Fat Assassins (26 page)

“Yes, boss.”

A brief pause.

“Okay. Yes, boss.” He flipped the phone shut.

“We’re heading back to Atlantic City tonight. Yous two are on your own.” They turned to leave. “Be careful. We kinda like yous. You’re tough girls!”

“Aw. Thanks. Nice to finally meet you Donnie.” I gave him a smile.

“Buh-bye now.” Ulyssa shut the door on them.

We flopped down on the couch. “Wow. That explosion was a blessing and a curse. At least we don’t have to worry about other assassins finishing the job before us.”

“Yeah. We just have to worry about avoiding two national task forces.” I said.

“But you’ve got the golden cooty-cat. It’ll be no problem!” 

We decided to split up for the morning after finishing our blended mochas.

Ulyssa’s working on her super secret plan and I’m doing undercover surveillance around town. I grabbed my favorite notebook and headed to Maybel’s Diner for a mid-morning breakfast.

Jackpot.

A couple of suits were sitting at the bar when I walked in. I wasn’t sure if they were FBI or DHS, but it didn’t matter as long as they were chatty. Maybel had a way of getting folks to tell her all kinds of secrets. If she’d been born a man - she would have made a great priest. I sat close enough to hear their conversation, hoping she would work her magic on these agents, especially since the whole town was curious about the investigation.

“Good Morning, gentlemen. What’ll it be?” Maybel asked.

“I’ll take the Maybel special with hash browns instead of grits and a glass of tea.” The first agent seemed shorter, probably about 5’5”, with a heart shaped face and beer belly.

“I’ll take the egg white burrito with no cheese and a cup of coffee.” The second agent was over six feet tall with very curly hair and a curved nose. His eyes were very hawkish and now staring at me.

I started fiddling with my silverware waiting for his piercing gaze to wander somewhere else. Maybel walked down the counter to me. “Hey hon, what would you like this morning?”

“Good morning, Maybel. I’ll do an omelet with tomatoes and mushrooms. And a hot chocolate.”

“Want whip cream on that hot chocolate?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

The agents pulled small notebooks from inside their jacket and started discussing their plan for the day. I leaned sideways straining to hear their conversation and Maybel seemed very intent on cleaning the bar near them.

“Want to start today off by following up on the lead suspect?” Beer gut asked.

“Yes. The Charleston PD said she hasn’t been cooperating with the investigation, so we need to see what we can find out from her contacts at Sacred Care.” Hawk answered. “I’ve got a hunch that she’s the key to this whole attack.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Do you think it’s coincidence that she just happened to attack the police car at the exact moment someone was trying to get away with stolen bomb making supplies? Not to mention the fact that she claimed to have been hit by two Mexicans in an El Camino. How many Mexicans and El Caminos have you seen since we got here?”

“None.”

“Exactly. The very same El Camino she describes just happens to turn up as the lead piece of evidence in the explosion. I ran a quick database search and there are only three El Caminos registered in the entire state of West Virginia. Only one of them was registered in this county. And it was registered to a….” Hawk flipped through his notebook looking for the name. Maybel ignored the food waiting to be delivered as she scooted closer to hear the suspect’s name. “It’s registered to a Buck Taylor. He runs a bar on the outskirts of town.” 

I couldn’t let them pin this on Buck.

Maybel turned away to grab the food and hide her shock. “Here’s your breakfast. Can I get you anything else?”

They shook their heads no.

I was trying to figure out a way to save Buck, when Hawk started talking again. “I went over to talk to Buck today and he still has the El Camino so it wasn’t him. The other two El Caminos are also still in working condition, so it looks like the attacker probably imported this car from another state.” Maybel and I both released a sigh of relief making the agents give us a suspicious look. I pretended to ignore them and started slicing up my omelet.

“So, the car is a dead end?”

“Yeah, right now our biggest lead is Roberta Smith. I think she’s trying to get the police to follow up her lead on the hit-and-run to draw media attention to police racial profiling in order to get the case dismissed. Imagine if we started questioning all the Mexicans in West Virginia in conjunction with a bombing, solely based on the word of an elderly woman and the presence of an El Camino?

The headlines would read
Department of Homeland Security racially profiling
victims based on car preference
. That would be bad for us and the whole Department. We’ll let the FBI go down that road if they want. Our job is to determine if this was a deliberate attack against our infrastructure. If it wasn’t, we’re outta here.”

“Hey there!” Jake hopped on the stool next to me blocking my surveillance and annoying me.

“What do you want?” I snapped trying to listen around him.

“Just meeting some DHS task force guys here. Saw you sitting here by yourself and decided to take advantage….” He had a rakish look about him this morning. It must’ve been the pin striped suit and blue tie.

“Isn’t there somebody else you can bother? I’m working, um, I mean eating breakfast.” He grabbed a slice of toast off my plate and start eating it.

“I love grape jelly. See we should be a couple. We have so much in common.” I rolled my eyes at him.

“I hope I’m not busting up a party.” Eric grabbed the stool on the other side of me.

So much for my surveillance!

“You’re always busting up the party.” Jake retorted. “What are you doing here?”

“Meeting DHS task force reps. You?”

“Same.”

“That’s them right there.” I pointed at the only other people wearing suits in the diner. “In case your powers of deduction aren’t working too well today.”

“Yeah. I figured that was them. I just wanted to say hi to you.” Eric grabbed my last piece of toast. “I prefer Strawberry jelly, but this‘ll do.”

“The next person to grab food off my plate is gonna get stabbed with a fork!” They both laughed at me unaware that I was willing to maim someone over food.

“So Jake…any luck with the activists this morning?”

“Ha! Hardly. It was one of the craziest things I’ve ever seen. They answered the door buck naked and took off running when we flashed our credentials. We had a quick look around the premises, but didn’t find anything noteworthy. It was almost like you sent us on a wild goose chase.”

“What? I would never do such a thing. I just thought they might be a suspect because of their left wing views.” His eyes twinkled contrary to his words.

“It wasn’t that big of a deal. It only took an hour to determine they weren’t suspects. No harm, no foul.” The tension between them was making the hair on my arms stand up. I stabbed the last bite of my omelet and shoved it into my mouth.

“Where’s your partner?” I asked.

“Romero is working with the team questioning Ms. Smith. They thought his Spanish language skills might come in handy if her story turns out to be true. So, it’s just me and the Deputy today.”

“I reckon we should introduce ourselves.” Eric got up and walked over to the agents.

“Good Morning! I’m Deputy Hodde and this here is Agent McAllister. We’re supposed to be working with you gentlemen this morning.” 

Hawk grabbed his hand. “Jedd Washburne, Task Force Lead, DHS Infrastructure.”

“Robert Colson, DHS Infrastructure.”

“Nice to meet y’all. Do you want to drive or ride with me?”

“We’ll take our car and follow you over. Just give us a couple minutes. We need to pay for breakfast.”

“No problem. Just give us a holler when you’re ready to leave.” Eric walked back over and sat down next to me.

Jedd signaled to Maybel for the check.

“Here ya go, hon. Did you enjoy your breakfast?”

“I did. This was the best egg white burrito I’ve ever had. What’s your secret?

Or can you share?” Jedd asked.

“It ain’t a secret. I separate the egg whites out and deep fry the yolks. Then I mix ‘em up with salsa, bacon, and a few other ingredients.” 

Jedd turned green. “I thought it was an egg white special.”

“It is. I have to take the egg whites out so it’ll taste better.” 

He slapped a twenty down on the counter. “Keep the change.”

“Thanks Maybel. It was a tasty breakfast.” Robert seemed to enjoy Jedd’s unhealthy breakfast choice.

“We’re off to the Sacred Care Nursing Home.” Jake said to me. “I should be back in time for our dinner date. Pizza at 7?”

“Me too.” Eric echoed.

I waved them away, licking the whip cream off my Hot Chocolate.

“Well, honey. You got them two men ‘bout ready to fight over you. Just be careful or you’ll lose ‘em both.” Maybel gave me a hot chocolate refill.

“I’ve been trying to lose ‘em both, but they just won’t go away!”

“Why in the world would you want to get rid of a couple of handsome men like them?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Honey, everything to do with men is complicated. The easier they are to get, the easier they are to lose. Me and Earl fought something terrible the first couple years we knew each other. Then one day we woke up and realized that we hated each other so much that we’d fallen in love. I still remember the moment we realized that we were in love. We were having a screaming match outside the post office. He’d let the door shut when I was trying to carry an armload of packages inside. He was a gentleman, but it was more important to him to ruffle my feathers.” She chuckled at the memory. “Well, I let him have it calling him every name in the book. He grabbed me and kissed me to shut me up and we were inseparable after that. I still miss him.”

I smiled at her dysfunctional love story. “That’s a great story. My situation is a little different. I just need to be single for a while.”

“I understand. You girls nowadays are stronger than we were. You don’t need men to survive.” She patted my hand. “Enjoy your freedom.” She moved down the bar clearing off the dirty plates and taking them back to the kitchen. She came back to the front and began taking orders again.

“What can I get for y’all?” I looked over where the agents had been seated to find Bob and Billy now occupying the seats.

“I’d like biscuits and gravy with eggs. And a chocolate milk.” Bob said.

“Me too.” Billy added.

They looked like two caricatures of Sherlock Holmes dressed in trench coats with plaid hats.

“Hey there, Shasta!” Bob greeted me.

“Um, you guys are all dressed up today. What are you up to?”

“It must be the hats. Everyone keeps commenting on them.” Billy patted it proudly. “They’re called deerstalkers.”

I blinked at him.

“A-casue they’re popular with deer hunters. But we got ‘em cause they make us look like Sherlock Holmes.”

“We’re on official police business.” Bob interrupted. “We can’t tell you any more.”

“No problem.” I went back to ignoring them, but couldn’t help overhearing their conversation.

“Do you think they’ll find out that we didn’t pay taxes on our private investigator business?”

“Damn it, Bob. They’re the FBI. Not the IRS.”

“So, you don’t think they’ll figure it out?”

“The FBI doesn’t have anything to do with taxes!”

“Didn’t they arrest Al Capone for taxes?”

Good one, Bob!

“Yeah. But that was different. Just be quiet. I’m thinking.” Maybel delivered their food and gave me my check in the same motion. I pulled a $20 bill from my wallet and waited on my change.

“I think we should go investigate the car and surrounding area for clues.” Bob said.

“That’s what I was thinking too. Let’s eat breakfast and head up there.” 

Good. Maybe they’ll destroy all the evidence and Jake won’t be able to figure
out it was us.

Maybel handed me the change and I left a few dollars laying on the counter.

“Thanks. Have a good one.”