Fearless Magic (33 page)

I wandered into the kitchen, hoping for something to eat. I didn't really have an appetite, but my stomach hurt and I was hoping food would satisfy it. I rummaged through the kitchen, but on her own Aunt Syl wasn't much for well-balanced, homemade meals. There were a few cartons of stale fried rice, and an expired gallon of milk, but that was it.

I closed the refrigerator door again and leaned back against it. Now that I was home, I didn't really know what to do. It felt good to be here, relaxing and de-stressing, but still, my life had been so crazy the last several weeks. I was constantly moving from one thing to the next, flying across the world and fighting bad guys, that now the normalcy of home was disconcerting.

I checked on Lilly to see if she wanted a glass of water, but she was already asleep. She lay curled up in a ball, her breathing deep and heavy and her red, curly hair, shining even in the darkness, even after all that she went through.

The garage door opened in the kitchen and I turned to greet Aunt Syl, so thankful to see her. She stood in the doorway, half in shock. Her dirty, blonde hair pulled into a ponytail she was dressed in her work scrubs. Tears had already begun to spill from her eyes and her shoulders were shaking with the gentle sobbing of the truly relieved.

“I saw the light on, but I couldn't even hope that it was you,” she whispered and I moved across the kitchen as a lost child would to the mother that found her.

She opened her arms and I knocked the wind out of her, crashing into her and throwing my arms around her waist. I couldn't stop the tears then, she didn't try to pull away or even stop crying herself. Together we stood, hugging one another, finding solace in each other's sadness.

“I've been so worried about you, and Angelica hadn't heard anything. I just, I just wondered if I would ever see you again,” she sobbed into my hair.

“Ugh,” I grunted, wiping at my nose with the back of my sleeve. “I felt the same way; I just had to come home.”

“I'm so glad that you did!” She hugged me tighter, and I wondered if she would ever let go. I was not going to be the first to pull away.

“Lilly's here,” I mumbled into her scrubs.

“Lilly?” Aunt Syl exclaimed, pulling away to make sure I was serious. “How? Where? How?” She repeated, the tears pooling in her eyes all over again.

“I just picked her up, she's sleeping on the couch,” I gestured towards the living room, sharing Aunt Syl's joy.

“Ok, tell me everything!” She patted my shoulder and started moving around the kitchen, getting the coffee pot ready. “I want to know it all!” She pushed me towards the tall chairs at the island and I sat down heavily. This was going to take a while.

Aunt Syl poured coffee and I shared everything with her from start to finish. I told her about Silas, how he had agreed to help and then sent me to Gabriel. I told her all of the details about getting Jericho back and flying in Gabriel's tiny plane to France. I told her about finding Avalon's team and that they were using Mr. Lambert's apartment as a safe-house, which was weird. I told her about Sebastian and how I started to think he wasn't such a bad guy. I opened up completely, telling her about the deal we made and that my part of it was to kill him at the end of all of this. I told her about his mother and how she begged me to keep him safe, and how it broke my heart even though she was my enemy. I shared what it was like seeing Kiran for the first time, and what it was like to have to look at him while he was dying, and how that broke my heart. And because it broke my heart, I felt even worse because I thought I should have absolutely no feelings for him. I told her how I failed that mission and just barely escaped, and then about India and how I found Avalon and healed him, but then lost him again in the explosion. I told her about all of the accumulated magic that was making me go crazy and then about Kiran again and the tent in Morocco and how I just barely got Lilly and I out of there.

I opened up to her more than I could have with anyone else, giving her every detail, every emotion and every tear that I had. She cried with me, laughed with me, and cried with me again. She listened carefully, only asking questions when she absolutely had to, and held my hand during the most difficult parts. She was therapy. She was everything I needed to heal.

“Oh, Eden, I am so sorry you had to go through any of that,” she sighed at the end of my story. “It doesn't seem fair.”

I smiled my bravest smile, knowing that it wasn't fair. I should never have lost my grandfather and my brother and then been propelled into a war I wanted nothing to do with for so long. I should never have had to figure out leading an entire rebellion in only a few weeks, failing at every turn and losing my brother all over again.

Nevertheless this was life. I could wish that life was fair and that things were different, but this is what it was and I was determined to make the best of it. I needed to move forward, and fight the battles put in front of me and cherish the friendships that surrounded me.

“What about Kiran? What are you going to do about him?” She asked carefully, her brow furrowed the deepest with stories about him and I could see the concern etched in her eyes even now.

“I don't know,” I mumbled, gloomily. “I'll probably have to kill him. I hate him, I really do. I hate what he did to my family and to me, how he took away my choice, and how even now selfishness consumes him. But, what I hate the most is this feeling I have whenever we're together! This whole thing isn't even about us, or him.... I mean, it doesn't have anything to do with him, but those are the thoughts I spend my time thinking about. I want to know how I can get away from him, when I should be trying to figure out how to kill him for the good of my people. Which, by the way, I feel like I shouldn't ever have to see him, we're on completely different sides of the war and I keep threatening to kill him, but then I keep running in to him and forgetting my purpose!” I whined, folding my arms with frustration.

“Oh, Eden,” Aunt Syl breathed, pulling me into another hug. “Dearest, your feelings for Kiran aren't just going to disappear overnight, no matter how he betrayed you and especially just because you're not fighting a war that revolves around your relationship. What you shared with him was something deeper than just a crush, really it was deeper than how most people love each other. And you loved each other despite everything that was against you. That builds something that establishes a pattern so that even still, everything is against you and your love is still fighting.”

I sniffled in her arms, realizing she was right. “So what do I do about it?”

“I don't know, dear,” she said thoughtfully, “but I don't think doing nothing about it is working. Maybe you have to choose to accept those feelings, but also decide to move forward, as you said. Don't forget about him, maybe don't even hate him, just know that
that
part of your life is over and it's time to move on.”

“I can do that, I think,” I agreed, sitting up straighter. I felt better just telling the story, just saying how I felt aloud; so maybe Aunt Syl was right. Instead of running from Kiran and my fears, I would face them, confront them and then conquer them.

“And for right now, just focus on getting Avalon back, hmmm? Everything else will fall into place when the time is right.” She patted my knee and stood up to stretch. The sun was starting to rise outside and the coffee was wearing off. I stretched too, yawning widely.

“I am so ready for my own bed!” I sighed, and we walked up the stairs together. Lilly was still conked out on the couch.

Eventually, I would have to face my real parents. They were here, just across town. I came home to devise a strategy with them, at some point I would have to meet them. But for right now, I wanted to go to bed, knowing Aunt Syl was just down the hallway, and to breathe in deeply the house I grew up in, my real home, with the woman who raised me.

----

I reached out in sleep, my hands coming away with fistfuls of sand. I sat up quickly, searching out my blankets, my bed, my pillows, anything. But they were all gone. I was in the middle of the desert, surrounded by sand dunes that rolled across countries.

The sun just rose in the east, the horizon painted orange and yellow blending together with the golden sand. The stars still twinkled in the lightened sky and the dry, desert air was still cool and crisp.

I panicked, afraid that I was left behind, afraid that I would have to traverse the desert alone to safety. I searched the landscape for anything that would remind me of how I got back to the desert, how I ended up here alone. Then I saw it.

The black and ivory, striped tent laid out over the sand. The silk, fabric folds flapped in the breeze and the inside glowed warmly with the light of the lanterns. In the breeze, I could smell the exotic spices and freshly baked bread.

I breathed slowly, realizing I awoke in a dream-walk. The tent was there, across the sand, inviting me in. The warm glow and pretty fabric beckoned me to enter, to explore more deeply what the tent had to offer.

He called me here. He called me to a place that would stir my better emotions and tug at my tired resolve.

I folded my legs and crossed my arms, staring at the tent and breathing deeply. There was part of me that was hungry to go inside, the part of me that remembered the passion of a forbidden kiss and what my magic felt like wrapped up in its other half. But, there was another side to me that remembered everything else, remembered the cause I fought and sacrificed for.

I sighed, almost wanting to give in to the emotional part of me. Nobody was here in the desert or inside of my head. Nobody was pressuring me, pushing me in any one direction, reasoning with my logic or appealing to my emotions. I had a choice for the first time.

There was no one here to influence my decision. I knew that whatever happened in this dream world would remain a secret that would be mine forever. I admitted to myself that I wanted to go into that tent. I wanted to connect to him, to let our magics run wild.

With that admission, I knew I could walk away. Because I could admit what I genuinely wanted, I could also realize what I wanted would have consequences. And, I had goals and desires that went beyond the present, far beyond this dream and this moment.

I stared for a few more minutes at the tent, knowing I was in no danger of moving toward it. I was in no danger of him.

He came then, after the moments of stillness. He stood in the open entrance, shirtless and god-like. We stared at each other across the desert expanse. He didn't move toward me, or call my name.

Then I knew it was time to go. I took another step away from him, his hold diminishing before I could even open my eyes back in the real world.

Chapter Thirty-One

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Aunt Syl asked, during the drive to Amory's. “I mean, I want you to of course, but I just want to make sure you're ready. You've been through so much in a very short amount of time.”

“I have to, I've stalled long enough,” I mumbled, glancing at Lilly in the backseat of Aunt Syl's red convertible. Her vibrant, unrestrained red hair whipped in the wind. She smiled encouragingly at me, her bee-stung lips forming the happiest expression. She was perfection today, she looked infinitely better than she had two days ago and I was so happy to see her look healthy.

“I know, I know, I just worry about you, that's all.” Aunt Syl turned to me; I could see the anxiety in her eyes even through her overly large sunglasses.

“Besides, Jericho is going crazy,” I laughed. Thinking of Jericho made this journey easier somehow. He was my rock; he made impossible situations possible and offered hope where there was none. If the time had come to meet my parents, my real parents, at least I could rest in the knowledge that he would be by my side.

Aunt Syl pulled into Amory's driveway and shut off the engine. We all stepped out of the car and glanced around. I knew, somehow, somewhere someone followed us, but I couldn't worry about that for now. I hoped that at least they weren't cognizant of everyone in the house, but there was no way to be sure of that either.

I unlocked the front door, and walked inside to a darkened sitting room. All the blinds in the house were pulled, but the basement door was open and the staircase down had the light on. I led the way over to the door, feeling the pull of magic and hearing the excited chatter of almost two dozen Immortals.

I took a breath, closing my eyes for a second and finding courage. I didn't know what to expect in a situation like this, there was no experience to draw from and my Titan intuition did nothing for the good kind of confrontations. I decided to move; obsessing over my fears was not going to accomplish anything.

I took each step with calculated intent, deciding I had faced worse things than awkward moments. At the bottom of the staircase, I turned a corner to meet the gathered Immortal's. Another big breath and I entered the rec room that Jericho turned into makeshift housing. Lilly and Aunt Syl stayed right by my side and that helped ease my tension.

The room fell silent when I walked in, all eyes turning to me. I tried to take in the crowd, to find my mother's face, but I was too nervous. Familiar faces blended with new ones and I didn't know whether to wait for them to approach me or be the first one to make the move. A small debilitating fear began to grow and spread inside my veins, convincing me I wouldn't recognize them, whispering that I wouldn't know them at all when they introduced themselves.