Extinction (14 page)

“I don’t care who your father is. It never mattered
to me. I care about you…because of you are.” He took another step closer.

“Then why are you hurting me?” 

He looked away and sighed deeply. “I can’t tell
you.”

“Tell me what?” All the frustration I felt seeped
into my words. 

“I can’t explain it to you now, but I will. I
promise. Just remember, no matter what I say or do, I care about you,” his
voice pleaded with me and his hands skimmed my shoulders, but I was too hurt to
listen. Nothing he said made sense anymore.

“Leave me alone!” I jerked away from his hands and
tried to push past him, but he grabbed my hips, lifting me so my face was
directly in line with his. His body pinned me to the wall and I couldn’t move. His
lips crushed mine, hard and desperate. He kissed me with a hunger that left me
breathless. I whimpered and immediately his grip softened. His lips moved to my
tearstained cheeks, his fingers trailing the curve of my neck.

“Lesson number three - I’ll never leave you alone. You’re
mine,” he whispered. 

I was in love with him. It hit me like a
sledgehammer. I didn’t know when or how it happened, but there was no denying
it anymore. I pushed him away as hard as I could and I ran, before he could see
the truth in my face.

      Once again
,
I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking of Chai and I tossed and turned restlessly
in my bed. I tried for hours to make sense of what he had said to me. He said
he cared, then why was he always with Emily. Why did she cling to him, like she
possessed him? Not once did he defend me when she said something hateful. He
was the one that said he felt sorry for me. No matter how much I thought about
it, I was nowhere near an answer. I even finished reading that silly book I
borrowed from Arianna and hated the happily ever after ending. 

Finally I gave up on sleeping and got up. Maybe I
could find something in the kitchen that resembled milk and I pulled a hoody over
the tank top I was wearing. It was past midnight and the corridors of the ship
were deserted this time of night and I quietly made my way to the kitchen. Mom always
used to make me warm milk when I couldn’t sleep. I searched the fridge and found
a bottle of white liquid. It was the milk of an alien creature that resembled a
cow and it didn’t taste that bad. If I closed my eyes I could even pretend it
was real creamy milk. I sighed.  How I missed chocolate bars. It was the small
things you take for granted that I missed the most – like hot chocolate and
potato chips. I headed back to my room with the glass of milk when I heard
laughing coming from a room down the corridor. It was late for anyone to still
be up. Curious I strolled down the corridor and came to a standstill in front
of Chai’s room- the laughing came from inside. The door wasn’t closed and the
light was dimmed inside.

Chai stood in the middle of the floor. His shirt lay
in a crumpled heap on the floor at his feet and his black trousers rode low on
his hips. Emily was molded to his body, her arms wrapped around his neck. They
kissed and his hands moved slowly down her back. Only a few hours ago he told
me he cared about me. He kissed me. Once again he lied to me. The glass of milk
slipped from my fingers and shattered at my feet in the same instance as I felt
my heart shattering into a million pieces.

Lexie!
  I could hear
him shouting in my head, but I shut him out as I ran away – away from him and
away of the waves of hurt that rocked through my body, trying to block their
images from my mind.

I couldn’t stay in my room. I couldn’t be anywhere
near them. The pain was too much. I was suffocating. I grabbed the letter from
my mother and headed to the ‘hall of remembrance’ as everyone called it. No one
stopped me as I left the ship and headed down the tunnel. I sat down on the cold
stone floor below the photo of my mother and twirled the envelope in my
fingers. I should read it and now was as good a time as any. I needed her so
much and this was as close as I was going to get to hear her voice again.

I carefully tore open the envelope. I took the thin
sheets of paper in my hand, pressing them against my noise and inhaled her
perfume that clung to it – a mixture of vanilla and lilac. If I closed my eyes
I could imagine her standing next to me. I missed her so much. I glanced at her
picture.

“I need you, Mom.” My voice bounced off the walls of
the empty room. She wasn’t going to answer me, she was gone forever.

I unfolded the paper and studied the familiar
handwriting.

My dearest Lexie

It hurts me to know that if you’re
reading this, I’m no longer with you.  There is so much I still have to tell
you and now I will never get the chance.

But know this

I love you.

You are my sweetest baby girl and I will
always be with you.  I never should have left you with him.  I thought you
would be safe, but I should have protected you against the evil growing inside
of him.  We should have left him years ago.  Together.  I thought I could save
him, that he would change, but I was wrong.

No matter what, you must never lose
hope.  You remember when you were eight - we went on this big adventure.  A
vacation at the beach.  Just you and me.  There was this old woman telling
fortunes for money.  She came to me and told me you were very special.  She
said that the love you carried inside of you would one day save the
world. 
And I firmly believe it.  You have this amazing gift to love everyone around
you. Never lose it. 

I’ve made many mistakes, but you were
never one of them.  If you are reading this letter, you’ve found your way to
Bill.  He is a good man and I love him dearly.  I hope he can one day forgive
me for all the pain I have caused him.

I’ve kept a secret from both of you.  There’s
no easy way to say this to you in a letter and I should have told you both the
truth years ago. 

Bill is your father.

My heart stopped beating and I inhaled sharply.  I
reread the sentence again.  Bill was my father?  How was it possible?  It must
be a mistake.

I hope you open your heart to him.  My
biggest wish is that you find your way to each other.  I can see him in you
every time I look at you. Please forgive me for keeping this from you.

Be strong and brave

I love you.

Mom

I read the letter over and over, until my eyes burned.
Robert Miller was not my father. I had so many unanswered questions whirling
inside my head. How could my mother keep a secret this big from all of us? My
whole life was a lie. Nothing was as I believed it to be. I didn’t know who I
was anymore.

It was early morning as I headed for Bill’s office. I
stood wavering in front of his door, not sure if I should knock or not. It was
too early for him to be here yet and I didn’t know where else to go. I had to
talk to someone. I desperately needed answers.

“Lexie?” Bill stood behind me, surprised to see me
here so early in the morning. He took in my sleep deprived face and ushered me
into his office and closed the door behind us. I flopped down in one of the white
metal chairs and pulled my knees to my chin. This man was my father. What was I
supposed to say to him?
Hi, Dad, guess what? You are my father
. It
seemed so unreal. He took a seat in the chair next to me and I knew I didn’t
have to say anything. His face told me he already knew.

“You read the letter,” he said and rubbed his face
warily. This wasn’t easy for him too.

“Yes,” I replied quietly and hugged my knees closer
to my chest.

“I know you must be confused.” He moved his chair
closer to mine, scraping it across the floor. “I felt the same way as you at
first.”

“How long have you known each other?”

“Since we were still in diapers.” Bill smiled at the
memory. “We and your father…Robert grew up together. We were the best of
friends.”

He was friends with my father?  I still thought of
Robert as my father, though technically he wasn’t related to me in any way
anymore. “I don’t understand. You knew my father? But…How did you and my mother
happen?”

“We were always together, but when we reached high
school, you’re mother only had eyes for Robert. She was in love with him.” Bill
looked sad; it caused him pain to admit it.

“You were in love with her?”

“Yes, but she never noticed the way I felt about her
and I never told her. They got married and I enlisted in the army.” He rubbed
his chin. “A year after they were married I visited them. Your mother was very
unhappy. Robert entered into politics and he became obsessed with it. He had
this obsession with getting to the top, no matter who he hurt along the way.  Things…”
He hesitated.  “Things happened and we had an affair. When my leave was over I
begged her to come with me, but she still believed there was hope for him, that
he could change. I was hurt and we had a huge fight. I left.”

“She didn’t tell you she was pregnant with me?” I
asked. My head was reeling with the fact that my mother had an affair. There
was this whole side to her that I didn’t know existed.

“No. I would’ve made her leave Robert if I knew.”

“When did you find out you were my father?”

“A year ago I went through her stuff and found the
letters. She left me one too.”  He looked intently at me. “I didn’t know what
to do. I wanted to get you out of Palasium, but I couldn’t exactly storm in
there and tell you I’m your father.” He sighed deeply. “I should have. If I
knew how he treated you all these years…”

“Do you think he knew?” I asked. That would explain
why he hated me so much and could barely stand to look at me all these years.

“I don’t know. I don’t think she ever told him,”
Bill said thoughtfully. “I did the best I could think of and got Erich to
infiltrate the Guard to keep an eye on you.”

“Erich watched me?” I was surprised. I never noticed
him before in Palasium.

“Yes, he kept a low profile, but kept an eye on
you.” Bill smiled proudly.  “He’s a good boy. You two are a lot alike.”

“Erich’s my brother?”

 “After I left your mother, I married a young girl I
met. She died after Erich was born.”

“I’m sorry.” The words sounded so empty and
meaningless to say to someone else’s loss. “Does Erich know?”

“Yes. He likes having a sister,” Bill answered. It
was a lot to take in. I felt like a hurricane had swept through my life,
leaving everything upside down in its wake. I had a father. I had a brother. I
had a family.

“I know this is upsetting for you.” He leant
forward. “I cannot expect you to think of me as your father, but I would like
to get the chance to know you better.”

I was silent for a while, trying to sort through the
mess that was my life. “I would like that too,” I said at long last and stood. “Can
we keep this between us for now? I’m not ready for anyone else to know yet. I
need time to think, if you don’t mind.”  ”

Bill nodded. “Of course. You can have all the time
you need.”  He hugged me and for a moment I clung to him, tears rolling down my
cheeks. It was so strange to think I had a family and I found them in an alien
spaceship.

Outside his office I bumped into Chai and he frowned
when he saw my tear streaked face.

“Lexie…” he said, but I walked away without giving
him a chance to finish his sentence. I didn’t have the energy left in me to
deal with him at that moment.

     
I
didn’t go
to training, preferring to stay in my room. I
needed the time alone to think and to catch up on some much needed sleep. I was
hiding from the world. Sometime during the afternoon there was a knock on the
door. I wasn’t in the mood for company, but I opened the door with a sigh which
quickly spread into a smile as Erich stood in the door.

I watched him as he came in and stretched out on the
bed, as if it was the first time I saw him.   This boy with the messy curls was
my brother.

“Did Bill tell you?” I asked cautiously not knowing
what Erich thought of the whole situation. 

“Yeah. High time you knew what was going on.” He
placed his hands behind his head. I sat down on the corner of the bed.

“How’re you dealing with it all?” He watched me
closely, taking in my tired face.

“It’s a bombshell to hear my mom had an affair.” I flopped
on my back next to him. “The weirdest part is that I am relieved. For so long
I’ve been scared of becoming my father and now to know he isn’t…it’s like this
burden has been lifted.”

“You know I met your mother when she was here.” I
glanced at Erich in surprise. He must have been eleven years old when she was
at the rebel base. “She was very nice to me and she told me about you. I didn’t
know who you were, but she made you sound very cool.”

I laughed. It was only Mom that could make me sound
cool. “I miss her.” 

“At least you had some time with her.” He said
thoughtfully and I knew he was thinking of his own mother and that he never had
the chance to spend time with her. He never got to know her.

“I’m sorry…about your mother.” I took his hand.

“Bill’s really nice as far as dads go,” Erich said
and squeezed my hand. “You should give him a chance.”

“I want to. It must be a shock suddenly having a
teenage daughter.”  I rolled on my side to see his face better. “Bill said you
were watching over me in Palasium.”

“I stayed in the background. I have remarkable ninja
skills.” He rubbed his face with a fist and the gesture reminded me of Bill. “There
were a couple of times I wanted to kill that bastard.”

“Now I understand why Robert hated me so much.” He
was best friends with Bill at one time and looking at me he would’ve recognized
the resemblance to Bill. I had the same pale blue eyes as Bill and Erich. “How
do you feel about having a sister?”

“I like having a baby sister to boss around,” he
said and laughed at me.

“Technically I’m older than you. That makes you my
baby brother.”

“In age, but you’re much smaller than me!” He shoved
me and I giggled. It felt good to be so relaxed with him.