Elements of Retrofit (12 page)

I was expecting to hear goodbye. And when Jennifer closed the door and Cooper sat down across from me, after wanting to see him, and speak to him for four fucking days, now I wasn’t sure I wanted him to say anything. Hearing him say it was over would make it so final.

“I’m really sorry,” I said quickly.

He put his hand up, clearly still angry with me. “Will you let me speak?”

I nodded. “Of course.”

“I just came out from my meeting with Louisa Arlington.”

“Oh?”

“I suppose I should thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” I told him, though I wasn’t sure if he was happy about it. “And I’m very sorry.”

He ignored my apology. “She spoke very highly of you.”

“Louisa’s lovely, and very good at her job,” I said quietly. “She’s one of the best there is.”

“She said the same of you.” Then he smiled. “Actually, she said you were the
second
best there was. She was the first.”

“Sounds like her,” I said softly. He was still angry, and I didn’t blame him. “Cooper, I’m really sorry. I fucked up, and I’m sorry.”

“You did,” he said flatly. But then he sighed. “You were also right.”

“Huh?”

“You were right,” he said with the start of a smile. “I couldn’t work with you, or for you, it would have hindered my career. You were right about that. I can see that now.”

I wasn’t sure if he was agreeing with me, or insulting me, but either way, I nodded. “I’m still sorry.” He had no idea how much. I didn’t know what else to say, and he looked like he was done talking. My voice was quiet. “How did it go with Louisa?”

“I start on Monday.”

My eyes widened. “That’s really good, Cooper. She really is one of the best.”

“Hmm,” he hummed. Then he looked around my office. “She also said something interesting.”

“What was that?”

“She also said you told her why you wanted me to work with her,” he said. “She said she was confused at first. Because if I was as good as you said I was, she didn’t understand why you didn’t want me to work here with you.”

I nodded. “I told her the truth.”

“Did you?”

I looked at him, fairly certain I knew what he was talking about. I nodded again. “I told her you’d be better off, professionally, with her.”

“Well, she agreed with you on that,” he said, looking me square in the eye. “Then she told me what you really said. She said she knew I had to be something special for you to call her and ask her for a favour, so she asked you what was so remarkable about me.”

I nodded. Yep, he knew.

Cooper shook his head. “She said you told her I
was
special, that I couldn’t work here with you no matter how much you wanted me to, because you have feelings for me and you’d rather I
live
with you than
work
with you.” Then he spoke slowly, enunciating every syllable. “Because you have feelings for me.”

I looked at him, and I knew he saw the truth, the fear, in my eyes. I didn’t answer. I didn’t have to.

He shook his head. “You inconsiderate bastard,” he said, and my eyes shot to his. “Do you know what it’s like to hear that from someone else?”

I shook my head. “I shouldn’t have said that to her. I’m sorry.”

“Damn right you shouldn’t have,” he said. “You should have said it to me! Jesus, Tom, is it true?”

“Of course it’s true! You heard what I said to Ryan…”

“Why didn’t you tell
me
?” he cried. “I’ve just spent the last four days thinking I meant nothing to you. That what you told Ryan was a fucking lie. That everything you said to me was a fucking lie,” he said. “And then I have to hear
that
from a complete stranger?” He leant forward in his chair. “You couldn’t even look at me when I walked out of here the other day, you just sat there like I meant nothing to you.”

“I didn’t tell you because…well, because I didn’t know what it would mean to you…”

“It
would have
meant everything to me.”

Would have.
Past tense. I ran my hands through my hair. I stood up and walked to stand in front of the wall of glass. I turned to face him, so he could see the truth on my face. “I’m sorry. I was scared, because I’m forty-four and you’re twenty-two, you have everything in front of you and I didn’t want you to feel trapped.” I stopped, and my voice was quieter. “I know what it’s like to be young and in a relationship you feel you can’t get out of. I’ve been there, when I was your age, Cooper. I know exactly what that’s like, and I want more for you. I don’t want you to get to forty and have regrets.”

“Tom, I might be young. But I know what I want,” he told me. “I want a career. I’ve worked fucking hard for it.”

My heart sank, and I nodded.

“I also want you.”

My heart leapt in my chest.

Then he said, “But you need to stop going on about our ages. The age difference has never been an issue for me, you know that.” Then he added, “And Tom, there are going to be differences between us. We like different things—different music, different food, different clubs. We have different friends, we have different ideas on a lot of things. There’s going to be things that clash, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

“I know,” I agreed quietly. “I like the differences between us. You’ve opened my eyes to a lot of things I thought I missed.”

“I like the differences too,” he said with a smile. He leant back in the chair. “We’re like a retrofit project, making the older, classic style integrate with the modern. When everything says we probably shouldn’t gel, we just seem to work.”

I looked at him. He
understood
me. Like no one else ever had. It was the perfect analogy. “We
are
a retrofit project.
You
are the perfect retrofit for me.”

He stared at me for a long moment, then stood up and walked around my desk and stood in front of me. He cupped my face in his hands. “You’re the perfect retrofit for me, too.”

My eyes closed, and I sighed into the palm of his hand. Then his lips were soft against mine, and I threw my arms around him, so I could kiss him back. So I could bury my face in his neck and hold him, and he seemed to hold me just as tight. He felt so good against me. No, not good. Right. He felt so right against me.

But then he pulled back and put his hand up. “Just so you know, I’m still kind of pissed off at you, but I’m sure I can think of some ways you can make it up to me.”

“Anything.”

His face was expressionless, but his eyes were serious. “Don’t ever make decisions that affect me without asking me first. Ever. That’s a deal-breaker, right there. You need to talk to
me
,” he said, “Tom, about things like feelings and shit. Not someone else.”

“Okay,” I conceded. “But to be fair, you never talked to me about how you felt either.”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “I didn’t go talk to your prospective employer and tell her that you have feelings for me,” he said. “And these ‘feelings’”—he quoted the air—“that you keep talking about, you still haven’t said what they are.”

“I really like you, Cooper,” I told him honestly. “Maybe it’s more than that, I don’t know. But I know I
want
more than that with you. I want everything with you.”

He smiled. “Thank you, Tom,” he said. “Maybe I want more than that with you too.”

I couldn’t stop smiling. “Really?”

“Don’t get too smug, Mr Elkin. I’m not done with the conditions,” he said. “I won’t move in with you. It’s far too soon for that,” he said, and my heart sank. “But I’m open to the whole boyfriend thing.”

I grinned at him. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” he said, and I leaned in to kiss him, but he put his hand to my chest to stop me. “You said you didn’t want to hide anymore, well, neither do I. If we are going to do this, we do it openly. Like we were in Sydney. I want that with you. And, now I’m not working here,” he said with narrowed eyes, “we have no reason to hide.”

I was grinning hugely. “I agree.”

His lips twisted as he tried not to smile. “There’s one more condition, Tom,” he said. “It’s the most important.”

I was almost too scared to ask. “Yes?”

He looked at me and a slow smile crept across his face.

* * * *

We walked out of my office, and Jennifer took one look at us and smiled. “I’ll be finishing up for the day,” I told her. “If anything is urgent, delegate it to one of my team. They’ll handle it just fine.”

Jennifer gave a polite nod. “Of course. Can I do anything for you?” she asked. “Order a lunch? Reservations anywhere?”

“No, I think we’ll be okay,” I said.

“I’m glad to hear that,” she replied. Then she looked at Cooper. “Mr Jones, it’s a pleasure to see you again.”

“As always, Jennifer,” he replied with a knowing smile.

We walked to the elevator, not holding hands, but when the elevator doors opened, I put my hand on the small of his back as he walked in. He stood a little closer to me than would be considered friendly and he took a deep breath and smiled.

“What was that between you and Jennifer?” I asked.

One corner of Cooper’s lips curled into a smile. “When I got here this morning, I asked if I could see you without an appointment.”

“And?”

“She’s always been so snarly with me…”

“Did she say no at first?”

“Not exactly,” he answered. “She told me it depended on what I was there to say. She said if I was there to make you happy, I could see you straight away, and if I was there to upset you any further, I could sit in the hall and damn well wait.”

I chuckled. “Wait for how long?”

“I didn’t ask,” he answered. We stepped out of the elevator and walked through the busy lobby. “But I got the feeling it would have been a while.”

We walked out onto the sidewalk, into a rush of people. Cooper took my hand, and as we weaved our way through the crowd, he said, “Anyway, I told her good news was subjective to what the recipient wanted to hear.”

I laughed at him. “She would have loved that.”

“I thought she was going to call security,” he admitted cheerfully. “But she didn’t even glare at me. She smiled sweetly and told me that the recipient, meaning you,” Cooper explained with a squeeze to my hand, “was miserable without me.”

“Is that what she said?” I asked.

“Yep. Miserable, she said. Were you, Tom?” he asked, looking at me.

I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, not caring about how the people had to go around us, and looked at him. “I was pathetic. It was disgraceful.”

Cooper smiled beautifully. “So, maybe you do like me more than just a little.”

I slid my thumb along his jaw, and nodded. “Maybe I do.”

Cooper leaned up on his toes and pecked my lips. “Good.” Then he looked over his shoulder, to the front door of my apartment. “You ready?”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s not me I’m worried about.”

* * * *

I led the way, walking into the lobby of my apartment, holding Cooper’s hand. We were both smiling, though Cooper’s grin was somewhat larger than mine. Lionel stood by the reception desk, watching us curiously as we walked over to him instead of the elevators.

“Lionel,” I greeted him seriously. “I’d like to officially inform you that Mr Cooper Jones has free access to my apartment. He can come and go as he pleases, and doesn’t need you to buzz him through.”

Lionel barely nodded. “Very well.”

“Is that it?” Cooper asked rather disbelievingly. “That’s all there is to it?”

I looked at him, trying not to smile. “Yes. It’s done.”

“Well, that’s not as satisfying as I thought it would be.”

I chuckled and with a sigh, I looked to Lionel. “You have spare keys to my front door?”

“Yes, sir,” Lionel answered. “We keep keys in case of an emergency.”

“Would you be so kind as to give one to Cooper?”

Lionel disappeared behind the marble reception desk and Cooper looked at me. He never said a word, but he rocked up on his toes and grinned. Lionel reappeared and held out a gold key for Cooper.

Before taking it, Cooper looked at him. “This isn’t a key to the janitor’s closet, is it?”

Lionel smiled. “No, sir. It’s not.”

Cooper took the key then looked at me and smiled. I thanked Lionel, took Cooper’s hand and led him towards the elevator. “We better see if it works,” I told him. He was trying not to smile in the elevator, and once he opened my front door with his very own key, I asked him, “Is that better?”

“Much better,” he said, grinning, as he slid his arm around me and kissed me soundly.

“Does that mean you’ll leave my poor doorman alone now?”

Cooper grinned. “Absolutely not.”

I couldn’t help but sigh. “You’ll send me grey.”

“Grey
er
,” he corrected. “Now come on, we’re going to walk down the street, as a couple, you can hold my hand in public then you can buy me lunch.”

I pecked his lips. “You’re a bossy little shit.”

Cooper kissed me with smiling lips. “I know. It’s a Gen Y thing. You’ll get used to it.”

He pulled the door shut, pocketed the key and we headed back down to the lobby. As we walked out, Cooper grinned at Lionel, who gave me a smile and a nod, and when we walked out onto the New York sidewalk, Cooper held his hand out. I took it immediately and he smiled his smug little smile.

He walked up the street like he owned it. He was so confident, so quietly sure of who he was, what he wanted and where his life was going. He was sexy as hell, had a smile that stole my breath and mischief in his eyes, and for some unfathomable reason, he wanted to be with me.

I’ll ‘get used to it’
? 

Would I? Could I?

Cooper squeezed my hand to get my attention. “You okay, Tom?” he asked with a smile. “Because if you’re having second thoughts, I’d hate to have to give Lionel back that key.” Then he stopped walking and stared at me. “Hey, has anyone else ever been given a key?”

I tried not to smile. “No, only you.”

Cooper huffed indignantly. “Just as well. I’d hate to think Lionel gives them out to just anyone.”