm
not sure if it was good or bad that the only item of interest among the women
was me. Hopefully, Gerald was doing better getting information from the men.
From our conversations, travelling here had been uneventful for the women. I
wished one of my trips would proceed without incident. I kept them entertained
with my stories of the pirates until we left.

Someone
had thoughtfully given Bradan a lantern and he led the way back to the guest
house. This day had started rather unpleasant, but had gotten better and better
as it progressed. I was feeling good tonight. I hoped it would continue as we
attended the exhibition. Jim was scheduled to perform tomorrow afternoon and I
would have my turn the following day.

My
room had a bowl and pitcher in it so I just rinsed my hands and face. My days
had been going back and forth between good and bad. If the trend continued,
tomorrow was going to be bad. I wished I could stay in bed all day and wait for
the next good day. I kicked off my slippers, unpinned my hair, and was asleep
as soon as my head touched the pillow.

Later
that night I was woken up by a knocking on my door. This was happening far too
often for me. A soldier was standing there. I put on my boots and my gun belt.
Soldiers in the middle of the night could only mean a few things; all bad. My
bad day had started already. He escorted me to their security office located in
the castle. I was worried that Gerald had been caught snooping around until I
noticed that Bradan was standing by the bridge. They had woken Eric as well and
he was talking with an officer when I was shown in.

"Let
me guess, "I said, "You found something that is grey with three legs,
four arms, and an attitude of superiority."

Eric
replied, "That is a very good description of what we caught. Fianna, this
is Major Meyers."

The
Major motioned to a nearby cell. "We found this creature attempting to
steal from us. We have heard tales that you know of them."

"To
be sure, I know them all too well. We call them jeebees. It is short for some
long-winded name the army gave them."

The
Major said, "The penalty for espionage is the firing squad... after an
interrogation and trial of course."

I
replied, "Let me save you some time."

I
drew my pistol and fired a bullet into its head. It made the usual mess in
response.

Eric
protested, "But we could have gotten information from it."

I
stated, "That jeebee was just a drone. You can expect more of them around.
You can torture one, interrogate it, or even tickle it. There is nothing you
can do to it that will matter to the one that controls it. Oh, anything I tell
you does not leave this room lest your people think you are in league with
monsters. Just look what they did to us for being seen within 100 feet of
pirates."

Eric
tried again. "But you just shot it in the head."

I
replied, "That's the easiest way to kill it, although the scientists
aren't sure if the drones are even alive. I can't stand them and I shoot them
without hesitation once they are in range. They are ruining my life and I plan
to ruin theirs."

The
Major asked, "What do we do with it now?"

"Bradan
will bury it once you can't stand the stench. We need to get it outside though
since he can't fit in here. Do you have something you don't want any more that
you can wrap around it?"

We
talked about other things until two guards returned with an old bed sheet. They
rolled the jeebee in the sheet while I stayed where I couldn't see or smell it.
They carried it out the front gate where Bradan was waiting for them. I
followed at a distance.

I
said, "Hello, Bradan. Do you see what the guards caught tonight?"

I
WARNED THEM

"So
that's why they managed to catch it. Are there any others nearby?"

NO

"We
need to work out a way for you to alert me when I'm sleeping. I'll have to see what
Felix can design when I get home. For now, Eric said the best place to bury
this one is North of the castle."

OKAY

I
wandered back to my room deep in thought. My job involved helping to keep their
existence a secret, but I didn't care much for that part of it. I'd rather
every man and woman knew about them so they could protect their families. At
least, I could inform the soldiers and constables how to get rid of them. It
wasn't part of the assignment, but I needed to find out what their plans were, and
I had to make sure they failed.

I
woke up with the sun shining through my window. After freshening up, I went
down to the lobby. I planned to wait for Gerald, but he was all ready and
waiting for me.

After
the morning pleasantries were said, I continued with, "You were correct.
It was confirmed last night." We moved to a corner and I explained what
had happened.

He
said, "Since we know and they know, we can leave for home."

"I
think we should help the soldiers. We know that where there is one jeebee,
there are at least five more. There could be much more than that looking for
some new invention. I will ask around and see if anyone has developed a new
weapon or something that can be used as one."

"Our
assignment was just to verify that they were here."

"I
thought you wanted an exterminator? Here I am and I don't feel like leaving
until I am satisfied there aren't any jeebees left around."

"I
believe we should leave when the airship is fixed."

I
thought it was my airship? If you want to leave, you can get your own."

"I
think I said the airship was being loaned to you while on an assignment for
us."

"My
assignment doesn't end until I perform at the exhibition tomorrow afternoon.
That was the reason everyone thinks I am here. It wouldn't make sense for me to
leave earlier than that, no matter when the airship is repaired."

"I've
taught you too well. I surrender. We'll leave when you decide."

"I'm
glad you see things my way."

"A
quick lesson; when a man surrenders, you cease firing at them. It is bad sport
to kick a man while he is down."

"Why
not? That seems the best time for it."

He
sighed. "I'll let you think about it."

I
found Bradan waiting for me outside and we walked to the castle. I wanted him
to check for more jeebees and figured it would be easier to get a ride to the
exhibition there than here. I saw a gathering of men standing near a wagon. I
hoped they weren't all waiting for a ride as well. We got near them and I was
surprised to see my cousin Felix in the group.

I
said, "Hello cousin, what are you doing here?"

"I
am here to sell my latest invention; the anti-flood device."

I
expected to see some giant device filled with hoses and pistons. I looked
around me then back at Felix. He pointed to a device on the back of the wagon.
"It's over there," he said.

"That
little box on the wagon stops floods?"

His
device looked familiar. Not like I had seen an anti-flood device before, but
what it was made of looked like common parts. It was a metal box, similar in
size to an ammunition case, with four aluminium colanders mounted on top of it.
The colanders were on their sides with the open part facing outwards and
fastened together in the middle by an aluminium rod about two inches around and
a foot high. It reminded me of his automatic whisk in an unpleasant way.

He
said, "Many things work best at one size. Take your rifle for example. Too
long and you can't hold it; too short means you lose range and accuracy. My
anti-flood device is the perfect size."

"How
does it work?" I asked.

"It's
scientific. You wouldn't understand. But you are welcome to attend my
demonstration shortly."

"It
still seems too small to prevent my entire country from flooding. You do know
that floods are big things here, not like getting water in your basement,"
stated Eric. It looked like an official meeting, so I curtsied to him.

"That
is the one of the secrets. It stops a flood while it is still a small thing
instead of waiting for it to get large enough to wash over multiple
countries," he boasted. "Gentlemen... and cousin, I will have you
know it is keeping this entire country from being flooded as we speak."

I
responded, "You are telling me that once you turn it off, we will be
knee-deep in water?"

"From
the rumours, you've come close to that already this week. I wouldn't want to tempt
fate if I were you."

"Do
you two quarrel like this often?" asked Eric.

"It
is entertaining," I said.

Felix
added, "What she said goes for me too."

Eric
addressed me, "Fianna, would you be interested in seeing my greenhouse? It
is beautiful this time of year; tulips in every colour of the rainbow."

Felix
interrupted before I could answer. "You two cannot run off and play in the
flowers until after my demonstration."

I
replied, "To be sure, we won't run off until later. Whether your
contraption works or not, I am sure you will give us all a good show."

Felix
asked, "Do you mind if I borrow your automaton to carry my device? It is
heavier that it appears."

I
said, "Ask him yourself. You know he has a mind of his own."

Bradan
was helpful as always and carried Felix's device while we led the way. The
device didn't appear that heavy and I suspected Felix had wanted to talk to me
privately. Bradan made a good wall between us and the others.

He
asked, "Why didn't you tell me you knew people here?"

"I'm
sure I asked you to give my regards to Eric right after you told me you were
coming. That's right; you didn't tell me you were travelling, did you? It must
have been a surprise to Mary or everyone back home would have known."

"For
her it is a holiday. For me it is work. I've been working my way up through
those minor functionaries for a week to arrange a demonstration for Eric and
you two just happen to be good friends?"

I
asked, "Where is Mary?"

"She
is in town spending the money that I haven't gotten yet."

"I
guess you two don't need the presents I bought for you then."

"I
wouldn't say that. At least not until you've given them to us. When do we get
them?"

"You'll
have to wait until my airship is fixed. The presents are in the cargo
hold."

"How
did you get an airship?"

"'Tis
included with my new job."

"When
did you get a job?"

"Three
days ago."

We
had walked a short distance to where a small river fed the pond. I noticed
three children playing in the water. They were just chasing and splashing each
other. Felix had Bradan place the device on a small table setup near the pond.
When everyone caught up to us, he started his demonstration.

"I
assembled this row of bricks earlier. They will represent one of your dikes.
The children playing in the water represent a storm. When my device is off, the
waves wash over the dike, as expected."

He
waved at the children and they jumped around, creating bigger waves in the
pond. He turned back to his device and made a few adjustments. He gestured to
his miniature wall in the pond where the water was now still.

"As
you can see, due to my device, the waves have stopped flowing over the dike
even with a large disturbance on the other side. Feel free to come up and try
it yourself."

Felix
spent an hour showing everyone that his device worked while Bradan and I stood
out of his way. I wondered why he hadn't come to me last week and asked me to
assist him. I guessed that he hadn't liked the disturbance that we caused the
last time. His demonstration concluded with the usual promises to get back with
him shortly. Bradan and I helped him pack everything and carry it to the wagon.

He
said, "I heard rumours about things whose description match jeebees this
morning. That means you know everything about what happened. Tell me all about
it sparing no details."

"They
captured it. I shot it. Bradan buried it. That's all there is to tell."

"Why
was it here? Did they question it? There has to be more than that."

"Part
of my job is not to tell people about them. You shouldn't talk about them
either lest people think you created them. These people are quick to judge
others."

"You
really know how to take the excitement out of a day."

"You
know the kind of excitement they bring. Hopefully, it is just a coincidence
that you are here with your latest invention and they are here too... Talking
about inventions, can you come up with something that Bradan can use to alert
me when the jeebees attack?"

He
thought for a few seconds. "That is not a hard task. All steam engines
have whistles. We just need one with a distinctive sound so you can recognise
it."

"I
hope you find one quieter than on the trains."

"I
really don't know why it doesn't have one already."

"Maybe
he did have one and the jeebees removed it. It would be the kind of thing I
would expect them to do. Could you look at him and see?"

He
walked around Bradan, inspecting and poking at him.

"I
found a panel in the right place, but I'd have to shut it down for a day to
examine it when we get home. The panel is very hot."

"I
don't like that idea. Do you have any others?"

"Not
yet."

Bradan
and I got a ride to the exhibition. I thought of having him stay by the castle
in case of another attempt, but I wanted him around to carry things. I was sure
they had plenty of items that I just couldn't live without. It was a huge
exhibition with much to look at and a good selection of items from all around
the world on sale.

In
a place this size, it had to be fate that Eric and I found each other. We
smiled at each other and I curtsied. He said, "Don't do that or everyone
will start."

I
asked, "What is it that I will do then, kind sir?"

"At
this time and place... walk with me and treat me like one of your friends.

"I
can do that. By the way, I bought a small present for you while I was buying
things for my girlfriends." I turned back to Bradan. "Do you know
which bag Eric's present is in?"

He
shuffled the bags around and handed me one. I reached in it, fumbled around,
and brought out a small box. I handed the bag back to Bradan and the box to
Eric. I asked him not to open it until later. Then we walked under an archway
and into another world.

He
said, "This is our pavilion. It is the largest one. We are showcasing
colonialism and our colonies around the world."

"'Tis
not what I was expecting."

"We
recreated similar environments and populated them with those that live there.
As you can see, they are not civilised like we are. Maybe with our help, and a
thousand years' time, they will be ready to be welcomed into society."

"They
appear quite content with their way of life. They seem peaceful."

"We
work hard to keep them from fighting amongst themselves. Since none of them
have anything, they fight over everything."

"That's
barbaric!"

"We
also need to control their reproducing. As it is, they breed like rabbits and
there will soon be too many of them for their land and their food
sources."

I
looked away and shielded my eyes with my fan. "I see what you mean. Over
there is a young boy trying to become a young man.

"Such
savages. One cannot teach them the simplest things, like what is for public
display and what isn't."

"I
hope it is worth the effort."

"I
heard a rumour yesterday that the Yanks are trying to crossbreed with their
former slaves to produce ones with spots."

I
tried to sound pompous and said, "Really? I would think it was common
knowledge doing that produces ones with stripes." We both burst out
laughing. I got myself under control again and said, "Now you know why
Felix and I quarrel like we do."

"I
almost forgot... If you wish to perform today, there is an opening at the
firing range in just over an hour. Jim has cancelled his performance. Something
about being under the weather."

I
added, "Or it could have been the Siamese cuisine."

"He
had requested for two targets to be placed at 40 yards out and two tables on
the left side of the stage. What would you like?"

"The
wind seems calm this afternoon. Could you have three targets placed at 240 yards?"

"I
think that is still inside the firing range, but just barely. Please excuse me
while I inform people about the schedule change."

The
firing range was set up outside the exhibition, but just a short walk away. I
guess it was fortunate for Eric that Bradan always carried my rifle when we
were in public. It would have taken too long to retrieve it from the guest
house. I would have liked to change into something nicer, like the dress I had
brought for my performance tomorrow, but what I was wearing was okay. We
arrived with plenty of time to prepare.

A
man asked me, "Have you ever worked with translators?"