Elysium (17 page)

I was pleasantly surprised when he didn’t move away. Our mouths were inches from each other, and I could hear him swallowing over and over again. Just as I went to eliminate those last few inches keeping our lips apart, he cupped my cheeks with his hands and tilted my head down, kissing me softly on the forehead. I leaned back, so stunned I couldn’t speak. Had I completely misinterpreted his feelings for me? I had assumed because he told me how beautiful I was, he harbored the same feelings. I was wrong. I was embarrassed, mortified and humiliated I had made an ass out of myself.

I didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what to do next. I felt Cadeon’s fingers under my chin, lifting my head up until I was looking into his eyes. His other hand rested on my shoulder, his fingers playing with strands of my hair, as we just stared at each other.

“It isn’t right.”

I knitted my brows, not knowing what he was talking about. “What isn’t right?”

“My feelings for you. I should be stronger.”

I didn’t know if I should be offended or embarrassed by what he said. A part of me was secretly happy he felt
something
for me, but listening to him right now, I didn’t know if he regretted those feelings. “I’m not sure I understand.”

He closed his eyes briefly, dropping his hand from my face and shoulder. “You are so young and impressionable. You are new to this whole world, and all I can think about is how lovely your hair smells when the wind sifts through it, or how beautiful you are when you’re concentrating on something. I should be guiding you, helping you through this transition, and all I want to do is kiss you. I should be stronger.” 

I must have looked like a fish out of water. My mouth opened and closed yet nothing came out. What in the hell was I supposed to say to something like that? I hadn’t imagined Cadeon would feel romantically about me, but as he stared down and spoke such loving and selfless words, I knew no other guy would compare to him. I swallowed, looked down at the flower, and then back at him.

“I’ve never been kissed.” I wasn’t looking for sympathy, not in the least, and I was probably embarrassing myself with my admission, but I wanted him to know. I wanted him to be the first guy I kissed. I wanted to share that experience with him. He didn’t speak, and I worried I had screwed up anything which might have been created between us. He almost had a troubled look on his face, but then he let out a deep breath, his hand going back to my face and his fingers trailing along my jaw.

“You’re so special, Meadow.” He whispered the words.

I didn’t feel special, not in the least, but I would have been lying if I didn’t admit that hearing him say those things about me had butterflies in my stomach. My eyes widened when I noticed his head coming closer.
Oh my. This is it. He’s going to kiss me.
I didn’t move and held my breath as he stopped an inch from my lips. It was torture, pure and simple.

“Just a small kiss.”

I nodded and braced myself, as his lips pressed against mine. The setting was perfect, the kiss magical. He smelled so good, and I was being kissed for the first time in a romantic place. The beautiful flowers blooming all around me, their intoxicating scents surrounding us, just made the experience that much more incredible.

Soon that small kiss became more heated, and he cupped my cheeks with his hands. Whatever I had imagined it to be like to kiss, it had never compared to this. His lips on mine were demanding, yet soft, like he wanted to show me all the passion he had, but didn’t dare let loose. He pulled away and looked at me, his breathing as fast as my own. I was glad he had the same reaction to me, as I did to him.

He cleared his throat and sat back, running his hand through his hair and looking around. “We should get back.”

In a few short hours it would be dawn and even though I didn’t know if I would fry out in the sun, I wasn’t ready to test my luck. I nodded, letting him take my hand and getting tingles all over my body when our skin touched. We slowly made our way back to the Manor, my mind a whirlwind of emotions. He seemed more aloof, more distant, and I wondered if I had done something wrong. Had I pushed him into kissing me? Made him feel sorry for me and now he regretted doing it? He was older and maybe he feared he would get in trouble. I certainly considered the kiss innocent, but now felt shame for what we had done. I didn’t want him angry at me and worried about it.

“Cadeon?”

He stopped before we reached the front doors, the wind blowing by us and ruffling his dark hair. “I’m sorry.” I tightened my coat, suddenly feeling embarrassed.

He knitted his brows and took a step towards me. “For what?”

“For the kiss. I didn’t tell you to make you feel sorry for me. I just, I don’t know, wanted you to know.” He didn’t say anything, his attention on the greenhouse.

“You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m just frustrated with myself. I find it difficult to keep my control around you, but I should. I need to stay strong and levelheaded because it won’t do anyone any good if I let my emotions control me. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

I didn’t, but I nodded anyway. I kind of thought he was telling me he cared for me, which was what I deciphered back in the greenhouse. I was happy to know he
couldn’t
keep his control around me, but not so happy that he
wanted
to keep it. When he kissed me, he showed me a side of him that was wilder, more intense. It was another part of his life, a part more exciting. The kiss showed me what it could be like, what I had been missing this whole time. It sounded silly, even as I thought about it, but it was true. We stared at each other for another suspended moment and then he smiled.

“Goodnight, Meadow.” He turned, and I watched him walk away. I didn’t close my door until he was gone.

The next day, I gathered my book bag and headed to meet Nik and Violet in the foyer. I’d been thinking about the kiss I shared with Cadeon, my mind conjuring the picture of our lips pressed together over and over again. I knew I needed to stop thinking about it, knew I would only end up getting my heart broken. Cadeon had told me he cared for me as well, but that there would be no “us.” It sucked, but then again I was used to disappointment.

I rounded the corner and headed down the stairs, seeing Nik and Violet waiting at the bottom for me. It was strange seeing Nik after the insane dream I had the other night, picturing him telling me how he needed me to release him from his prison and how he liked me. It was all a silly dream, one my mind concocted, and one that would make me go crazy before it was all said and done.

“Hey, girlie, I have some awesome news.” Violet all but sang the statement out, a huge smile on her face as she looked between Nik and me.

“Oh?” We headed outside, Nik rolling his eyes, as Violet spouted off her latest news.

“Okay, so you know how the Winter Solstice celebration is next week?”

I nodded even though I hadn’t known when it exactly was.

“So, April told me…”

“Who’s April?” The wind blew by us, and I shivered.

“You know, April Henry?” At my blank stare she let out a huge sigh. “The shape shifter girl in our Arcane History class.”

“The one with the really red hair?” Her hair
was
really red. She was breathtakingly beautiful, and back at my old school, she would have been teased mercilessly for her hair color, but here she was quite popular with the student body. Maybe it was because she could turn into a wolf and therefore, people took her seriously, so she didn’t kick their ass. I couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah, but anyway, she told me after the celebration a bunch of students are throwing a party behind the woods. It’s supposed to be totally awesome.”

We entered the small cabin, signed in and got into the elevator. “Is what’s-his-name going to be there?”

“Xander Nicholls.” Nik hadn’t said anything thus far, but he looked at me and winked, and I knew he knew how Violet felt about the star Lacrosse player.

“I don’t know, maybe. Why?”

I could see in her face that he was going to be there and she was just playing it off as if she didn’t know. I knew it was most likely the reason she wanted to go, but who was I to judge? I had feelings for Cadeon, a doctor who was over one hundred and fifty years old.

I shrugged at her questions, smiling inside, because Violet practically glowed with excitement.

“So? Are you in or what?”

She turned and looked at me, her expression anxious, yet expectant. I sighed and looked at Nik, his broad shoulders shrugging, as a smile tugged at his lips. “I guess.” Violet’s slender body slammed into mine, as she hugged me and squealed.

“Oh my gosh. This is gonna be great.” She clapped her hands, her smile so big it could have lit the entire building. “Okay, so will you be able to come by my room after classes tonight? That way you can do the background music, while I practice for the Winter Solstice. I only have a small keyboard, but it’ll work for practice purposes.”

“Okay, sounds good.” We got another musical squeal before the elevator finally opened and we walked into the foyer and headed to our classes.

After classes, I followed Violet to her room, taking a different set of stairs, as we walked down a hallway as extravagantly decorated as the rest of the Manor. We made several turns, until finally stopping in front of her door. Several of the doors were already open, music and laughter coming from them, as students began their weekend.

I followed her in, shutting the door behind me and looking around. Violet was right about me hitting the mother lode. Her room was like a typical dorm, whereas mine was like a posh hotel suite. I wondered how I had gotten so lucky, when I had nothing to my name. I continued to look around as Violet set her stuff down. She pulled out this ancient looking keyboard and set it off to the side. I raised a brow at it, looking apprehensively between her and the dinosaur machine.

“What?”

“Does that thing even work?” It was an eye-sore, but then again the
Francis Bacon
had been as well and that had been an antique. I walked over to it, as I watched her plug it in.

“Are you kidding? I admit it isn’t the prettiest, but this is a superb piece of craftsmanship.” She couldn’t even keep a straight face as she spoke. “I’m just kidding; this is my brother’s hand-me-down from when he took lessons ages ago.” She grabbed her desk chair and moved it behind the keyboard, holding it out for me, as she smiled. “Go on, try it.”

I tossed my bag on her bed and sat down, looking at the discolored keys, and immediately I remembered the piano in the storage room at my old school.

“Oh wait.” She bent down, stared at the keys for a moment and then pressed one. “Okay, go ahead.”

“What did you do?”

“I switched it to piano mode, so now it’ll sound like the real thing.”

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “So what, exactly, are you going to be doing at the dance?”

She exhaled loudly before she sat on the edge of her bed. “They asked me if I would dance at the celebration. I didn’t want to, but Nik talked me into it.”

“I bet you dance really nicely.” I watched as her cheeks warmed and laughed at how I had embarrassed her. “So, how long have you known Nik?” I looked down at the keys, running my finger over them and getting a feel for them.

“Why? You want him?”

I looked up, startled by her question. “What? No. I mean, I was just wondering.” I realized I was stammering, but it had nothing to do with how I felt for Nik. He was proving to be a great friend, and he was really hot, but I had no romantic feelings for him, not like I did for Cadeon anyway.

“Hmm, well, he likes you, like really,
really
likes you. It’s rather pathetic actually.”

“What? He told you that?”

“Not in so many words. He said something along the lines of how beautiful you were and how nice you smelled and blah, blah, blah. You should see the way he looks at you, when you’re not paying attention. It’s sickening.” She got up and went to her closet, looking through her clothes until she pulled out a stuffed looking garment bag. “Want to see the dress I’m going to wear?”

I couldn’t believe how she could just switch subjects like that. There I was, my mind reeling on what she had just said about Nik, and she started talking about dresses. I nodded, looking at her and wondering if my face matched how I felt inside—completely shocked.

“Are you serious?” She set the dress on the bed and started to unzip it before looking up at me.

“Serious about what?”

“The whole Nik thing.”

“Oh that. I wouldn’t worry too much about it. He always talks about how good looking the girls are, although, I don’t think I’ve ever heard him call them beautiful before.”

“Oh.” My surprise faded slightly as I heard how he thought every girl was cute and how it really didn’t mean anything. I shrugged, determined not to let it get to me and make seeing Nik awkward.

Violet turned back around and grabbed her dress, holding it in front of her as she spun around once. “Even without Nik, I think I would have eventually agreed to perform at the celebration.”