Nell drew in a long breath and let it out again before she said, ‘It’s not as simple as you’d think. The people Eve works for think a lot of her and they have gone away for Christmas and they’ve taken her with them.’
‘Are you sure? Would they have left already?’
Nell wasn’t a natural liar but her voice was firm when she said, ‘They left a day or two ago.’
She watched him move his head frustratedly.‘Where have they gone? Have you any way of contacting her?’
‘No. I just know they’ll be away for two weeks or more.’ It was nearly time for Toby to come home after his shift and she prayed Caleb would be gone before he returned. She would need time to talk Toby round to her way of thinking on this.
‘Mary might not have two weeks. In fact it’s highly unlikely.’
Mary. Always Mary. And then Nell felt ashamed of herself. Quickly, she said, ‘I’ll come and see her tomorrow when she’s awake. Toby’s mam’ll have the bairns for a bit, they’ll be on their best behaviour with it being Christmas Eve and wanting their stockings filled come morning.’
Caleb’s face was grim. ‘Are you sure you can’t let Eve know? She would want to see Mary.You know she would.’
Guilt made Nell’s voice sharp. ‘You’re probably right although Mary’s brought her nothing but grief all her life. All she did for Mary and never a word of thanks in return.’
They stared at each other, a dart of hostility between them. ‘I don’t think this is the time to go into all that, Nell, do you? It won’t help the present situation.’
Nell’s chin rose. ‘I’m saying it as it is, that’s all.You know me, I always speak me mind.’
Caleb fought down his impatience. ‘If you could see Mary you wouldn’t be angry,’ he said simply. ‘She’s not the same.’
‘That’s as may be, but if I don’t know where Eve’s family has gone, I don’t know. I can’t wave a magic wand and produce her out of thin air.’
‘I know, I know.’ Caleb reached out as if to touch her but let his hand fall to his side. ‘I’m sorry, Nell. I didn’t mean . . .’ He shook his head. ‘You’ll come tomorrow then?’
Nell nodded. ‘Once I’ve sorted the bairns.’
‘She’ll be asleep until late morning with what the doctor gave her.’
‘I’ll make it early afternoon then.’ She wanted him to go. If Toby came back and put his foot in it . . . Moving towards the door, she said, ‘I’ll see you tomorrow then.’
Once she had closed the door behind him she stood for a full minute staring across the room. Everything was the same as it had been before Caleb had knocked on the door. Lucy was asleep in her crib to one side of the range and it was peaceful for once, the lads having gone sledging in the snow with their friends. A winter twilight was falling outside and the glow from the fire made the room cosy and warm, the paper chains Eve had bought for the boys the Christmas before strung from the ceiling and the steel-topped and brass-tailed fender shining in the dim light. She had been happy minutes before, thanking God for all she had and praying that before next year was out Howard Ingram would have spoken. All of a sudden she felt shivery and slightly sick, and had a great desire to cry.
When Nell arrived at the inn the following afternoon she was paler than normal. This was the result of the row which had erupted when she had told Toby what she had said to Caleb. But in spite of their sitting up until three in the morning, by which time they had both said things they regretted, she was still sure she was doing the right thing. Even after she had persuaded Toby to say nothing and they had gone to bed, she hadn’t closed her eyes, and she knew he hadn’t slept a wink although they had remained perfectly still and inches apart.
Toby had gone off to work that morning without kissing her, something he had never failed to do since the first morning they were wed. She had felt it like a knife in her breast and cried for an hour or more, but it had not weakened her resolve. She was sorry Mary had come to this pass, of course she was, and she felt sick when she considered she was keeping all this from Eve, but the alternative was worse. Eve had a chance of making a good life for herself, a life far above anything any of them could have dreamt of years ago, but Caleb was her Achilles heel. And before yesterday he had never even asked after her. Now that spoke volumes, didn’t it? Eve could waste the rest of her life working in that inn and waiting for him to notice what a wonderful person she was, whereas Howard Ingram . . .
Ada and Winnie were in the kitchen when Nell walked in, up to their eyes in preparing food for the evening and following day. They both looked up when she entered and Ada said quickly, ‘It’s right sorry we are about Mary, Nell. And at Christmas too.’
Nell nodded. During the morning, in an effort to justify herself, she’d asked herself if Mary was really as bad as Caleb thought she was. Mary had always been one to make the most of feeling bad. Mind, the doctor had seemed to think it was serious. And to come back at Christmas of all times - but that was Mary all over, selfish through and through. She had been born thinking of herself and nothing had changed. So her thoughts had churned over and over and now she had a thumping headache on top of everything else. ‘Where’s Caleb?’
‘With Mary. She’s in the end guest room. He’s just took her a bite to eat.’
So she was eating. Well, she couldn’t be that bad then, could she? She still wouldn’t put it past Mary to come back here and cause ructions and then skedaddle again. Slipping off her winter coat and felt hat, Nell smoothed her hair before making her way upstairs. She paused outside Mary’s room but there was no sound from within. She knocked twice on the door and it was Caleb who called, ‘Come in.’
As soon as she stepped into the room she noticed the smell. It wasn’t strong but it was unpleasant, like meat gone bad. And then she saw her. For a minute she thought, that’s not her, that’s not our Mary.There’s been some sort of a mistake.
‘Hello, Nell.’ The figure in the bed smiled but the action stretched the once full lips tighter and increased the impression of a skeletonised head still more.
Her face straight and tense, Nell walked over to the bed. Caleb stood up from the chair he had been sitting in, saying, ‘I’ll leave you two to chat for a while. Try and get her to eat something, Nell. I had no success.’
Nell didn’t answer or acknowledge she had heard him. Her eyes on her sister, she murmured, ‘What have you done to yourself, lass?’ as she sank into the chair Caleb had vacated.
Mary smiled faintly. ‘It’s too late for recriminations, Nell. Much too late.’
Nell’s lips were quivering now, her eyes were blinking. ‘I wasn’t going to have a go at you.’
‘No, I know.’ Mary reached out a hand and Nell took it in her own. ‘I know that, Nell.’
‘You’re cold. Like a block of ice.’ Nell chaffed the thin fingers in her own warm ones. ‘Do you want me to go and fetch a hot-water bottle?’
‘There’s two in the bed already.’
‘Oh, lass, lass.’
‘Don’t cry, Nell. I think I’d rather you shout at me than cry. Now you didn’t ever think you’d hear me say that.’
‘I can’t help it, you’re my sister.’ But Eve was her sister too.Wiping her face with the back of her hand, Nell said,‘Has Caleb explained about Eve being away?’
Mary nodded. ‘I’d have liked to have seen her before . . . you know. But I don’t suppose it matters really. Little does.’
What should she do? She couldn’t pretend to herself that Mary wasn’t dying, it was as clear as the nose on your face. But no one knew Eve like she did. When Eve loved, she loved without restraint, it was the way her sister was made. In most people there was some sort of in-built self-protection, a tiny part of them that required something back from the beloved before they would be willing to put all on the altar. But Eve wasn’t like that, she hadn’t been like it with Mary and herself and she wasn’t like it with Caleb.
Nell ran her hand over her wet face again. Much as she loved Toby, she knew she wasn’t like Eve. She didn’t want to be like her. She wasn’t as selfish as Mary had always been but she wasn’t like Eve either.
Forcing herself to speak with regret, she said,‘She’ll be gone a while, Mary.And there’s no way of contacting her.’
‘But you’re here. And Caleb.’ Mary squeezed her hand. ‘You’ll come every day? Promise me you will, Nell.’
‘As much as I can.’
‘Caleb said Toby’s mam is happy to have the bairns and I need you, Nell. I-I get frightened when I’m by myself.’
For the first time Nell caught a glimmer of the old Mary. It enabled her to take out her handkerchief and blow her nose, smooth her hair back from her damp face and say quietly but not unkindly, ‘It’s Christmas, lass, and I have a family to see to but I promise I’ll come as much as I can. All right?’
There followed a long pause while they stared at each other. Then Mary said, with what could have been a catch of laughter in her tone, ‘You were the only one I couldn’t wind round my finger, Nell. Remember when you used to say that to me? “You can’t wind me round your little finger, Mary Baxter, so don’t try.”’
Nell was remembering a lot of things but most of all how bonny Mary had been. Brokenly, she muttered, ‘Don’t, lass.’
‘It’s all right.’ Mary squeezed her hand again.‘Since I’ve had that medicine the doctor left, the pain’s much better. I can sleep now. You don’t know how wonderful sleep is until you can’t have it. Some people say death is just a long sleep, that there’s no heaven or hell but just what we have down here. I used to listen to Clarence talk, he was the man I ran away with when I first left here, and he seemed so sure we just go back to the earth and that’s that. Do you believe that, Nell?’
Nell caught the thread of fear in her sister’s voice. Her eyes soft, she said, ‘Have you made your peace with God, lass? I mean have you said sorry for all the bad things you’ve done in life and meant it? For-for the last baby and William too?’
Mary nodded. ‘For them most of all.’
‘Then He’ll hear you. This Clarence might have been a toff but half of them are so far up their own backsides they’re no earthly good to man or beast. They can go to their universities and spout off about this and that but what do they really know about living, Mary? Have any of them had to rely on their Maker when they’re crawling on their bellies under tons of rock and slate with matchsticks holding the roof up? Well, my Toby has and he knows there’s a God. Most of the men and women hereabouts don’t go on about it but they know all right. But them that have everything don’t have to rely on no one and that’s when they get these fancy ideas.You ought to have told this Clarence to stick his daft talk where the sun don’t shine.’
Mary sighed. Closing her eyes, she said drowsily, ‘Aye, I should have. I should have done a lot of things I didn’t do and not done what I did do. Don’t go yet, lass, will you? I-I feel safe when you’re here.’
Nell swallowed hard. Safe, she’d said. She was still little more than a bairn at heart, there was a part of Mary that had never really grown up. And yet in some ways it was as if she had always been as old as the hills. ‘You have a little sleep,’ she said softly. ‘I’m not going nowhere for a bit.’
Chapter 21
Howard Ingram stared at the man who up until a moment or two ago he would have sworn he knew through and through. Such was his surprise at what John Wynford had revealed, he had to clear his throat a number of times before he could say, ‘I had no idea you were thinking along those lines, John. I don’t know what to say. Is she aware of your feelings?’
‘I’m not sure. I don’t think so. I certainly haven’t spoken to her if that’s what you mean. I thought it only right to inform you of my intentions first.’
‘Yes, yes, I see. And of course I appreciate that.’
‘Let me be frank, Howard. I wanted to know if you would have any objection if I pursued this.’
A little stiffly now, Howard said,‘I don’t follow you.’ ‘I think you do.’ John sighed deeply. ‘Look, man, no one knows better than me how much you cared for Esther. Damn it, I thought you were going to follow her for a while after she went. But it has been over a year now and things move on. It’s natural. Healthy. And no man is an island.’
Howard was sitting very straight now.‘What exactly are you suggesting?’
‘Nothing at all. I merely need to ascertain if I have your blessing to approach Eve and ask for her hand in marriage. That is all. I have no wish to offend, Howard. Far from it.’
Howard looked hard at his friend. ‘And if you haven’t my blessing to proceed?’
‘Then I shall not press my cause.You’re my oldest friend, more than a friend, something of a father figure, if the truth be known. I haven’t forgotten the way you welcomed me into your home and oiled my way when I first came here. There were those who were wary of a young new doctor. Those first few years could have been very different, I’m aware of that, but for you and Esther taking me under your wing.’
Howard had relaxed as his friend had spoken and now he reached for his glass of port.They had enjoyed a fine dinner at their club and had taken their port through to the members’ reading room where they were ensconced in two armchairs before a roaring fire. Although it was the first week of April, the weather was bitter and it had snowed earlier that day. Quietly, he said, ‘You are asking me if I care for Eve. Is that it?’
‘Do you?’ John asked, just as quietly.
Howard did not reply immediately.After a moment or two, he murmured, ‘Can I ask you if she has given you any reason to think she would welcome your advances, John?’
John took a sip of port then wiped his lips with the back of his thumb. ‘She’s always very pleasant, and on the occasions we speak we get on very well, but no, not really. As I intimated, I have not yet made my feelings plain.’
‘And what are those feelings? Do you love her?’
John took another sip of his drink, settling back in his chair before he said, ‘I think she would make an excellent doctor’s wife. She has a way with people, have you noticed that? And she is discreet, personable and able to run a household efficiently. Those are fine qualities in any woman.’