Everything But (14 page)

He
’d
almost dozed off
, wondering how the hell this girl had gotten under his skin,
when the CD switched over and he heard the familiar chords of J. C. Gibson’s guitar
, the opening to “Tormented,” the first song on Spawn’s first CD.  Now why the hell would Erin have put that in her player?  Well, she’d said she was a fan.  Now, there was no doubting it.  But
he fucking
hated
hearing himself.  So, even though all he wanted to do was collapse, he dragged his ass off her bed and forced himself down the hallway to stop the CD from playing.
  It gave him an excuse to toss the used condom in the trash in the bathroom, which he discovered was the other door in the hallway.

Oh, yeah…that really
had
taken it all out of him.  He felt so good right now, so sleepy, so…
happy
.  He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt that foreign emotion.  He was in a bit of a haze as he stumbled into the living room.  He walked across to the bookshelf where her CD player was and pressed the button to turn it off. 
God.
  Not only did he not
like
hearing himself, he
really
hated hearing his earlier stuff.  His voice on Spawn’s first album still hadn’t fully matured.  No one else could hear
it the way
he did, but there were spots in a few songs where he just cringed. 
By the time they’d recorded their first album, he had his scream down, his growl perfected, and had established a wide range, but—in his opinion—he hadn’t reached
his prime.  Still, the album
had
g
arnered
the attention of metal fans and the rest was history.

Better.  He saw his glass on the coffee table and finished the last few swallows of water.  He hoped Erin would be okay with sleeping for a few hours, and then he’d love to take her out.

God…that was a dangerous feeling too.
  Which one?
 
That
one…the one he refused to name or even recognize.

He clenched his jaw and told himself to just enjoy the moment, no matter what happened.  He hadn’t even known this girl for forty-eight hours.  Any deep feelings he
might think he was
experiencing
could be accounted
for by
the endorphins and probably also the fact that he couldn’t remember the last time he’d actually gotten to know a little about the girl he was banging.

Yeah, dumbass, and there was a reason for that.  It was to stop
emotions
from entering the picture at all.

He inhaled a deep breath, walking back down the hall to Erin’s bedroom.  He didn’t give a fuck what he was thinking.  He was going to hold her close and sleep until she woke him up.  But when he walked in the bedroom doorway, she was sitting up.  He couldn’t help the grin that spread over his face.  “So, you survived.”

She looked pissed.  Why did she look
so
mad
? 
“Barely.”

Riley slowed his walk and tried to read her face.  “You okay?”

Her voice was low, almost guttural.  “I told you to stop.”

He shook his head.  “Come again?”

“You told me I could trust you, and I kept telling you to stop, Riley.  Why didn’t you stop?”

It sunk in.  He finished walking to the bed and sat down on it next to her, hoping to reassure her.
 
“Oh, God.”
  He shook his head again and felt his eyebrows jump up his forehead.  He was
not
awake enough for this.  “Didn’t you like it?”

She clenched her jaw.  “You’re missing the point.  I begged you to stop. 
More than once.
  And you wouldn’t.  Why didn’t you?”

He rubbed his hand over his forehead. 
Fuck
.  Why the hell hadn’t she used the
safeword
?
  They’d
had
this conversation, and last he knew she was going to say
security
if she couldn’t handle it anymore.
  “Shit, Erin.  I’m sorry. 
Why didn’t you use the
safeword
?
”

“
What
safeword
?”

God,
was
he that big
a shit
?
  “
The
safeword
you picked, Erin
.”

She looked tired, but she stood up.  God, she really
was
a sight to behold
.  But she was beyond angry.  “We didn’t
have
a
safeword
, Riley, so you know what that means?  That means stop
means stop
!”

“Didn’t we?  You said your
safeword
was
gonna
be
security
.  Don’t you remember that?”

“I didn’t pick that.  I was throwing it out there as an example.  We didn’t finish our conversation!”  He looked down, trying to remember what they’d talked about.  Jesus…had he misunderstood it that much?  He c
ould’ve sworn she’d settled on that
word.  How the fuck did he
miss
that?  He closed his eyes and ran his tongue along the back of his top teeth, processing it.  No wonder she was so pissed. 
She marched over to him and he
stood up,
prepar
ing
himself for her to start pummeling him with her fists. 
And h
e was going to stand there and take it.  He deserved it.  And then he could
beg
her for forgiveness.
  Instead, she stopped at the foot of the bed and bent over, picking up his underwear.  She threw them at his chest and said, “Get the fuck out of here.”

He
hadn’t
expected
that
.  “Oh, come on, Erin.  Can’t we talk about
this
?”

Her teeth were clenched but she spoke through them anyway.  “No.  We should’ve talked about it earlier, when at least one of us knew what was going on.  You lost your chance.” 
That didn’t feel fair, but how could he argue with it? 
She took a deep breath.  “Now will you kindly get the fuck out of my apartment?”

If he stayed, he knew he’d only make it worse.  She needed to cool off.  And he saw her wrists again, upping the guilt he felt.  She was right, and he had it coming.  So he nodded and picked his underwear up off the floor
,
and stepp
ing
into them.  She walked over to her closet and pulled out a light cotton flowery robe and slid it up her arms
to cover
herself.  That was a shame, b
ecause she was a vision of beauty
.

And with that thought in mind, he hadn’t realized he’d been frozen in place, just staring at her.  She marched over to him and pushed on his chest.  He could tell she had little strength left.
  “
Go
.”

His eyes were clouded with emotion, and he didn’t dare trust himself to talk.  He wanted to wrap his arms around her, hold her close,
ask
her to forgive him.  But he knew, just looking at her and feeling the waves of anger coming off
her, that
now was not the time.  He inhaled a deep breath and nodded, turning towards the door.

He got to the living room and there were all their pieces of clothing, his scattered around and on the couch, hers on the chair.  He picked up his jeans and slid into them.  She was right behind him and started scooping up Monopoly parts, starting with the green houses, and throwing them in the box.  She picked up the money and all the different cards and arranged the box while he slipped his t-shirt back on. 
If it hadn’t been so tense, he might have laughed that she was putting everything where it went instead of just chucking it all haphazardly into the center of the box. 
He sat on the couch to put his socks and shoes on, feeling the maddening silence.  The only sounds were creating by her furious efforts to get the Monopoly game together as quickly as possible.
  But she had it
assembled
by the time his second shoe was tied.  He stood, really not wanting to go, but he felt in his pocket for his keys
anyway
.

He looked over at her, his brows furrowed, wishing he could find the right words but knowing even the perfect words would fall on deaf ears right now.  She still looked super pissed and he understood.  Her jaw was still clamped when she thrust the Monopoly box at him.  Words…any words at all…  “Will you feel like talking tomorrow?”

She didn’t miss a beat.  “I have to work tomorrow.”

He started walking toward the door.  “Tomorrow night?”

“I don’t know.”  She stood beside the door and unlocked it.  She turned the knob and pulled it open.

He walked through but turned and asked, “So can I call you tomorrow?”

She sighed.  And there he saw a glimmer of hope as the mask of anger slipped for just a moment.  Even her words weren’t as heated when she said, “You can try.”
  But she closed the door.

He stood there for a few seconds, still hardly believing what had just happened.  He’d gone from soaring high in the clouds to hit
ting
rock bottom
in short order
.  He considered knocking on her door, insisting they work it out, but he knew that was a stupid idea.  So he started walking down the stairs toward his car.  As he was approaching it, a twenty-something woman with dark hair in a miniskirt approached him.  “You’re the rock star, Riley Schultz, right?”

Jesus.  He really wasn’t in the mood.  Couldn’t even
fuckin
’ come home
anymore.
  But he wasn’t
gonna
be a dick.  He forced half a smile.  “Yeah, that’s me.”

“Oh, my God.
  It’s true then.”

“What?”

“Someone told me you were dating Erin Lancaster.”

He squinted.  “Well, you’ll have to ask her about that.”  He had no idea
what
they were doing, but he wasn’t about to tell this girl that.

She sauntered up to him, hands on her hips, her eyes undressing him from bottom to top.  “I
will
.”  She walked right up to him and placed a hand on his chest.  Oh, yeah.  He knew where this was going, because he’d lived it hundreds of times already.  He just didn’t get it.  But he was going to wait for it before telling her to hit the road.  “In the meantime, sweetie, you want some hometown
action
, I’d be happy to do whatever you wanted.”

Yep.  There it was. 
Bad timing on this girl’s part really, although five years ago, he would’ve taken her up on it
, probably
even
opened his car door for her and fucked her right there
.  “Thanks for the offer, uh…”

“Jo.”

“Thanks for the offer, Jo, but, yeah, I guess you could say Erin and I are dating.” 
Even if they weren’t.
 
Erin
was the reason he turned the girl down, because even when emotions weren’t invested, it was hard to say
no
when a girl just threw herself at you, no matter how used to it you got.

“Oh, bummer,” she said, tracing her finger down his chest.  “In case that doesn’t work out, I’m right there,” she said, pointing across the way, “A-3.  I’d rock your world anytime.”

He nodded and forced another smile.  “I
gotta
be
goin
’,” he said, not worried about how graceful his exit was.  He just had to get out of there.

As he stepped in the car, she said again, “Change your mind, A-3…anytime.”  She screwed up the side of her mouth in a sexy pout and slid her hand up her thigh as he turned on the engine and forced himself to look down at the gearshift, pulling it into
reverse
.  He had to get out of there now, because he wasn’t going to do that.  He’d done it before, drowning his sorrows in hundreds of women, and in the end, it just made him feel numb.  No.  There was still maybe a chance to resolve whatever was going on with Erin.  He just had to give her time.

Chapter Fourteen

“S
O WAS
I right?” Jackie had asked her over the phone. 
Instead of answering,
Erin had just begged her friend to come over.

So when the doorbell started ringing, Erin was pretty sure that’s who was there. 
It was growing dark out, so she turned on the outdoor light
and
peeked through a slit in the doo
r first before throwing it
open wide.
“So, girl, what the hell?”