Faerie (14 page)

Oh Please God, let it work.

The creature was coming nearer and she felt her chest tighten to a band of steel. Her heart no longer skittered, it began to pound, blood pulsing in her temples like a great beating drum.

There was a great crack of an explosion next to her and the slither of golden light that had been filtering through her eyelids vanished, leaving her in total blackness. She was jolted awake by the sudden noise and sat up, drawing in a frantic lungful of air. The sound had been the bedside lamp exploding and she had opened her eyes just in time to see the creature that had been on the bed flee towards the window, screeching its rage.

Lily started as the door flew open and Kieran burst into the room.

She’d forgotten to put the chair under the door handle.

“Are you okay? I heard a crash,” he said. All she could see was his skinny silhouette, stark against the lit doorway.

“I’m fine,” she replied, “I just knocked over the bedside lamp. Go back to bed.”

Whether it was something in her voice that made him hesitate, or some sixth sense, she had no idea, but without warning Kieran flicked on the main light. Lily squeaked a panicked “No!” But it was too late.

Kieran just stood, staring at the bed, at Lily, a genuine honest to goodness, unhidden fey. He just sort of hung limply, as if someone had pegged up his shoulders to an invisible washing line and that was all that was keeping his legs under him. He stood there transfixed, gazing at her in wonderment, eyes too-wide, mouth hanging slightly open, totally bewildered.

“Kieran...” Lily had no idea what to say to him, how to undo this disaster.

Kieran staggered forwards, his face like grey parchment, his eyes so wide that she could see the white all around them. He looked like a mad horse.

“Fuck,” he said. This was followed by a ‘shit’ and another ‘fuck’, by which time he had reached the bed and was sitting down on it, very shakily. “What have you done to yourself?”

Lily forced back the hot tears that threatened to drown her.

“Kieran, please you mustn’t tell anyone.” Her voice came out as a little broken thing. She was shaking so badly that she could barely get the words out.

“Tell anyone what?” Kieran asked, his voice vacant, as if he were lost in some dream. He reached out and touched Lily’s face tentatively, fingers gently tracing around her features, exploring them, as if he wanted to make sure that he wasn’t hallucinating. He ran his hand through her hair, the deepest burnished mahogany, letting it trail through his fingers.

“That I wear a disguise – that this is what I really look like.”

“I don’t understand – I mean what... how?...” He snapped his mouth over his words as if he were suddenly afraid to let them out.

“Let me explain, please...” She hesitated, not sure how much of the truth she should tell him. Whoever said that fairies couldn’t lie?

“I think you better,” he said, but he did manage the shadow of a smile.

“A long time ago, I was... attacked, and my mother, Maggie, put me in this disguise to protect me, to stop it happening again. I’m not sure it really would have worked – I don’t think that paedophiles always take much stock of what their victims look like, but it made her feel better, and although it might have been false security, it made me feel better too. I just kept it going, and let’s face it, now it really might work. I mean who would want to get up close and personal with that Lily Mckenzie?  Please, I’m begging you, don’t tell anyone. I have to stay hidden.”

Kieran still had his eyes fixed on her face, mesmerised and then he said:

“Yeah, I get it. I won’t tell anyone. But shit, you’re a total babe. You could be like a film star or something.” He started grinning then, the shock obviously wearing off. He started giggling, nervous, but genuine. The colour was beginning to return to his face, the wildness leaving his eyes.

“That was the problem,” Lily said, smiling as well now, the danger seemingly over. “I’m leaving soon, anyway, so just forget this happened, and you can start hitting on the new girl.”

Kieran pulled a face, still grinning and shaking his head in bemusement, then the smile dropped and he looked deadly serious.

“It’s okay, really, I understand... I know what it’s like to be scared.” Lily had no doubt that it was a genuine expression of sympathy on his part, and it totally disarmed her. The look on his face told her that he really did understand; he looked haunted. She had the overwhelming urge to grab him and give him a hug. Instead she just closed her hand over his and gave it a little squeeze.

“I know that you had a bad time with your dad, didn’t you?” she said.

He gave a bitter laugh, but he didn’t pull his hand away, gazing down at his too-long shorts as if they had suddenly become very interesting. The Hulk grimaced a dreadful scowl back up at him, as if daring him to show her any kind of weakness. Kieran looked up at her from under his eyebrows, and said:

“Yeah, and my uncle. Keep it in the family, ay?”

There was so much bitter resignation in his voice that it made Lily heartsick. She clung onto his sweaty hand, and his fingers tightened on hers, almost hurting as the memories flooded back to him.

“How old were you when they started abusing you?” she asked.

“Six.”

“Oh shit. I’m so sorry.”

He shrugged and gave a ‘shit happens’, kind of look.

“Nah, it’s okay. I’m over it,” he said, and it was pretty obvious that he wasn’t and never would be. Now the Neo Nazi look, the aggression, the insecurity, it all made so much sense. She hated herself for being so mean to him in the past.

“Well, I’m only going to be up the road – you can come and see me if you want, bring the little ‘uns maybe? Just please don’t say anything to anyone. I know you might be tempted.”

The look he gave her then was grave; he stared straight into her eyes, and she knew, as he spoke the next words that he would never go back on them.

“I told you, I won’t say anything, I promise. But shit, you’re fucking hot.”

They both started laughing then.

“Don’t get any ideas,” Lily said.

Kieran gave a real belly laugh then.

“Nah, you’re not my type.”

Lily pulled a face.

“Oh right... you fancy the new girl that’s coming,” she teased.

He shook his head and grinned at her.

“No, I fancy the bloke that works in the butchers.”

It came out as sounding nonchalant, but Lily knew that the words cost him dear. Lily’s mouth dropped open and she clapped her hands over it, squealing. So many things made sense now.

“You’re gay!”

Kieran flushed scarlet and pinched in his face, defensive anger tightening his jaw.

“Don’t you fucking tell anyone, they’d make my life a bleeding misery!”

Lily shook her head quickly.

“I swear, no-one will ever find out from me.”

“You keep my secret and I’ll keep yours,” he said, and there was just a hint of threat in his voice

“But you’ll have to come out some time or other,” Lily said.

“So will you...” He hesitated, and gave a winsome little smile.  “I will miss you, you know. I know I act like a burke, I mean I’ve led you a dog’s life, but I don’t mean any of it. I like you being here, you’ve been more of a mum to me than shit for brain’s has. It’s her I’m kicking up against, not you. I don’t want you to go.”

Tears brimmed in his eyes, and escaped to cascade down his cheeks and he smeared them away, angry at them for betraying him. A bubble of snot escaped his nose, and he wiped it away on his arm. Despite the obvious drawbacks of getting much closer to him, Lily pulled him to her and wrapped her arms around him in a hug, and surprisingly, he hugged her back.

“I’m only on the other side of the village, just ten minutes’ walk away. You can come and see me any time you want.”  She was mentally adding him to her list of ‘people to take back to Elphame with her’.

She heard Claire’s bedroom door open and shut. She must have seen the light on in the hall and wondered what was going on. Lily heard the bathroom door open and shut.

“The She Devil’s woken up,” Lily said, with a sigh. “Better not let her find you in here, they’ll be hell to pay.”

Kieran pulled back, wiping his face on the hem of his tee-shirt and looking embarrassed.

“Better not find you in here looking like this. I’ll see you in the morning.” And he unexpectedly bobbed forwards and gave her an embarrassed kiss on the cheek. He turned off the light as he left the room, leaving Lily, bewildered, in the darkness.

Chapter Thirteen.

Lily hadn’t slept at all, didn’t dare sleep, but she had spent the night reading – or rather staring at the page which seemed to be filled with some very strange language that made no sense to her whatsoever. She must have read the same line about fifty times before she closed the book and just settled herself by the window, looking out at the stars, going over and over the same things in her head, just the way she had gone over that same line of text on the page.

The charm...

the Korrigan...

.....the Black King

Connor...

Gary...

the dead cow...

… the Korrigan...

Connor...

Morning came and she staggered to the bathroom, so tired she barely knew what day of the week it was. She picked up the oil spray to begin her usual ritual, but she suddenly stopped, staring hard at herself in the mirror. Last night, when Kieran had seen her true self, he’d said. “You’re a babe.” He hadn’t said, “You’re a fairy, or what are you?” He had seen her as entirely human. Was she unconsciously doing what Connor did, and weaving a human glamour around herself as a form of protection? Did she really dare test it?

Sod it, why the hell not? If she was fey, she should start acting like one of the fey. She was tired of being the victim. It was time to fight back – she was beginning her new life – perhaps she ought to start it with a bang. She braided her hair, but left off the usual make up and the glasses, even left off the godawful cardigan, and just went down to breakfast in her light summer dress and thin floral cardigan. Claire had given it to her in a vain attempt to make Lily pretty herself up, but she’d never worn it, despite Claire’s constant nagging.  It wasn’t exactly haute couture, but at least it didn’t make her look like a refugee from some war torn country.

Kieran, Liam and Sarah were already at the breakfast table and she sat down, helping herself to some cornflakes. Kieran looked up at her and gave a puzzled frown, pulling several faces at her, projecting desperate “Haven’t you forgotten something?” vibes. Lily just grinned at him.

Claire turned around to see that Lily had come in and almost carried on with what she was doing, before she stopped in her tracks and gawped back at Lily, her mouth hanging open, making her look as if she’d somehow lost a few dozen IQ points in the last few seconds.

“What have you... I mean... how... what have you done to yourself?”

Claire drew in a breath, desperately afraid that she’d made a dreadful mistake and that Claire – and all the world – could see Lily for what she was. She almost bolted back upstairs to hide again.

“You look beautiful,” Sarah said, with some satisfaction, “Like a princess.”

At least she hadn’t said ‘Fairy princess’.

“Yeah, you look good.” Kieran said, grinning at her. “You make Lindsay Lohan look like an old dog.”

Lily thanked God for Kieran and let out the breath she hadn’t known she was holding.

“Where are your glasses?” Claire asked. Lily grabbed at the first lie that came to hand.

“Oh, I’ve got contact lenses, I thought I’d give them a go.”

Claire peered closely at her. as if she were some interesting new kind of insect.

“I can’t see them,” she said, squinting.

“Oh, they’re a new kind – practically invisible,” Lily tossed back, with a sweet smile. Claire gave her a ‘well, I’ll agree, but I don’t quite get it,’ kind of look and said:

“Well, I must say you do look better without the glasses... you look...”

“Almost normal?” Lily finished.

Kieran was just grinning inanely at her, thoroughly enjoying the joke.

“Nah,” he said. “You look hot.” Lily pushed the cornflakes across to him.

“Thanks,” she said, grinning back. Claire just stared between the two of them as if she’d just witnessed the miracle of the burning bush. Lily tossed a glance at Liam and Sarah, who both just looked a bit bemused, but seemed quite happy to accept the new Lily without too much thought. Claire still looked as if she’d just seen an elephant walking through the room.

“Well, you do look better, I must say...” She hesitated, lit up a cigarette and took a long drag on it, blowing the smoke up into the air in a great cloud, that hung over Lily’s head for a moment and then baptised her with noxious fumes. “I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself at last.” Another hesitation. “Look, I don’t know how you feel about it, but I thought you might like to come back on Saturday for a birthday tea – I mean, you can’t let your eighteenth birthday go past without something.

Lily could hardly believe what she was hearing – was Claire actually being nice to her? It must be catching. She shrugged, coughed out the smoke, and gave a bright smile.

“If you’re sure it’s no trouble. Yes, thanks.” What with everything that was going on, she’d almost forgotten it was her birthday tomorrow. “I’ll get some cakes and drinks so that you don’t have to lay out too much.”

She wondered what Claire would get her as a gift. She did always buy the kids a birthday and Christmas present, but in Lily’s case it had never been anything she actually wanted: one year it had been a set of hair rollers – as if – and another time some really awful teenage make-up that she would never use in a million years. Still she supposed the thought was there. This time it would probably be a set of adjustable spanners.

“Oh, a parcel came for you today.” Lily already knew what it was. Tasers. They couldn’t do any harm she supposed ‒ well, they could, and she hoped they would, not much point in having them otherwise.

“Thanks – I needed some new shampoo. I don’t like the one we use.” She suddenly realised that was a very lame excuse so quickly asked:

“What are you going to do about the garden when I’ve gone?”

Claire screwed up her face and blew out another lungful of smoke.

“I hadn’t thought about it really. I can’t afford to get anyone in.”

Perfect.

“I could come and do it for you...” Lily said. “I mean, I love gardening, and you’ve got no-one to do it. I could come every Saturday – well, whenever I’ve got some spare time, and see to it, if you like.” It was the best excuse she could think of to come back and see the kids, besides which, she would miss her garden.

Claire actually smiled. It was obviously a struggle for her to remember just what muscles she needed to use to pull off a smile, but she managed to drag one up from somewhere and it sat uncomfortably on her face like a stranger in a foreign land.

“Well, that would be great. You’re on.”

That would give Lily the perfect excuse to visit the kids more or less every day.

She took the children out into the garden, away from Claire, who she really couldn’t bear to be around right at that moment.  She was still giving her funny looks, and trying to see if she could spot the invisible contact lenses.

The garden, Lily’s pride and joy, got sun for most of the day, and everything that grew in it thrived – of course it did – how could anything grown by one of her kind not flourish? There was a paved area in the centre, rather than a lawn, edged by a low wall that held all of Lily’s potted herbs. Lily really had no intention of spending what little time she had spare mowing grass. She’d ordered some paving slabs in and laid out a decorative centre piece in different coloured slabs, and she had to admit she’d done a really good job on it. A collection of life-sized fibre glass animals loitered around in corners, as if in urgent conference: rabbits, badgers and squirrels, which she’d bought from her pocket money over the years. She’d resisted the temptation to add a few garden gnomes to the mix; gnomes were such annoying creatures. Around the centre piece were beds of herbs and country garden flowers, a profusion of colour and tangled wilderness. A perfect garden.

Liam and Sarah often helped Lily with such tasks as weeding and watering the flowers. She’d bought them each a little gardening kit – bucket, spade, hoe, so they could look after their own little patch of garden.

“Guess what?” Lily said, “We’re going to do magic. We’re going to make a magic charm that will keep the smoke man away. He won’t bother you again. You can help me make it. I need some herbs from the garden. You can help me pick them if you like, and help me make the charm, Shall we do that right now?”

There were two frantic nods. The terror in their eyes told her that Sarah, at least, would do anything to stop that creature coming. Lily was going to make damn sure that it never touched either of them again.

“Did they come and see you last night?” Lily asked.

Sarah and Liam both shook their heads.

“I had a dream about fairies,” Sarah said. “They took me to Fairyland, and I lived in a big toadstool, with a beautiful fairy.”

“Well, that sounds nice. Did you like it there?” Lily asked.

A nod.

“I wanna live in toadstool,” Liam said.

“Perhaps one day we can all go and live in Fairyland. You never know.”

She showed them which herbs to pick and helped them put them carefully into their little plastic buckets, blessing them with her magic. She was startled to feel that the herbs the children had picked were already vibrant with magic even before she touched them. She had never quite realised just how powerful a child’s imagination could be and how much potent magic lay inside every child, just waiting to be tapped into. She had a feeling that these few herbs and blossoms held as much potency as anything she could have picked on even the most auspicious moonlit night.

She’d only been out there a few moments when Kieran wandered out; he loitered in the kitchen doorway, awkward, his hands thrust into the pockets of his khaki cargoes, idly kicking up the dirt, casting red-faced glances at Lily. As far as Lily could remember it was the first time he’d ever set foot in the garden.

“Everything okay?” Lily called across. Kieran inched a few steps forwards, wincing as the sun hit him, and screwing up his eyes against it, like a vampire venturing out into daylight.

“Claire’s still going on about your contact lenses. I didn’t know what to say to her.”

“Oh, sorry,” Lily said.

Another couple of minutes of awkward silence and more fidgeting then finally:

“Why d’yer do it? I mean why suddenly come out like that?”

He ambled over to where Lily was kneeling and dropped down onto the paving, hugging his bony knees and looking decidedly uncomfortable.

Lily scrinched up her nose and gave it some thought.

“I don’t know. I suppose I suddenly just got sick of hiding. I just realised that the only person I was really hiding from was myself.”

She gave a little shrug and carried on picking the heads of yarrow.

Kieran picked up one of the golden yarrow heads and began fiddling with it, picking bits of blossom from it.

“Is that what you think I’m doing?” he asked, not looking up at her.

“No. You have to decide when you’re ready to change things. No-one else can make that decision for you. For what it’s worth, I think that maybe you’re better off keeping it to yourself just for the time being. You’ll know when it’s the right time.”

He looked up then, and nodded a smile – he seemed relieved.

“What are you doing?” he asked, watching the children as they stuffed handfuls of heaven knows what into their plastic buckets. Lily could sort through later and pick out the ones she could actually use.

“I thought it was a good idea to let them help with the gardening, give them a sense of responsibility,” Lily lied.

“Have I got enough magic flowers to make the charm, now?” Sarah called across to her, waving the bucket at her. Lily winced and felt a bright flush of colour rise to her cheeks.

“Magic flowers?” Kieran asked, a smirk touching his lips.

“It’s just a game to get them interested – you know like Mary Poppins with her tidying up game.”

He grinned and threw the yarrow head at her.

“You must think I just dropped off the Christmas tree. Come on, tell me, what’s going on?”

Lily pinched in her face in a little moue of misery. She really didn’t want to do this, but she had to, didn’t she? Kieran was in as much danger as the little ones, and if she didn’t warn him and anything happened, it would be her fault, wouldn’t it? She pulled in a breath and blew it out again. It didn’t help.

“What would you say if I told you that I thought that Liam and Sarah – well, you as well – were in danger?”

Kieran gave a brittle laugh.

“From Claire? No, she’s useless, but we can manage all right. Her cooking’s not that bad.”

Lily gave a wan smile.

“I’m not joking, I wish I was. Kieran I’m going to tell you something that you won’t believe, but I can prove every word of what I’m saying. Just hear me out before you tell me I’m nuts.”

He looked worried then, a look his face hadn’t worn often.

“What’s this all about?”

“Do you trust me?” she asked.

There was no hesitation, not a second’s pause.

“Yeah, course I do. You’re the one person that’s never crapped on me – well, apart from the odd bit of sniping, and saying I’ve got a needle dick, but that’s normal between brothers and sisters, though, aint it?”