Equity (Balance Sheet #3) (7 page)

Blurry eyed, I shook off the thin webs of sleep I’d found. My captors were jailed, yet they haunted me behind my closed lids as if I was still trapped in that living nightmare. It hadn’t mattered I’d been rescued. My skin crawled with erupting goose bumps as I remembered the woman’s touch. Had Kalen and his team not found me, would I have survived the experience?

My fitful attempt at sleep took nothing to disturb. Even though the house was still, I gave up on conquering my dreams. I made my way across the hall to the bathroom and prepared for the day.

I padded down the hall, hoping not to wake anyone with my footsteps. The smell of coffee led me to the kitchen. Kalen’s mom was there. “Mornin’.”

I returned her greeting. “Morning, Ms. Glenn.”

“Oh now, I’m more Ms. Brinner than a Glenn. But call me Moria.” She paused before offering, “Coffee?”

I nodded in thanks.

She returned my nod. “I prefer tea, but Kalen thought you might appreciate coffee. He brought some with him.”

Shocked, I sat not knowing what to make of that. Had he really brought coffee for me? Then I thought about it. “He likes coffee. He probably brought it for himself,” I said in resignation.

Mothers have a look that’s universal. I recognized that knowing look from my mother’s own repertoire. She brought me a steaming mug along with cream or milk and sugar. I took stock in the things she brought, not wanting her to see the truths in my eyes. Mothers also had a way of reading your true feelings.

Her hand stilled mine as I had lost myself in stirring the coffee. “He loves you, you know that.”

My eyes shot up. “He doesn’t. And even if he did, he can’t forgive me,” I quickly confessed.

She patted my hand. “He does. I can see it in his eyes.”

I shook my head again. I didn’t want to delude myself otherwise.

“My Kalen is a hard case. He didn’t have it easy, you know. I made a lot of bad decisions that unfortunately affected him in ways I regret. Give him time. I know my son. There has never been another girl he’s talked to me about. And knowing him, there never will be another.”

It would have been so easy to soak up her words like the sponge my heart wanted to be. “I saw him and Keely last night, and they looked nothing like friends.” I chided myself. That sounded so juvenile. Kalen was a man and had every right to be with whomever he wanted. I’d made that choice for him.

Her hand pulled away. “There are many things I should tell you.”

Scuffling sounds above sent my eyes to the ceiling. My hand shook with a tiny tremor. I put the mug down before I scalded myself with the hot liquid. “I think I’m going for a walk.”

“No breakfast?” she asked. Her eyes held a wealth of sympathy.

Reluctantly, I shook my head and got to my feet. I moved in a path that led to a back door I spied when I first arrived. I stepped out into golden sunlight. It was warm atop my chilled skin. I spied a meticulous garden that reminded me of home.

With the thudding of feet inside down stairs, I didn’t stay long to admire. I walked towards the slope of a hill that shared a bit of glassy water. I figured it for the place Kalen and Keely had gone the night before. Still, it was my only option of escape at the moment.

It wasn’t a far walk, and I wrapped my arms against the slight chill in the air. Clouds were rolling in and I wondered if there would be a storm. When I found the small pond, I leaned against the incline and watched sunlight bounce off the water. My mind drifted to all the places I hadn’t let it go in days. There wasn’t any way for me to deny my feelings for Kalen. I loved him with everything in me. Too bad it took me making a colossal mistake to see it.

And then there was Turner. He deserved so much more than me. I loved him too. I just didn’t think I loved him enough. I formed a plan that required me to be totally honest with him when he came and accept the backlash like I should have before. I couldn’t be afraid of his abhorrence. If I stayed with him, he’d probably end up hating me in the long run because I couldn’t love him the way he needed me to.

A protest from my stomach in the form of a loud growl finally had me leaving my thoughts maybe an hour or so later. Determined, I headed back to the house to face the music. I’d probably lose both of them, but in the end, I assumed I deserved that fate.

Not wanting to walk into the house from the back as I was a guest, I strolled around front, not anxious to get inside. Once there, I noticed the car Kalen had driven the night before was gone. I knocked on the door, not sure how I felt about that development.

“Bailey, no need to knock. You are a guest and can come and go as you please.”

I flashed the best smile I could muster before allowing her to usher me inside.

“You’re probably ready to eat,” she said, shooing me into the chair at the small table. She turned to the counter and began to put things on a plate for me from the stove top. When she brought me the plate I was terribly surprised at the amount of food placed there.

“Go ahead,” she encouraged. “There’s some bacon,” which looked more like sliced ham, sausage links, a fried egg, baked beans, fried tomatoes, scones, a bit of toast and mushrooms.”

The surprise must have shown on my face because she quickly added, “You have these things in America, aye?”

“Yes,” I quickly answered, feeling as though I was being rude by judging the sure size of breakfast before even tasting it.

“While you have your fill, I’ll tell you the story I began before you left. And yes, you wonder if Kalen went out?”

I couldn’t deny it. I nodded.

“He did. But, wow we can talk with no worry of being interrupted.”

I cut into the beautifully golden brown scone as it tempted me on every level. I bit in just as she began to spin a tale that gave me insight into the elusive Kalen Brinner Glenn.

“Ah, I should begin at the beginning. As most stories go, I was young and looking for adventure.” She smiled and I returned it before taking a bite of the fried tomato, which appeared to be fresh from her garden. “I met Kalen’s father on a day I took a trip secret trip to Edinburgh with friends. I hadn’t been since a child.”

She smiled again more to herself. It must have been a pleasant memory no matter the ending.  

“At lunch a good looking man, tall and golden haired, stepped into the café to delight of all the women inside.” She laughed a little. “I was flustered by such a man and dropped my money when trying to pay for my order. He strode over like a white knight and gallantly gathered my meager earners from the ground for me and introduced himself to me.” She said placing a hand on her chest as if she didn’t understand why. I did. She was a beautiful woman. No doubt she was stunning then as well.

With a dreamy gaze, she said, “Thomas, he told me. I held my hand out to take his. I think I melted on the spot and it didn’t take much for me to say yes when he asked to see me again.”

She paused again and I could see her going back to that time in her mind.

“Well, I won’t bore you with all the details… Let’s just say I knew my father would never allow such a guy with his rich looks and American accent to date his only daughter.” She sighed. “Sort of rebelliously, I didn’t let that stop me. We arranged to meet for lunch one day I was working. He was fascinating in all the ways that I’d always dreamed of, like in the movies.”

I was winding my way around my plate while I took this all in. I’d bitten into a mushroom when she got to the story where I thought Kalen’s life began.

She sighed. “After many dates within a couple of months, Thomas announced he was leaving for home. I was surprised when he wanted to meet my father to ask him to marry me. I’d known my father’s reaction but I was a girl in love. My father flat out refused. Instead of welcoming Thomas to the family, I was scolded for going behind his back and dating a man without his permission. It didn’t matter than I was legally of age. I lived under his roof and therefore by his rules. Thomas thought he could win over my father by talking up his pedigree. That was a mistake. It only made my father more upset and rage that a man should earn his own not be given his wealth by being born.”

Although she was looking at me, she stared right though me and back in to time.

“When I was told to send him away, I was distraught. I couldn’t do it. Instead I arranged for him to come in the middle of the night and take me away. I was my own woman.” She paused and had a lost expression. Her tone had lost its lightness in favor of sad words.

I was so wrapped in this story and hadn’t noticed that I’d finished about half of my plate just listening to her.

Her eyes met mine. “I’m going on and you probably don’t want to hear this.”

“No, please continue,” I urged. I hated she had to drag up bad memories, but I was fascinated by the tale.

Since Kalen had been born, I knew that she in fact left to America with him. Still, her increasing pauses and looks out into the front garden that overlooked nothing more than rolling hills said a lot more. She was considering those events much like I had earlier this morning. It didn’t matter that everything was done. It was a reconciliation, a way of making peace with your choices or the past.

She interlocked her finger and brought them to her mouth. I could tell the memory was getting to her. She looked close to tears.

“My father never forgave me for leaving.” She amended, “Not really anyway. I was disowned and the letters I sent home were returned for the most part. Not having a clue about living outside of Scotland, I’d wanted to believe that maybe it was an error on my part, especially when some weren’t returned.”

Her eyes found mine and maybe she saw my disquiet. She patted my hand like it was my story. Then she gave me a tiny smile like all was better now.

“At first everything was new and exciting in New York. Thomas had a beautiful home that he said was mine too. We’d married in Scotland and obtained papers for me to leave. And he married me again in New York. Everything was like a fairytale even with balls and beautiful gowns. Thomas showed me off like a prized possession until, I found myself pregnant.”

I was scooping up the last of the baked beans, which I didn’t think I’d enjoy as breakfast food, when she stopped. I glanced up to see her staring out the window again until she unexpectedly continued.

“Thomas was angry. He told me how upsetting it was.” Her voice morphed to one that must have held Thomas’s timbre. “Didn’t I know anything about birth control?” She halfheartedly laughed as if that was ridiculous. “I’d been a virgin and naive about everything until him. He changed after that. I’d ruined his plans or so he told me. Eventually, he came to accept it. When Kalen was born, he insisted he have an
American
name. At this point I was beginning to be afraid of him and his dark moods. He often came home smelling strongly of alcohol. So I didn’t point out that Kalen, my choice, wasn’t a Scottish name. When it came time to fill out the birth certificate, he was so busy at work that he signed the blank forms rushing out for meetings. He left me alone for his driver to eventually return for me and our son to take us home from the hospital. My rebellious side reared up and I filled in the name Jeremy Kalen Brinner Glenn in defiance. And I paid for it. It was the first time he hit me but not the last.”

I’d been hungrier than I thought and had eaten everything. It was a good thing I’d placed my fork down because once she mentioned the abuse; I felt the tight weight of my belly and thought I might be sick. Momentarily, I’d been brought back to my own memory at the hands of my female captor. I winced slightly as I unconsciously touched the tender side of my face where she’d punched me. A bruise still colored my face there under the plaster of cover it up makeup. I wanted to avoid any questions.

Moria, caught up in her own memories, thankfully didn’t notice my own step down memory lane. She continued her story. “As Kalen grew older, Thomas had been adamant about not teaching him Gaelic. It didn’t make sense other than he didn’t want to be left out of future conversations. So I found myself teaching Kalen when he wasn’t home. Then I had to convince Kalen to keep it a secret from his father. And even in front of the nanny, whom I saw no use in, I wasn’t working. Thomas, on the other hand, wanted to make sure his son was brought up with the proper etiquette and I was always available for him at a moment’s notice.”

Another lingering pause caused stagnate air between us. This was hard for her and even harder for me to hear.

“One day, I was reminded that I wasn’t the only one affected by Thomas’s abuse when Kalen asked why his father hit me and why I let him. Easier to explain in my own language, I spoke to him in our tongue. Dismayed that my son saw these things, I hadn’t heard Thomas come home early. He was livid. He backhanded me right there in front of Kalen. Being the brave boy he was, he tried to wedge himself between us and got knocked in the face himself. We were both in tears when Thomas declared that nothing but English would be spoken in his house. I decided then, I had to go. I hadn’t ever feared for myself, but then I feared for my son.”

I saw nothing in her story I would have done differently. I too had been a girl who wanted to get away from home. I too had given myself over to a man, Scott, without knowing him very well. And had I had a child and my husband struck him, I would have run too.