Fever (23 page)
“You want my blessing, don't you?”
I nearly dropped the phone.
“Excuse me?”
“To be with Cole. You want me to tell you it's okay for you guys to be together.”
“I...I would never expect that from you. That's not fair.”
“But you want it.”
“I...I...”
Did I?
Was that why I had called?
No. I shook my head. I didn't need David's permission. It was about apologizing. It was about closure!
“Ella?”
“I haven't called him. He doesn't even know where I am.”
“I know.” He snickered. “I find that kind of surprising actually. I thought you guys would be shacked up together in no time.”
“I couldn't do that to you.”
“So, once again, you're gonna let me steal all your dreams?”
My heart hitched. “David...I...”
“You made me happy. I loved being with you. You were the perfect girlfriend. You'd come when I'd call. You'd do anything for me. But you didn't want to be doing any of that stuff, did you? I thought I'd been making you happy, but it'd just been an act.”
“You did make me happy. You—”
“I didn't. Not really and how was I even supposed to when you just went along with everything I said?”
“I was trying to be supportive.”
“You wouldn't let me in, Ella. You lied.”
My face dropped.
“I want to hate you for it. I never noticed that you weren't happy, and it's been tearing me apart. You made me feel like such a blind jerk.”
“I'm sorry,” I whispered.
“I don't know if I'm ready to forgive you yet.”
“That's okay.”
“And I don't know if I can give you my blessing either. I'm sorry, but if you want to be with Cole, then you need to just get over the fact it'll wound me.”
“I can't call him, David. I can't run into his arms if it's gonna hurt you even more. I've done enough damage.”
“Don't put this on me, Ella.”
Tears lined my lashes as I shook my head. “I don't want to be with him under a cloud. If he finds me, I won't run away, but I'm not coming back to Chicago.” I sniffed. “You take care, David. Thanks for hearing me out.”
I slashed at my tears and pulled the phone away from my ear, pressing the END button before he could say anything else.
Pulling my knees to my chest, I rested my forehead against them and cried wretched tears that convulsed my body. Nighttime slowly crept over me as I laid my head to the grass, soaking the blades with my tears.
COLE
The bar at Quigg's had never been as shiny as it was now. I'd become a wiping magician. I didn’t know why. I guess it felt therapeutic somehow. It was a circular, robotic motion that I could concentrate on. As soon as my mind began to wander, I'd pull it back into place by watching my cloth spin round and round on the counter top.
I'd been living back here for five months now. I worked every spare minute I had and spent the rest of my time in classes or studying. When I was at campus, I kept my head down. I didn't want to talk to anybody, and I sure as hell didn't want to meet any girls.
I knew Nina and Malachi were worried about me, but I just ignored their quiet comments and kept about my business. In a few months’ time
, school would end, and I could finally put my deposit down on the place I'd found in the south side of town. Malachi had checked it out with me and thought it was a good spot. It needed a shit-load of renovations, but I didn't care; it'd be something to keep me busy over the summer. Nina had sat with me for hours looking at my trust fund and helping me figure out what to spend and where to spend it. They were a little dubious about me going into this venture on my own, but I needed something to pour my energy into.
I couldn't think of Ella. If my mind ever wandered in that direction, it paralyzed me. I ached for her in every way possible. I'd even shed tears, cried into my pillow like some tween girl who'd broken up with her boyfriend. I hated myself for it. I worried about Ella constantly, wondering where she was. I knew she didn't want to leave me. I just knew it. But she had. She'd put her guilt over David above everything else.
I'd worked through the emotions—denial, anger, despair. Nina had talked me through it all. I certainly hadn't reached my higher ground and I felt stuck in the middle of a bog, sinking daily, wondering if I'd ever have the strength to pull myself to the other side. The only thing to get a smile out of me was the prospect of my bar. It'd be hard. I'd have to work like a damn dog, but I could do it.
Throwing my cloth behind the bar, I checked the stock for tonight. Thursday nights were sometimes a little busier, and we didn't want to run out of booze. The door creaked open, and I looked across the room at the lone patron.
My stomach coiled, and I had to force my face not to show it.
Pressing my hands into the polished wood, I forced a closed-mouth smile. “Hey.”
David greeted me with a nod and slipped into the seat in front of me.
“I didn't expect to ever see you walk in here.”
“I didn't think I ever would, either.” David pursed his lips, struggling to make eye contact with me.
I tapped the bar with my finger, my lips twitching as I struggled for something to say.
“Can I get you a beer?”
“Yeah, please.” David nodded and I got to work. He picked up the cardboard coaster and spun it in his hands, dropping it down when I placed the dark ale in front of him.
“It's on the house.”
David lifted the glass and nodded his thanks before taking a long swig.
“So, uh, how's life?” I scratched at the counter top, resisting the urge to reach for my cloth and wipe it clean.
“Yeah, not bad. School's school, you know.” He shrugged.
“Still maintaining your A+ average?”
“Yep.” He pressed his lips together. “It's tiring, but I know I won't regret it. I'm taking the summer off. Paul's invited me to London, so I'm gonna go and check out Europe with my big bro and meet my new nephew.”
“Awesome. That'll be great.” I smiled, feeling good that he was moving on. I wished I could do the same.
“Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.”
David took another long swig of his beer, still not looking at me. It was frickin' torture, and eventually I couldn't help drumming my fingers on the bar. Letting out an awkward chuckle, I looked him square in the face.
“So, are you here to finish me off or forgive me or...what?”
David smiled, his tongue poking out the edge of his mouth as he tipped his head in consideration. “Not here to finish you off. Not sure I'll ever be able to forgive you, but I just came to say that maybe you were right.”
My lips parted.
David's jaw popped to the side. “Ella and I didn't really have that thing. You know, that x-factor people talk about. I didn't think it mattered, but maybe it would have. I mean, I hate to sing, and dancing...no way. I can't stand that song 500 miles or whatever it's called and she loves it. I'd rather go watch a soccer game, and she'd rather sit through
Dirty Dancing
for the fifty-billionth time. I don't know, maybe Ella and I could have lasted the distance, but...did she inspire you? I mean, did she make you deliriously happy? Is she the kind of girl you’d redefine future for?”
I gripped the bar and nodded. “Yeah, man. She was...like no one else.” I finished in a whisper.
David paused, finally looking me in the eye. His gaze was reluctant and unsure.
The thick silence was killing me, and I was about to fill it with some sentiment about how it didn’t even matter anymore, but he spoke before I could.
“She called me, you know.”
My heart stopped. “When?”
“About a month ago.”
“Is she okay? Where is
she?”
David took a sip of his beer, making me want to throttle him. Answer the damn question!
Unless he didn't know.
I closed my eyes, dropping my head forward. “Let me guess, she wouldn't tell you.”
“You're still in love with her, aren't you?” David set his beer down.
“Man, I think I always will be. I wish I could forget her sometimes, but she's just always there.” I pointed to my head then slapped my hand against my heart, emotion clogging my throat like it always did.
David nodded, tapping the bar as he stood. He wiped his nose with his finger and sniffed. “I'm sorry I pummeled you that night. Even though I wanted to at the time, I don't think I could've actually killed you. Not because you'd kick my ass before I could, but, well, you were my best friend.”
His words sliced through me, making me feel wounded and sore.
“I never meant to...”
“I know.” He raised his hand. “We'll never be friends again. I can't do it. But we're cool, okay. It's done.” He nodded and walked to the door.
I wanted to call out a thank you, but it felt lame somehow.
He paused at the door, grabbing the handle, but stopped before opening it. “She's at Bellevue College in Washington. That’s all I know.”
I stopped breathing, unable to speak as he swung the door open and left. My brain froze for a minute, too blown away by what it just heard to even function. Running a shaky hand through my hair, I tried to focus on slowing my heart before it exploded inside my chest.
What did I do now? Go after her?
Did she even want me to?
She left me.
As much as she didn't want to, she actually did, and she hadn't come back either. In fact, she'd done everything in her power to stop me from finding her. Morgan's stubborn lips had remained sealed no matter how hard I'd tried. I'd even tracked down Jody through Facebook and tried to appeal to her, but Ella's friends were loyal.
What would it mean if I did go?
Would I move to Washington, set up a new life with her there? Would we do the long-distance thing?
I squeezed my eyes shut. “Stop getting ahead of yourself, you moron,” I muttered.
It really came down to one simple question. Did I want to turn up on Ella's doorstep and risk her rejection on the chance she'd give us one more shot?
Yes.
A smile burst across my face.
I wanted Ella, and all that was left to do now was go and tell her.
The phone in my back pocket buzzed, distracting my planning.
I glanced at the caller ID and nearly didn't answer, but Chaos was playing at Quigg's tomorrow night, and it was probably a last
-minute detail thing. “Hey, Jimmy.”
“Hey, man, just wondering if
we could set up at lunchtime tomorrow and have a little practice at the pub.”
“Won't you be at school?”
“Teacher-only day, dude.” I could hear the smile in his voice. I grinned along with him then got hit with an insane idea. It was so good, I couldn't ignore it.
My eyes grew wide, and I gripped the phone in my hand.
“So, you're free all day tomorrow?”
“Yep.”
A low chuckle resonated in my chest. “I've got a gig for you then.”
“Okay, cool. Give me some details. Where is it? What time? How many songs do you want in the set?”
My lips tipped up with a slow smile. “Just one.”
ELLA
It had been a month since I'd called David with my apology. I was really hoping it'd make me feel better, but I was more unsettled than ever. I hadn't meant to make him feel like I needed his blessing, but it must have been playing on my subconscious. It bugged me that it was. Why did I need it? It wasn't my fault I'd fallen in love with Cole and the timing had been super crappy! Why should I have to have David's say-so to pursue it?
I hated that I'd let my need for his approval rule me for so long. It was like a bad habit I couldn't break. I needed to stand up for myself and stop doing that kind of thing.
As I sat through Professor Croft's lecture on the impact of music and movies on tween culture, my mind became more resolute. I wanted Cole, and if I wanted him, then I had to go and get him. Even if he told me I was too late, I had to know.
Professor Croft clapped her hands together. “Okay, so that's it from me today. Make sure you compile a list of all the movies and music you were obsessed with at the age of twelve before you return next week. I'm looking forward to some good discussions.”
Books slapped shut and bags were zipped closed. People rose from their places, filing out the door. I slowly gathered my stuff together. I couldn't seem to do anything quickly these days. I was depressed
; that was the simple truth. It didn't matter that I was pursuing some of the things I loved. I didn't have the main thing I wanted, so the rest seemed pointless.
I'd run away to figure out what I wanted and now I knew. The only problem was, I was too chicken to go and get it.
Throwing my bag up onto my shoulder, I slipped out the back door and descended the stairs. I could hear a muffled thumping coming from the quad and frowned. I didn't know there was a free concert today.
A girl skipped down the stairs behind me, throwing me an odd glance. “What's that noise?”
“Sounds like a band in the quad.” I shrugged.
As we drew closer to the doors, the noise became clearer and I smiled, recognizing the song.
“I Would Walk 500 Miles” by the Proclaimers. It was a goodie.
By the time I reached the bottom of the stairs, I was humming along, but the tune caught in my throat. The girl in front of me pulled the door open and I heard it. It was a rich, perfect sound that shot fire through my veins.
Not just anyone was singing that song.
It was Cole.
I lunged for the door, swinging it open and bursting into the sunlight. A group of students were standing at the top of the stairs, staring at the band. I recognized the good-looking guitarist behind Cole.
Chaos.
He'd brought Chaos all the way from Chicago?
Cole held the microphone, singing with gusto as his eyes scanned the crowd. He was looking for me.
My heart did a double-beat as I stood there watching him.
“Who is that guy?” The girl in front of me pointed.
“Beats me.” The student beside her shrugged. “When they were setting up, I heard him say he'd sing the song all day if he had to.”
“Why's he singing it?”
“Because he loves me.” They both looked at me like I was a total fruitcake.
I smiled and squeezed between them, walking down the steps, my eyes trained on Cole. He spotted me as I reached the pathway leading toward him, his
face lighting up like a fireworks display. Jumping down from the stage, he held the microphone tight and walked toward me, singing, “When I'm lonely, oh I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you…and when I'm dreamin', oh I know I'm gonna dream, I'm gonna dream about the time when I'm with you.”
My grin was so wide, I could feel my cheeks straining.
He kept singing as he closed the gap, and when he reached me, he placed a gentle hand on my face and sang, “And when I come home, yes I'm know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man that comes back home with you. I'm gonna be the man that's coming ho-me to you.”
Lowering the microphone, he let the band take over the song as he rubbed his thumb gently over my cheekbone.
“I know you didn't invite me here.” He swallowed. “But when David told me where you were, I had to come.”
I blinked
slowly, not quite believing that everything I wanted was falling into place.
“But I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more...” Jimmy sang.
I chuckled. “And you just had to sing this song, didn't you.”
Cole grinned, snatching me to him and lifting me high. My butt rested on his solid forearms as my legs came around his torso. He looked up at me, his eyes gleaming. “You're putty in my hands now, right?”
I brushed my fingers through his curls. “I've been putty in your hands since the first time I heard your luscious voice.”
He grinned, looking like a triumphant schoolboy. “I love you, birdy.”
“I love you.” I leaned toward him for a kiss, but he pulled back, his expression serious. “I have no idea what the future looks like for us, but I'm really keen to work it out...together.”
A slow smile spread across my lips. “That's exactly what I want.”
Our grins pressed together, the sweet softness of his lips stirring that familiar fire within me. The rest of the world faded around us and we became the only two people in that quad. It was just me, Cole, and the most romantic song I knew.
*********
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*****
You will see more of Ella and Cole as the Songbird Series continues.
Morgan's story is next -
FIGHT FOR YOU is due for release in November 2014!
Keep an eye out for an exclusive Fever epilogue chapter, coming later this year in the build up to Morgan's story. If you'd like to be the first to read this FREE snippet, you can subscribe to Melissa Pearl's newsletter.