Fall (Roam Series, Book Two) (21 page)

I exhaled sharply, my stomach flipping. He smelled like aftershave and fabric softener…

And Eva.

“
You smell like her,
” I whispered in one exhaling breath. I tripped on the desk, and he caught me before I lost my footing.

“I want you to go home. Now,” he pleaded, his restraint obvious as he struggled to not touch me. “It’s too soon.”

“I got her,” Logan’s voice broke through the torrent of pain that consumed me. “Come on, Cam. Statistics.”

“Wait.” I held my palm in the air, taking deep, calming breaths. “Wait.” I turned to West, trying not to cry. “I am staying. I need to bring my GPA back up. I will… lose myself… at home,” I borrowed Logan’s words. “I’m glad that you’re here, all day, in the same place as I am, West. But please… give me space. Don’t talk to me for a while. Just let me… be.”

The pain slashed across his face, and I hated myself for putting it there. His professional mask returned before I could blink. “I will respect that, Roam. You know where to find me,” he said softly, giving Logan a sideways glance before returning to his desk.

I walked with Logan into the halls, and he gripped my arm tightly. “
It’s good that he’s here, Cam. Just let him be in the background while you… heal.”

“Did you know he’d be here?”

“I knew he was going to try to get his job back. I didn’t know it’d be so soon.”

“
I have to get to class.”

I made it through the entire day without seeing West again.
I spent much of the evening diving into his map assignment, thankful to keep my mind occupied with something other than the horrible emptiness that threatened every time my thoughts wandered. The prescription sleeping pills that the doctor had given me sat unopened on my dresser. I chanced another night without dreams, and, luckily, woke the next morning without a single nightmare.

The next day, when I walked in, he greeted me with polite distance, moving on with the lesson.
He walked around the classroom looking at our maps, stopping at a few to comment. “Michelle, you may want to check your information. I’ve never seen a map from the 1500’s with Ohio on it.”

“This is a map of the future,” she explained.

He nodded, continuing down the aisle to where I sat in the back row….

…a
nd rolled his eyes so that only I could see.

I couldn’t stifle the burst of laughter in time; it escaped from my chest, almost relieved. Curling his lips inward to refrain from laughing with me, he looked down at my
map. “Nice... class, take a look at Miss Camden’s map.” He lifted my paper, taped together using six sheets of manila construction paper. “This is called a Cantino planisphere. Notice the two focal circles, and the elaborate compass rose. Venice, Jerusalem… even the Alexandria lighthouse. She needed six pieces of paper to make this work, and what a great job.”

“The original map was made of six glued parchment sheets,” I murmured softly, without looking at my classmates. “It was obsolete
within months because the Portuguese continued to make so many mapping voyages. But- it was important because it showed the Italian’s knowledge of Brazil’s coastline, and how much of the Atlantic Coast of South America extended to the south.”

“But Michelle’s map has McDonalds,” Brad pointed out, and the class laughed as Michelle blushed
prettily and pretended to be embarrassed.

West gave in, smirking at Michelle playfully. “Again, very nice work, Miss Camden. We’ll just add a Hilton
in the Rome airport over here, to keep up with Michelle’s business development.”

He tapped his finger against Italy on my map, gazing down at me before moving on to the front of the class.

My mind drifted to a four-hour layover in a Hilton hotel room, and a heated flush began at my neck and crept over my cheeks.

We were told to add one new discovery to our maps for Wednesday
. Before I left his classroom, he caught my fingers softly. His touch doubled my heartbeat, and I nearly dropped my books.

“I just wanted to tell you… don’t take any sleeping pills,” he watched the busy hallway as he spoke under his breath. “If the nightmares return, you’ll be… trapped.”

Widening my eyes in horror, I imagined not waking up in time as Troy sliced my throat. “Thank you… for telling me,” I covered my heart, willing it to beat normally.

He watched me struggle, his fingers pinching mine before letting them go. “
I’m here. I’m waiting for you.
”

I nodded, turning to hurry into the hall.

Working diligently that night, I added a star chart to my map, using a protractor to draw perfect circles and grids. Morgan came in around dinner time, bringing me a cup of hot chocolate and some buttered, white toast. “Grandma’s special,” I smiled, carefully moving the tray away from my map.

“
I’ll let you get away with these skimpy meals for a few more days,” she said softly, her eyes fixed on my map. “This is beautiful, Socrates. Is this for map class?”

I could tell she was completely serious, so I refrained from laughing. “History. They didn’t offer AP Cartography this year.”

“Oh yeah… Mr. Hot History Teacher,” she rolled a colored pencil between her fingers. “I wonder if he’s single.”

I stiffened. “What about Jason?”

“I’m not married to Jason,” she gathered her shoulder-length hair into her hands, flipping it absently. “When I talked to Mr. History at the hospital, I didn’t see a ring. And I really think we hit it off, you know…,”

“Everyone likes him,” I snapped, turning back to my map. “He’s just really charming.”

She watched me carefully. “Apparently. He and Logan talked- a lot.”

The Morgan-knows-something sensor that I’d fine-tuned over the past
seventeen years went from orange to code red. I pursed my lips, turning to her. “He has to write me an excellent reference for my applications. He and Logan both talk baseball constantly, so I’m hoping if they are friendly, he won’t mind writing one for me.”

She stared me down, finally sitting back in her chair. “Oh
. I get that.”

I shrugged, non-committal. “This project is worth fifty points.”

“Get back to work,” she saluted me, walking to my door.

“Morgan, when does the quarter start for you?” I realized she hadn’t left
to go back to college yet. She winked.

“I needed a break. Back to
business in the spring.”

When she left, I stared at my map.
Morgan is babysitting me,
I realized. I stood and walked to my mirror, pulling the ultrasound photo out of the framed glass.

Empty did not singly describe what I felt inside.
The tiny black dot physically hurt to look at; I folded the paper in half, glancing outside. A warm front had moved through, melting much of the snow and leaving the evening wet and mild.

Eat dinner, go back to your map,
I told myself, staring at the streetlight as it flashed and flickered on. Tucking the photo in the back pocket of my jeans, I slipped a hooded sweatshirt on and went downstairs.

Morgan watched me slide my feet into my boots, slapping her hands together in excitement. “Where are we going? Let’s get out of this house! Wal-Mart?
Dinner? The
mall
?” She squealed with feigned excitement.

“Can I just… take a drive? Alone?”

She froze with her keys in her hand. “Roam…,”

“I want to get some fresh air, and clear my mind. I’ll have my phone on me and answer it every time your text or call. Unless I’m driving- I promise not to text and drive.”

“If you don’t answer me within ten minutes, I’ll send in reinforcements.” I knew she meant Logan.

“Deal.”

“Don’t wreck my car.” She passed me the keys to her Malibu. “When are you coming home?”

“No more than an hour. I just need to clear my mind, and then back to my map.”

“Be careful.”

I
nodded. Backing the Malibu out of the driveway, I mentally checked myself.
Do not do this. You are not ready.

“Radio,” I tapped the buttons on Morgan’s dash. She had Sirius Radio free for a year, and I somehow settled on the nineties station.

I recognized Stone Temple Pilots from West’s nineties playlist,
Interstate Love Song
helping me ignore the thoughts in my head. In less than fifteen minutes, I pulled into West’s driveway.

Well, I
almost made it to Wednesday.

The front door brought back memories of the terrible night of Troy’s attack. I lifted my hand to knock, and then pulled it away.

This will end badly.

“Give it to him,
leave
,” I murmured, lifting my knuckles to the door and giving three sharp raps.

The door opened. West, still in dress clothes from school, took a step back.
Music filled the house, loud, as if he worked to drown his own thoughts out as I had.
Nickelback… This, I know.

“Are you okay?” His voice was urgent as he reached for me. I backed out of his grasp, my feet firmly rooted on the front porch.

“Hi,” I shoved my fingers into my back pocket, pulling at the thin photo. “I didn’t want to… throw this out… without you seeing it, so…,” I cursed the unforgiving tears that dripped down my face. “This was the first one. The… only one.”

He
accepted the photo, unfolding it. I wiped the sleeve of my blue and white,
Madison Swim Team
sweatshirt across my face. “The arrow points to the… dot, it’s hard to see. You can just throw it away. I didn’t want to bring it to school…,”

“I’ve never seen this before… I’ve never seen our baby like this before.”

He leaned against the frame of the door, as if for support. I watched his finger as he traced the image.
How You Remind Me
began, so loud I wanted to cover my ears.

A misty rain
started to blow inside the porch, making me shiver. “
That’s all,
” I whispered, turning to walk back to the car.

His voice stopped me.
“I dreamed about Eva last night.”

I reached for the
railing of the porch for support.

“
When I woke up, I could still feel her. In my arms.”

Without turning, I
let the wet wind soak my face as I stood perfectly still.

His footsteps on the wooden
deck sounded from behind me. I almost made the complete turn to face him as his mouth descended on mine. Crying out softly, the rain turned to icy pelts as he lifted me into his arms and tucked me up and against him, his hands supporting beneath my thighs with his muscular grasp.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, gripping his waist with my legs. He turned us both, pressing me against the wide
, sustaining post of the porch.

His mouth urged mine to open, and I bit my lip to resist succumbing to his teasing tongue. The moment my teeth clamped, he gripped my forearms from behind his neck, his thumb covering the numbers through my sleeve as he pinned my arms up and over my head. His mouth turned fierce, devouring, tormenting as he refused to let me touch him with my hands.

Jolts of electricity left me gasping against his lips. He groaned and crushed me tighter to him, threading his fingers through mine against the rigid, wooden post. As he did, I watched the ultrasound photo catch the wind, blowing across the yard like a dead, fallen leaf.

His mouth tasted like rain; I licked at his lips, blinking away water in my eyes.

“
Christ
,” he growled, releasing my arms to slide his hand under my thigh, beneath the back pocket of my jeans.

“
Let go of me
,” I bucked beneath his torturing mouth, cringing as his tongue lowered to my bruised neck. The wind picked up in the darkness, tossing my hair in every direction. He caught a handful in his fist, tugging softly for better access to my neck.

“
I can’t
,” he moved up to my ear and I lost control. A primal need for him sent my fingers to his soaking chest; I scratched at the buttons, not caring that they tore beneath my grasp. Basking in the pain that the wooden post caused against my back, I dove for his chest, my lips touching the taut muscle beneath his searing skin.

“
Roam
,” he released my hair and gripped my face in his hands, forcing me away from his chest.

I stared at him through the darkness, panting,
eyelids heavy. “
Finish this,
” I managed between clenched teeth.

He drew me against him, carrying me inside the house. The music crashed against my ears, erasing my ability to think. We made it as far as the stairs before he pulled my sweatshirt over my head, his mouth lowering to my chest. I gave in to the confusion, the
unbalanced feeling of him carrying me with my legs wrapped around his back.