Enlightened (Love and Light Series) (11 page)

Gage turned his grin on Loti. “Hey, Loti. Good to meet you.”

She nodded, glancing over his shoulder at Rachel, who was grinning just as maniacally as Gage.

“He used to have dreds down to his butt and now he’s all clean shaven.” Rachel crowed as she rubbed the top of his head with her knuckles.

“Knock it off!” He slapped her hand away. “Come on. We can talk on the way to Calisto’s. Margarite’s expecting you.”

Gage snagged the two duffel bags, while Rachel arranged her pack on her back. He signaled with a jab of his head for them to follow as he took off toward the far side of the parking lot, their quilted duffels dangling from his fists. As Rachel put the tailgate back in place, she looked at Loti with an impish grin and they both giggled.

“You look mighty cute carrying pink and purple bags, there, Gage.” Rachel called after him.

He smirked over his shoulder, “Come on. It’s a good hike to their place.” Gage paused at the trailhead to let them catch up, and as they tromped off into the woods on the wide path, Rachel started the inquisition.

“How’d you end up here? When did you cut off the dreads?”

“Right after graduation. I still couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do, so I followed a couple friends here. They left when the initial three months were up, but I stayed.” He was talking and walking fast. “There isn’t anywhere else I want to be right now.”

Rachel nodded, double-stepping to catch up with him. “So you didn’t pursue your bachelor’s?”

“No. I’m not sure if I need to at this point. Call me Anand.”

“Anand?” Rachel picked up her pace until they were side-by-side.

“That’s the name Gurudev gave me after my initiation.” He looked down at his feet, helpless to stop the spreading grin.

“Initiation?” Rachel sounded uncertain.

“When you decide to stay on, you go through an initiation process.” Loti piped up. “It’s a spiritual thing, not a hazing thing.”

“Oh. Well, I like the name,” Rachel said. “It means ‘happiness,’ doesn’t it?”

His grin spread even wider. They continued chatting as the path narrowed up the mountain, seeming to forget Loti was there, but she didn’t mind. She was happy to let them catch up while she soaked up the fresh, cool mountain air and the gentle afternoon sunshine. The forest was mostly brown, except for the occasional mountain laurel and pine tree. The gray rocks lining the trail had the aura of being lovingly placed, but at the same time, they appeared to have rolled down the mountain to that exact spot. The bare poplars and oaks glowed with the golden light of late afternoon, a magic light that made Loti think anything was possible, even life after David. A cold breeze blew in a long gust.

The white adobe buildings looked like clouds stuck amongst the browns and grays. As Anand, previously known as Gage, led them farther into the woods, the path grew steeper and narrower. He pointed out features, dorms, and meditation spots as they walked single file, the trees closing in around them. Loti was breathing a little too hard and was grateful to see the top just a hundred yards away, but as they approached the land leveled then sloped up. Anand droned on, but Loti couldn’t understand him anymore. The world was muffled, like someone had shoved cotton balls in her ears, and her heart raced. She put a hand on her chest, stumbling over her own hiking pole. Anand gestured to a house as he talked on about it and Loti wheezed.

“Are you okay?” Rachel turned around. She grabbed Loti’s arm as Loti came to a halt, sucking at the air and trying to take a deep breath; it was as if the air was too thick to breathe. Her heart fluttered and thumped. Closing her eyes, she sensed something watching her behind the blobs of dark and color. Her head pulsed as she hunched her shoulders. As cool as the early spring air was, she suddenly was burning alive.

“Loti?” Rachel shook her by the shoulders, making Loti’s eyes pop open and the woods wobbled and swayed.

“I’m scared, Rachel.” Loti whimpered and little sparks of pain lit up her belly. Her lungs resisted opening and her head pounded harder.

“Is something wrong?” Anand jogged back to them. Rachel held her hand out in a step-back gesture, and he did. Suffocating, Loti knew not to struggle, but she couldn’t help gulping down air like water, letting out noisy, shuddering exhales.
What am I so afraid of?
She squeezed her eyes shut and saw David’s head in her lap, one hand caressing his cheek and the other resting on his bald head. Cupping her eyes with her palms, she concentrated on breathing into the tight knot in her solar plexus, trying to loosen it.
I’m so afraid, so afraid
. David’s eyes were closed, as if he were asleep, but she knew he wasn’t.

She fell to her knees, pack and all. A new image replaced David—stars glittering on the oak flooring in front of her fireplace. Thick, red liquid oozed over them, putting them out, one by one. She let out a strangled cry.
What am I doing here?
The image melted into blackness. Meeting a nest of vampires? Am I crazy? The heels of her hands pressed hard against her eyeballs, and she concentrated on the pain and darkness.
No, no, no crying.
But a defiant sorrow filled her chest, and she moaned.
No one knows what this feels like. No one knows how alone I am
. Images of David mixed with Jeremy and Rachel and Wolf, with the black man in her dream, laughing.
Oh, god, I’m losing it
. Rachel’s hands slid down her arms as her skin prickled and burned like something hot and effervescent flowed underneath.

“Don’t hug me, Rachel,” Loti warned. She dropped her hands and opened her eyes. The orange afternoon light faded and moved closer to sundown. Something about that knowledge cleared her head a little. Holding her breath, the blood pulsed deep in her abdomen. When the air flowed out, her knees sank deeper into the ground in a reassuring way, like the earth itself was holding her up.

“Can you stand up?” Rachel asked quietly.

Turning glassy eyes to her, Loti grabbed her upper arms. Frowning, Anand clasped his behind his back. He didn’t ask what happened; he just watched.

“Did you feel that, Anand?” Rachel asked as she helped Loti to her feet.

He nodded, his eyes narrowing. “Somebody’s messing with her.”

“Who?” Loti demanded, the world wavering around her.

The sun hovered above the Blue Ridge like an orange super ball, solid with distinct edges. The threesome stopped in front of an isolated adobe house. Unlike the others, it was bigger and bloomed from the side of the mountain as if it had roots in the rocks. Loti’s chest fluttered as she rolled her stiff neck and wrapped her arms around a sour stomach, poles dangling from their wrist straps.

“This is Calisto’s place,” Anand announced. At the same time the front door opened and a petite, blonde woman appeared.

“Anand.” She skipped down the front steps, her ankle-length green dress swirling around her. “Good to see you.” She hugged him, but when she released him, her green eyes clouded with concern. Her hands trailed down his arms and clasped his hands.

“What’s wrong?” She brought his hands to her chest, glancing from him to Loti to Rachel.

“We’re not sure, but something just happened.” Anand let go of Maragarite’s hands and touched Loti’s arm. “This is your guest, Loti Dupree, and her friend, Rachel Brown. Loti and Rachel, this is Margarite.”

Margarite’s smile glowed as she offered a delicate hand to Loti. “It is nice to finally meet you, my dear.” Tingles broke out on Loti’s neck as she looked to Rachel, who gave the smallest of nods. Loti extended her hand, bracing as the woman clasped it in both of hers.

“Nice to meet you, too.” Loti’s voice was a little shaky. A small jolt flashed between them, and Loti involuntarily jerked back, but Margarite’s hands gripped tighter. Prickly warmth spread up Loti’s arm and she gasped. “What are you doing?”

Margarite’s eyes widened then narrowed as her lips pursed. “Oh, dear, I’m sorry. Did I frighten you?” The prickly warmth drained down Loti’s arm and out her fingertips.

“I didn’t think that it would bother you. It’s a little automatic for me these days, I’m afraid. I have to consciously control my magic.” Her smile apologized as Rachel stepped between them, extending her own hand.

 “I’m Rachel Brown.”

Margarite’s eyes glittered with recognition and anticipation as she took Rachel’s hand. The women clasped all four hands together, studying each other with the intensity of scientists. Their eyes alternately widened and narrowed as moments passed.

“You have great potential,” Margarite whispered. “Your grandmother doesn’t exaggerate.”

“You know my grandmother, Katie Brown, then?” Rachel raised her eyebrows.

Margarite nodded, releasing Rachel’s hands.

 “Can you tell anything? About Loti, I mean,” Rachel asked, rubbing her hands, as if she were trying to wipe something away.

“Only an absence. Something was there, but there’s no magical fingerprints.” Margarite’s eyes clouded for a second, and she shook her head and smiled. “Come. Let’s get you settled.” She waved for them to follow her as she led them up the front steps and into the house.

“What did you do to me when we shook hands?” Loti asked Margarite as she passed through the door frame. The pixie-like woman’s shoulder-length hair swung loosely as she turned inside the foyer, propping it open for everyone to enter. The foyer walls glowed the same soft white as the exterior, and the wood floors matched the pine door.

“I was, well, scanning you.” She looked thoughtful. “As I said, I do it without thinking. I hoped I could detect the magical signature. The fact that you felt it while it was happening is. . .interesting.” She turned toward a flight of stairs just across from the doorway.

“Margarite, I need to get back to the welcome center, “Anand said from the doorway. “Is there anything you need before I go?” He stood in his heavy fleece coat and matching pants, his hands clasped behind his back and his shoulders thrown back, looking for all he was worth like a proud warrior. His eyes shone with admiration, and for some reason, Loti was more than a little disturbed by that look. Not that she thought Margarite didn’t deserve it—she didn’t know if she deserved it or not—but it made her think of religious zealots.

“No, nothing at the moment. We will be having a drum circle this evening, if you care to join us.” Her smile was feminine and genuine, and Loti liked her for it.

“After satsang?” Anand asked.

She nodded, turning back to climbing the stairs as Anand nodded to Loti and Rachel and slipped away.

“Your room is upstairs. It has a pretty view of the ashram. Come on, we’ll get you two settled before the others arrive,” Margarite said.

Loti shifted both hiking sticks to the hand holding her duffel, so she could trail her fingers along the pine banister. Large, colored photographs adorned the white wall above the hand rail. They were artsy looking: people in candid poses, landscapes, close ups of flowers and leaves and rocks. She held her breath when a photo caught her eye. Three people with their arms around each other smiled at a happy Wolf lying on a multicolored braided rug between them. His hands behind his head, his head rested in Margarite’s lap while he beamed at the camera. He looked out of place in his motorcycle jacket and engineer boots next to the two other men in kurtas—the traditional Indian collarless shirts. One of the men rested his head on Margarite’s shoulder, smiling at the other man across from him. Margarite’s arm was wrapped around a man with dark, wavy hair. The older, Indian-looking man rested an easy hand on Wolf’s leg. It was a happy little scene and intimate in a way that made Loti feel like a voyeur. It unnerved her. Maybe it made her think of happier times before David’s cancer. Maybe it made her think of ominous, unforeseen things lurking in the shadows. She ran her finger down the glass, over Wolf’s image.

“This is your room, ladies,” Margarite said, as she opened one of a series of polished, pine doors.

~~~~~~~~~~~

 After unpacking, Rachel urged Loti to take a shower to calm her nerves, and to give Margarite and Rachel time to talk. Loti gratefully escaped to the simple bathroom for a moment to herself.
I can do this.
Hot water rushed over Loti’s hair as she bowed her head, closed her eyes.