Enlightened (28 page)

Flushing bright red with embarrassment I was almost tempted to bite my lip again. He was right, although we did it less now, the scenes we did that involved toys, restraints, spankings, and paddles were definitely outside the lines of what might constitute ‘normal’ sex, and now that I thought about it, were often a fair bit rougher too. It’s funny how Nathan’s particular brand of sex had just become my norm now, to the point where I’d almost forgotten what plain ol’ vanilla could be like. Smiling at this thought I nodded, ‘Okay, point taken …’ I conceded, ‘So what do you have in mind? I might not be showing much yet, but my pregnancy hormones are already making me horny as hell, so there’s no way I’m going six months without you giving me some sexy time. The nurse said you should always give me what I want, remember?’ I reminded him haughtily.

‘There will be plenty of “sexy time”, don’t worry, Stella,’ he assured me with a wicked grin before his face straightened out. ‘You might recall in the hospital I mentioned adding some stipulations to our relationship, this is what I was referring to.’ With that Nathan handed me the second piece of paper and gave me a chance to read it.

Placing the paper on my lap, which after a brief read I summarised was basically another contract of sorts, this time covering all sexual aspects of our relationship with a huge list of do’s and don’ts. This type of contract I
didn’t
need. Shaking my head I looked him directly in the eye. ‘Nathan, we don’t need this.’ Turning to him fully I cupped his face and stared directly into his worried blue eyes. ‘I trust you,
implicitly
, I know you’d never hurt me or the baby.’

Sighing, Nathan rolled off his neck. ‘I know you do, and you’re right, I would never hurt you intentionally, but I know that I can sometimes be rough with you.’ He paused, almost looking guilty as he shifted in his seat. I liked it rough as much as Nathan did, a fact he was well aware of so he really didn’t need to be plagued with any guilt at all. ‘But on top of that, what we sometimes do together involves greater risks than vanilla sex and with my …
issues
with control … this whole situation is throwing me. It’s way beyond the realms of my control. But this contract will set in stone the boundaries for me. As excited as I am about you carrying our baby, I
need
this,’ he implored, wafting the piece of paper again with a strange, pleading expression in his eyes. Crikey, Nathaniel Jackson begging, I never thought I’d see the day.

As much as I was happy –
thrilled
– to sign the first paper, this one I wholeheartedly did not want. We might still take part in scenes where we reverted to our roles of Dominant and submissive, but as our relationship had grown so had our boundaries. Our old contract had long been ripped up in favour of a more mainstream lifestyle with the occasional kink mixed in and I liked it that way. It suited both of us perfectly, meeting the needs we had and giving our life balance, but to put our sexual limits on paper again? To me that felt like a huge step backwards.

Looking down my eyes skimmed the points he’d made on the contract; safe words to be used freely and without hesitation at any sign of discomfort. No bondage, no impact play, no rough sex, and no use of penetrative toys. The list went on, and on,
and on
. Nathan had clearly thought long and hard about this, even including things in the contract that we never even attempted, like “no scenes involving suspension” and “no breath play”.

Blowing my hair out of my eyes I looked at Nathan and rolled my lips between my teeth until they formed a tight line. ‘This includes things we’ve never even done together, Nathan. Does that mean you’ve always wanted to do this
stuff
to me and need it on here to remind you not to?’ I asked cautiously, feeling a rumble of concern in my stomach, ‘I mean – breath play? Does the idea of affecting my breathing turn you on?’

‘What?’ he frowned, snatching the paper from me and trailing down the list with his finger. ‘Fuck. No, of course not. I must have left that on the list by mistake.’ Turning to me he shrugged apologetically, ‘I was feeling uneasy this morning so I emailed an acquaintance of mine, Frazer, for some advice. I met him through Club Twist, but he lives up in Scotland now. He lives a Dom/sub lifestyle with his wife that is pretty similar in setup to ours. They’ve got two kids and one on the way so he sent me a list of do’s and don’ts that I might find useful.’

Picking up a pen from the side table he crossed out the line involving breath play, ‘I was a bit rushed and obviously didn’t edit it properly. I’ll blame the fact that I was typing left-handed,’ he murmured, shifting his bandaged arm again as he began re-scanning the rest of the list. His pen paused above the line about ‘suspension’ and my eyebrows rose. ‘This isn’t something we’ve done, but I’d like to try it in the future at some point if you’re willing. After the pregnancy, of course.’ Turning to me with a wicked glint in his eye Nathan smirked, ‘You’d like it too, Stella, I’m sure of it.’ Just his lower, breathy tone made my stomach clench with excitement. ‘Trussed up and hanging helplessly while I tease you and pleasure you in all manner of ways …’ He left the rest of his sentence hanging and I found myself shuffling on the sofa as I became aware of moisture gathering between my thighs. Laughing at my shift Nathan similarly adjusted his groin before turning back to me with a serious expression on his face as he held the papers towards me.

‘Please sign? For me? Both parts?’ he asked in a softer, almost desperate voice. ‘I need to know you’re mine, almost as much as I need to know that I’m in control, Stella, it’s really important to me. This contract will give me both of those things. Don’t let the second page bother you, it just enforces the ways I can keep you safe whilst also satisfying my dominant side. It’ll help keep me grounded.
I need it
.’

Watching his eyes you would never know that Nathan was laying it all on the line to me. They were fixed with determination as they flickered across my face and returned to my eyes. But I’d heard the insecurity in his declarations, and after being with Nathan for this long I knew just how big of a deal this must be for him if he was willing to open himself up to me this much.

Before I could vocalise my agreement Nathan reached up and using his one good hand preceded to pry off my precious necklace with some considerable difficulty. Then he silently reached into his pocket and removed a long black box. Clicking it open I gasped as he took out another necklace, still beautiful, but with a noticeably chunky clasp at the back. ‘Think of this as my version of a wedding ring?’ he asked huskily as he held the box out for me to inspect. It was gorgeous, similar in design to my old one but with the addition of some tiny light pink stones. ‘Please say you’ll wear this and sign the papers?’ he urged me again, his tone touched with a hint of desperation now.

Raising my head I locked my stare with his. Blue pools swimming with hope and love reflected back at me and it was all I could do not to cry with happiness. ‘Yes, Nathan, I’ll sign. I love you.’

Before I even registered him moving I heard the box snap shut as he circled my waist with his good arm and tugged me sideways to crush me against his warm chest, ‘Thank God for that, I thought you were going to say no for a second there,’ he muttered into my hair, dropping a series of hot open mouthed kisses along my neck.

Finally levering myself away I gazed at the box again and smiled a huge goofy grin as I took it from his hand and opened it up again. OK, so it wasn’t a huge sparkly engagement ring, but to someone like Nathan this was just as significant, if not more so, and for that reason it was utterly perfect to me. ‘I love it, Nathan, thank you.’

‘I’m glad.’ He held my hand and gently rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. ‘I wish I wasn’t one handed at the moment,’ he grumbled. ‘Can you put it on while I lock it?’ Smiling shyly I felt my heart accelerate in my chest as I took the beautiful necklace from the box and held it around my neck, securing the clasp. I felt Nathan fumbling one handed at my nape, and then heard a tiny click followed by a satisfied hum from Nathan. ‘Mine,’ he murmured, dropping a kiss on my neck. ‘I love you, Stella.’ Lowering his tone he leaned around and this time dropped a kiss by my ear, ‘and so much more …’ I loved the way he repeated the words he’d written in his heartfelt note to me.

Leaning back from him I picked up the paperwork again, ‘Do you have a pen?’ Grinning like a little kid Nathan strolled over to the desk and retrieved a very fancy-looking fountain pen, which he handed to me. Skimming the contract again my hand hovered over the dotted line as I frowned, ‘I don’t want your money, Nathan,’ I said, indicating to the clause that stated that I had full access to his bank accounts and would receive half of his net worth if we split.

‘The clause stays,’ Nathan responded in a gritty tone. ‘You are carrying my child, Stella, I need to know that if something happens to me you’ll both be OK financially.’ Rolling his shoulders awkwardly he continued, ‘And the second part about us splitting up stays too, if we did ever split up it would no doubt be down to some fuck up I’ve made, and again, I’d want to know you were provided for.’

‘It seems I have more faith in you than you do yourself,’ I whispered as he slid an arm around my waist, but frowned. ‘I’m with you, Nathan, and I love you.
All of you
, your past, your dominance … everything. You’re not going to fuck up.’ I stated defiantly against his lips before scrawling my name on the contract.

‘There you go, hot shot, all signed. Just make sure you stick to your end of the bargain and keep me regularly serviced. Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I’m going to snap in two,’ I joked sarcastically.

‘Mockery, Stella?’ he murmured ominously. Sitting up a little straighter Nathan narrowed his eyes at my sardonic comment and observed me heatedly for several seconds in a way that very quickly made my knickers even wetter than before. How he could arouse me so much without even touching me still never failed to amaze me. Taking his time, no doubt to build the anticipation, Nathan carefully folded our new contract in half, aligning the corners, and creasing the paper with the utmost precision before he placed it on the arm of the sofa and gave it one simple tap with his index finger. ‘There’s nothing on this new contract that says I can’t keep you in line and demand pay back for these outbursts of your cheeky mouth.’

I was utterly stunned into silence by his sudden change. Not to mention
ser-i-ous-ly
turned on. When Nathan did his full domination thing it was literally one of the sexiest things I’d ever experienced, and I was thrilled that it was making an appearance now. Quite apparently signing that contract had been all he’d needed to get his Dominant mo-jo back.

‘If you do a good job at this apology task, then I’ll make sure you get
very
well pleasured afterwards, Stella,’ he said, emphasising the word ‘very’ in a dark, velvety tone full of wicked promise. I was about to ask what my task would be, but then Nathan lifted his hips slightly, unzipped his trousers, and shuffled them down with his good hand to free his solid erection. Then tipping his chin in the direction of the floor he smirked at me, ‘On your knees, Stella.’

Even with the pretence that he was ‘ordering’ me to go down on him, Nathan seemed intent on looking after me even more than usual and took my hand to help me into place. Once I was knelt between his legs he nodded in satisfaction, but then before I’d even had a chance to start he frowned and set about shifting me so he could place a cushion below my knees. I nearly laughed, he’d never outwardly considered my comfort to this degree before, and besides, the study had thick, plush carpet so the pillow was quite unnecessary. I felt like reminding him that I was just in the early stages of pregnancy, not rheumatism, but I didn’t complain – his little fussing motions just acted to show how much he cared.

Once he seemed content with my positioning he gave an almost imperceptible nod to signal that I could begin. Licking my lips in anticipation I wrapped a hand around his pulsing cock and began a slow lazy up and down with my fist, watching with satisfaction as his head fell back in pleasure and his usually controlled hair flopped messily across his brow. Smiling to myself at how well recovered he looked, I decided that after last week’s fear of losing him I’d try to make this the best blow job of his entire life.

I desperately attempted to call to memory every woman’s magazine and advice column I’d ever read about oral sex, and then set about applying what I could remember. Leaning forwards I maintained the slow pace with my hand, but gently grazed my lips against his erection, fluttering light kisses along the underside and making sure to lick at the little bundle of nerves where the head of his cock met the shaft. This move was particularly successful and had Nathan groaning and thrusting his hips upwards, seeking my mouth. After teasing him for a few more seconds by licking his tip like it was my favourite ice-cream I finally gave him what he wanted and took him into my mouth, exploring with my tongue and sucking gently.

Truthfully I wasn’t great at taking him too deep into my mouth – Nathan was pretty big and I had a sensitive gag reflex, but I simulated a deeper penetration by firmly gripping the base of his shaft and wrapping my lips around the head so they nearly met the top of my hand. Moving my hand and mouth simultaneously caused Nathan to swear and start shifting restlessly below me. Although he was getting rather fidgety from excitement I noticed that Nathan was still treating me like I might break at any moment. He usually liked to sink his hands into my hair and guide the rhythm, but today he wedged his good hand below his thigh, presumably to avoid the urge of grabbing me and thrusting into my mouth with abandon.

With the cushioned knees, gentle treatment, and his obvious attempts to reign in his urge to thrust, I had to say that Nathan’s self-control was rather admirable, and made me feel so loved and protected that my heart swelled in my chest and I upped my game in an attempt to make up for everything Nathan was holding back. I carefully got my teeth in on the action, gently gliding them down his shaft and following it up with soothing licks of my tongue. ‘Christ, Stella! Fuck!’