Even Angels Fall (25 page)

“When Ryan died, my Mum couldn’t handle it…” Abbey sighs, heavily, “She had a complete emotional breakdown. She spent months in bed and would just cry for days. After a few months though, it seemed like she was improving. She was up and about, acting normal again, but it was too normal… too much the other way, you know? That’s when we realised how sick she really was. She started suffering from hallucinations and she would see Ryan all the time. And not just see him, I mean she would have full blown conversations with him, like me and you are talking right now.

It was that real to her…”

“Jesus…” Alex frowns, taken aback.

“It was like her mind couldn’t cope with the pain anymore, so it just shut down… blocking everything out, like none of it happened. If you tried to tell her that Ryan was gone she would fly into a rage and scream and shout, throw things… it was horrible…” Abbey shudders at the memory and closes her eyes trying to force it out of her mind, and Alex reaches up, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, before brushing her cheek with the back of his hand.

“It must have been rough…” He muses, and Abbey nods.

“She’s on medication now and she’s doing a lot better, but nobody talks about Ryan, or even mentions his name… because they’re scared it might set her off again. I guess I’m the selfish one, for wanting to remember my brother…” She shrugs again.

“I get that your Mum needed protecting… but couldn’t you talk to your brother or Anna about it?” Tears spring into Abbey’s eyes and Alex instantly regrets his question, as he watches the pain flash across her face. “Oh Abbey…” He wraps his free arm around her waist and pulls her closer, with their faces just inches apart as he kisses her lightly on the forehead.

“You’d think so wouldn’t you? But things haven’t been great between me and my family since Ryan…”

“They don’t blame you?” Alex asks, unable to hide the revulsion in his voice.

“No… it’s more like they blame themselves. We all do in a way, because none of us were able to help him. And it’s painful for them to be reminded of that… of him…”

“And he was your twin…” The penny drops and Alex closes his eyes, shaking his head with a sad realisation as he understands what Abbey is saying.

“We were alike in so many ways. We were inseparable…” She smiles fondly, before a fresh wave of pain lances through her, “That’s why they struggle to talk to me, or even be near me. It’s why they distanced themselves. Because when they look at me… they see him…” Alex pulls Abbey into a comforting hug and she shakes her head again, rolling her eyes, “God I’m such a messed up tragic aren’t I?!”

“You’re a beautiful, messed up tragic…” He corrects her, smiling, “I wish I could help more…”

“You do…” She states, firmly, “Of course you do…”

Alex strokes Abbey’s hair affectionately, before gently tilting her head back so that she meets his gaze, and his eyes burn with sincerity as he speaks.

“You’re amazing, Abbey. You’re so special, and it’s a real shame your family don’t see that. But I do. I never thought I’d feel this way about anyone…” He smiles, shyly, and Abbey rests her forehead gently against his while holding onto him tightly. He is a life raft, a safe harbour and she is beyond grateful that he is here. She is safe and warm in his arms, protected, cared for and no longer alone.

“Do you still want to join the others?” He grins and her smile returns.

“I am wide awake. But if you’re still tired I can leave you to get your beauty sleep…?” She chimes, innocently, mirroring his mischievous tone.

“Are you saying I need beauty sleep Miller?”

“Of course not…!” Abbey laughs, “But if you’re tired I can go…”

“I’m awake! I just need a little pick me up that’s all…” Alex rolls over and slides open the top drawer of his bedside table, pulling out a brown leather CD case. He quickly unzips it and a small bag of cocaine lands on his chest as he kneels up, throwing the covers back and hooking his arm behind Abbey before pulling her down the bed. She is wearing a pair of black pants and an old, grey Beatles T-shirt, which he pushes up past her waist.

“What are you doing?!” She laughs.

“I told you I need a pick me up… just hold still… this won’t hurt…!” Alex jokes, before tapping out a line of cocaine onto Abbey’s stomach. She giggles hysterically as he runs his nose across her midriff, sniffing up the white powder and tickling her in the process. She wriggles beneath him as he trails kisses seductively up her body until they are face to face again.

“You do know drugs are bad for you, don’t you!?” She frowns in mock disapproval and Alex rolls over onto his back, pulling her on top of him.

“You’re the greatest drug…” He smirks, “I’m totally addicted…” And Abbey grins from ear to ear as they get lost together in their own little world.

“D
o we have everything?” Dom asks, as he carefully surveys the hospital room.

“I think so…” Anna replies, strapping Amelia securely into her car seat, smiling down at her as she wriggles and squirms in protest, “Are you ready to go home, Amy?” She coos, “I’ll be glad to see the back of this place…”

It has been a couple of weeks since the birth and the day they have been waiting for has finally arrived. They have been given the all clear, and are free to take their baby daughter home. Anna had been discharged after just a few days but due to the traumatic, premature delivery there were various complications with Amelia and she was kept in for observation until she was bigger and much stronger.

“You guys ready to go?” Peter enters the room - car keys in hand - and smiles down at his niece as Dom gently tucks a pale pink blanket around her.

“Yep, we’re good…” He answers, distracted.

“I don’t think we’re missing anything…” Anna adds, as she glances around the room that has effectively been their home for the last fortnight, “Well…” she sighs, “I’m missing a sister but I’m pretty sure she isn’t in here…”

“She hasn’t been in touch. Not once…” Peter states, bluntly.

“I know… I’ve called and left messages, but…”

“I don’t know why you’re bothering Anna. She obviously doesn’t care…”

“Jesus Christ, are you listening to yourself?! I mean can you actually hear what you’re saying?” Anna snaps, folding her arms across her chest.

“I’ll be down stairs…” Dom smiles awkwardly, picking up Amelia’s car seat before making a swift exit.

“How can you of all people still be sticking up for her? She hasn’t been to see you or even checked that you and Amy are OK…!” Peter argues, incensed.

“She cares, I know she does… but she is in a really bad place right now, and she needs help…”

“She needs to get over herself…”

“God, I can’t believe you’re being such a bastard about this…”

“Oh what so it’s my fault now?” Peters gasps, “She’s the one that left Anna, she’s the one that walked away…”

“And why do you think she did that Pete?! Do you think that was easy for her?! Do you think it’s what she really wants? She’s hurting so much that she left home for god sake, she’s only 18, how can you be so heartless?”

“She could have stayed and worked it out, but she didn’t…”

“And you honestly think we aren’t partly to blame for that?” Anna runs her hands through her hair in exasperation and leans against the hospital bed behind her. She stares at Peter and he shakes his head at the floor, unable to meet her gaze.

“She could have come to us if she needed help…” He sighs, unconvincingly.

“You know that isn’t true. I’ve been thinking about it more and more lately…” She swallows hard, struggling with the sensitive subject, “Look, I know we lost a brother too, but it’s different for us…”

“Is it? We’re all in the same boat Anna, we all love Ryan…”

“Of course we do, but you know what I mean. I’m not trying to make excuses, but he was her twin, Pete, her best friend… I can’t imagine how it must feel to lose that…” Anna breaks off mid-sentence, “I just think you’re too hard on her sometimes…”

“Maybe you’re too soft?”

“Maybe…” She smiles, sadly, “All I know is, I wasn’t there for her as much as I could have been. It’s just a shame it’s taken something like this to make me realise that. I had Dom helping me through it, and you and Mum… well…”

“Well what?” Peter frowns, annoyed, “She needed me Anna, Christ she needed all of us…”

“So did Abbey….” Peter opens his mouth to respond, but hesitates, “When Ryan died…” Anna continues, softly, “Mum turned to you more than any of us because she was so desperate to hold on to that mother and son connection. It brought you closer, I get that… and I’m not blaming you. All I’m asking is that you try and see things from Abbey’s perspective. We all had someone… she didn’t. Think about how that must feel before you’re so quick to judge her…”

Anna can’t believe how quickly things have spiralled out of control in the last few months. Abbey has run away and they have no idea where she is. Peter refuses to accept any responsibility and Janet is getting pushed closer and closer to the brink of despair.

They used to be such a strong, loyal, loving family that supported each other no matter what. ‘Maybe that’s the problem’ she contemplates, as she stalks out of the room with Peter following in silence a few steps behind, ‘When you lose part of such a tight knit unit, the rest crumbles under the strain’. Despite everything, Anna knows in her heart that Abbey is far from a lost cause. Wherever she is, she must still be struggling with her grief as well as her conscience. If only she would get in touch so that Anna can talk to her properly and tell her that although it might not seem like it now, in time, everything will be alright.

Abbey scrolls through the numbers in her phone and taps on Anna’s name in the contacts list. She pauses for a moment, with her thumb hovering over the ‘Call’ option, before cancelling and locking the screen. ‘Maybe tomorrow…’ she thinks, knowing full well that she will only follow the same routine again. She has been trying to build up the courage to phone home for months now, but she never quite manages to connect the call before talking herself out of it.

The door to the en suite opens and Alex smiles as he saunters into the bedroom, assessing Abbey’s appearance as he fastens his watch.

“You look beautiful…”

“Thank you…” She smiles, shyly. He still has the overwhelming ability to make her feel like a giddy school girl, especially when he is standing in front of her looking so incredibly attractive. His hair is slicked back and styled to perfection, there is a few days’ worth of stubble covering his jaw line and his magnetic eyes are as piercing as ever. He’s wearing his dark blue Levi’s that hang perfectly on his hips, a thin, grey V neck jumper and his black leather jacket.

Abbey drinks him in as he crosses the room towards her and wraps his arms around her waist. He bends his knees slightly so that he is level with her eye line, and she responds by locking her arms around his neck, her heart pounding a thousand beats per second.

“What are you thinking about?” He asks, amused.

“I was actually thinking about how hot my boyfriend is, if you must know!”

“Right back at you, Miller…” Alex smiles, as he nuzzles Abbey’s neck and she inhales the crisp scent of his aftershave.

“Oi, you two ready?!” Tom bangs against the bedroom door as he shouts from the hallway and Alex rolls his eyes. He kisses Abbey deeply on the lips, before taking her hand and leading her into the kitchen.

“Wow, you look sexy lady!” Lucy winks as she dances over and hands Abbey a glass of champagne.

The brand new dress that Alex had bought for her certainly makes her feel that way. It is a dark gold, halter neck number that sits just above her knees. It has a delicate gold chain that fastens behind her neck and hangs down the middle of her back and the silky fabric hugs her every curve. She fell in love with it instantly, but completely dismissed the idea of buying it due to the £380 price tag. She argued with Alex all the way to the check-out but he wouldn’t listen, insisting that he should be allowed to treat her if he wants. The girl behind the desk who served them had practically turned green with envy, not at the ludicrously expensive slip of clothing, but at the insanely gorgeous Irish man purchasing it.

Wearing the dress knowing that he bought it especially for her makes Abbey feel like a million dollars. In fact, they all scrub up quite well. Usually the weekends consist of a few casual drinks at the pub or the bars on Call Lane, before heading back to the comfort of the flat to party into the early hours of the morning. They rarely go clubbing, as it is busy, expensive and difficult to indulge in their favourites pass time of habitual drug taking.

Abbey has become just as involved in the hard partying lifestyle as the others these days, and all the doubts and worries she had held firmly in her mind when they first met are now well and truly forgotten. It’s as if those opinions and morals belonged to a completely different person.

Cocaine is definitely the group drug of choice and Abbey loves how it keeps her awake and alert for hours on end. She really does gain a sense of escapism when she takes it. She feels happy, relaxed and confident, and is able to drink through the night and have a good time, laughing and joking with her friends. Her eyes have been well and truly opened and she has experienced everything from marijuana and cocaine to ecstasy and LSD, although the latter two are far from on a regular basis. It is all part of her new ‘live for the moment’ attitude, as well as being a vague attempt to switch off, escape her past and forget about all the drama that she has left behind.