Indecision flickered in his eyes before he rested his hand on my upper arm. “I miss you too.” He cleared his throat. “But I needed to give you some time to get over Joe. I hope you don’t think I deserted you. I just…I wanted…”
His voice trailed off, and I laughed. “Why Mason Deveraux, I don’t know that I’ve ever seen you at a loss for words.”
He chuckled, glancing at the courthouse across the street then back at me. “It’s a pretty rare occurrence. It takes something extraordinary to make that happen.”
“This conversation is extraordinary?”
He hesitated, his smile fading slightly. “No, I’m calling
you
extraordinary.”
“Oh.” My heart sped up.
Indecision warred on his face again before resolve squared his jaw. “I care about you, Rose. I’m sure I haven’t done a very good job of hiding my feelings. Even when you were with Joe. But I never would have interfered when you were with Joe. I care about you too much to have put you in that position. Now he’s out of the picture, but I didn’t want you to rush into something you weren’t ready for. I wanted to give you space to sort through your feelings over your breakup.”
I looked into his eyes, worried. “Mason, I… Joe was my first boyfriend. I loved him. I still do.”
The pain that flickered in his eyes sent a stab of pain through my stomach.
“But he and I are over. I know that. I just need to adjust before I can move on.”
Relief washed over his face and he nodded. “I know and I want to respect that.”
“I’ve also done a lot of growing and changing myself over the last five months and as Jonah has pointed out, a lot of it has been with Joe. I need to figure out who I am now that I’m not under Momma’s iron fist and no longer in a relationship with Joe. I need to figure out who Rose Gardner of Henryetta, Arkansas is on my own before I can figure out who I am with someone else.”
“I understand.” Thankfully, he looked like he really did.
“I’m not sure what I feel for you Mason, but I know I like you. A lot. And I miss you so much it hurts.” I looked down at his red tie, suddenly embarrassed at my confession.
He reached under my chin and tilted my face up to meet his gaze. “I know that I like you too. A lot.”
I smiled.
“I miss you too. You have no idea how hard it is for me, but I’m willing to wait until you’re ready. I think we could have something really amazing, but I want you to be sure. With no regrets and no hesitation.”
“Thank you for understanding.”
His face lowered to mine and my breath caught as I wondered if he was going to kiss me, but his lips brushed my cheek. “You’re worth waiting for.”
I threw my arms around his neck, burying my face into his chest, unwilling to let him go yet. His arms tightened around me, and we embraced for several seconds, the wind lifting the edges of my coat, giving me a chill. The way my heart sped up when he held me in his arms, I wondered what else we could have between us. Part of me wanted to be with him now and I considered telling him that I didn’t want to wait. But that wouldn’t be fair to him and it wouldn’t be fair it me either.
Because I knew I wasn’t ready yet.
I released my hold on his neck, sliding my hands down to his chest, still unable to step away. Mason’s arms still encircled my back, and he dipped his head to leave a lingering kiss on my forehead. I tilted my face up to look into his, surprised at the intensity of his gaze.
“I need to let you go before I do something I’ll regret.” His arms dropped and he took a half-step away. “I have no right making any demands on you, and I won’t. I’ll let you set the pace.”
“But you want it to be soon?” I whispered.
His hand reached for my face, his thumb stroking my cheek.
“Thank you for waiting.”
Emotion flickered in his eyes. “How could I not?” Then he dropped his hold on me. “I’m always here when you need me, Rose.” Then he turned and crossed the street toward the courthouse.
I watched him stop at the entrance and open the door, his gaze landing on me one last time before he disappeared inside. Instead of feeling lonely and empty because of his absence, I basked in the hope that maybe I really could be happy again with someone else. Mason was right. When I started a new relationship, I wanted to do it with no regrets.
I just needed to give myself time.
Thirty-One and a Half Regrets
coming January 9, 2014
N
ew York Times
and
USA Today
bestselling author Denise Grover Swank was born in Kansas City, Missouri and lived in the area until she was nineteen. Then she became a nomadic gypsy, living in five cities, four states and ten houses over the course of ten years before she moved back to her roots. She speaks English and smattering of Spanish and Chinese which she learned through an intensive Nick Jr. immersion period. Her hobbies include witty Facebook comments (in own her mind) and dancing in her kitchen with her children. (Quite badly if you believe her offspring.) Hidden talents include the gift of justification and the ability to drink massive amounts of caffeine and still fall asleep within two minutes. Her lack of the sense of smell allows her to perform many unspeakable tasks. She has six children and hasn’t lost her sanity. Or so she leads you to believe.
You can find out more about Denise and her other books at:
www.denisegroverswank.com
or email her at
[email protected]