Fallout (24 page)

“How did Fido do with you gone all day?”

“He’s definitely glad to see me, but nothing’s torn up and he didn’t make any messes in his room, so I figure he did okay,” Derek replied. “I’d love to take him with me the way I did when I was working with the National Guard, but I don’t have a doggy seat for my motorcycle.”

“Do you have a second helmet?” Sambit asked impulsively.

“Sure do,” Derek drawled. “Wanna go for a ride?”

“Maybe someday,” Sambit said, his courage deserting him.

“Just tell me when,” Derek replied. “My bike is at your disposal.”

“What about you?”

“You already know the answer to that,” Derek reminded him. “Say the word and I’ll be there in a couple of hours.”

“I’m hoping the influx of new people tomorrow will mean I can start planning a graceful exit,” Sambit admitted. “I’ve enjoyed the work—other than the stress of dealing with Tucker—but not the working conditions. I was telling Lyrica earlier that I might start looking for a job in industry. I’ve been in the classroom a long time, long enough to have forgotten how much I like doing what I teach about.”

“I’ll put a good word in for you at NASA,” Derek said immediately. “It’s not nepotism, or whatever you want to call it, because we wouldn’t be working together except very indirectly. The nuclear power program is completely separate from the robotics program.”

“Would you actually have any pull, then?” Sambit asked.

“Not directly,” Derek said, “but I’ve worked there for about ten years. I know people, and I’m well enough known for my intolerance for any kind of bullshit that if I say you’re good, they’re likely to believe me, simply because I never say it unless I mean it. I can’t make any promises, of course, but it can’t hurt for me to mention you and your possible interest.”

“I suppose not,” Sambit said. “It wouldn’t be until January at the earliest. I can’t leave A&M in a lurch like that with only a few weeks’ notice to find a replacement for my fall classes.”

“Of course you can’t,” Derek agreed. “You’re much too responsible and loyal for that. That doesn’t mean you can’t start looking, though.”

It was exactly what Sambit had said to Lyrica.

“If you have any information on what they’re looking for, could you send it to me?” Sambit asked. “Along with contact information or anything like that? I can send my résumé if nothing else.”

“Sure,” Derek said. “I’ll have to ask Kenneth tomorrow who would be the best person to contact. As I said, I don’t work with that division much. So, you gonna move in with me if you get a job at NASA? We can share the commute.”

“We’ll see,” Sambit equivocated. “It’s way too soon to commit to something like that.”

“Why?” Derek asked. “Don’t you believe in love at first sight?”

“Derek, I come from a country where eighty percent of all marriages are arranged for the couple by their families, maybe even more. Love doesn’t enter the equation.”

“You don’t believe in love?”

“I didn’t say that,” Sambit said with a sigh, “just that I’m not used to basing decisions on that criterion. A relationship isn’t about emotions. Emotions are as variable as the day and the hour. Relationships are about commitment and about choices, about choosing to do what’s best for the other person even when you’re tired or angry or not particularly in love with them, and that isn’t a commitment you should make rashly.”

“That almost makes sense,” Derek said. “Almost. It’s not how I’m used to thinking, but I could get behind that, I think. I can certainly say I never felt like my past boyfriends made an effort to follow that philosophy, and I can probably trace that to the relationship failing. Of course, I can’t say I was any better. Life has sort of demanded I look out for number one.”

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t look out for yourself,” Sambit said. “You can’t do what’s best for your partner if you aren’t in good shape yourself, but I’ve seen too many relationships descend to a level of deliberately doing things to hurt the other person because you aren’t committed fully or out of spite or whatever, and that doesn’t belong in a healthy relationship.”

“So would you consider ours a healthy relationship?” Derek asked.

“I….” Sambit had to stop to think about it. The idea that they were actually
in
a relationship was still so new to him that it was hard to see past that to the dynamics between them. “I guess I would,” he said finally. “I mean, it’s hard since we aren’t together. We aren’t really making a lot of decisions that impact each other directly. Not like if we were living together.”

“I see.”

“Wait,” Sambit said. “Why are you angry?”

“I’m not angry,” Derek said, although the clipped tone of his voice belied his words. “A little hurt that you don’t consider all the texts and calls and e-mails making decisions that might impact you. I can stop if you’d prefer I not send them.”

“No!” Sambit’s heart raced at the thought of losing Derek through his own stupidity, never mind that he wasn’t sure it wouldn’t happen for other reasons. “I don’t want you to stop. Lyrica’s been telling me for a week now that I was letting my own baggage get in the way of giving you a fair chance. I should have listened sooner. I’m sorry.”

Derek waited so long to reply that Sambit wondered if he’d hung up. “Are you still there?”

“Yeah,” Derek said finally. “I’m trying to take your advice from earlier and make choices based on what I promised us both I’d do rather than on the way I’m feeling right now. It’s not easy.”

“I told you relationships were hard work,” Sambit quipped, trying to lighten the mood. “But if we’ve had our first fight, we can have our first makeup sex.”

Derek snorted softly. “Not tonight. I’m not ending things, so don’t get that in your head, but I think maybe we need a few days’ break. I’ll take this relationship as seriously as you want, but you have to meet me halfway. If we aren’t on the same page, one of us is going to end up hurt, and I don’t want that to happen to either of us.”

“So what do you want me to do?” Sambit asked uneasily.

“I want you to think about what you want from me,” Derek said. “When you can answer that question, you know how to reach me.”

“Okay,” Sambit said, not knowing what else to say. “If that’s what you want.”

“It isn’t what I want at all,” Derek admitted, “but I think it’s what we both need.”

Chapter 16

robotech: How’s Sambit? Is he having headaches still?

Derek waited on pins and needles for Lyrica’s reply to his chat message. It had been four days since their “fight,” if that was even the right name for it. Four days since he’d told Sambit to think about what he wanted their relationship to mean and to call Derek when he’d figured it out. Four days of silence.

sopsolo: Miserable, but no headaches. Call him.

robotech: I can’t. The ball’s in his court now. If he doesn’t want me, I won’t force him into something.

sopsolo: *snort* Not want you? You two are something else. He’s moped around here for four days looking like his favorite pet died and you’ve resorted to bothering me to find out how he is. Pathetic. Really.

It probably was, but Derek wasn’t about to agree with Lyrica on that point. If he did, she’d double her insistence that Derek call Sambit immediately and put an end to this ridiculous standoff. As much as Derek wanted to do just that, he couldn’t be the one to make the call. That had to come from Sambit. Derek had to know Sambit was as invested in making a relationship work as he was, because if Sambit wasn’t, this wouldn’t be any different than all the other failed attempts in his past. Derek had enough of those. He didn’t need another one. He especially didn’t need to be the one chasing after his lover like a lovesick puppy. He had more self-respect than that, and besides, Sambit wouldn’t respect him for it either.

robotech: I know how it must look, but he hadn’t even gotten to the point of thinking about us as a couple. I poured my heart into my e-mails. I did everything I could think of to convince him I was serious.

sopsolo: Ask him about Praveen the next time you talk to him.

robotech: Who?

sopsolo: Ask Sambit. It’s not my story to tell, but it’ll all make more sense then.

robotech: Just tell me. Please?

sopsolo: Fine. You’ll still have to get the details from him, but Sambit tried the long-distance thing once before, when he first came to the US. The guy dumped him to get married within a month and didn’t have the courtesy to tell Sambit the truth himself. Sambit had to hear it from his mother.

robotech: Shit.

sopsolo: Yes, exactly.

It made a little more sense to Derek now, the insistence that long-distance relationships couldn’t work. That didn’t mean Sambit was right or that Derek appreciated being tarred with the same brush as Sambit’s ex, but at least it explained Sambit’s near fanaticism on the subject.

robotech: So I guess you think I should call him.

sopsolo: You know I do.

robotech: I’ll think about it.

He’d done nothing but think about it, honestly, but he wasn’t going to tell Lyrica that. His boss had even noticed, asking him why he was so distracted. Derek had brushed it off and asked Kenneth about the nuclear power division instead. Maybe he’d e-mail Sambit tomorrow from work with that information. It wouldn’t be from his personal e-mail so he wouldn’t include anything but the information he’d promised Sambit, but hopefully it would be enough to remind Sambit that he kept his promises. If Sambit started to believe that, maybe he’d believe the rest and give Derek the chance to keep the rest of the promises he’d made.

Yes, he’d do that in the morning. Sambit would find it when he got off work tomorrow evening, and maybe he’d call.

robotech: How are the new additions working out?

sopsolo: Most of them are pretty good, but nobody with much robotics experience. Tucker screwed up when he sent you home. That’s the other good news. He’s being replaced next week. Of course, I suppose the new guy could be as bad as Tucker, but we can hope anyway.

robotech: That’s good. I hope you’ll be less stressed with him gone.

sopsolo: You mean you hope Sambit will be less stressed.

robotech: That too, but I really don’t want you to be stressed either. I think of you as one of my friends too, you know.

sopsolo: I know. I was teasing.

robotech: Well don’t. I’m not in the mood at the moment.

sopsolo: Call Sambit.

robotech: Tell him to call me.

sopsolo: What do you think I’ve been doing for the last four days? He’s as stubborn as you are. Call him.

He couldn’t talk about it anymore, but he wasn’t quite ready to deal with an empty house and no human contact for the evening.

robotech: so what’s with the IM handle? sopsolo?

sopsolo: I’m the soprano soloist in the local community choir. With a name like Lyrica, you knew I was going to be a musician of some sort.

robotech: Oh, cool. Let me know next time you perform. I’d love to come see you.

sopsolo: As long as you bring Sambit with you.

Derek sighed. Lyrica wasn’t letting it go.

robotech: If he’s talking to me again by then, I will. I’m going to do some laundry and take Fido for a walk.

sopsolo: I’ll tell him you asked about him.

robotech: You’ll do no such thing. He’ll call me or not when he’s ready. Don’t interfere.

That was probably wishful thinking, but he had to say it anyway. He logged out of chat before she could reply and tempt him again with calling Sambit. “Come on, Fido,” he called, grabbing the leash. “Let’s go for a walk.”

The dog bounded up to him, tongue lolling and tail wagging excitedly at the thought of a walk. “I’m glad someone still wants to be with me.”

That wasn’t fair to Sambit, and he knew it, but it was hard to keep his hopes up when he hadn’t talked to Sambit in four days.

They walked the circular route around his neighborhood. Derek smiled at the sight of piles of trash on the curb. As disturbing as it was to know that much had been damaged, it was proof of people coming back and picking up the threads of their lives again, and that was a source of hope.

One of Derek’s neighbors, a man he recognized on sight but didn’t know by name, came out of his house dragging a big roll of carpet.

“Flooded?” Derek asked sympathetically.

“Only about two inches of water,” the man called back, “but enough to ruin the carpet. I’m not going to complain too much, though. The roof didn’t fall in like a lot of the other houses did. My wife’s been after me to tear the carpet out now that the kids are grown and put down hardwoods. I guess she’s going to get her wish.”

“What a good way to look at it,” Derek said with a laugh.

The man laughed too. “Next time I’ll do what she wants without the storm to make me, I think.”

“Good idea,” Derek said. “If I never live through another storm like that one, it’ll be too soon.”

“Did you have a lot of damage?”