Face the Music (31 page)

I watched for several minutes.  It was like the music had consumed him, completely taken over.  He was totally focused on the song, and while I was desperate to talk to him, I knew he was under a lot of pressure to get things ready for the performance.  Deciding to call him later, I went home.

***

I tried to reach him several times that evening
,
but each time it went straight to his voice mail.  I didn’t leave a message.

The show that evening was even more
drug-out than ever.  Apparently
,
filling an hour’s slot with only seven contestants required more nonsense.  I had the TV on as I did school work and only looked up to see the kids and Chris.

The judges were mixed about Chris’s performance
of the Staind song
. 

“I love watching you sing like that.  When you’re not bouncing around the stage, we get to see this softer, more sensitive side of you,” Lucy raved.

“I don’t know,” said Stella, brushing her
hair out of her face.  “For me
that felt forced.  It’s almost like you were distracted tonight, your head wasn’t
in it
.  Got other things on your mind?”

Chris shrugged.

Eddie chimed in.  “I guess I’m neutral.  It wasn’t bad; we all just know you’re capable of better.”

Chris frowned and nodded. 

“But fret not, my young friend,” Eddie added, giving Chris a knowing look.  “I know what’s troubling you.  Things aren’t always as they seem.”

Chris looked puzzled.

I was almost in a panic when the judges revealed their decision.  Clearly
,
it hadn’t been Chris’s week, and it was all my fault.  I’d never forgive myself if he went home tonight.

Luckily
,
he remained safe when an older woman named Tisha was eliminated.

***

Sometime during the night I
woke up to
my
phone ringing.

“Hello?” I whispered.

“Ms. Banks?”

“Yes?” I
glanced
at the little clock on my nightstand.  It was after one.

“This is Dr. Reed from the Care Center.  I’m calling about your Grandmother.” 

I sat up, instantly awake
.  “Yes?”

“Ms. Banks, I’m afraid I have bad news.  Your grandmother suffered a massive stroke about an hour ago and has been admitted to St. Mary’s ICU.”  My heart sank.  “I have to be honest, Ms. Banks, it doesn’t look good.  You might want to go over
right away
.”

“Okay, thanks.”  I didn’t wait for him to say goodbye.  I hung up, jumped out of bed, and pulled on some old blue jeans and a sweatshirt.  Emily must have heard me clattering around because she poked her head in my door.

“What’s going on?” she asked through a yawn. 

“That was Dr. Reed.  It’s Grams, Em.”  My voice cracked.  “She’s in the ICU, and it’s not good.  I’m going over now.  Do you want to come?”

“Oh no!”  She came in and let herself fall across my bed.  “You go.  I better let Molly sleep.  Call me as soon as you know anything though, okay?”

“Of course.  Bye, Em.” 

Buildings raced by in a blur as the cab sped towards the hospital.  I was completely numb.  It was almost like a re-run of the night Mom died, the only difference being that with Grams, I was expecting it.  I knew that sooner or later this day would come, but I also knew I could never fully be prepared.  I wiped the tears from my eyes as we pulled up to the entrance. 

Jogging down the long, sterile corridors, I
found a nurses’ station and was directed to
Grams’s room.  She was in bed and looked completely lifeless.  Her once glowing complexion had taken on an ashen tone, and several wires connected her to a machine.  The attending physician came in to give me an update.

“Ms. Banks?”  He held out his hand, and we went
out
to the hall.  “I’m Dr. Huntford.  Your grandmother has suffered a stroke.  It appears that a cerebral hemorrhage has limited the blood supply to the left part of her brain.  We’ve managed to slow down the bleeding, but there’s still a great deal of pressure.  If
she were younger and healthier
I would recommend surgery, but in this case…”  He looked at me with sympathetic eyes.  “I’m very sorry.  There really is nothing else we can do for her.  She’s resting comfortably, and I assure you she is not in any pain.”  He paused as I processed what he was telling me.

“How long does she have?”  I looked up at him with fresh tears.

He hesitated.  “Hours.  Maybe a day.  Is there anyone we
can call for you?” 

I closed my eyes and shook my head.  “No, I’m it.”  My voice was barely above a whisper.

We both looked
up when he was
called
over the intercom.  “You’re more than welcome to stay, of course.  But
,
if you don’t have any other questions
for me
, I’d better run
.
”

“Thanks,
Dr. Huntford.  I’ll be fine.”

I went back in and sat on the chair by
Grams’s
bed, glancing at the monitors.  Her pulse and blood pressure were weak.  Her breaths were uneven and shallow.  I rested my head on the edge of the bed and let t
he t
ears fall from my cheeks onto the soft blanket. 

It was all so sad.  Unbearable, almost.  Grams was dying, and I was the only one
t
here for her.  I didn’t blame Emily for staying with Molly- I
would have done the same thing-
but it wasn’t fair that I was so alone.  Mom was gone.  Grams would soon be, too, and in a short matter of time I would be the oldest member of my family.  And I was only twenty-four. 

The numbness was all-consuming, but I told myself that it was better than falling apart.  I couldn’t allow myself that luxury.  I had to be strong for Emily and Molly. 

I stepped out into t
he hall, dialed her cell, and gave her the news.
 

She sounded exhausted when she spoke. 
“A
re you okay?  Do you want me to come down?  I’m sure Mrs. Johnson would
come over and stay with Molly.
”

I shook my head even though she wasn’t there to see.  “No, that’s okay.  There’s nothing you can do.  I’m just going to sit with her for little while, and then I’ll be home.”  Even I noticed there was no expression in my voice.

After a long pause, Emily spoke.  “Okay, see you when you get here.  Bye.”

I closed my phone and went back to my chair and sat there for some
time, feeling sorry for myself.  I
looked up when someone touched my hand.  Grams was looking down at me. 

I blinked hard, not trusting my tired eyes.  “Grams?”

She smiled and
took a jagged breath.  “
Allie-gator
.” 

Tears flooded down my cheeks.  “Oh my God.  Grams!”  I stood up and leaned over the bed, looking into her clear, unclouded eyes.  Eyes that recognized me.

“You look so much like your mother,” she said between heavy breat
hs.  “Such a beautiful child.”

I was too choked up to speak.

She squeezed my hand. 
“Don’t grow too old before you decide to live your life.” 
Her voice was soft but serious. 

I shook my head, not understanding.  “What?”

She took another ragged b
reath. 
She then closed her eyes.

“Grams?” I squeaked, my throat tight.  She stirred, and
her grip on my hand relaxed.  S
econds later
,
an alarm sounded.  I glanced at the heart monitor and was horrified to see the flat line spreading across the screen.  The doctor and a nurse rushed in. 

The nurse looked at me.  “I’m afraid it’s time.” 

Dr. Huntford pressed his stethoscope to Grams’s chest and looked at the clock.  He nodded to the nurse, and she silenced the alarm.  “Time of death:  thre
e twenty
-three
.”  He looked at me.  “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

I still had a
hold of Grams’s hand.  Tears dripped from my chin, but I didn’t bother to wipe them away.  I barely noticed when the nurse and doctor left the room.  “I love you, Grams.  Tell Mom and G
ramps
‘
hi
’
for me,” I whispered.

I kissed the hand that I still held and gently laid it back down on the bed.

It was almost five when I got back home.  My feet were like lead weights, dragging my body through the building.  I got into the elevator and hung my head as the steel d
oors pulled closed.  Halfway up
,
I pushed the stop button.  Collapsing on the elevator floor, I gave into the grief and sobbed. 

***

Most of the final arrangements had already been made.  Grams indicated in her will that she wanted to be cremated and have her ashes buried next to Gramps.  I still needed to call the morgue and make plans to have that done, but there really
wasn’t need for a big funeral.  So few
people
would be there.

Everything happened really quickly
after that
.  Grams’s body was reduced to ashes, a
nd we were scheduled to bury them
on Saturday morning.  I went to work on Friday in a daze, wrestling with memories of Grams and
torn by the whirlwind of emotions that seemed to be eating me alive
. 

I didn’t feel like eating lunch.  I just sat at my desk, staring off into space, and didn’t notice that Jake had come in until he rested his hand over mine. 

“Allie,” he said softly.
 

I snapped out of my daze.  “Jake, wow, I didn’t even hear you come
in.”  I gave him a weak smile.

“I heard about your Grandma.  I am so sorry.  Is there anything I can do?”

I shook my head.  “No,
but thanks. 
I’ve got everything handled.”  I really wasn’t fit for conversation and slipped back into a daze when Chris walked in. 

He looked at Jake.  “Hey, what’s up?”

J
ake nodded in his direction. “Hey, man
.”

Chris pulled a chair up next to mine.  “Are you alright?”

I thought back to our conversation in the coffee shop several weeks ago.  Chris was probably the only person on the planet who truly understood how deeply Grams’s death impacted me.  “Yeah, I’m okay.”  I wasn’t sure how convincing I sounded.  “It’s not like I didn’t know this was coming, you know?” 

He frowned.  “That doesn’t make it any easier though, does it?”

I stared at nothing in front of me.  “No, not really.” 

“Allie,” Jake said from my other side, “aren’t you hungry?  Do you want to go grab something to eat?”