Embracing Emma (Companion to Brisé) (13 page)

“You’re right, Mom. And this doesn’t need to be discussed in front of your son.” They both nod. “Emma, I trust you. I don’t like this, but I respect your choice. I just wish you would have come to me.”

“I’m sure, and there’s nothing to discuss. I just want to be prepared. Please don’t say anything to Will. I haven’t talked to him yet.” Her grin appears quickly then disappears as she meets my eyes.

A million things pass in that look. She is releasing me to grow up, but there is a sadness in the moment, an understanding of my love for the boy across the street, admiration for the woman I’m trying to become, and resolve to hide all this from my dad. “Love you,” she whispers.

“All this girl shit is making me want a glass of wine.” I know the episode is coming, my Nana isn’t one to swear, and when she loses her tongue, I know the rest is fast on its heels.

I hurry from the room and grab a wine glass and pour the sparkling juice. So far we’ve been able to fool her. Alcohol isn’t off-limits, but with her regimen of medications, we want to be careful, so we lie. Every night with dinner, sometimes she gets in the mood to day drink, and we lie then, as well. It feels so wrong, but it’s a necessary evil in dealing with this disease. I hope one day she forgives us all. I hurry back to my room, “Here, Nana.” I hand her the glass hoping this stalls the episode until I leave and she falls asleep. My mom holds up my dress, and I step into it, smoothing the front over my stomach, and exhaling as she zips me up.

Deep purple floats down to my ankles in a fitted bandeau-type style, accentuating my curves. The strapless neckline is straight with no cleavage in sight. I conceded on this neckline because I wanted to spare my dad a cardiac arrest. “Emma, you are beautiful,” my Nana states as she is sipping her juice. Her eyes fill with unshed tears, and she stares at me. “It’s like I’m seeing your mom all over again so many years ago.” The doorbell rings, and my attention is pulled from the two women I love to the man I will love forever. I hear my dad’s voice followed by Brett and James and then the melody that is music to me. Will’s deep baritone immediately fills me with calmness, excitement, and love. Tonight I hope to give him the last piece of me. He holds every other piece so it seems fitting he gets this one.

His gaze fixes on me; steady with each step I take towards him. He raises one eyebrow and quirks his head, studying me from head to toe. I don’t reach him before he steps into my personal space, and his knuckles caress my cheek. “Ems.” He inhales my scent. “God, you’re beautiful.” My heart beats erratically, and I’m forced to swallow my emotions so I can speak.

“Thank you.” I kiss his cheek and wipe the remnants of my gloss off, so it doesn’t stain his face. William overwhelms me in a tux. His shoulders are broad, filling out more as his workouts increase, preparing for college ball. His wide stance, unwavering stare, dimpled cheeks, and strong jaw rob the air from me as I drink him in. The butterflies take flight in my stomach, nervousness settling in. Not over the act I want to offer him, but the fear he doesn’t want the same thing. I feel his shuddering breath as he reluctantly steps back, and we begin the photo portion of our evening. My cheeks burn in protest as I smile one last time. I end the shenanigans. “Enough,” I laugh. “If none of those come out, y’all are out of luck.” Pressing a kiss to each cheek I pass, I drag my date towards the door and our escape.

My dad wraps me in his arms as he squeezes me tightly. “Love you, baby girl.”

“I love you, Daddy.” He shoots me a wink. We’re home free, and Nana ruins it.

“Make good choices, Emma girl.” She shoots me a saucy wink, and if I hadn’t fixed her juice myself, I’d think she got the real Jesus juice. I blush and duck my head, hoping to avoid eye contact with anyone. Once we get in his truck, I release a deep breath, more suitable for evading a firing squad . . . not our parents.

“You okay, Ems?”

“Yes.” I reassure him and myself at the same time.

He studies me for a minute and drops it. “Hungry?” I’m not, but I lie and tell him I am. I fidget through most of dinner, just wanting to get to prom, get the mandatory ritual part over and spend the rest of the night in his arms. The one place everything and everyone disappears. In his embrace, there is only room for us. After the third time I pick up my napkin, twist it a few times, and drop it, he grabs my hands. “Talk to me.” His eyes are sincere, his tone pleading.

“I bought condoms,” I blurt. Way to finesse this conversation, Emma. He chokes on his Coke, and I want to crawl under the table in awkwardness.

“You can’t just blurt that out. We haven’t discussed sex.”

“I know, but is there a need for a conversation? I want to have sex, and I want it to be with you.” I watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows a few times.

“You know I’ve never had sex?” I wasn’t sure until his admission.

“No.” I look down at my lap.

“Eyes, Emma.” His voice commands me, and I obey it. “I wanted my first to be you. I didn’t want it tainted.”

“I want you.”

“I want you, too, but there is plenty of time.” Is he trying to talk me out of this? “No, I’m not trying to talk you out of anything,” he chuckles when I realize I spoke my question aloud. “I just want you to be sure.”

“I am.” I stare at him, expressing to him I won’t waver in this decision.

“Shit.”

“What?”

“You can’t drop this on me and expect me to stand upright for hours.” I watch as his hand disappears below the table, and he shifts uneasily.

“I was thinking of staying for the obligatory stuff and then sneaking off to our room for the main event.” He knows I was staying all night with him, enjoying the full prom experience.

He signals for the check and pays it as quickly as possible. I’m being tugged from the restaurant to the safety of his truck where he pushes me back, cushioning my head with his hands. I watch his tongue dart out and wet his lips, his head descend, finally feeling his lips touch mine. Mouth claiming mine. There is no teasing, no coaxing a reaction from me; it’s full attack mode, and I relax into his assault and enjoy the ride. He releases my mouth and places his forehead against mine, staring inside of me, peering into every crevice of my mind and soul. “I love you.”

“For always.” He just nods and closes his eyes. He gets me settled in the seat and buckled in before heading to the hotel where prom is being held. Lucky for us, it’s the same place we have a room. I giggle like a schoolgirl when I realize what is going to happen tonight.

“What’s so funny?”

“This is so cliché. I planned it to be, but all these things are running through my head.”

“Like what?”

“I’m blossoming into womanhood. You’re going to pop my cherry. Just the tip. Any fucked up saying you can come up with, I’m replaying it in my mind.”

“We don’t have to do this.”

“I know, but I want to. I’m just nervous.”

“Me too.” Admitting that pained him. I can see the pink tinge to his cheeks, the uncomfortable way he’s rubbing his neck. I reach over and grab his hand.

“At least we don’t have anything to compare this to.” I try to lighten the mood.

“There’s no comparison to you, Ems. No one comes close.”

“Lets go drink the spiked punch, dance to a song, pose for cheesy prom photos. Followed by getting naked.” We both start laughing, and for the first time tonight, my stomach isn’t in knots when I realize this is us. William and Emma. Natural progression. Fate. Kismet. And any other platitude you can add, it fits us.

We avoid most people as we walk in, stand in line, and get our photos over with. Holly and Andy find us and we get our punch, which hasn’t been spiked yet. I can’t help the grin as I meet his eyes, devouring and worshiping me in front of everyone. I notice his posse hasn’t shown up yet, and I’m hoping to make our escape before they appear. Kelsea Ballerini plays through the speakers, ‘Dibs’ echoes through the room, and I grin as I grab William with one hand and Holly with the other. She latches on to Andy as I pull us to the floor and laugh as both guys stop and stare at Holly and I dancing and singing the words to them. I would have preferred a slow song for him to be able to hold me to, but this will do. I jump in his arms and peck him on the lips. “Okay, all obligations over. I got the prom experience, now take me to our room.” He buries his face in my neck and breathes heavily. “All mine,” I whisper in his ear.

“All yours.” His words are a conviction. A vow. A promise I bask in.

The elevator ride is quiet with both of us in our heads. Our eyes dart to one another and shy smiles, sly touches commence, but we are being reserved. All bets are off when the door closes. He dims the lights. Turns down the bed. Caresses me from head to toe. Clothes are discarded. Kisses given. Touches prominent. Our hands melding to one another’s body, feeling each curve and dip; memorizing each other by feel, transferring love through touch.

We fall to the bed. We are a tangle of limbs, twisting and turning, grasping and grunting, pushing and pulling, tongue and teeth, lust and love combined. He plays my body like a concert pianist, and I sing the song composed for him. As his last thrust enters me, the prom theme song echoes down the hallway. ‘Tonight’s the Night’ by Blaire Hanks wafts through the room as my lips gasp one last time and my body crumbles under him. I store every touch, kiss, word, and promise to memory.

In my darkness, I can reflect on this night.

In my solitude, this moment will bring me peace.

In his absence, this will feel like home.

Chapter Fourteen

William

The last few weeks pass in a blur. I have graduation today, and training starts in a week. Seven days with my girl and six weeks apart. I don’t know if I’ll get to come home for weekends. This is my first camp, so I don’t know what to expect. Seth and the guys have backed off, knowing they got what they wanted, and I hope that rings true tonight. I’m not interested in any parties after the ceremony; I agreed to a family dinner, including Emma’s family, and I have a room for us after. None of the parental units know that tidbit, but I’ll allow them to think we are hitting the parties. Some lies I can live with as long as I spend some much-needed time with Emma. Since prom, we have had limited time, and I’m craving the connection with her.

Dinner is stilted. During the ceremony Nana had a breakdown; too much noise, a large crowd with many well-wishers greeting her, and when she couldn’t place everyone she became frustrated and acted out. I hate comparing her to a toddler having a meltdown, but that’s the reality of it. I’ve done my research wanting to be supportive of Emma, and it breaks my heart. It’s a defense mechanism in Alzheimer’s patients, but knowing the facts and dealing with the reality wage war with your heart and your head. You understand the reactions, but that doesn’t make it easy to watch.

Luke left to take Nana home, and I could see the struggle in Emma. She wants to be here for me, but she wants to be at home with Nana being the one to care for her. Both Phoebe and Luke have tried to put their foot down and limit her time being Nana’s caretaker, but Emma can be a firecracker when pushed, and she is adamant that she be a constant in Nana’s care. I understand and agree with her parents’ wishes. She is taking a burden that no teenager should have to. Hell, an adult shouldn’t be subjected to the pain and loss that happens daily. Each week she seems to deteriorate more, and I’m leaving at the worst time.

“Ready?” I’ve said goodbye to my parents and Phoebe. Emma has been checked out for the last half hour. Her half-assed attempt at a smile breaks my heart. “We can go by and check on Nana before we go out for a bit.” I know that small conciliation will appease her.

“Thank you.”

“No thanks needed, babe. I’m here for whatever you need. All you have to do is ask.”

“You seem to read me without me having to ask.” She links her fingers with mine.

“That’s my job.”

A few tears run down her face unchecked. “I’m gonna miss you so much.”

“I’ll be back before you know it. Besides, you’ll be busy with summer school, my little scholar.” She is determined to keep busy, and her next two years are going to be filled to the brim with academics. She’s taking foreign language during summer and three AP classes next year. She says she’ll continue it her senior year, as well. She’ll graduate from high school damn near a sophomore in college. I’m pleased she’ll be busy but a bit worried she’s taking on too much. Again, trying to reason with her is futile, so I have to let her be.

I pull up in her driveway and follow her in, both of us trying to be quiet. Luke is watching the news and looks up as we come in. I hand him the box Phoebe gave me, knowing it has his favorite meal in it. “Thanks. Where is my wife?” He bends and kisses Emma’s forehead.

“She said she was going to have a few glasses of wine with my parents.” Luke chuckles and shakes his head.

“How’s Nana?”

“Emma,” he chastises her.

“Dad.” Her tone is mocking, and it elicits another laugh.

“She was in a state by the time we got home. I gave her the sedative, and she fell right to sleep. Some situations are too overwhelming for her.” He pulls her close. “We knew this was going to happen.”

“Not this soon.” Her voice breaks, and I watch helplessly as she breaks down in her father’s arms. I see the war he is fighting keeping his emotions in check as he does his best to comfort her. After a few minutes, she seems to compose herself as she excuses herself. I don’t fool myself that she is going to clean her face; she is bee lining for her Nana’s room to check in.