Fearless (6 page)

“Okay, y'all get your helmets on,” Wayward told us.

We all went to the tack room. As soon as we stepped inside it, the rich smell of leather hit me. Saddles were lined up on several long wooden beams. Bridles, halters, bits, and other pieces of tack were hung up in neat rows all along the walls. On one side of the tack room, rows of shelves were filled with black riding helmets of different sizes.

“I don't want to switch horses! I'm used to Daisy!” I whispered to Molly.

She frowned slightly as she fastened the chin strap of her helmet. “I know, I know! But maybe you'll like Odie even better than Daisy.”

“Maybe.” That was a possibility. Something I hadn't even thought of. But the thing I liked about Daisy was how sweet she was. I didn't want some high-spirited stallion that would go crazy on me.

Odie turned out to be a gelding, not a stallion, but I was still slightly nervous meeting him for the first time. He was a chestnut saddlebred with a brown mane and tail, and he had a long white blaze down his face. He gazed at me with his enormous brown eyes, then snorted a few times.

I wasn't sure what he was trying to tell me. Nice to meet you? You better watch your feet or I'll step on them?

“Hi, Odie. I'm going to ride you today, okay? Take it easy on me.” I stroked his neck, and he twitched his ears a little.

“Okay, everybody ready?” asked Wayward. We tightened the girth to keep the saddle from sliding while the horses walked. Now that we were about to mount, the
first of my internal organs started protesting. My heart decided to go insane and started beating four times faster than normal.

Calm down, calm down
, l kept thinking as we led the horses into the ring. We weren't going to jump today; we weren't even doing anything new. Why was I getting so nervous?

Before mounting, I had to tighten the girth again and adjust the stirrups, but now my fingers were starting to tremble. Madison had taken a mounting block over to Molly, since she was the shortest one in the group, and Wayward came over to me to give me a leg up. I grabbed mane and reins, stepped into her cupped hands with my left boot, and then swung my right leg over when she boosted me up.

“Feel good to be back in the saddle?” Wayward asked as I leaned over to check the girth again and adjust the stirrups.

“Yeah, it does.” I tried to sound convincing. Wayward went over to help Amber. Odie must have been a few hands taller than Daisy, because I felt really high up. But he felt solid and strong underneath me. I relaxed my leg muscles and let out a slow breath.

I suddenly had a crazy thought. Maybe Odie was the horse I'd have the psychic bond with—maybe he could
read my mind about jumping. Only he wouldn't get it right; he'd think I wanted to jump
right now
.

What if he took off at a gallop across the grass and went sailing over the rail fence? What if I fell and ended up with a broken neck? Look at what had happened to poor Christopher Reeve. And he'd been a really experienced rider. Everyone said it was really rare to have a serious injury like that, but was it?

What if I got my foot caught in the stirrup when I fell, and Odie dragged me for miles across rocks and rough terrain? I'd look like roadkill before Madison or Wayward could stop him! What if I fell off and he stepped on me? A thousand pounds of horse coming down on my internal organs couldn't be good for them. They'd all shoot out of me like a squished tube of toothpaste!

Odie suddenly sidestepped and raised his head with a snort. “Hey! Calm down!” I told him. I do not want to jump. I do not want to jump. Stop reading my mind! Don't you dare jump with me right now, you crazy horse!

Odie let out a high whinny that sounded like he was talking back to me. Wayward turned to look at us. “Settle down there, Ode-Man,” she called to him.

My whole body felt like a rubber band that had been
twisted over and over and over again. It was either going to snap from being twisted so much, or maybe it was all going to unravel at once.

“Today, let's practice each of the gaits and let you and your horse get comfortable with each other again. We'll mostly work on walking and trotting, but we'll canter for a little bit at the end. So first the walk. Two complete circuits around, okay?” She nodded at Whitney. “Move forward to walk.”

Whitney and Cleo started around the ring in a walk. After they were a few paces ahead, Amber followed them.

My heart was in serious danger of pumping overload. Was I about to be the first twelve-year-old heart attack victim?

When Amber was far enough ahead of us, I gave Odie the command. “Walk,” I told him firmly, squeezing against his sides with my legs. But he wouldn't walk. He just stood still, stamping in place a little with his head raised.

“Walk, Odie!” I said, much louder, still squeezing with my legs. Behind me, I could sense Molly and Merlin waiting impatiently. Whitney and Amber were now halfway around the ring.

“Jordan, don't you know what you're doing wrong?”
asked Madison in a loud voice from where she stood across the ring, leaning against the rail fence.

“I'm using my aids, but he won't walk!” I insisted. I was really starting to dislike this horse.

“Look at your reins,” Wayward reminded me in an ultra-calm voice, and then I realized I was so tense, I'd been pulling back on them the whole time.

My legs were telling him to do one thing, but my hands were giving him a completely different signal. I loosened the reins, and immediately Odie started to walk.

But the next thing I knew, Odie was out of control. He'd taken only seven or eight strides before he went straight into a trot, and suddenly we weren't way behind Amber and Whitney anymore; we were gaining on them fast!

“Hey!” was all I managed to say. I hadn't expected that transition, so I was thrown back a little, which just made me lean forward to correct so now I was bouncing around like crazy as Odie trotted briskly around the ring. Usually we'd post the trot instead of sit it, but I hadn't expected to trot at all!

Don't you dare jump over anything, you crazy nut job! I don't want to jump! I don't want to jump! Listen to me, you psycho horse!

We shot past Amber and then Whitney on the inside. Just when I thought we'd trot all the way around the ring and pass up Molly, I remembered what to do. I sank into the saddle and put tension on the reins. “Whoa!” I called. Odie finally slowed to a walk, and we came to a halt right behind Molly and Merlin.

“Um, okay,” I heard Wayward saying as she walked across the ring toward me. “That was sort of unexpected.” She came up and petted Odie on his shoulder. He let out a snort. “Everything all right, Jordan?”

I nodded at Wayward but kept quiet. I didn't trust my voice enough to say anything out loud. It would probably sound the way I felt—like I was about to burst into tears.

“Okay, so you know what happened, right? You transitioned from walk to trot because you were still squeezing with your legs. Odie was just doing what your aids told him to do.”

“I figured that out,” I managed to say in a slightly choky-sounding voice. “I'm okay now,” I told her. I still couldn't believe what I'd just done.

“Yeah, Odie's a little more responsive than Daisy, so you have to be careful with your aids and make sure you're signaling what you want him to do.”

“Okay.” I leaned forward to stroke Odie's mane,
but my hand was shaking, so I just gripped the reins instead.

Wayward stood there beside me, patting Odie, wearing that goofy plaid hat of hers. She was so calm, which actually did make me feel better. She never got upset or annoyed or anything.

On the other side of the ring, though, I could feel Madison's eyes boring through me like laser beams. Even from this distance, I saw her disapproving look.

My face felt so hot I wanted to go stick my head in the water trough right now. So many rookie mistakes! I'd never had that many problems before. It didn't matter how understanding Wayward was about it. She was probably thinking there was no way I could work up to jumping by the end of the summer.

I'd never lost control of my horse like that.
Ever.
And in front of all my friends! I must have looked like a major greenhorn. What was my next move? Sitting backward in the saddle?

We went on with the lesson, and I tried to pay attention, but I was having trouble concentrating. Odie was a really skittish horse compared to Daisy. I could never predict when he'd toss his head unexpectedly, or sidestep, or stamp his feet. The whole lesson, I never once felt like I had a good seat.

It didn't help that every five minutes, Madison would yell at me about something. “Heels down, Jordan. Relax your hands, Jordan; you're too restrictive on the reins. Jordan, bend at the hips more and keep your shoulders square.”

Translation: You're not doing a single thing right. I can't believe my perfect genes are in any way related to your mutated ones.

She never once gave anyone else any “reminders.” Why did she have to pick on me? Did I really look like that much of an amateur next to all my friends?

When she yelled at me to relax, saying, “You're so tense, it's upsetting your horse,” I saw Wayward go over and say something to her. After that, Madison finally stopping analyzing my every move.

When the lesson ended, we dismounted and led the horses out of the ring.

Madison came over and took Odie's reins from me. “Hey, it's no big deal. You were just nervous,” she said.

Oh, really? It was suddenly no big deal after she'd pointed out every single mistake I made? I didn't even bother to answer her.

As my friends and I walked back up the road into camp, they couldn't stop talking about their horses, and the lesson, and the whole summer of riding we had
ahead of us, but I didn't really feel like saying anything. Nobody mentioned how ridiculous I'd looked out there, thankfully.

I was ultra relieved to say good-bye to Whitney and Amber and go back to the cabin with Molly.

I sat down on my bottom bunk and stared straight ahead. “Well, that was a disaster.”

Molly was wrestling with her riding boots, trying to pull them off. “No, it wasn't a
disaster
. More than two thousand people on a sinking ship, enough lifeboats for half of them, and only seven hundred survive.
That's
a disaster.”

I turned to look at her. “I could actually use a little sympathy right now. I've just had the worst riding lesson of my life. Maybe I should throw myself against an iceberg to get your attention.”

Molly peeled off her sweaty socks and stuck them down inside her riding boots. She came over and sat down on the bunk next to me. “Look, I'm sorry. I know things didn't go that great today. But don't worry about it. You're still getting used to Odie. Things will go a lot better on Wednesday when we have our next lesson.”

What was I thinking, telling everyone I wanted to learn to
jump
? What a joke. I'd never be able to do it. It was a fantasy to think I'd ever be the type who could try
something daring and adventurous. That was Madison's role in our family. She was the adventurer.

I was the regurgitater.

“I don't even think there'll be a Wednesday lesson!
I'm starting to realize I'm not very good at riding, Molly. Not like you and Amber and Whitney. I love it and everything, but I'm no good at it.” My eyes were stinging, and I could already feel them starting to water.

“Oh, come on. Stop talking like that. You and I are at the exact same level. You had one bad day, that's all.”

I took
Our Town
off the shelf by my bed and started randomly flipping the pages with my thumb. The folded-up piece of blue paper was still stuck inside. I hadn't showed that paper to anybody, not even Molly. At the moment, I felt like pulling it out and shredding it up into a million pieces. That was another fantasy I could never get to come true.

I stood up and walked toward the door. Fat, wet tears were rolling down my cheeks. I needed to be alone—lock myself in a bathroom stall and cry for hours.

“Jordan, wait! Don't leave. Don't get so upset about this,” Molly called after me.

I pushed open the screen door and walked out. “I don't care if I never ride a horse again!”

“Wow, Jordan! Your leg looks amazing,” Wayward called to me from across the ring. “Feel how you're stepping down in your heel?”

I smiled back at her. We were halfway through our second lesson, and amazingly, I wasn't facing backward in the saddle, I hadn't fallen off once, and so far Odie and I hadn't gone cantering out of control across camp and ended up taking an unexpected swim in the lake. So far, anyway.

Madison had made a point of telling me every single thing I'd done wrong during the first lesson, but now Wayward was keeping an eagle eye on me to tell me all the things I was doing right.