“Yep, and be
prepared to become addicted. It’s probably my favorite food on the entire
planet,” she tells me, opening and closing cabinets. “If I were a large bowl,
where would I be?”
I laugh. “One
cabinet down, on your right.” She bends over and I’m somehow strong enough to
tear my eyes away to keep from staring at her like before. A few seconds later,
she’s beside me with a mixing bowl and whisk in hand.
“What makes it
crunchy?” I ask, feeling like a dumbass for asking the question, but knowing I
need something else to think about besides how good her ass looks in those
jeans.
“The cereal. You
crush it up, dip the bread in the egg, and then coat the bread with the
cereal.”
“Really?” I grimace,
without realizing it.
“C’mon, you can’t
doubt it already. You’ll never give it a chance if you already think you’re not
gonna like it. Just give it a try,” she tells me as she starts to crack open
the eggs.
“Sorry, I’ll keep
an open mind. So, what can I help you with?”
She shakes her
head. “No, I’ve got this. It’s my specialty, remember? You can keep me company,
though.”
Taking a seat at
the table, my eyes watch as she crushes up the cereal in a zip lock bag.
“I can’t remember
the last time a girl cooked me breakfast,” I say. “Actually you may be the
first woman to ever make me breakfast, other than my mom.”
“Well, I can’t lie.
You’re kind of helping me out a little, too. After I got my car, I wasn’t in
the mood to go back home.”
Shit, I totally
forgot about her car. “Sorry for running out on you yesterday. That was pretty
rude of me.”
She shrugs. “Don’t
worry about it. I’m sure you had a good reason.”
“So why didn’t you
want to go home?” I ask her.
“Jenna and Josh are
there and…” She trails off and shakes her head.
“Did you walk in on
them having sex in the kitchen?” I ask and she stops whisking the eggs to look
over at me.
“No! Why would you
even...” She pauses for a moment and then looks around the kitchen. “Oh, no.
Please tell me you’re joking.”
I smile and shake
my head, then laugh when something between repulsion and shock crosses her
face.
Pointing towards
the counter beside her I say, “Yeah, I walked in one night at like three in the
morning. Josh has this weird thing with sex and kitchens.” I shrug. “Makes
sense for him, though, his two favorite things mixing together.”
She glances around
the kitchen again.
“Don’t worry, I
scrubbed and bleached the entire kitchen the next day… twice.”
❧
Holly’s unexpected
visit from this morning drifts into the afternoon and is moving towards the
evening. Normally, it isn’t strange for us to spend so much time together, but
lately it’s just the two of us, without Jenna and Josh. I’d be lying if I said
that I’m not enjoying our time alone together.
“Sorry, I really
only meant to come and make you breakfast, not take up your entire day,” she
says when there’s a break in our conversation. There really hasn’t been much of
one since she got here.
“I know; you keep
forcing me to spend all this time with you. I was wondering when you were gonna
leave. I’ve got to say that it’s been a pretty painful day, I think you owe me
another breakfast now.” Actually, it’s the best day I can remember having in a
long time.
“Got it, another
breakfast.” She laughs. “Well, I guess I’ll head home.” She stands up and I
stand with her, emptiness filling me.
“Instead of
breakfast, how about dinner... tonight?” The words come out of my mouth before
I even have a chance to really think about them.
“Really, you’re not
sick of me yet?”
God, if she only
knew how much I’m not sick of her. “Nah, you’re not that bad.”
She swallows hard and
licks her lips. “Okay, dinner sounds good. I am kind of hungry.”
After she agrees to stay, my heart
relaxes and I feel like I can breathe a little easier… for just a few more
hours anyway.
“This time I’ll
cook. I’m not sure what, but I’m sure Josh has something in here I can throw
together.” I make my way over to the pantry.
I scan the pantry
shelves and then the refrigerator. There are a ton of different ingredients,
but I’m not sure what to do with any of them. “Uh, how’s macaroni sound?
She laughs.
“Perfect. Macaroni sounds perfect.”
When she takes a
seat at the barstool in front of me, I turn the box over and actually read the
directions. The last thing I want to do is make an ass out of myself and ruin a
box of freaking macaroni.
“So, are you going
home for Thanksgiving break?” she asks me while I measure out the water.
Hearing the word
home and knowing what’s waiting for me when I get there causes my shoulders to
tense. “Yeah, I’m actually headed back a few days early… probably tomorrow
morning.” I relax a little and pour the water into the pot.
“So, you seem
pretty close to your sister. What about your mom and dad?” she asks. This time
the tension is felt all over my body and I’m not sure how to answer her. I wish
it didn’t hurt so bad to talk about my family, but it does. It’s full of death
and other depressing shit. I know all too well that Holly doesn’t need any more
of that in her life.
“Yeah, my sister
and I are pretty close.” I don’t mention my parents. “How about you? Are you
going home to New York?” I ask, hoping she won’t want to talk anymore about my
family.
She shakes her
head. “No, I’m actually going to spend Thanksgiving with Jenna in Colorado
Springs. I’ll go home to New York for Christmas and stay there through New
Year’s, though.”
I nod and then
something hits me, hard. I knew this was coming, but it doesn’t seem real until
she says it out loud. After tonight, I won’t see her over Thanksgiving break…
an entire week without her.
Chapter Fifteen
It is difficult to know at what moment love begins; it
is less difficult to know that it has begun.
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
HOLLY
Carter sets a big bowl of macaroni down
in front of me and I can’t help feeling like a kid again. I can’t remember the
last time I ate macaroni out of a box.
He sits back in the
chair he’s been sitting in all day. It’s crazy to me that we’ve actually been
in the kitchen talking since breakfast. Today is about as close as you can get
to perfect and I can’t help wishing it would never end. I know that he’s going
home tomorrow and it’ll be over a week until we see each other again. My heart
aches just thinking about it.
Without even
thinking, a few truthful words slip from my mouth. “I lied to you earlier.”
He doesn’t say
anything at first and I’m too scared to glance up to see his reaction or
questioning expression. The room is so quiet that I can actually hear him
swallow his mouthful. He clears his throat and asks, “What about?”
Forcing my eyes up,
I see him staring down into his bowl, refusing to meet my gaze. Deep down, I’m
pretty sure he knows exactly what I’m talking about.
“When I said I
wouldn’t care if you and Kelly were together.” I look back down, taking in a
large breath. “I would care.”
Using my spoon, I
swirl the macaroni around in my bowl, too scared to look up at him. After a few
seconds, the silence is too much to bear and I find the courage to glance up at
him through my eyelashes. It startles me to find him looking right at me.
“For the record, I
knew you were lying, but hearing you say it, it means a lot.” His face is
serious and his voice calm. Me on the other hand, I feel like I’m about to have
a heart attack with how fast my heart is hammering against my chest.
We hold our stare
for a long moment and I’m wondering if he’s trying to do the same as me,
figuring out where we go from here. Before today, our friendship was fairly
simple, but now, when feelings like this get involved, it always makes things
more complicated.
He opens his mouth
to say something just as the front door swings open and Josh walks through it,
spoiling our moment.
“Hey, Holly,” Josh
says to me before turning and tipping up his chin to Carter. “You staying for
dinner?” I blink hard and shake my head as Josh rummages through the
refrigerator, pulling out vegetables and cradling them in his free arm. “Man,
you girls desperately need food at your place. I don’t know how the two of you
survive over there.”
“Gotta love frozen
dinners,” I answer, glancing towards Carter, trying to read his expression.
He’s looking down at his hands that are resting on the table in front of him,
seemingly deep in thought. My stomach squeezes and I wonder about the line that
is being drawn between our friendship and something more.
“Stay for dinner
and I’ll cook you some real food.” Josh’s voice pulls me from my thoughts.
“Jenna kicked me out, she said she had to pack for Thanksgiving break and
apparently, I’m a sex machine. She can’t resist me if I’m hanging around
looking all hot and stuff.”
I force out a
laugh, but I’m really not in the laughing mood. “Uh, thanks, but we already
ate. Carter cooked.” I nod towards my bowl.
Josh shifts around
the counter and leans over Carter’s shoulder. “Hell, no. You just ate boxed
macaroni? Dude, seriously?” He flicks Carter in the head. “You couldn’t have
cooked the girl some spaghetti... or maybe something with a vegetable in it.”
Carter rolls his
eyes and I laugh; a real one this time. It feels good and allows some of the tension
that is built up between Carter and me to dissipate.
“I’m actually gonna
go. I’ve got a ton of stuff to do before we head out for Thanksgiving.” I stand
up and Carter stands with me.
“I’ll walk you
out,” he says, still not meeting my gaze. With each passing second, I feel more
awkward and regret the things I said to him earlier, knowing I should have just
kept my mouth shut. Right now, I just want to get out of here as quickly as
possible.
“Later,” Josh yells
as I walk out of the kitchen. “Have fun and keep my girl out of trouble.”
“I will,” I say,
walking into the living room, knowing the moment I reach the door and turn to
face Carter, it’s going to be miserably uncomfortable between us.
“You don’t have to
walk me to my car or anything,” I say, turning around before we get there.
“Thanks for dinner, though, I thought your macaroni was good.”
Josh peaks his head
around the corner. “Did I miss something? I swear I just heard you say that
boxed macaroni was good. Is macaroni a code word for something else maybe?
Maybe something a little sexier?” He wiggles his eyebrows.
“Dude, seriously,
I’m gonna come in there and kick your ass if you don’t shut it,” Carter says,
turning to glare over his left shoulder.
Josh disappears
back behind the wall and the moment between us became even more awkward,
something I didn’t think was possible.
“Thanks for
breakfast,” he says, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets. I feel like he
wants to say something else, but after a few more seconds of silence, I realize
that whatever he wants to say isn’t going to make it out of his mouth. Not
right now, at least.
“I’ll see you
later, then,” I say.
He nods. “Yeah,
I’ll see you after the break. Maybe I’ll call you, though, okay?”
Maybe I’ll call
you?
“Okay.” My voice feels thick and
I can feel the tears starting to sting my eyes. It’ll only be a matter of
seconds before they make it out.
“Damn, would you
two just kiss already? It would be so much easier for everyone if you guys
would just get it over with,” Josh yells and I nearly die of embarrassment.
❧
The entire drive
home I try to dissect what we said to each other. Or really, what I had said to
him. There wasn’t a lot of talking on his end, except for when he said, “For
the record, I knew you were lying,” and “but hearing you say it, it means a
lot.” What the hell is that supposed to mean? Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I
haven’t been clear enough. Maybe I should just come right out and say what I
really mean... what I’ve wanted to tell him for a couple weeks now. Tell him
that I am starting to have feelings for him. Tell him that he has given me a
reason to breathe again... to smile again and maybe even love again.
I’m not in love
with Carter just yet, but the fact that it’s even a possibility is a huge step
for me. Love isn’t something I planned on feeling again in my life.
I didn’t think a
love like what Adam and I had could happen twice, so I had given up on the
whole idea of it. Even caring for someone again was not something I planned on
doing anytime soon. Then I couldn’t help questioning, how soon is too soon to
move on? And am I sure that I want to move on? Am I really ready for that?