Ending with Forever (12 page)

The deejay hands the mike over to Emi, whose eyes are already swollen and red from the moving dances with her new husband and father.

“Thank you everyone for being here and sharing this incredible day with me and Devan,” her voice projects unsteadily. “We love you all very much!” she shouts. “They say in life you’re lucky to find one true friend who’ll be there for you through the good, bad and ugly. I’m one of the few fortunate people who’ve found two, Lily and Belle. These two ladies are my heart and soul, my left and right hand, my Bonnie and Clyde. Without them, I’m a wobbly one-legged tripod, hopping around and falling on my face.” She stops to laugh at her silly analogy. “Thanks for the wonderful years of friendship you both have given me. I love you.” She blows us kisses.

I’ve always thought weddings are supposed to be a joyous occasion until this evening. The three of us bawl our eyes out when Lee Ann Womack’s song “I Hope You Dance” blasts through the speakers. Damn Emi for choosing this song—our graduation theme from high school. Wiping each other’s tears and singing along with the lyrics, we fade everyone out. It’s our moment to cherish our friendship, the fantasies we’ve created and the wishes that have come true. Memories from our childhood flood in, urging more tears to stream. Emi runs out to the crowd to grab our moms’ hands and drags them over to dance with us. Talk about a crying fest. Everyone and their brothers are sobbing at this time.

The song finally ends and there’s not a clean tissue to be found. With a consoling smile, Carson offers me his handkerchief, the same one with my makeup stains. “Thanks, babe. I’m sorry I’m such a sap.”

“Are you kidding me? That’s what I love about you. You’re human and you’re sensitive,” he tells me. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way, so please don’t ever change.”

Mom overhears Carson and smiles approvingly. I can’t believe I doubted the power of his charm. Honestly, who could possibly resist him?

~~~~

One last cry and that’s it. You’ve maxed out your quota for the evening.
I remind myself as I watch Emi and Devan drive away in the limo. Isabella grabs my right hand while I hold Emi’s gorgeous bouquet in my left. I swear she purposely threw it at me after she shot Belle a questionable look. Carson also just happened to catch the garter as well. We were forced into a couple’s dance. Carson suggested a waltz and then gave Emi a sly wink. Hmm…it seemed that I was the only one excluded from Emi’s wedding plans.

“One wedding down and two more to go,” Hayden perks up with his right arm on Belle’s shoulders.

“And when’s yours?” I inquire semi-seriously.

“As soon as Bradley tells me it’s like a slice of heaven being married to you,” he teases.

“It already is, Carter,” Carson assures him, squeezing me against his body.

“Aw. Thanks, hazel eyes.” I turn to Carson and kiss his cheek. “Let’s go home. I’m dog tired and my feet are killing me.”

B
oston—home sweet home. The climate is about the same as Indiana, freezing cold and unforgiving with drizzling rain. Lil has been on the weepier side since we left this morning. It’s understandable. She just had a great reunion with her friends and mother and now they’re separated again. Against my selfish need, I did insist she spend the night with her mother while I tossed and turned in a king sized bed at the rental, all alone. Sacrifice equals love. I keep reminding myself.

It was a struggle for Lil to leave her mother. “Goodbyes are one of the hardest things for me,” she told me. “I hate them. It’s never a happy occasion.” I assure her that we’ll visit more often, but that didn’t seem to lessen her pain of separation. Meanwhile, Lia encouraged her to keep up with her studies and avoid sharing cabs with strangers. It was an odd request that took me for a spin. Lil’s never had to take a cab since we’ve been back to Boston. She also reminded Lil to keep her apartment locked and avoid going out at night without company. I butted in and gave Lia my word that her daughter will abide by all her wishes. You better believe that Lil will avoid all those dangerous things under my watch. After she imparted the last of her motherly advice, I invited Lia to be involved with our wedding plans. I asked her to select a day on the Chinese calendar that would be lucky for us. Instantly, she was touched. Lil suggested May 31 while I was hoping for as soon as possible. She promised she would confirm it in a few days.

“Lil, we’re here.” I clasp her chin gently between my thumb and index finger to wake her. “You can take a longer nap when we get upstairs if you want. It’s been a busy weekend.” Her lids blink several times before registering that we’re no longer on the jet.

“I’m fine,” she tells me. “What do you have planned for today?” A big yawn escapes her mouth.

“Catchup work,” I reply without any steam or enthusiasm. “Owen already has a long list of objectives for me to conquer.” I sigh.

“I see,” she responds glumly.

“But I don’t have to go into the office. I can do it all from home so you won’t have to miss me.”

“Really?” she perks up, squeezing my arm with delight. I hate leaving her as much as she hates being without me.

“Yes. It’s already setup in the home office. What do you want to do today while I work? Let me paraphrase that. What do you want to do today at the penthouse while I work?”

“Why am I being confined to the penthouse again?” she objects. “I was hoping to schedule an appointment with Dean Filmore to apply for classes.”

“Speaking of school, I’ve already arranged for you to do most of it online.” It took several persuasive grants to convince Jack to allow Lil this preferential treatment, but he agreed after I added enough zeros on my check. Until Alpha and his men retrieve my researchers from the Montgomerys, Lil will never be out of my sight. Nightmares of losing her dominate my nights. I can’t close my eyes without seeing her cry in fear for me while I watch her helplessly.

“Medical school online? Are you serious?” she argues. “I’ve never heard of such a thing.” The tone of her voice elevates. I can see her pigheadedness creeping out. She’s not backing down—not this time.

“Lil, get with the times. You can earn any kind of a degree online.”

“Not a real M.D,” she rebuts. “I want to be in a classroom and a hospital.”

“We’re done discussing this,” I cut her off. I know the repercussions, but I can’t debate this now. Luke informed this morning that they sent Lil’s other sleeve from her missing sweatshirt. Those bastards are really fucking with my mind. They want to break me down, so I’d give them whatever the hell they ask me for. I hate to admit it, but they’re damn close.

“I’m not,” she objects and storms out the limo with Luke trailing behind.

I rake my fingers through my hair, frustrated. I thought we’d have my researchers back by now, but Alpha needs a few more days to lay out the escape plan. He wants to minimize harm to all people involved. I gave him two days to have Paul and David safely back at BPC. If he can’t accomplish this job by then, I’ll hand it over to Marcus Ly, who I know will have no problem completing it. He’s a firm believer in karma and will ensure the punishment fits the crime—the same way that I believe in the principle of an eye for an eye.

Before heading upstairs, I make a quick call to Dr. Laurent to cancel his appointment for today. Lil isn’t in any mood for a visit from a doctor, especially an unexpected one. Her nausea and vomiting has really been concerning me. A part of me is hopeful that she might be pregnant again. I never imagined I’d have children after the lonely path I chose for myself. But the moment I witnessed a part of me growing inside Lil, the woman I love more than life itself, I knew I’d love that child unconditionally.

Lil isn’t visible to me when I walk through the private pantry entrance, but it doesn’t make me anxious. The penthouse is padded with extra security. She can hide, but not for long. I’ll find her eventually. Luke points to the upper level, indicating that Lil must be concealing herself in one of the rooms upstairs. The best thing I can do for us is to give her a little space to vent before I try to pound some sense into her. It’ll be useless now.
So much for the piano surprise.
I stare at the shiny, black Grand Piano sitting in the corner of the living room. Owen had it delivered yesterday.

~~~~

Why in God’s name did I decide to personally go through every applicant’s file for protocol placement? I know why. I wanted to give every patient a fair fight. There are at least three hundred files in this pile alone and I’ve only gone through thirty of them within the past few hours. My mind isn’t functioning very quickly, knowing Lil’s upset. I think I’ve given her enough time to cool down. Pulling out my phone, I text Luke for Lil’s location.

Miss Ly is still in the library.

Leaving my mountain of files behind, I make my way to search for Lil to make amends. She appears to be busy at work, staring into a computer screen as I pad toward her. Curious, I peer over her shoulders and see that she’s looking at ads for apartments. Apparently, I must’ve really pissed her off this time—enough for her to want to move out.

“What are you doing?” I inquire. She’s out of her mind if she thinks she’s leaving without a fight.

“Finding my own place,” she huffs, purposely avoiding looking at me.

“Why?” I demand. She can’t mean it. People tend to make irrational decisions when they’re upset.

“I…think we should wait until we’re married,” she answers.

“Are you trying to punish me, Lil?”

Standing up to face me, eye to eye, she tells me, “No. I’m not,” and fails to offer me a reasonable explanation.

Now I’m hot. “Then you’re being difficult and immature,” I scold.
Shit.
Did I just really say that?

“I’m immature?” she retorts. “Maybe it’s because you treat me like a child. You make every decision for me, and I have to follow all your rules. I’m tired of being told what to do. I’ve never had to rely on anyone for direction until you came into my life. You’ve taken away my independence and I can’t handle it anymore.”

Inhaling a calming breath, I attempt to absorb her anger. Her argument is valid. I can’t dispute any of it. “I see. I’m sorry you feel that way,” I soothe, offering her my hand. “Please. Come with me and let me explain.” I’m done keeping ugly secrets from her. She needs to understand why I’ve been paranoid for her safety and why I can’t sleep through an entire night without waking up drenched in fear. She takes my hand and follows me to the office.

“Carson…,” she stalls.

“Yes, babe.” I answer, stopping in the middle of the hallway to give her my immediate attention. “What is it?” My hand cups her chin.

“Two things. First, I don’t really want to move out. I’m just…frustrated.” She exhales a long sigh.

“Understandable. I’m glad to hear that you don’t want to move out because I don’t want you to.”

“Secondly, I have something to confess.” Her tone sounds gloomier yet.

“Go on,” I insist, worried at this point. What the hell can it be?

“I…forgot to take my birthcontrol pills. Twice,” she fesses up as if she’s committed an unspeakable crime. “But I swear it wasn’t intentional,” she attempts to explain.

“So what are you trying to tell me?” The prospect of Lil’s pregnancy being real drives my heart to leap with excitement. All I need is the confirmation and I’d be a happy man.

“I just want you to know that. In case…” she trails off.

“In case what? Do you think your nausea has something to do with that?”

“Possibly.” Her eyes fall away from me.

Tilting her chin up so she would face me again, I ask, “Will it be acceptable for Dr. Laurent to check you out tomorrow?” She nods. We’re both thinking the same thing and the veiled smiles on our faces prove it, but it’s too uncertain to say it out loud. “I hope he’ll have good news for us,” I add.

“I do, too,” she whispers.

I reach for her hand and lead her into my office. Dashing around the perimeter, her eyes look at the overflowing stacks of files and then at the framed photos of her lotus pictures. “They’re timeless aren’t they?” I ask. Conversation between us has never been this trivial. I’m trying to avoid the inevitable.

“Yes,” she replies softly. “Every time I look at them I’ll always remember that weekend we spent together.” Her response pleases my heart instantly. She’s expressing my exact sentiment whenever I look at them also.

“Come. Sit with me,” I encourage her after taking a seat in my leather chair. She approaches slowly. Her mind seems to be moving faster than her feet. She’s probably running through all the possible scenarios of what I might reveal to her. Unfortunately, her innocence keeps her from imagining anything close to the truth that I will share with her.

“There are so many folders. What are they for?” she inquires, altering my purpose for bringing her in here.

“They’re cancer patient files. I’m a little behind,” I answer before moving on to our issue at hand.

“I’d hate to see what “a lot behind” looks like. Can I help you with them?” she offers, appearing very sincere. She must be the most self-sacrificing person on earth. Without hesitation, she’s ready to set her own needs aside to tackle someone else’s problems.

“Possibly,” I answer. Her face lightens up almost instantly. This might be a temporary solution to my dilemma. She can help me comb through these files after I show her what to look for. It’ll keep her busy and give her a sense of accomplishment while she’s confined to the penthouse. “It’s a lot of work. Are you up for it?”

“Yes, of course.”

“We can start tonight after dinner. But first, I need to apologize to you. I was wrong to call you immature. You’re very mature—more than many people I know. Please forgive me.” I weigh my eyes on hers to show my sincerity. “I’m sorry you feel like I’ve taken your independence away. My fear of losing you controls my actions. The more I fear the more desperate my measures are. Maybe after I show you what I’ve been hiding, you might understand why I’ve been so protective of you.”

“What is it?” she demands, remembering the real reason I brought her in here. Her light brown eyes widen with trouble.

“Promise me you’ll stay calm?”

“I will. Please. Show it to me. I want to see it,” she insists.

Retrieving a small key in the top drawer, I unlock the bottom drawer. Owen is the only other person who knows that Lil’s shredded belongings are stored in here. I reach far back into the wooden compartment and pull out both sleeves and three black envelopes.

“Is that…from my sweatshirt?” she whimpers as her eyes rest on the severed pieces of her missing garment.

“Yes. It is. Now do you understand?” I reach for her waist and draw her closer.

She nods while tears leak from the outer corners of her eyes. “How did they get it? Luke is always watching me like a hawk.” Fear finally sinks in.

“I don’t know,” I answer truthfully. “But it’s too damn close for me.”

“They’re not going to give up until they get what they want, are they?”

“No. They won’t.”

“Why me?” she ask as if the idea of someone using her against me is absurd like she’s of no value to me.

“Because they know you’re my only weakness,” I confess. “They know that when it comes down to it, I’d sacrifice hundreds, even thousands of lives to keep you safe with me.”

“You can’t do that. I won’t let you.”

“Lil, what’s life without you? I know I’m being selfish, but haven’t I sacrificed enough?”

“Why do you do what you do and why do I want to be a doctor? Because we both value people’s lives,” she tells me bravely. “From now on, I’ll do whatever you ask of me, so you won’t have to be put in a position where you’re forced to make that choice.”

“I don’t deserve you, Lil,” I admit and pull her desperately into my mouth, kissing her with a need so strong that my soul wants to cry out. “I love you so much,” I croon along her neck as I cradle her in my lap.

She frames my face between her slender fingers and tells me, “I love you today, tomorrow and forever. Every day for the rest of our lives, I will keep telling you this. I’m not afraid to say it out loud anymore.”