Feel (Sense Series Book 1)

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Love,

Ellen

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

I’ve known for the last two weeks that he’s been cheating on me.  My friends have inquired about my plans from here. I didn’t have much to say because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do anything at all. I’d suspected that Michael had been cheating for months now, and I was determined to find out the truth.  I painstakingly went though his phone when he was in the bathroom, and I even followed him from work.

Every time I was confronted by real evidence that he was in fact cheating. Michael wasn’t even trying to hide it; at least that’s what it felt like. I think that’s the part that hurts the most; it’s been so damned easy to catch him. I didn’t have to call cheaters to follow him around, hire a private detective, or hack into his phone or email. It was all out there, clear as day. .

Now I’m just sitting in my 1 bedroom apartment alone yet again tonight. He has claimed that he has to work late. His clients have become increasingly demanding lately. He can’t get enough of Becca and Mallory. Those are the two women that he’s seeing outside of me.

It’s difficult to sort out my feelings about it all because I’m not sure how to feel. I’ve gone through a range of emotions and right now I just feel numb. He and I have been together for almost a year and I’m ready to settle down and start a family. According to him he’s ready for the same.

I swear that I just go from one asshole to the next. Before Michael there was Jonathan. Jonathan was a control freak and he drove me absolutely insane. When he started to lay my clothes out for me every day, I knew it was time to let him go. Before Jonathan there was Paul. Paul was the ultimate macho douche bag and I couldn’t take him in public without him causing a drunken scene. Now I have Michael, and he seems to love the ladies.

‘What’s wrong with you Kerry?’ I ask myself all the time.

The bottom line is that I attract horrible men. I love men that are full of themselves. I confuse cockiness for self confident and by the time I have figured out it’s all a mistake, I’m in love. Such a ridiculous vicious cycle and I’m ready to just call it quits.

I enjoy Michael’s company whenever we’re together and I love him. Outside of the cheating he treats me wonderfully, has a great job, and an awesome family. I think that I’m going to just take what I can get because I’m no longer interested in playing dating Russian roulette. If I leave him, what will I get next? Probably a serial killer - just my luck I’ll end up dating a man like Dexter and end up dead in a bathtub in a pool full of my own blood. I know that this line of thinking is morbid, but it’s how my brain operates. I can’t help it. Sue me.

In the grand scheme of things he’s a great person and I can deal with his baggage. So I’m not going to confront him about anything because I don’t want the blow up over it. I know that I have no intentions on leaving him so what’s the point really? At least I’m walking into this situation with my eyes wide open.

I sighed as I took another sip of my caramel apple martini. I was just going to snuggle up on my couch and catch up on Dexter on Netflix. I hadn’t had a peaceful night in a while and so I intended to drink and watch television to take my mind off of what my idiot boyfriend was doing.

Does that make me stupid? I know I’m not the first woman to settle for a man this way and I’m far from the last. Many women are with men that are cheating and they have no clue. I’m just not sure if there is anyone out there better for me. I want to explain this logic to my friends but they’ll never understand. They’re either married to their prince charming or independent and single.

I’m not one of those women that would rather be single. Then who is going to take out my garbage, fix my light bulb, and screw my brains out? I’ve been single and it’s completely overrated. The whole ‘I am woman, hear me roar,” sentiment doesn’t work for me. I love knowing that I can call on Michael when I need him. He’ll drop whatever he is doing for me, even if I called him at this very second.

I think too much when I drink. Have you noticed? Why can’t I pass out and forget like other people? I drain my martini glass and settled in to watch a night of righteous serial killing.

***

The following morning I was awakened by Michael entering my apartment. We make it a habit to spend our weekends together and I was happy to see him. I jumped up from the couch and wrapped my arms around him.

“Good Morning sweetie, how was your night?” I asked.

“It was work, nothing special about it. But I’m glad to be here with you,” he said giving me a kiss on the cheek. “No breakfast?”

I was a little taken aback by his request. So not only was he going to spend the entire night out with some bimbo, he expected me to make him breakfast too? A woman has got to draw the line somewhere.

“You’re right, no breakfast this morning. I wasn’t in the mood to cook but feel free to go to the kitchen and help yourself,” I responded.

He gave a slight frown but recovered fairly quickly. He went to the kitchen to see what I had, and he didn’t find much because I need to go grocery shopping. He settled for grabbing an apple from the bowl of fruit on the counter.

“How about we just go out to breakfast?” he insisted.

“Now that sounds like a great idea,” I said.

***

We settled on going to Yolk, one of my favorite breakfast spots. We took our time and enjoyed the morning. I absolutely love living in Chicago, there’s something about living in the city that’s unparalleled. I’m originally from North Dakota and I don’t miss it at all. I came here to go to college and I never looked back.

My family sent me to get a degree in marketing and they expected me to come home and join the family business. I declined their offer, pursued my Masters, and now I’m paying them back for the loans. I don’t need them dangling that over my head for the rest of my life and I don’t have the desire to help run a chain of grocery stores. I consult for them whenever they need me but it’s not what I want to do with my life.

To say that they were dismayed with my decision to work with art galleries instead of them is quite the understatement. I thought that my dad was going to show up to Chicago and drag me back home. But they are doing their best to respect my decision even though they insult it every chance that they get.

Chicago is where my heart is and I love everything about it. I live in a fabulous building in the Hyde Park area. It’s huge, it’s busy, and no one is in my business all the time. I think that’s the worst thing about living in a small community. Everyone knows your business and they feel completely comfortable discussing it with you. I value my privacy and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

As we walked up the stairs to get back to my apartment, I collided with Adam the man that lives in the apartment next to me.

“Dammit!” he exclaimed loudly, “I’m so sorry. I’m in such a rush that I’m not looking where I’m going.”

I laughed as he helped me to my feet, “It’s okay, it happens to all of us.”

“You may want to pay more attention to where you’re going,” Michael said rudely.

I gave Michael a disapproving look, “He apologized so back off.”

“I’m just saying, he’s not the only person that walks up and down these stairs. He could have collided with a child.”

“Oh, stop being so dramatic,” I said.

I looked up at Adam and his face was red from embarrassment and he opened his mouth to apologize again.

“Another apology isn’t necessary I said cutting him off, it was an honest mistake and I’m not hurt at all. What are you in such a rush for anyway?”

He smiled nervously, “I’m having a small party tonight for friends and some people in the building. You’re welcome to come if you like; the both of you are welcome,” he nodded towards Michael.

“Thank you, I’ll consider stopping by,” I said.

“Yeah, thanks for the invitation. Not sure if I can make it though,” Michael said.

Him and I were supposed to spend all day together and this was the first that I’d heard him make a change of plans for the evening. I hid my surprise so that I wouldn’t make Adam feel awkward.

“Thank you for inviting us. I think I’m going to stop by since my plans have just changed,’ I said with more bite than I intended.

Adam’s face grew more relaxed, “That would be great. I’m sorry that you won’t be able to make it,” he said to Michael. “I really have got to get out of here, sorry for running into you.” He took off down the stairs without waiting on either of us saying goodbye.

“Well he’s a weird one,” Michael laughed as we walked to the apartment.

“I don’t think he’s weird, just introverted,” I said.

“Oh do I sense a love connection?”

“Do I sense jealousy?” I asked teasingly.

“Me? Jealous of him? Never.”

I could see why Michael would feel that way. The two of them couldn’t be any more different. Michael looked like the kind of man that played football in college. Michael is 6’2 with a muscular build, a perfect set of teeth, beautiful green eyes, and unruly flaxen hair. He is what women would consider gorgeous. Adam on the other hand has a thin build, is dark haired, brown eyes, cute dimples, and seems to be about 5’10. He’s a good looking guy but he wouldn’t book any modeling gigs.

“Such a typical male response,’ I said as I opened the door to my apartment.

“Why would I worry when I know that we’re meant for each other?” he said in a gentle tone.

These are the moments that keep me around. I love the side of him that’s sweet and caring. I turn to him as we get inside of the door and kiss him. His hands go to my jacket and he pulls it off, causing it to land on the floor. His hands move to my head full of red hair. I would love to say that I’m a natural red head but I’m naturally blonde. My skin is pale and so I did what Mother Nature didn’t and made myself a ginger.

“I’ve missed you,” he growled into my ear.

I ignored the part of me that wanted to call him a liar. He was here with me now and I wanted to enjoy it. My hormones took over and I kissed him to silence his lying mouth. I didn’t want to hear him talk; I just wanted to feel him inside of me. It had been too long since we had sex and I felt like I was going to spontaneously combust at any moment.

“Just fuck me,” I said as I pulled myself from him and walked to my bedroom. I knew that he was going to follow; his hard on that was pressing into in my belly told me so.

We quickly discarded our clothes and he went to my drawer to grab a condom. He clumsily unwrapped the condom and sheathed himself in the latex barrier. I was already in the bed with my legs open, inviting him to come lay in-between them.

He gave me a hard kiss on my lips stuck a finger inside of me, testing to see how wet I was. My juices saturated his finger and he put it to my lips so that I could taste my essence. I lapped up all of my juices while looking him in the eye.

“You’re so wet,” he said, “I see that you missed me too.”

I didn’t respond to his words verbally. I reached between us and guided his length to my entrance. My heart, mind, and body were at war and I wanted to silence them all. My body needed to be satisfied. I had a fire inside of me that needed to be extinguished. He entered me with one swift stoke and I cried out. His 7 inches fit me perfectly and his girth gave me the stretch that I needed.

My mind flashed to him being inside of Becca the night before and I cursed loudly. He took that as a sign of encouragement and plowed inside of me again.

“Harder,’ I demanded. I needed him to fuck away the hurt. I wanted him to fuck me back into the numb state that I was in the night before. He withdrew all the way to the tip and pushed deeper inside of my pulsating cunt. My body trembled underneath him but it still wasn’t enough. I gripped his hips with my thighs and rolled us over so that I was on top.

“I’ve needed his,” he said. I looked down at him in disgust and placed my hand over his mouth.