Every Second Counts (20 page)

Despite the insight into how she’d reacted as a child, Bridgette couldn’t let go of her exasperation with Ryder’s life-risking behavior as an adult. “Some people never outgrow their childhood.” She flushed at the judgment in her voice and squirmed under Trudy’s thoughtful gaze.

“Still, she’s grown into a beautiful young woman.” Trudy said. “Eleanor would have been proud.”

“Yes. I’m sure you’re right.” She didn’t want to have this discussion with Trudy or anybody else.

Trudy seemed to understand and stood. “Well, dear, I’ve taken enough of your time. I had only stopped by to ask for an invitation to the auction. I’d like to see if there’s a piece my old friend painted that strikes my fancy.”

“Of course. The invitations went out to collectors and art agents several weeks ago. I’m sorry that we’ve overlooked her friends here.”

“No worries. There aren’t many of us. Eleanor mostly kept to herself.”

Bridgette grabbed a handful of invitations from the stack of paperwork on the table and handed them to her. “Please, give one of these to anyone else who would like to come.”

“Thank you, dear.” Trudy patted her hand. “Marci’s so lucky to have such good friends. She’ll realize one day that she’s not as alone as she thinks.”

“She fainted? Skyler fainted?”

Tory laughed. “She is human, you know.”

Ryder and Tory stood outside the nursery, scanning the rows of bassinets for the one marked Parker-Reese. It had been a long, tense night, with the baby finally arriving around six that morning.

“They weren’t expecting to do a C-section,” Tory said. “Dr. Nichols said Sky hit the floor like a load of bricks when they cut Jess open. They managed to get her on her feet to see the baby before they took Jess to recovery, but Skyler was too shaky to hold her.”

“Hey, there she is now.”

A door opened opposite from the windows where they stood, and a nurse led Skyler to a bassinet on the back row and showed her how to properly hold little Leigh Parker-Reese—named after Jessica’s grandmother, the Parker matriarch. The nurse pointed to a rocking chair in the corner and Skyler took a seat, her gaze on the small figure swaddled in her arms.

They saw her wipe away a tear and grin when the nurse said something to her.

“Is she crying? I can’t believe she’s crying.”

“I can’t imagine what she must be feeling,” Tory said softly.

“She’s different,” Ryder said, struggling to put words to her tangled emotions.

“I hope so.” Tory slid her arm over Ryder’s shoulders. “When you fall in love, it changes you. It changes everything.”

“Not gonna happen to me,” she said, frowning at Skyler brushing the tip of her finger along the baby’s cheek. “I can’t see me doing that.”

“You don’t know what you’re capable of until you meet the right person.”

She should feel happy for her friends. Instead, she felt like she was watching them board a train going someplace new and she didn’t have a ticket. Was Tory going, too?

“So, you gonna knock Leah up?”

Tory laughed again and grabbed her by the back of the neck to shake her. “Don’t you dare say ‘knocked up’ in front of Leah.”

Tory released her and they watched Skyler rock the baby.

“Leah and I haven’t talked about it. I grew up with two brothers and kind of enjoy the peace and quiet of just the two of us. But if she decides she wants to have children, I’m okay with that.”

“Not me. I’m not relationship material. I can’t even keep a house plant alive.”

Tory looked at her. “I thought you and Bridgette might have something going.”

“No. We don’t.” Her throat worked around the words that choked her. “And I have to get back to Dallas. My agent e-mailed. If I can get the rodeo to clear me to compete, I still have time to qualify for the nationals.”

“I thought you’d be here another month or so.”

“I’m already packed and flying out tonight. In fact, I need to leave if I’m going to catch a plane out of Richmond in four hours.”

Tory scowled. “Were you even going to say good-bye?”

She shrugged. “I’m not really good with that. Tell Sky and Jess thanks for everything. I’ll e-mail them when I get back to Dallas.”

Tory stared at her, then pulled her into a tight hug. “You’ve got family here, little sister, whether you think so or not,” Tory whispered in her ear. “And if you don’t show up here for Christmas, Skyler and I are flying out and hauling your ass back here. You understand? Don’t leave and stay gone for so long again.”

“Yeah, I hear you.”

She did understand, but she wasn’t leaving them. They’d already left her. Her friends had grown up and settled down. They’d changed and she hadn’t. She was still and always would be the one left behind.

*

The glass of wine before her sat untouched as Bridgette settled onto a large square pillow and relaxed into a lotus position. She concentrated on the trickle of the stream below the balcony where she worked to empty her thoughts.

Her focus gradually switched from the sounds of the water to the thump of her own heartbeat, and it slowed to the point she could almost hear the squish of her blood flowing in and out with every contraction of the thick muscle. Her mind became a blank, black slate as she mentally floated.

Then the beat of her heart developed an odd, faint echo. It didn’t feel threatening. It felt comforting, as though she wasn’t alone in her void. Curious, she reached deeper—deep enough to touch the place she had walled off long ago. The terror that usually met her there was absent, and she cautiously opened the mental door.

Stephan poured out.

This time, she didn’t have memories of blood and bulls but happy memories of childhood, running and laughing together. He beckoned and she followed. A hot wind lifted her hair and danced among the strands like a caress. He lifted his hands to the sky and she saw the storm clouds, dark and turbulent, roiling with sheet lightning.

She stared up at the storm and realized it was familiar. The abstract. She was looking at the painting in the small upstairs studio. This wasn’t her storm, so she didn’t have any reason to shrink from it. Still, it did frighten her, just in a different way.

She could hear the old monk’s voice.
Control your fear and it can keep you safe. Unleash your fear and, like a fierce tiger, it will hunt and cripple you.

Before she could consider this, a
tap-tap
at her consciousness drew her from her meditation. As she surfaced, she realized the tapping came from raindrops, cold and wet, falling on her face and arms. The Indian-summer shower gained momentum and she lifted her face to let the downpour wash over her.

Her laughter bubbled up. She had let herself feel Stephan and she didn’t hurt. She felt lighter, almost weightless. She had stood in the dark storm that was Ryder’s torment and found her own had calmed. She grabbed her wineglass and pillow to dash back into the loft.

She didn’t hesitate, fitting the crowbar under the wood and prying the crate open. She lifted them out, one by one, until all six paintings were propped against the wall. They were her storm—bitter, tormented evidence of her grief.

She sank to the floor, tears mingling now with the raindrops that lingered on her skin. This time, they weren’t tears of loss but tears of relief. The pain that tore at her was gone. She realized at last that Stephan’s death was not about hurting her. He had jumped in front of those charging bulls for his own reasons. Reasons she would never understand, but then they weren’t hers to own.

She did know Ryder’s reasons. The paintings in that child’s studio were as clear as a storybook. If only she could get Ryder to see that she must face her tiger, too.

What I don’t understand is why it matters to you.

She wasn’t ready to answer Ryder’s question, not even for herself. But she did need to see Ryder. One tiger at a time.

*

“Come on in.” Skyler waved for Bridgette to follow her. “Jess just finished feeding the baby. We’re hanging out in the den.”

“I don’t mean to intrude. I was looking for Marc. Is she here?”

“Ryder? She skipped out on us a few days ago. I’m going to kick her butt when I see her again for not saying a proper good-bye.”

“She’s returned to Dallas?”

“Yeah. She told Tory that her agent e-mailed. Apparently he’s anxious to get her back to work before the buzz dies down over the article Leah wrote.”

Bridgette stopped. “And you let her go? She just suffered a concussion.”

Skyler narrowed her eyes. “Nobody
lets
Ryder do anything. She does what she wants. Always has.” She started down the hall again. “Come say hey to Jess and your future art student.”

Jessica was propped up on the sofa and lifted her feet when Skyler returned so she could slide in under her legs to sit close enough to touch the baby sleeping in her arms.

“Jess, she’s precious. What a head of hair!”

Jessica smiled up at her. “She’s got Skyler’s thick, blond hair.”

“And Jess’s blue eyes,” Skyler said.

“Honey, you know that can change in the next few weeks.”

“Nope. Leigh and I talked about this. She agrees that her eyes should stay blue.”

Jessica shook her head. “I’m sorry, we’re kind of sappy about the whole baby thing.”

Bridgette laughed and sat in the chair adjacent to Jessica, distracted from thinking about Ryder for the moment. “I’d be worried if you weren’t.”

“I’m sure we’ll be ready to shove her off on our friends to babysit by the time she hits the terrible twos,” Skyler said.

“I’m sure.”

“Do you want to hold her?”

“I do, but I don’t want to wake her. I just stopped by for a minute.” She sat back, then forward again to extract the rattle toy that was poking her in the back. “I came to see Marc, but Skyler said she’s gone back to Dallas.”

Skyler and Jessica shared a look she couldn’t decipher. What had Ryder told them about their—she wasn’t sure herself what to call it—encounters? Did they blame her for Ryder’s abrupt departure? She really didn’t feel like explaining what had happened between them. She wasn’t sure she could.

“We found some additional artwork in her grandmother’s house, and I need to speak with her about it. I’m sure she’ll want to keep it.” It wasn’t really a lie. “But I guess I’m too late.”

Jessica seemed to consider her words before she shifted the baby into Skyler’s arms and swung her feet to the floor. “I have her contact information in the office. I’ll get it for you.”

“Don’t go to any trouble. I’m sure her lawyer can get in touch with her.”

“It’s no trouble,” Jessica said as she stood. “I need a bathroom break anyway.”

Skyler smiled down at the baby, who had opened her eyes and was curling her small hand around Skyler’s finger. “Hey, you. Do you want to meet your Aunt Bridgette?” She looked up. “Come sit over here if you want to hold her. If you don’t, that’s okay. Not everybody’s into babies.”

“I’d love to.” She moved to the sofa and Skyler gently placed the baby in her arms. “Hello, little Leigh,” she cooed. “I’m your Aunt Bridgette and, when you’re old enough, I’m going to teach you how to finger-paint and draw and make the prettiest pictures for your moms.”

Unable to keep her hands away, Skyler offered her finger again and Leigh immediately wrapped her tiny hand around it.

“I would have never imagined this—having a family of my own and being who I am today,” Skyler said, more to herself than anyone listening. “I guess finding Jess helped me believe I could be something more, something better.” Skyler looked at her. “Some of the kids in the Young Equestrian Program have really troubled home situations, so I’m taking some online classes in child psychology. I’d have never thought about doing that before.”

“That’s wonderful, Sky.” She wondered if Ryder could ever see her future differently.

“Here you go.”

She handed the baby back to Skyler and stood to take the paper Jessica offered. “Thanks. I hate to run, but I’ve got to prepare an exam for my art-history class.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Jessica said, trailing after her.

She paused in the sunlight that dappled the wide porch. “Will I see you two at the auction?”

“You’ll probably see three of us. The grandmas are here, upstairs napping. They still haven’t adjusted to our time zone. I’m sure Kate and Mom will want to check out the auction. I have a feeling Skyler will insist on staying home with the baby, so I’ll probably come with them. I may want to bid on something.”

“Good. I’ll look forward to meeting them.”

She could tell Jessica wanted to say more, so she waited.

“There’s a lot more to Ryder than she lets most people see,” Jessica said softly. “I wasn’t sure I’d like the cocky flirt that showed up here six weeks ago. But we became pretty good friends while she was here, and I realized that under all that bravado is a real sweetheart.”

“Jess—” Her heart already knew this, but the bravado that made Ryder take stupid risks was a hurdle Bridgette still couldn’t get past. It was a shield she wasn’t sure Ryder could let go.

“Whatever’s between you two is none of my business, but if you talk to her, tell her I miss my workout buddy.”

Bridgette nodded. She missed Ryder, too. Fiercely. “I will.”

Ryder left all thoughts of Bridgette and Cherokee Falls at her Dallas condo when she drove to the rodeo arena. She couldn’t have anything but the beast and the ride on her mind for the next eight-or-so hours.

The men were provided a locker room where they traded jokes and information about the rides they had drawn as they prepared for their event. She wasn’t exactly welcomed there, and after a few such facilities offered only open showers and dressing areas, she took advantage of her inherited wealth and had an RV customized for her own personal dressing room that she could drive and park at any rodeo event.

Even with the RV, she was glad the Texas Stampede was the last big event before the nationals. Held on the outskirts of Dallas, it meant she could park her dressing room at the arena grounds and still drive her car home to sleep in her own bed each night.