Envious (3 page)

“Where would I find someone—” She stared at him as though she was trying to gauge his sincerity. “No, you can’t be serious.”

“I wouldn’t joke about something like that.”

“But how do you know I could make it work?”

“I have faith in you.” For a minute, he feared she may cry again.

“Why?”

“Because I know you. I know how strong and determined you are. If you set your mind to something, you don’t quit. I think the fact that you beat your addiction proves that.”

“Do you really think a parent in their right mind would trust a recovering addict with her kid?” she whispered.

“I trust you with Bianca.” Katie had watched Bianca for him a few times when he had to run to the office unexpectedly. His baby girl loved her time with
Kakie,
as she called her before she could pronounce her name.

“Thank you for saying that.” Katie reached for his hand. “It means a lot.”

Chris swallowed as his eyes landed on their hands. He’d been so careful not to touch her or do or say anything that could be misconstrued. He couldn’t deny her gentle touch impacted him in a way he’d never expected. He wanted to hold her, to promise her that whatever it took, he would make all of her dreams come true. That’s how much he…
Damn it,
what was he thinking? He turned his hand over, giving her the opportunity to shake it. “What do you say? Are we partners?”

Katie took it hesitantly. “Are you sure you won’t regret this?”

“Positive.”

She grinned as she let his large, calloused hand envelop hers. “You never did say…why’d you stop by? I thought you went to Jimmy’s with Lee.”

He released her hand. “I did, but Drake called and asked him to swing by on his way home. He needed to talk to him about something.”

“Why didn’t he just call?”

“He was worried the phone might wake Hannah.”

Katie smiled. “He was probably right.” She leaned forward on her elbows. “I’m really glad you stopped by tonight.”

“Yeah, me too.”

***

Lee was half-listening to his brother, but he couldn’t get his mind off his conversation with Chris. Lee had gone to Jimmy’s on a fishing expedition. He’d sensed for a while that his best friend had feelings for Katie, and part of him had hoped Chris would admit it. Then he wouldn’t feel so guilty about what he had to do when he got home.

“Have you heard a word I’ve said?” Drake asked, scowling at him.

“I’m sorry, man. My mind’s somewhere else tonight. Can we pick this up at the studio in the morning?”

“What’s going on with you?” Drake pushed away from the mahogany desk that dominated the wood-paneled study. Lee watched his brother pour a single glass of vodka. A few years ago, the stress Lee was under would have sent him looking for anything to ease the pain, but those days were behind him. “You want a water or anything?”

“No, I’m good. Thanks.” Lee sank down on the leather sofa. He hated the thought of disappointing his twin, but he had to do what he thought would make him happy. That meant letting Katie go.

“So tell me what’s going on with you. I know something is.” Drake claimed the seat across from Lee, holding his glass steady on the arm of the club chair. “I’ve sensed it at the studio too. You’re usually so focused.”

Lee couldn’t afford to drop the ball at work. He’d nearly killed himself working and going to school full time so he could build a solid reputation as a sound engineer. He’d proved his worth to the musicians and their teams, but he couldn’t afford to let personal problems affect his performance.

“Problems at home,” he muttered, wishing he’d prepared a speech on the drive over. There was no easy way to tell Drake he intended to move out of his home, leaving his wife and baby daughter behind.

“What kind of problems?” Drake set his glass down on the coffee table between them and leaned forward. “If you need more money—”

“It’s nothing like that.” Lee shook his head. Drake had been more than fair compensating him for his freelance work. The old Lee would have jumped on that offer, taking whatever he could get from his wealthy brother, because he felt the world owed him something. He’d learned that other people had suffered tragedies greater than his and didn’t use it as an excuse to mess up their lives. “It’s me and Katie. It’s just not working anymore.”

Drake narrowed his eyes. “What about Hannah?”

“Don’t talk to me about Hannah. Believe me, I would have done this a long time ago if not for her.” Lee would tolerate a lot from his brother, but he wouldn’t tolerate anyone questioning how much his daughter meant to him. Hannah was the reason he hauled his butt out of bed when he’d rather hit the snooze button. She was the reason he stayed clean and worked sun-up to sun-down when he needed to. He wanted to be a dad she could be proud of.

“Done what?” Drake asked, curling his fist around the arm of the chair.

He was clearly angry, but that didn’t mean Lee would back down. It wasn’t just his happiness at stake. It was Katie’s too. He knew she would go on living with the status quo rather than rocking the boat just to save their daughter the turmoil of living apart from one of her parents. “Moved out.”

Drake swore softly. “That’s a big step. What the hell happened?”

“I fell out of love with her.” Lee didn’t know that he’d ever loved Katie the way he should have. She was a shoulder to cry on, a partner in the fight for sobriety, the mother of his child. He loved how strong, fierce, smart, and determined she was, but he wasn’t
in
love with her. Not the way he suspected Chris was.

He’d been watching them together for a long time. In the year since Chris’s wife left him, Lee saw the way he looked at Katie when he thought no one was watching. He made her laugh like no one else could. She hugged him just a fraction of a second too long, as though she couldn’t bear to let him go.

Lee knew he may be the only one willing to acknowledge that his wife and best friend were in love. They weren’t the type of people who would ever act on it. They were honest, decent people who wouldn’t want to hurt him. They’d rather suffer in silence, wanting what they believed they couldn’t have because Lee stood in their way. He didn’t want to stand between them anymore. While he wouldn’t suggest they start dating—that was their business—at least he wouldn’t make Katie believe she could have no other. All he was to her anymore was a warm body on the other side of the bed.

“When did you realize that?” Drake asked.

At least his voice held no hint of recrimination anymore. Maybe he was willing to listen without passing judgement, just once. “Maybe even before Hannah was born. I’ve tried to hold it together for her sake.”

“I wish I could say I’m surprised,” Drake said, planting his hands on his knees. “But to be honest, I’ve sensed this coming for a long time. I know you, and I know Katie. Anyone can see you guys are just going through the motions.”

“I want what you and Cassidy have,” Lee said, looking his brother in the eye. His whole life had been about playing catch up. Drake was the smart one, the talented one, the rich one. He’d been his grandparents’ and teachers’ favorite. He was the responsible one. Lee was the screw up. When he went into rehab for the last time, Lee realized he had to stop coveting Drake’s life. When he saw how much his brother and sister-in-law loved each other, it was difficult not to feel a twinge of envy.

“It didn’t come easily,” Drake reminded him. He and Cassidy had spent time apart after their first broken engagement. “We had to work hard to rebuild our lives after our breakup, heal our past hurts, and come back to each other better and stronger than before. Only then were we finally ready to get married and start a family.”

“I know.” Lee and Drake had been estranged during that time in their lives, but given the nature of their breakup and his role in it, Lee couldn’t imagine it was easy to bounce back after that kind of betrayal. He supposed that was the reason he could be so open about his best friend and wife finding happiness together, if that’s the path they chose. If his brother could find it in his heart to forgive him for sleeping with the woman he loved, there was no grievance that couldn’t be forgiven.

“But that doesn’t mean you can’t have what we have if you’re willing to work at it. Are you sure you can’t find that with Katie?”

“Let me ask you something.” Lee laced his hands over his flat stomach. “Did you know as soon as you met Cassidy that she was special, or did your feelings for her evolve over time?”

Drake chuckled. “As soon as I saw her up on that stage, I could barely catch my breath. I didn’t know what the hell it was about her, but I had to have her. I thought it was just about the sex, that once I had her in my bed, I’d be able to work her out of my system.” He rolled his eyes. “We both know that’s who I was back then. I’m not proud to admit it, but the thought of falling in love with her didn’t even enter my head.”

“When did you know you were in love with her?” Lee and Drake hadn’t been close enough to share confidences then, and the years since had been about rebuilding their own relationship. Lee had never thought to ask how Drake felt when he first met Cassidy or how he knew she was
the one.

“When I wanted to spend every minute with her, waking and sleeping.” He laughed. “I didn’t care about seeing other women anymore. Women I used to think were hotter than hell would text me about a hook up, and I wouldn’t even respond. I had Cassidy, and she was more than enough woman to make me happy.”

Lee still felt a pang of guilt whenever he saw his brother and sister-in-law together. They were so in love, and he had almost torn them apart. “I hate like hell that I almost destroyed you guys. I know I’ve said it before, but I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know about what happened.” Taking advantage of Cassidy the way he did, just because he’d wanted to stick it to his brother, was the lowest point in Lee’s life. That was when he knew he had to get help. He hated the person he’d become, and living that way for another day was no longer an option.

“It’s water under the bridge. I hated you for the longest time, but I came to realize you’re human.” Drake smirked. “I won’t deny you’ve made a hell of a lot more mistakes than most people, but you’re not that guy anymore. I’m proud of the man you are today.”

Lee didn’t know what to say. Praise from Drake was hard to come by, and he’d never expected it on the heels of his big announcement about leaving his family. “Thanks, that means a lot.” Ever since their parents died, Lee had been trying to live up to his brother’s expectations and falling short. When he realized the only standard he had to live up to was the one he set, he finally earned Drake’s respect.

“If you feel that leaving Katie is the right thing to do, I won’t question your decision. I know you’ll do the right thing. You’ll continue to take care of her and your little girl, right?”

“Of course I will.” Even if he had to live in a bachelor apartment near the studio, he would make sure Katie and Hannah continued to live in the house they loved.

“When are you going to tell her you’re leaving?”

“Tonight.”

“Sounds like your mind’s made up. Don’t let me keep you.”

“Right.” Lee stood, running his damp palms down his jeans. He knew it would be the hardest thing he’d ever done, but he wouldn’t run away from his problems anymore. “I’ll see you at the studio in the morning.” He was halfway to the door when Drake’s words stopped him in his tracks.

“For the record, I think you’re making the right call,” Drake said quietly.

Lee couldn’t turn around. If he did, Drake would be able to tell he’d said exactly what Lee needed to hear by the shimmer of tears in his eyes. “Thanks.”

Katie was sitting at the kitchen table making notes on her laptop when Lee walked in. She wanted to have an action plan before she met the landlord. If Chris was going to trust her with his money, she was determined not to let him down.

“What are you working on?” Lee asked, reaching into the refrigerator for a bottle of water.

Katie knew her news would only highlight how far apart she and her husband were, but she couldn’t start a new business without telling him about it. “I’m, uh, just working on a plan.”

“For what?” He leaned against the granite countertop behind him.

She inhaled a shaky breath, hoping he couldn’t hear how nervous she was. “There’s something you need to know.”

“Okay, let’s hear it.”

If she didn’t know better, she’d think Lee was nervous too. But nothing seemed to faze him. Except for that one time when Hannah got croup cough. Even though the doctors had assured them it could easily be treated with medication, Lee was scared out of his mind when his baby woke up in the middle of the night making that dreadful sound. “I’ve been, uh, taking some classes online.”

“What kind of classes?” he asked before taking a long swig from his water bottle.

“Early childhood education. You know I’ve always talked about becoming a pre-school teacher when Hannah started school full time. Well, I started out thinking I’d try one course just to see what it was like.”

“And?”

“I liked it. A lot.”

“Good.”

“So I took another and another, and well, I almost have enough credits to complete the program.”

“Seriously?” He looked stunned. “How long have you been doing this?”

“A few years.” He didn’t just look surprised; he looked hurt. Not that she could blame him. He was her husband, and she’d cut him out of a big part of her life. She would have felt the same way if their situations were reversed. “I would have told you sooner, but I was afraid I wouldn’t have what it takes to complete the program. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“I don’t understand.” He set his water bottle down on the counter. “You’ve been taking courses behind my back for three years? How? They must have been expensive, and you haven’t been withdrawing that kind of money from our joint account. If you had, I would have noticed.”

“I wanted to do it on my own.” She sat up straighter. She couldn’t cower in fear, or he would know she felt guilty. “I picked up some freelance jobs as a personal assistant to pay my tuition.”