Entice (Hearts of Stone #2) (16 page)

"Wow!"

She brushes a finger over the glass, tracing the image. It's one that I pulled from the album I found in Lex's storage. A picture of Lex, my mother, and me, all sitting at the edge of the fountain in Balboa Park. My mother looks good in the picture. Healthy.
 

Though I don't remember the picture being taken—I was a toddler—I'm certain my father was behind the camera. I've never been able to find a single picture of him. I think because my mother destroyed them all.
 

It's strange, but on some level, I feel this is the only family portrait we have. And it being out on a sunny day, in one of my favorite places in San Diego…all of it grounds me to the thought that things weren't always bad. We were happy once. We were a family.

"I didn't get a chance to get you a present," my mother says.

"It's fine, Mom. I just wanted to see you."

We all have areas of our lives we need to tend to from time to time, pulling the weeds before they grow to be a bigger mess. My mother is that for me. It's not that I don't love her. God knows I do. Some might argue she doesn't deserve it, I'd argue that's exactly why I have to. Because no one else will.
 

I ask her how she's doing and she fiddles with her hands in her lap. Her fingernails are uneven, chewed down to their beds, a sign that she's been fighting her demons.
 

She tells me she's been going to meetings. The guy she's dating is getting sober, on court orders, before being allowed to see his daughter again. That's motivated her to do the same, out of fear he will leave her.
 

For my mother, her own daughters weren't enough motivation. The ones cleaning up her vomit. The ones picking her limp body up from the cold, tile floor of the bathroom. Living in filth and opening the refrigerator to find it empty. Hiding under the bed when she and her latest boyfriend got into a blow out fight, and we were sure he would kill her.
 

I know I shouldn't fixate on her reasoning behind wanting to get better. I should just be happy she's trying. But it stings to think that all the times I cried at her feet as a kid weren't enough to motivate change in her. Yet the fear of losing a man is.

Of course this visit is a huge let down.
 

What else did I expect?

I nearly flinch when my mother puts a hand to my cheek. Her touch tugs at my heart in an awful way. I feel sorry for her. Really, deeply sorry for her.
 

Because even when she thinks she's changing, she remains exactly the same.

Lex and I spend Christmas with Julia's family. Her house is loud and energetic—not because of the kids running around, either. The adults are rowdy, their laughs hearty, and their voices carrying throughout.
 

There's not enough room for everyone at the table, so we eat buffet style, instead. Lex is in a better mood than she has been in recent days, but every once in a while, I can tell her thoughts carry her somewhere far away from the rest of us. I know she's thinking about Leo. She's missing him. I pretend not to notice, partly to save my sister the embarrassment, and partly because I'm not prepared to face the trickle of understanding coming over me of what it feels like to miss someone.
 

I already miss Owen, even though he was never even mine to lose.

There's enough going on with the kids squealing and the adults recounting stories for Lex's silence to go largely unnoticed.

As I eat dessert, I fall into conversation with Giles, Julia's husband. Whenever he and I talk, it's usually small talk about UCSD. We both graduated from the university at different times and he still works there.
 

Giles is easy to talk to. He has an easy charm about him. But, being Julia's friend, there are things I know that could possibly make speaking to the guy a bit awkward. The type of graphic images you can't easily pry from your head.
 

It never occurred to me before to ask Giles what type of work he does for the university, having always assumed he was a professor. Turns out, Giles is the head of the Chancellor's Office.
 

A forkful of pumpkin pie freezes halfway to my mouth as I try to compose the surge of energy that comes over me. The university's chancellor oversees a cluster of departments, which includes the legal department.

Shifting my line of questioning from the casual to the more specific, I prod into what type of legal work is available at the university. Giles tells me their research department has grown exponentially after receiving generous grants in the last few years. They have their hands full managing patents and making sure the research is protected. This piques my interest since intellectual property is, of course, my specialty.

Is this a sign? Of course it is. How can it not be?
 

I've been looking for jobs in San Francisco, dead set on heading back there. Then Bernstein blacklisted me. There's no telling how far his influence spreads in the Bay Area. There's no telling how many firms have already heard all about me. Moving out of Bernstein's reach may just mean moving out of the Bay Area all together.
 

The thought meets resistance even inside of my own mind. But the reality of my situation brings itself up to full height. I'm in no position to dismiss a job opportunity. I'm in no position to reject the notion of moving back here simply because…what? I left once before with no intention of ever returning?

What if I'm staring right at my shot at a second clean slate, another fresh start? The problem is, Bernstein isn't backing off. Even if I apply for jobs here in San Diego, employment verifications will still go through his office.
 

Is a fresh start possible when the noise from my old job, my old life, keeps creeping in?

Giles pauses mid-sentence to discipline one of his kids. "Blair, stop it. Stop it right now or I'm canceling Christmas for the rest of your life."

I try not to laugh as Blair looks horrified at his threat and promptly stops trying to pick at the tree decorations.

"That seriously works?" I ask Giles.

"It's basic kid-logic. The bigger, more ridiculous the threat, the more convincing it is."

My mouth opens to accept the forkful of pie I bring to it, lost in a sudden revelation. Giles' words tune my imagination into an elaborate fantasy on how I can free myself of Bernstein's ploy to keep me unemployed.
 

After dinner, Julia and I sneak off to the kitchen under the pretense of putting the food away into containers, a task no one else wants to be a part of. In fact, Giles takes the older kids and his mother-in-law out to see the Christmas lights.
 

Lex, Julia, and I stay behind. However, Lex sits in the living room, staring at the glow of her cellphone. Who knows what she's doing. Working, maybe? On Christmas day? I wouldn't put it past her.

Julia and I lean against the countertop island and sip on pumpkin flavored coffee. "Did you tell Lex? That you've been blacklisted?"

"Julia, look at her." I gesture toward the living room at the mindless, phone-scrolling drone that is my older sister.

Julia turns in the same direction as me. Both of our elbows are propped up on the counter, our hands cupping our mugs.

"I see your point," she says.

We sip our drinks in silence for a few seconds. Lex, who under normal circumstances would feel two sets of eyes fixed on her, seems unaware.

"That must've been some
good
dick," I say. "When's the last time you had dick so good you went into a catatonic state when you couldn't have it anymore?"

Julia holds up a hand as we gather ourselves again from our silent laughter. "Don't say the word
dick
to me. It causes me physical pain to even think of one."

I cringe at her statement and decide I don't want to go down the path of a postpartum sex life conversation.
 

"The word
dick
got me fired. Speaking of dicks…."

I pull up Leo's emails and hand my phone to Julia. Her eyes dart across the screen as she speed-reads the emails. She covers her mouth with her hand to stifle her snort of laughter.

"Yeah," I say. "I might have enjoyed it a little."

She scrolls down to the last email and her expression softens. "Man, he's really trying to hit a soft spot…
Aw
, this makes me feel sorry for him." She strokes her chest with her palm, eyes still glued to the screen.
 

I snatch the phone from her. "You can't be serious."

She looks at me, slightly pouty faced. "I don't know. That read heartfelt. You know, he stayed all night at the hospital with Lex, the night I gave birth. My sisters told me.
Don't look at me like that
…I'm only saying, it seems like he really does care about her."

"Did you even meet him? He's your typical God's gift to women type."

She shrugs. "Whether you like him or not is a different point. The question you should be asking is, can he make Lex happy?"

"I don't know. All I know is that
not
being with him makes her really, really unhappy. But Lex is too damn proud to give him another chance after he dumped her."

"Well, that's something."

"Is it? What if this has nothing to do with him?"

"That's not for you to decide. It's for Lex to decide. Look, it's obvious the guy's reaching out to you because he can't get through to Lex. Think about that. He knows you hate his guts, yet he is still trying. That says something to me."

I'm at a loss for words. I've been approaching the whole Leo situation from a completely selfish standpoint. I may not like the guy, but he obviously means something to my sister. He obviously regrets his decision. Enough to reach out to the very last person that's likely to ally with him. Me.
 

I pull on the ends of my hair for a moment. "You're right."

"Of course, I am. I'm always right. I'm still trying to convince Giles of this. He's waiting for the anomaly, but it hasn't happened yet. Actually, wait. I was wrong about Lex and Jacob hitting it off. That didn't pan out. I feel bad for Jacob. He really likes her."

"Don't feel bad for him. He'll do fine. The guy's got a lot going for him." I make a general gesture to indicate my facial region.

She gives me a searching look. "You know, sometimes I wish I would've set Jacob up with
you
instead of Lex."

"Nope. He's not my type. I'm not into his whole…" I pause, trying to gather the words. "Enthusiastic, walking on sunshine, smiley sort of vibe."

"You like them broody, don't you?"

My thoughts swing to Owen before I can help myself. His face comes to my mind, the memory of his gravelly voice at my ear tugs at my stomach.

"Yeah. I guess I do. Come on, let's go join the zombie."

The baby monitor is a crackling hum in the background as Julia and Lex catch up in a way Lex isn't able to when everyone else is around. Though my sister hasn't been talkative tonight, her mood quickly improves under constant teasing from Julia and me. Finally, we nudge Lex to the point where she is dishing back the jokes.

The baby starts crying and Lex insists she wants to go soothe him. Julia shuts off the baby monitor as Lex disappears up the stairs. I set my glass of rum down and catch Julia eyeing me in silent amusement.

"What is it?" I ask her.

"
Oh, nothing
." She almost smiles but holds back, which makes her look more suspicious.

"Just say it."

"You act different around Lex."

"I do?" My pitch goes up the way it does when I'm being insincere. So I nod. Because I know that she's right. It's something I'm conscious of even if I don't do it intentionally. "I do. She brings the obnoxious teenager out of me."

"I think you bring it out
for
her."

"Yeah, it's funny. You know, if you say
cock
around her, she turns beet red and looks around to see if anyone heard you say it. It's hilarious. You should try it."

"I'm sure it has more to do with the fact that you're her little sister and you probably shouldn't have that word in your mouth."

"I'm no one's little anything. And I'll put whatever the hell I want in my mouth."

"Lex acts different around you, too. She acts all…maternal."

I take a sip of my drink. "Yeah, I guess I can see that."

"It happens. It's like that with my sisters, too. I think being around family makes you revert."

"What about you? What do you revert to?"

"Me?" She grins and I know she's about to lie through her teeth. "I don't revert. I just remain…wonderful me."

"How convenient," I squint at her, "I wonder what your sisters would say?"

We have a stare down that lasts a few seconds before she yields. "Okay, fine. They might say I'm a bit extreme in my views. I'd soak a rag with my opinions and chloroform people with it, given the chance."

"Wow…and here I thought we were discussing alter egos," I say. "What you described sounds exactly like you everyday. "

"Shut up."

"So, I got my brains fucked out of me the other night. Want to hear about it?"