Endless Love Letter (Love Letter Duet Book 2) (4 page)

With one hand holding the door, I looked back at her. “Is everything okay?” The hallway light let me see that her eyes were furrowed and she was hesitating with her next question. “You can talk to me, Lyra.”

“Do you think my wish will come true?” Her voice was hopeful.

I chuckled. “What did you wish for?”

“I want you and Mommy to give me a little brother. Or a sister.”

I tried to maintain a calm expression as I strolled back to the side of her bed, contemplating how I would answer her question. I leaned over and lifted the covers up. “What else did you wish for? Since you had two cakes.”

“I wished for my very own princess room.” Her eyes scanned the bedroom she was in.

I tapped the tip of her nose. “I think that can be arranged. Now close your eyes and go to sleep.”

“I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you more.”

I left Lyra’s room and headed out to the deck, my feet heavy as I forced them to move. I sat on one of the patio chairs and gazed out into the darkness. The moon illuminated the sky and down below I could hear the faint noises of the ocean. My elbows rested on my knees and my head hung low as I tried to calm the chatter inside my head. What would my life be like had I stopped that damn fucking wedding? Now they were planning a second child and I was a part–time father. Would Lyra want to spend time with me when Emilia gave her a sibling to play with?

I felt a hand tap my shoulder and looked behind me. Pop stood there with two beers in his hands. “You look like you need to talk.”

“What gave it away?” I asked and reached for a bottle.

“You should be happy. Your child is healthy and happy,” Pop sat next to me. I watched as he took a swig of his beer.

“I'm thrilled she's here. But I realized I threw everything away. I realized that, in this world, you
can't
have it all.” I brought the glass bottle to my lips and paused. “Emilia asked me to tell her not to get married, and I drove to the church, but I couldn’t get over my own shit to stop her from marrying him.” I nodded and drew my beer back.

“We all make mistakes in life. It’s how you grow from those mistakes that will change what you can or can’t have in life.”

“Emilia and her husband are planning to grow their family.” I shook my head slowly. “And Lyra just told me she wished for a little brother or sister.” I paused and let reality sink in. “I'm going to be a stranger in my own daughter’s life.”

“Son, these things always have a way of working themselves out. What is today might not be a year from now.”

I nodded as I listened to Pop’s words of wisdom, letting them seep deep into me.
What is today might not be a year from now.

I didn’t know then how much would change in a year.

O
ne year later
.

After debating over the past few months exactly where I wanted to purchase it, I finally got my shit together and bought a home. I needed it to be close and accessible to Lyra, but I didn’t want to be in the same neighborhood as Emilia and Jeremy which meant waiting until they bought theirs. Sandra, the interior decorator, had just added her final touch to Lyra’s princess bedroom. I closed the door behind her as we exited the transformed room.

“Thank you for everything.” I pulled the front door open.

“If you need anything else, please don’t hesitate to call.”

Lyra’s fifth birthday was in a few days and I planned to surprise her with the perfect bedroom.

I walked into the kitchen and pulled open my empty fridge. I needed to submit another order to the online grocery service. I scrolled through my phone and noticed I had a new email from SoCal asking the band to come in for a meeting regarding a change in management.
Odd.
It wasn't as if the band was touring or working on a new album. Axel was enjoying being a father, Pete was dealing with his father’s dementia, and Travis had taken his money and decided he would backpack through Asia. Over the past year, I’d collaborated with a few other artists, but mostly I spent my time with Lyra or in the studio producing new music.

I logged off my email and the screen of my cell phone lit up with an unread text message from Emilia.

Emilia:
Lyra has a physical at the doctor’s office. Do you want to come?

Me:
Is everything okay?

Emilia:
It's just a yearly check up. If you're busy, it's okay.

Me
: No, I'll be there.

Over the past year, Emilia and I had communicated via text message. After Lyra’s fourth birthday, I’d made it a point to pull myself away. We shared joint custody of Lyra, and we both participated in her extracurricular activities. They had recently moved out of their condo and into a beautiful home in South Laguna Beach, but that was the extent of what I knew about her personal life. I didn’t care to ask whether she was pregnant with Jeremy’s baby, and the majority of the time Jeremy was the one who picked up Lyra when she was with me.

Emilia sent me the doctor’s address and I added it to my calendar.

T
uesday afternoon
, I slid my car into a parking spot at Laguna Pediatrics. I was ten minutes early to Lyra's doctor’s appointment. She had minor colds over the past year but nothing that required me to come here before. Emilia pulled into the parking spot next to mine and the back door flung open. I hopped out of my car and was greeted by my little princess.

“Daddy!” she yelled, running toward me, her little arms waving over her head. She jumped into my arms and hugged my neck. “I missed you, Daddy.”
Lyra was a kinder spirit than myself. She loved everything and everyone, she was friendly, and, like her mother, she had the most beautiful smile.

“I missed you more, princess.”

“Did you finish my surprise?” She scanned my eyes for answers.

“I did. And you’re going to love it!” I tickled her and she squealed.

Emilia walked around the car and gave me a soft smile. It had been a couple of weeks since I’d seen her and she had drastically changed. She was thinner, which surprised me, and she had dark circles under her eyes as if she hadn’t slept in days.

“You good?” I asked.
I noticed her throat bob up and down as she swallowed her emotion and she nodded. “You ready?” Her voice seemed weak and I knew she was masking it with happiness. I'd only spent a year with her, but in that year, I managed to learn every possible tone her voice had.
“If I don't cry when I get my shots do we get ice cream?” Lyra gave her mom the biggest puppy eyed look I'd ever seen.

“You bet.” Emilia pulled back the door for us. “And we can even go to your favorite froyo spot and you can fill up the cup with as many gummy bears and chocolate chips as you want.”

Lyra blinked dramatically as she turned to look at me. “Daddy, will you help me be brave so I can get chocolate chips and gummy bears?”

I chuckled. This kid was more excited about chocolate chips and gummy bears than the actual ice cream. “I will hold your hand the entire time.”

Emilia checked us in and we were taken back to a private room. The nurse came in shortly afterward and measured Lyra’s height and took her weight. After she’d left, Lyra sat on the examination table swinging her feet and telling me how excited she was to start kindergarten. She was nervous but refused to let it show.

I looked over at Emilia. She seemed distant and sad. There was a look in her eyes I couldn’t place, but before I had a chance to open my mouth and ask, the doctor opened the room door.

“Hey, Lyra,” Dr. Garcia said. “I can’t believe you’re almost five!” She walked over to Lyra and handed her a stress ball. “If you get scared, squeeze this tightly.” Dr. Garcia patted her on the head and then looked over at me. “You must be Lyra’s father.” Her smile was bright and kind. “It's a pleasure to meet you.” She looked over at Emilia and placed her hand on her shoulder. “Jeremy's not joining us today?”
Bitterness trickled down my spine. For once we were doing something together and he wasn't here. He didn’t always have to be around my family. Over the past year, I’d gotten over Jeremy being like a father to Lyra. He had been with her since she was born and he was a prominent figure in her life. Jeremy was a good guy, and we got along when we were together, but deep down I hated him because he got both of my girls.

Okay, maybe I wasn’t over the fact he was a father figure for Lyra.

“No, Jeremy’s at work,” Emilia explained.

Dr. Garcia nodded and turned back to Lyra. Okay, you ready, buttercup?” Lyra nodded. “I’ll examine you, and then I’ll get the two syringes that are filled with a special vaccination that will prepare you for kindergarten. Do you think you can be a brave girl when I get those syringes?”

“Mommy promised me all the chocolate chips and all the gummy bears I can fit in my bowl, and Daddy said he's gonna hold my hand so I'm brave. I'm ready for my shots, Doctor G.”

Dr. Garcia laughed and began to examine her. I stood next to Lyra, holding her hand as she stayed strong and brave through both of her shots. After Dr. Garcia was finished and we were gathering our stuff, Lyra hopped off the examination table.

“I want chocolate and vanilla ice cream,” she said, looking at Emilia, Lyra spun around quickly and looked over at me. “You're coming too, right?”

“Um . . .” I met Emilia’s gaze. I hadn’t been invited for ice cream and I didn't want to impose.

If you're free, it would be nice.” She shrugged.

For you, Lyra, I’m always free.” I pulled the door to the doctor’s office open. “Let's go get some ice cream.” Lyra giggled and skipped as we walked outside.

Lyra hopped in the car with me and we followed behind Emilia until we arrived at a self–serve frozen yogurt shop. Lyra swung her feet in the backseat and sang to the song that was playing on the radio.

Emilia wasn't lying when she allowed Lyra to get whatever toppings she wanted. They both filled their cups with brownies and cookies to very little ice cream. We sat at a round table where Lyra began to tell me how little the shots hurt and from one topic she jumped to another. I looked over at Emilia, who seemed to follow the conversation. Her smile was warm and her gloomy face shone with life. But something was bothering her.

“Daddy, is Mama and Granny and Pop Pop coming to my birthday again?” she asked and shoved a spoonful of gummy bears in her mouth.

Emilia reached across the table and wiped Lyra’s face. “No, princess. Mama hurt her back and she can't fly down.”

“Oh. But they won't be there to see my special surprise?” Her eyelashes hooded over her eyes.

I reached for her hand. “She'll come down a different day.”

“You can always take Lyra there,” Emilia interjected.

“Really?” I was unable to mask the surprise in my voice.

She pulled the plastic spoon from her lips. “Yeah. If you want to take her, of course. We're doing breakfast at the American Girl store, followed by a VIP tour of Disney, so if you want to take her after . . .”

“Can we, Daddy? Can we go see Granny?” She held both of her hands under her chin.

“Yes, if that's what you want.”

She nodded eagerly and looked over at Emilia. “Mommy, can I get something to drink?” Lyra pointed to the bottles of water in the cooler. Emilia nodded and looked over at me when Lyra scooted away.

“I need to talk to you about work.” She moved her ice cream around the paper bowl.

“Shoot.”

“I quit SoCal. You should have gotten an email.” She put another spoonful in her mouth.

“You what?”

“You won't even notice I'm gone.”

“Em . . .”

“Don't fight me on this. The commute was killing me, and there’s no need for me to work those crazy hours. My parents left me enough money that I don’t need to work, and I want to spend more time with Lyra before she starts school. You won't even know I'm gone.” Her voice cracked toward the end. Before I could ask her what the real problem was Lyra returned to our side, so I dropped the argument.

For now.

T
hursday afternoon
, I sat outside Emilia's new house as I waited for them to return from their trip to Disney. She had bought a Spanish–style home with clay tiles on the roof, right on the cliff of Laguna Beach and I had yet to see the place. It wasn’t the biggest house in the neighborhood, but it surely wasn’t the smallest, and I knew it had a beautiful view of the ocean.

Her black SUV drove up her cobblestone driveway. Once the car stopped, the back door was kicked open and Lyra hopped out with a massive Daisy Duck stuffed animal. “Daddy!” she squealed and sprinted toward me, her reaction causing my heart to melt.

Scooping her up in my arms, I kissed her rosy cheeks. “Happy Birthday! Did you have fun?”

“It was super awesome! First, we had French toast with powdered sugar for breakfast. Then, we went on every ride—twice! Mommy spun us around the teapots and I almost threw up. Then, Mommy said I could have whatever I wanted for dessert after I ate my lunch and you know what I had, Daddy?”

“What, princess?”

“Funnel cake and a candied apple with chocolate chips!” Her eyes were wide. “And I got to meet Cinderella and Belle and . . .”

As Lyra continued to list all the Disney characters she had met, I watched Emilia get out of the car, alone. Her face was covered with exhaustion, and the dark circles under her eyes seemed more pronounced than the last time I saw her. My mind wandered to where Jeremy was, but I didn’t let it go there. I had done more thinking about them than I cared to admit.

“I think I let her have too much sugar. Don’t think I’m a bad mom. It’s her birthday, after all.” She gave me a small smile.

“It's fine.” I shrugged. “Nice place.” I looked back at their new home. “I'm sure the view is pretty amazing.”

“It's the reason I bought the house. You know how I am about the ocean.” She jiggled her keys. “Let me get her suitcase. It's all set and ready.” Emilia opened her front door and pulled out Lyra’s suitcase from inside what I assume was the foyer. She wheeled it over to us. I stood Lyra on the ground and took it from her.

I loaded the suitcase in the trunk of my car while Emilia said good–bye to Lyra. “I packed Ho–Ho and your favorite pajamas. Remember to brush your teeth at night before you go to sleep and in the morning. Make sure you ask your dad for your vitamins so you stay healthy and strong, and when you see Granny and Mama, make sure you give them a big giant hug, okay?” Lyra's little arms draped over Emilia's shoulders. “Happy Birthday, my sweet little angel.”

Lyra pulled back and framed her mother’s face. “What are you going to do all alone, Mommy?” Lyra looked back at me. “Can Mommy come too, Daddy?”

“Why is Mommy going to be all alone?” I asked, looking over at Emilia. My eyes scanned hers for some kind of answer. Had there been trouble in paradise?

“Jeremy is on a business trip. And Lyra . . .” Emilia tickled her sides and she giggled, “Mommy has to finish unpacking your room, and the rest of the house. Go have fun. And when you get home, we'll go camping outside and have s’mores, deal?”

Lyra gave Emilia one more hug and skipped toward me. Emilia followed behind her, a sideways grin on her face. “She has enough clothes in there to last a month. She likes changing her outfit, a lot, and if she gets scared at night just give her Ho–Ho to sleep with. If you need anything, just call, but I really think she’ll have a great time with you guys.” Emilia looked at Lyra, who was climbing into the backseat.

Without any thought as to what I was doing, I reached for Emilia and brought her head to my lips. “I'll talk to you soon.”

I didn’t know why I did it.

I didn’t know if it was the need to touch her or that she was an amazing mother to Lyra. But the second I did it, I wanted to do it all over again. Her scent was powerful and sweet. Her skin soft on my lips.

“I'm sorry,” I quickly apologized.

“It's okay,” she said softly. “You guys have a nice week.” She looked over at Lyra and blew her a kiss. “Bye, sweet pea. Call me when you get there.”

I got into the car and drove toward our week of vacation in Seattle…

Away from Emilia.