Escaping Heartbreak (9 page)

FOURTEEN

Travis

It was finally Wednesday, my fishing day with Sawyer. I thought these past two days were never going to end. I’d been nervous as hell about seeing her again. Happy but nervous. I wasn’t sure what I’d be walking into. I was hoping that the two of us could just lay it all out on the table, and move forward. That would be the first time we’d discussed it, and I was afraid she might hate me forever.

I slipped into my swimming
trunks and cut off shirt. It was a hot day today, and fishing usually led to swimming. I sent her a quick text letting her know that I would be there soon.

Me: I am about to leave now. I should be there in fifteen minutes.

Sawyer: Okay

Me: Don’t eat, I am bringing food.

Sawyer: You don’t have to do that.

Me: I want to. So don’t eat.

Sawyer: Okay, okay, but if we eat then you can call it a date. I thought I mentioned that this wasn’t a date.

Me: You did and it’s not. Quit frowning. I’ll see you in a few.

I pictured her rolling her eyes with her hands on her hips. She wouldn’t stay mad long. She never did.

I stuffed the phone into the pocket of my shorts and grabbed my wallet. I didn’t plan anything fancy for dinner. I made club sandwiches and packed chips on the side. I also packed a couple of containers of fruit that I had cut up. I didn’t want to go too overboard and have her flipping out on me. The less date-like-food the better.
             

Waylon wanted to stay home that day, and since I would only be gone a couple of hours I agreed. Normally I would make him stay with someone, but he was old enough to be there by himself. At least during the day anyway. Home alone in the middle of the night was a different story.
              I was packed and ready to go in no time. The drive to her place was quiet and short. The anticipation of seeing her was killing me. I knew what my feelings were for her. I had a feeling she still liked me too, but getting through to her was hard. She was so angry with me about the past and I knew she felt betrayed. Not to mention what she was dealing with over her parents. She made it very clear that she didn’t want to have a relationship, so I was sure I’d be wasting my time trying. I just didn’t want to give up so easily.

Closing the door behind me, I grabbed the bag full of food, my fishing pole, and my cell and headed for
the house. She had the door opened and was waiting for me when I stepped up on the porch.

“Hey,” I spoke first. I couldn’t stop myself from checking her out. She had on a pair of short blue jean shorts and a buttoned down plaid shirt. The sleeves were rolled to her elbows and the top three buttons on the shirt were unfastened. The swell of her breasts did not go unnoticed. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she was barefoot. She was the sexiest girl I had ever seen. She stood there staring at me with this crazy look on her face.
Oh wait, did she say something?
I flashed my teeth in a big grin. “What’d you say?” I asked.

“I said hey, and asked if you were ready to be out fished by a girl.”

“Puh-lease, you’re going down.”

“We’ll see about that. Come on,” she directed me around the wrap around porch to the back deck. “You need me to help carry some of that?” She pointed to my arms.

“I got it.” I followed her down the steps and onto the deck. It was the most beautiful place in New London if you asked me. The deck off the back porch stretched all the way out the length of the yard and about twenty feet into the water. It was an amazing view of the lake. I had some crazy good memories here. Almost all of them have Sawyer in them somewhere.

I set the food down on a
small table at the end of the dock.

“You want to eat first, or fish?” I asked.

She sat down on the edge of the dock and let her feet dangle into the water. “You know what my dad used to say?” She was still facing the water.

“No. What?”

“The fish won’t bite when it’s noisy. No talking while you fish,” I caught her simple laugh as she spoke. “I don’t know if he was lying because he wanted me to shut up or if it’s the truth.” I had to laugh too. “Either way, if we have some talking to do, then we better eat and talk first.” She looked up over her shoulder at me.

“I think you’re right. No talking while we fish,” I winked at her.

I grabbed the bag of food and took a seat next to her on the dock. Reaching in the bag, I handed her a wrapped sandwich, the chips and a bottle of water. “Nothing fancy,” I nudged her shoulder playfully.

“It’s
great. Thanks Travis.”

“You’re welcome.” A silence settled over us as we ate. I didn’t know where to begin, and I hoped she’d be the one to start this whole thing off. She set her left over food aside and I pulled out a
bowl of fruit. I opened the lid and before I even had time to pass it to her she leaned over and snatched a strawberry from the top.

“You thought of everything, didn’t you?”

“Maybe, but just so you know this is not a date. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I can’t have you hitting on me and stuff.” I mocked her and she burst out laughing. I wished things were always this easy going with her. I loved to hear her laugh.

“Thanks,” she said in a more serious tone.

“For what?”

She shrugged her shoulders. The silence was back, but it wasn’t awkward. We sat there in silence a few more minutes, just kicking up the water. I finally had to bring it up.

“That day when you left, you said you forgave me-”

“And you said you’d miss me.” She said, glancing up for a moment and looking into my eyes.

“I did, miss you.”

“And I forgave you,” she rebutted.

“But why? You forgave me so easily. We didn’t even talk about what happened.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“What was there to talk about? You obviously kissed me because of some kind of bet you had with those stupid ass boys? So what if I loved you. So what if my feelings got hurt? Who
cares, right? I was just a kid.” Damn it her words cut me like a knife.

“Loved,” I took her hand, and surprisingly she didn’t pull away.

“I was young Travis. I thought I loved you.” She countered. 

“That day when I kissed you, it started out as a bet.” I started to explain.

“Please Travis, do we have to replay the whole thing.”

“Just let me finish. I need to get this off my chest.” She tried to pull her hand back, but I kept a tight grip on it. “The whole thing was a dare. Vince and the guys put me up to it. They said if I kissed you that they’d give me ten bucks. I agreed because I wanted to take their money, but I also agreed because I really did want to kiss you.” She looked up at me and I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes were filled to the brim with unshed tears. “When I kissed you that day, I realized that there were more feelings there than even I realized. I knew that I had
liked you before I kissed you, but that kiss changed everything. I knew then that it was more than some crush. I was scared of my feelings for you. Then the day I met the guys I realized that they had set me up. They made sure that you would hear me say those horrible things about you. I said those words to save face… For my pride. I honestly didn’t know that you were there. I know it doesn’t make it any better, but I didn’t mean any of those things I said to them. I wanted to look cool. I was a fifteen year old boy. Being cool was the only thing that any of us cared about. I knew it was wrong. I felt so guilty but even worse I knew how bad I’d hurt you. My heart was hurting for you. I realized that day that those guys weren’t my friends at all, and I didn’t need them. They didn’t give a shit about me or you, or anyone. They were laughing when I chased after you.”

“You chased after me.” The tears rolled down her cheeks.

“I did.” I wiped the tears from her cheek. “You were gone though. When I saw you the next day, I couldn’t believe that you didn’t tell Dane. Then you surprised me even more when you forgave me so easily. When I said that I’d miss you, I meant it. And watching you leave was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. For the longest time, you were all I thought about. You were my first love.” By the way, my hands were sweating, I’d think she still was. These were things that I’ve never told anyone and I never thought I would ever have a chance to tell her. “I’m sorry Sawyer. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you how I felt back then. I’m sorry that I let you go so easily, and I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you lost your parents. I know that you said you forgave me, but you didn’t mean it. If you did, you wouldn’t have been angry with me the day you found out who I was. I want you to forgive me now. Please,” I pleaded.

She brought her tiny hands up to my face and rested them on each side of my face. She leaned in close
looking only in my eyes. We were the closest we’d ever been since our first kiss. The tears continued to fall from her eyes, but they weren’t sad anymore. I watched her with each breath she took. “I forgive you.” I thought she was going to kiss me. My heart was beating so fast and my hands were tingling. She lowered her hands down and never closed the distance.

Before she could back away I put one hand on the back of her head just at the bend of her neck. The other hand I brushed along the side of her cheek. I could feel her shiver under my touch. It stirred something inside me. I wanted to touch her so bad. I wanted every last inch of my body touching hers. I couldn’t deny it. “You are the most beautiful girl I know. I won’t hurt you again. Please don’t stop me this time.” I had to kiss her. I inched closer until my lips were just a breath away. I waited for her to object and when she didn’t, I lightly brushed my lips against hers. I felt a
tingling sensation all the way to my toes. The small moan that escaped her lips was all that it took. I deepened the kiss. She parted her lips and I pushed my tongue inside. Her hands grasped my shirt from behind, and I pushed myself closer to her. The way her tongue felt against mine, made it hard for me to hide the hardness that was pressed against my shorts. She didn’t stop me, she kissed me back with just as much force. I’d never wanted anyone as much as I do her. I touched the bare skin that was peeking out just above her shorts, and she pulled away.

“I’m sorry,” her breath was heavy as she tried to catch her breath.

“Don’t be.” I reached for her hand, but she quickly pulled it back. I closed my eyes tightly, hoping that I hadn’t just screwed everything up.

“Look Travis, I still have all these feelings for you in here,” she pointed to her chest. “I’m just not ready for things to go further. I have a hard time getting close to people. I’m afraid.”

“You don’t have to be afraid with me.”

“You’re wrong. You make me even more afraid. I can’t take
things there yet. Please understand.”

I didn’t want to understand, but she really did have issues. Anyone could see the fear in her eyes. “Okay, I understand. But now you know how I feel. I want to be with you. I want to be more than just friends, but I won’t keep trying Saw. I won’t try anymore, because it hurts when you say no. From now on, the ball is in your court. I’m your friend first, and I will always be here for you. I’ll help you deal with your parents anyway that I can, but no more trying for anything more. If and when you get ready, it will be up to you to tell me.”

“Okay,” she agreed. “I want you in my life Travis. I do hope that we can have more one day, but being friends sounds like a really good place to start.” Damn that F word hurt. But I could be strong for her. I thought that once she healed that she’d be ready to take the relationship further, but I won’t wait forever. “We’re good right?” The look in her eyes was more than a question. She needed me to be okay with this. I could see the insistent look in her eyes. 

“We’re
good.” I watched the relief wash over her. “It’s freaking hot out here, you want to swim.”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? We used to always swim after we fished. We can still swim, and fish another day.”

“It’s just, I haven’t
swam since my parents died. The thought of the water frightens the hell out of me.” She wasn’t lying. The worry was written all over her face.

I stood up on the dock and took off my shirt. “Come on,” I held out my hand. “This will be the first step to healing. I didn’t know who I was kidding. I hadn’t been able to go Hickory Bridge since dad died. It was the spot we would go to
catch bullfrogs. Always just him and me. I couldn’t go there ever, the thought of it made my stomach hurt.

“Seriously, it really freaks me out.”
“I get it. That’s why I am here. Do you trust me?” She took my hand.

“Yes.” She stood up next to me.

“Good, then take off your clothes.”

FIFTEEN

Sawyer

I didn’t have on a swimsuit. I was standing next to him wearing nothing but a bra and underwear. I was about to jump in. No looking back. This would be the hardest thing I’d done since my parents died. I promised myself that I wouldn’t go anywhere near the water because it reminded me of them. It reminded me of the day they died. Jumping in would mean forgetting their memory. Wouldn’t it? Somehow standing there on this dock with Travis’s hand in mine, made me feel capable. More capable of doing things than I gave myself credit for. When he asked if I trusted him, I didn’t even have to think about it. I knew that I did.

“You can do this Sawyer.” His forehead was now pressed against mine. Those dark blue eyes looked straight into mine. “Your parents would not want you
missing out on the things that you love, just because they’re not here. That’s not fair to them or you. It’s time to live.”

I hung on tightly to his every word. “I’m ready. But don’t leave me. Promise me.”

“I’ll be right here with you. I promise. On three.” He said and I nodded. We stood side by side, hand in hand. “One, two, three.” We jumped. I took my time coming back to the surface, and Travis never let go of my hand. When my head popped out of the water. He let go, and I finally felt like I could breathe. For the first time in so long, my heart felt a little less heavy. I owed it all to Travis.

I spent the next hour
swimming and having the best time. I thought that after the kiss it would be weird, but he was trying hard for me. I knew deep down in my heart that I loved him. I always had, but I was just too scared that loving him meant losing him. I could barely cope now. How could I manage to live with that and without him?

We were packing up the
things on the dock and about to call it a night, when his phone rang. “Hello,” he answered. I was trying not to listen, but I realized that he must have been talking to his brother. He promised that he’d bring home some food, and told him that he’d be there soon.

“I have to get going.”

“Was that your brother?” I enquired. 

“Yeah,” was his only
response. “Hey, do you want to come over and have dinner tomorrow?” His words were sweet. I knew this meant that he’d be letting me in on his secret. He had no idea that I already know. I knew I said that I didn’t want to date, but this was just hanging out as friends. He said that I’d have to make the first move, so what was there to be afraid of?

“Sure, should I bring anything?” I answered, deciding to take a chance, on
him… On me.

“Just yourself, around seven.”

“Okay, I’ll be there.” I smiled at him, unable to stop myself.

“Great. See you tomorrow, and call me anytime Sawyer if you need me. I mean it.” I nodded. I knew what he was implying. Should I have another breakdown? He leaned in for a hug and I obliged. Friends
hugged, right? Even in a hug, a friendly hug at that, he still turned me on. My body temperature rose to a boiling point whenever he was near. I mean good God. My lady parts needed a serious cool down. I clenched my fists at my side to keep them from trembling. The view of him leaving was just as pleasing as the view of him coming. I narrowed my eyes in a beeline for his ass. I realized then that I’d had more dirty thoughts about that man, then I’d had in the past five years. I shivered and tried to shake the thought. Too many of those bad boys would cloud my judgment, and that’s the last thing I needed.

I walked to the edge of the porch and waved goodbye as he left. I couldn’t believe how much the two of us had been
through…. I loved him long ago, and if I were honest with myself I loved him now. But friendship was the only thing I had to give at the moment. And it may be the only thing that I will ever have to give. Sometimes broken pieces won’t fit back together. At least that’s how my heart felt.

Grabbing the rest of my clothes from the porch, I walked back inside. My phone sounded from the coffee table. I’d left it inside this whole time. When I checked my messages, I had one from Uncle Jake and one from Wren. Uncle Jake just wanted to check on me, but Wren sounded upset. I quickly dialed her number back, putting her on speakerphone. I had to change clothes. Standing there in just my wet bra and underwear, I was cold as hell.

“Hello,” She sniffled into the phone. Only one word and I knew that she was crying.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she responded. That was my bull-crap line. I knew better.

“I know you’re upset. I can hear your nose running through the phone.” A small laugh escaped her.

“It’s Dane.”

“What’s wrong? What happened? What did he do?”

“Nothing, everything,” I heard her exhale loudly. “You know how we slept together, right?”

“I wasn’t in the room or anything, but yes. Please no details.”

“Shut up Sawyer.” Her voice was playful, but still hurting.

“Shutting up, now spill it.”

“That next day, things were kind of distant between us. He said that he’d call, and I figured that he wouldn’t. So I called him.” The line went silent. “I may have called him more than once.” Oh no. What had my asshat brother done this time? “The first time I called he was so messed up that he didn’t even know who he was talking to. I couldn’t get through to him. I overlooked it because he gets drunk often and does some pretty stupid shit. Today when I called it was different. Once again he was messed up. Only this time,” She paused.

“This time, what?”

“He knew who I was, and he told me that wished he’d never slept with me.” Her crying started coming undone. I could barely make out what she was saying. She spoke again when she finally regained herself. I felt so sorry for her. “He said that he only fucked me because he was horny. He said that if he never saw my face again, that it would be too soon.” Her voice was choked. She was such a mess.

“I’m so sorry Wren. I’m sure it was just the alcohol talking. He is such dick wad. You deserve so much better than him.” I tried to reason with her, help her to see that it wasn’t her fault.

“That’s the problem Sawyer. Don’t you find it the least bit troubling that he is always messed up?”

“I know he drinks a lot.”

“Yes he does. But do you ever worry that maybe, he’s doing other things besides drinking.” Her voice was serious.

“What are implying?”

“I don’t know, he just didn’t sound right. He’s acting so different.”

“So what? Now you think he
’s, doing drugs or something? Don’t you think that I would know?” I could feel myself getting defensive, and for what reason. I was supposed to be comforting my friend. “Look, I’m sorry. I just think that I’d know if he were doing drugs or something.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” Her words didn’t sound convincing. She was still upset. I could tell. “I know that he’s coming down this weekend to be with you, so I think I am going to stay home. I don’t want to see him.”

“Are you sure? I can tell him not to come?”

“No, it’s okay. I have a paper due for one of my classes, and I really think I need some time alone.”

“Okay, but will you call me if you need me.”

“Yeah,” were her only
words. I didn’t like leaving things that way, but we clearly had a difference of opinion.

“I love you Wren, and I promise you that you will find someone who loves you big one day.” I meant it, every word. She was beautiful and she had an amazing heart. They’d be crazy not to love her.

“I hope you’re right.” She countered.

“
Psh, please. I am always right.”

“Text me tomorrow,” her voice sounded a lot less harsh.

“Of course. Night wench?” I joked

“Night slut,” she hung up.

I was feeling totally bummed. Wren’s heart was broken and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. My feelings were hurt over the accusations she’d made about Dane, but she was my best friend. If she was hurting then, I was hurting. I felt guilty, like it was my fault. I planned to give Dane hell about this when I saw him, and I intended on finding out the truth about what was going on with him. I knew he was out of control, but he needed to make things right with Wren. She deserved that much. He either needed to talk to her like a human being or not talk to her ever again. I was tired of him leading her on.

I sent him a quick text.

Me: What you said to Wren was dirty, and I hope the next time she sees you she kicks you in the balls causing them shrivel. Beware… This conversation isn’t over.

I put my cell on the charger next to the couch. I sat down and curled up to watch T.V., to clear my mind of the day. I must have been exhausted. I barely made it five minutes into the show before I began dozing off. 

###

My hands were
clenched tight around the steering wheel. The clock on the dash said I was ten minutes early. I took a deep breath and rested my head back on the headrest. What was I thinking coming here? I must have been out of my blessed mind. “It’s just dinner. No expectations. You don’t love him. You don’t love him. You don’t love him.” Yep, that didn’t work. I still kind of love him. After that kiss on the dock yesterday, I couldn’t seem to shake him or the chemistry that sizzled between us like a live wire. Before it was like a memory, and I could easily replace him or forget about him. Now it seemed so real. I knew how he really felt about me, and it scared the crap out of me.

I stepped out of the truck closing the door behind me. Travis’s house was
really small compared to mine. It had a cottage type feeling to it. It was the same place that he lived at all those years ago when his parents were here with him. Only now, it was a bit older.

I knocked lightly and waited for him to answer.

The door opened and Waylon stood there. I smiled at him. He really was the cutest kid ever. The boy was going to steal his share of hearts. His blue eyes look just like Travis’s.

“Hey,” he said. He shook the hair out of his eyes.

“What’s up genius?” He smiled at my words. Then I stuck my tongue out at him. Hey, I never claimed I was mature, and he was so much fun to mess with. Teenage boys were so easily mocked.

He rolled his eyes. “Hey Sawyer,” Travis stood in the doorway. My face began to heat up. Had he seen me stick out my tongue? “I see the two of you already know each other well.” Just
great. Already making an idiot of myself, what was new?

“Yeah, we’re cool.” I looked at Waylon, and he nodded.

“Uh huh,” Travis chuckled. “Come on in.” I followed Waylon in the house.

“Something smells good.” The smell of something Italian was filling the room.

“It’s not much. I only know how to cook a couple things in the kitchen. I mostly use the grill.” Seeing him there in that environment was great. The house was well put together. Everything had a place, and it was so clean, which surprised me considering it was just the two of them. “Make yourself at home. I’ll be in the kitchen. The foods almost done.”

“Sure,” I smiled at him. He looked so cute in his light colored jeans and his tight black t-shirt. All I kept thinking was, I know what’s under that shirt. I looked away before he could read my facial expression.

“Waylon,” Travis yelled up the stairs.

“Yeah,” Waylon yelled back.

“Get washed up. Dinner’s almost ready.”

“Okay,” he replied.

Travis locked eyes with me, and I cocked my head to the side. I gave him a knowing smile, and he just nodded. No words were spoken, but they weren’t needed. His simple words were his way of telling me the truth, and my understanding was all he needed. Travis was Waylon’s brother, but more importantly he was the only one here to take care of him. I knew that he wanted me to know, and maybe he just wasn’t sure how to tell me. This was his subtle way.

He winked at me just before he walked into the kitchen. Damn him. This friendship thing was
gonna be a lot harder than I thought. I wasn’t sure if it was possible to be just friends with someone when they still unknowingly hold your heart.