Envious (20 page)

“If you know that, then why the hell are you doing this?” He wanted to put his fist through the wall. If he were breathing the same air as Courtney’s husband, he might consider taking his rage out on him. As far as he was concerned, he was the cause of the mess.

“I’m hoping you’ll realize this could be a good thing for Bianca.”

“This is her home. She’s happy here.”

“She’ll be happy there too, once she gets settled. I can’t run the risk of her not knowing my parents. It isn’t fair to them or to her.”

“What about my family? Have you thought about what this will do to them?”

She closed her eyes. “I’m not saying this is an ideal situation, but they can come and visit her any time they want to.”

“That’s big of you,” he muttered. He knew Courtney wasn’t moving to hurt him, but it felt as if she’d stabbed him in the heart.

“Please, just think about what I said. When we were married, you were seriously considering a move to Arizona.”

“That’s when I thought it was the only chance we had to keep our marriage together. I was trying to find a way to make it work, to make you happy.”

“I know that.” She reached for his hand, letting hers fall when he refused to accept the gesture. “I don’t want us to be enemies. We’ve done a pretty good job of making this co-parenting thing work. I think we still can.”

“I don’t see how.” He didn’t intend to roll over and play dead, not when his daughter’s future was at stake. “You should know my first call will be to my lawyer. If there’s a way to stop you, he will.”

“He can try, but I’ve spoken to my lawyer too.” She squared her shoulders. “I have the right to relocate as long as I make the effort to negotiate a fair custody agreement with you. I’m trying to be fair, to encourage you to do what would be best for our daughter.”

He threw up his hands. “I can’t just pick up and leave Nashville. My life’s here. My family. My business.” Not to mention the new business he was starting with Katie. Assuming she still wanted to partner with him.

“I understand.” She stood. “I just wanted to give you the option. Think about it, okay?”

“How the hell do you expect me to think about anything else?”

Katie waited until Courtney had rounded the block before running across the street to Chris’s house. She hated the way they’d left things last night, and she wanted to reach out to him before he left for work. She was just about to knock when he threw the door open.

Looking surprised to see her, he demanded, “What are you doing here?”

She stepped back, stunned by his harsh tone. He and Courtney had gotten into it about something or he was angry about the way she’d reacted to the news that he’d slept with his neighbor. “Uh, if this is a bad time…”

“Just about the worst.”

Swallowing the dread welling up in her throat, she stepped back. “I’m sorry, I’ll just—”

He grabbed her wrist. “Don’t go.” He rested his free hand on the door frame. “Unless you’re here to give me a hard time about Lucy.”

“I’m not. I came to apologize for overacting.” She didn’t know what had happened, but he look ravaged. Her only thought was of making him feel better. She rested her hand on his chest. His heart beat hard, which only fueled her concern. She’d had a long, sleepless night and she realized that what happened between him and Lucy before they started seeing each other had no bearing on their relationship. If she was going to give her heart to him, she had to get used to the fact that there would always be a long line of women willing to do the same.

He groaned as he pulled her inside and slammed the door. Pinning her back against the solid wood, he placed a hand above her head and leaned in, teasing her mouth with his. “You don’t owe me an apology. If I found out your neighbor had a thing for you, I’d be pissed too.”

She giggled, but the feral look in his eyes nearly trapped it in her throat. “My next door neighbor is an eighty-three-year-old man with Parkinson’s. I don’t think you have anything to worry about on that score.”

There was no humor in his eyes. “I’m in love with you. You know that, don’t you?”

Katie had a deep sense of foreboding she couldn’t understand. He was telling her exactly what she wanted to hear, yet she feared there was so much more he wasn’t telling her. “I want to believe that because I… uh…” She knew how she felt, but the words didn’t come easily. “I’m falling in love with you too.”

Seductively, his gaze slid down her body before his eyes drifted closed. “I want you. Damn it, I’ve been waiting forever for someone like you to walk into my life and now that you have…” His words fell away as Katie’s fear swelled.

“Please tell me what’s wrong,” she pleaded. “Don’t say nothing, because I can tell something is. You look like someone just sentenced you to life behind bars.”

“That’s kind of the way it feels.” A flash of annoyance darkened his features. “Like somebody else is calling the shots, and I don’t get a goddamn say in anything anymore.”

Katie didn’t think he was referring to their relationship. “Does this have something to do with Courtney? I saw her leave a little while ago.” Knowing how much his daughter meant to him, it wouldn’t surprise Katie to learn he and his ex-wife had gone toe-to-toe over Bianca.

“I don’t want to talk about her right now.” He reached for the zipper running the length of her green, fitted hoodie. “I can’t even think about her.”

She didn’t relish the idea of her lover thinking about his ex-wife when he was in her arms either. “Let me help you with that.” She slid her zipper down slowly. She’d worn her favorite soft lavender lingerie, hoping he would want to peel away the packaging to get to the gift beneath. A delicious heat spread through her body as his large hand cupped her breast.

“This is exactly what I needed. You’re what I needed, baby.” He sighed as his lips skimmed her neck. “When I’m with you, I can’t think about anything else.”

Bracing her hands on his shoulders, a little voice in her head warned her not to let him use her body as a means of escape. But she loved him. She would do just about anything to ease his pain, especially if it satisfied her aching need to feel that intimate connection with him again. He was rougher than she’d expected, almost tearing her shirt in his haste to get it off. Instead of seeing it as a warning flag, she saw it as an opportunity to surrender, to let him know that he’d earned her trust. She knew Chris would lay down his life to protect her. He was honest, loyal… the kind of man who would never let her down or break her heart.

She tilted her head back, threading her hands through his hair as he feasted on her breasts. Sunlight streamed through the big windows. The curtains and blinds were wide open, yet she couldn’t seem to care. If he wanted to take her right there in his foyer, she was game. He braced his hands on her waist when she rolled her hips, inviting him closer.

Pulling her yoga pants over her hips with one jerk, he hit his knees on the polished wood, teasing her with moist kisses above her bikini line. Hooking his thumbs into her panties, he slid them down her legs before jolting her with an intimate kiss that chased every thought from her head. Chris was clearly getting lost in pleasuring her, hoping it would help chase away whatever thoughts were tormenting him.

Katie cried out, trying to find a place to anchor her soaring body. Her legs trembled, her heart hammered, and the man responsible showed no signs of letting up. Closing her eyes, she tried to get lost in the sensation, but something in his desperation called out to her. He wasn’t acting like a man who was secure in their relationship. He was acting like someone who feared he was on the verge of losing it all. She recognized that fear, but she’d never seen Chris venture down that road. So why now? What was he hiding?

“Stop,” she whispered, gently tugging his head back. “We need to talk.”

“No, we don’t.” He scooped her up and carried her to the bedroom. “We can talk later. Right now, I just need to make love to you.”

He’d said he needed her, and the pain on his face told her he wasn’t exaggerating. “Just tell me what it is. Maybe I can help.”

“You can help,” he whispered before kissing her neck. “You can help me put this mess out of my mind for a while.”

Katie wanted to demand answers, but she knew what it felt like to want to escape. He was asking her to distract him from his worries and she would gladly oblige, knowing one day he would return the favor. When he set her down at the foot of the bed, she reached for his face, pulling his mouth down to meet hers. She put everything she had into that kiss. She would do anything she could to ease his pain, just as she knew he would do the same for her.

She hadn’t allowed herself to recognize it, because she’d been determined to remain true to her marriage vows, but Chris had been her soft place to land for as long as she could remember. The years before she got clean were a blur. The years since ran through her mind, each frame filled with one image after another of Chris. He’d stayed in the background, quietly offering support even before she knew she needed it. He’d been her best friend. She shared her fears with him. He cheered her on and convinced her that punishing her daughter didn’t make her the worst mother on the planet. He laughed at her insecurities, claiming she was delusional. He was her safe harbor when she felt lost and adrift. She couldn’t imagine her life without him.

“I love you,” she whispered, peeling off his shirt. They were only words, but she hoped he knew she would do anything to prove how much he meant to her.

“I love you too, baby.” He held her face, looking torn between laughing and crying. “So damn much it hurts.”

They peeled off their clothes between kisses, and no matter how hard Katie tried to distract him, she could tell she was losing him to his troubles. “I want you.”

“You’ve got me.”

She wanted that to be true, but something told her he was holding back. She watched him as he reached into his nightstand for protection. “Let me.” She took the condom, and his eyes drifted shut as she ran her hand up his shaft. Easing him back on the bed, she climbed in beside him.

He rolled her over, pinning her beneath him. When she expected him to slide inside of her, he hesitated, looking at her as though he was torn between speaking his mind and biting his tongue. “I’ve never met anyone like you.”

Katie couldn’t say why she felt the urge to cry, but her heart felt as if it was breaking. He was saying he loved her, making love to her, yet she sensed he was being pulled away by something he felt powerless to control. “I feel the same way.”

“I never will again. I know that.”

When she would have asked what he meant, he plunged deep inside of her. When she opened her eyes, she expected to see the same love and awe she had last time. His eyes were closed, as though he was trying to shut her out. He thrust hard and fast, as though he was trying to stay one step ahead of his anguish.

“Look at me,” she said. She tried to control the friction that would have her rocketing into a time-space reality where the only thing that mattered was applying just the right amount of pressure where she needed it most. “Please.” He opened his eyes, but she was stunned by what she saw. His expression was vacant, as though he’d checked out.

“What? You don’t like that?” He rotated his hips to punctuate his point, making her moan in spite of her angst. “I thought so.” He gave a smug smile and drove her harder and faster. He forced her to give in and went with her, crying out her name as he climaxed. He collapsed on top of her, his chest heaving as his breath came in surges.

Katie ran her hands over his back. She wanted to hold him close, to pretend her fears were unfounded and she’d imagined the distance between them. But when he pulled away, murmuring he’d be right back, she knew she couldn’t hold on tight enough to keep him from leaving. Trying to steady her breathing before he returned from the bathroom, her mind raced. Chris wasn’t the kind of man to use a woman for sex, especially not her, but if he wasn’t ending their relationship, why did he seem so cold and distant? He laid down beside her, but instead of pulling her into his arms, he covered his eyes with his forearm and sighed.

“It’s driving me crazy, wondering what the hell’s got you in this mood,” she said when it became obvious he wasn’t going to volunteer any information. He turned on his side and curled a strand of her hair around his finger, staring at her without saying a word. She couldn’t stand it anymore. If he wouldn’t talk to her, she wouldn’t lie there pretending everything was fine. “Do you want me to go?”

“It’s not about what I want.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’m leaving town,” he said.

“What? For how long?”

“I can’t say when I’ll be back.”

***

If someone drove stakes through Chris’s eyes, it wouldn’t have hurt more than seeing what his words did to the woman he loved. He’d promised never to break her heart, yet that’s exactly what he was doing. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t understand,” she said, scrambling to sit up. She clutched the white sheet against her chest. “When did you decide to leave? Why?”

“Courtney told me this morning that they’re moving to Arizona.” He wished he could pull Katie into his arms and tell her everything would be fine, but he’d already taken liberties he had no business taking. He should have told her the second she walked through the door. Instead, he’d made love to her, knowing it would likely be the last time. “She’s taking Bianca. I can’t… I can’t lose her. The divorce was bad enough, but this…” Losing his daughter was an option he couldn’t contemplate.

“Oh my God,” Katie said, tears springing to her eyes. She turned away, pulling her knees up to her chest as she covered her mouth with her hand. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

He felt like a coward for pulling the rug out from under her in the worst possible place, but he didn’t think he had a choice. He couldn’t go on pretending nothing was wrong. She deserved to know the truth. “I still want to finance your business.”

“No.” She shook her head. “I couldn’t do it without you.”