Authors: Jason Brant
Murdock was confused by my presence as well. At first I thought it was shock because I was still alive. But he didn't seem to know what I meant when I mentioned the would-be assassins or the police. That didn't give me a warm and fuzzy feeling about Smith. Getting as far away from both of them as possible seemed like a good idea.
I had to get out of this hospital. Being in police custody made me a sitting duck if Murdock found out I was here. The more I thought the situation through, the more concerned I became for Sammy. I had a few tricks of my own I could use to defend myself, but she was still struggling with the reality of my telepathy. I didn't like the thought of her being in Smith's custody without having me around. She was now my top priority.
First I needed to get free of the bed. Working my left hand around in the cuffs, I could just get my fingers around the I.V. tube sticking out of my arm. The needle began sliding out of my skin as I gently pulled down on the tube. The tape holding it in place proved stronger than expected, but I managed to work it out centimeters at a time. When the end popped free I used my fingers to manipulate the tubing even further until I held the needle in my hand.
When you're stationed at a small outpost in Iraq, being on guard duty gets boring really fast. I passed a lot of the time learning to pick handcuffs. By the time the I.E.D. ended my tour, I could get my hands free, while they were behind my back, in less than thirty seconds. At the time it was just to burn some daylight and to be able to say I could do it. The irony of using a skill I'd learned while defending my country to escape police custody wasn't lost on me.
The weight of the tube hanging from the end of the needle complicated the process, but I had my hand free in a minute or so. My right arm took even less time. A quick hop from the bed made me notice the tightness in my chest from the shovel. Although I would have appreciated some pain medication, I was fortunate the doctors hadn't given me any. I needed all of my faculties if I wanted to escape.
The floor felt chilly on my bare feet as I inspected the rest of the room, and I didn't appreciate the breeze I got from the open back of my gown. My clothes were nowhere to be found. I couldn't walk out of the hospital with my ass hanging out, so I needed to pilfer someone else's. Climbing over the railing on the bed, I laid my aching body back in its original position. I put the handcuffs over my wrists, but didn't click them into place.
"Officer Robertson, reading about which celebrities are sucking face can wait. I need to talk to you." I began eavesdropping on his thoughts again.
Though he wondered how I knew what he was reading, he didn't bother replying. I started delving into his memories. He wasn't very moral considering his occupation.
"I know about you and Barbara. Your wife would be so pissed off if she knew you were bumping uglies with her sister."
Jesus on a cracker! How does he know that?
That got him moving. Looking around to make sure no one else heard, he unlocked the door and closed it behind him.
"Who have you been talking to? Is that damn Susan running her mouth again?"
He stopped about ten feet away. I needed him closer, so I grabbed at more memories.
"She told me about you nailing her in the bathroom at your wedding reception. That's just wrong, man."
His face turned white. "Is she going to tell my wife?"
"There was one more thing she mentioned, but she made me promise not to tell you."
"Oh God, don't tell me she's pregnant!"
"I can't tell you; I gave my word."
Stalking toward me, he pointed at my chest. "Tell me, you little bastard!"
I grabbed his outstretched arm with both of my hands and yanked him across the bed.
Before he could yell, I brought my elbow down on the back of his head. His body fell limp over my chest.
Five minutes later I was in the bathroom, trying to button the front of Robertson's uniform. He was much smaller than me so I looked ridiculous wearing his clothes. The pants were high waters on me, the bottom of the cuff a full four inches above my ankles. The waist was too narrow so I pulled the zipper as far up as possible, and used the belt to try and conceal the rest. I had to take the laces out of his shoes to cram my size twelve feet into his black, size ten sneakers. The shirt was the most noticeable though: the fastened buttons would blow off my chest like a Subway commercial if I took a deep breath. I looked like a reject from the Village People.
Looking in the mirror, I finally saw the damage I incurred from the shovel. My forehead had a deep purple bruise running from my hairline down to my blackened right eye, which was swollen. Fortunately my nose didn't look broken and my lips weren't too puffy.
Before leaving I checked one last time to make sure Robertson's hands were secured to the bed. I put the extra pair of handcuffs he carried with him around his ankles. He now wore my hospital garb, which I'd been glad to be rid of. I couldn't have him alerting anyone to what had happened before I got out of the hospital, so I used his boxers as a gag. I tied them in place with the I.V. tube. He was coming to and didn't seem altogether pleased with the taste in his mouth.
"I have three things to apologize for. First, for knocking you out. Second, for stuffing your undies in your mouth. And third, for going commando in your uniform."
His grunts suggested he didn't accept.
"I'll try not to do any lunges on my way out."
Opening the door, I poked my head out and looked both ways. No one seemed to be paying any attention, so I locked the door and pulled it closed behind me. On the floor, beside the chair Robertson had been sitting on, was his hat. Jamming it on my head, I pulled it as far down to my eyes as I could.
I walked down the hallway as fast as I dared, which caused the pants to pull up my shins even higher, exposing bare skin above my socks. I kept my head tilted down as low as possible, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. Pushing through double doors, I passed a nurse who eyeballed me from head to toe.
"I think you might need a new uniform, officer," she said.
"Damn dryers always shrink my clothes," I mumbled without slowing down.
Sitting on a cart off to the side of a hallway was a plate with a half eaten hamburger sitting on it. I grabbed it without breaking stride and shoved most of it into my mouth. Even though it was cold cafeteria food I thought it may have been the best burger of all time. Hopefully that would keep my stomach pangs to a minimum for awhile.
More than a few more people tried to suppress giggles as I walked by. As long as they didn't notice my beat up face, I figured I could make it out of the hospital.
The cab driver spent more time looking at me in the rear view mirror than he did watching the road. Fortunately the trip was a short one so he didn't kill us in a head on collision.
When I emerged from the hospital, which I had just learned was Prince George's, I saw the taxi sitting there waiting for a fare. After making up a ridiculous excuse about my patrol car being in the shop, he took me back to the crummy hotel where I left Sammy and Nami. Though he didn't say anything aloud, he thought I was a male stripper. When we pulled up to the hotel I gave him all of the cash in Robertson's wallet. Most of it turned out to be singles, which solidified the driver's misgivings.
"I'm really not a stri—" I started before thinking better of it. "Never mind. I, Officer Jerry Robertson, am a gigolo. Lock up your daughters, or something."
The guy deserved it for sleeping with his wife's sister.
A tangible silence fell over the hotel room as I entered. Sammy and Nami stared at me in utter disbelief.
"Uh, this is a private room, officer," Nami finally said.
"It's me, Ash."
Their eyes roamed up and down my absurd uniform for several more seconds. Then the laughter started. Sammy, nearing hysteria, fell off the bed while clutching her stomach. Nami looked like she was having a conniption fit. Looking down at my ensemble, I couldn't help but join them. I laughed so hard that I started snorting. Pain flared in my chest so I tried to stop, which only made me laugh harder. When one of the buttons popped off the front of the uniform I thought I was going to suffocate.
The blood rushing to my head made the already tight hat feel even more constricting, so I threw it on the closest bed. When Sammy saw the damage on my face she stopped giggling.
"Oh my God, you poor man!"
"It looks worse than it is."
"It looks like you were hit by a car," Nami said.
"Never mind then, Nora, it looks exactly like it feels. But I was hit by a shovel, actually. Twice."
"Oh, we saw it. If the video wasn't classified, I would have uploaded it to YouTube by now."
Sammy walked up and put her hands on either side of my face, inspecting my bruises. I wondered if it was too early to propose.
"Ash, what are we doing here? We need to run away from this madness," she said as she looked into my eyes.
"How did you get away from the police? We watched them arrest you," Nami said.
"I woke up in Prince George's Hospital, detained in a bed. I had to MacGyver my handcuffs and then trick a guard into the room." I looked down at my clothing, "Unfortunately he wasn't quite my size."
A half empty pizza box on one of the beds caught my attention. I grabbed it and sat down beside Nami at the bistro table.
"The last thing I remember was a shovel flying at my face; then I woke up in the hospital. What did I miss?" I asked as I crammed a slice into my mouth.
Nami's fingers flew across the keyboard. "Here's the sat feed, starting right after you got fucked up by an old man and a lady who drove to the cemetery in a minivan. A woman with four kids. Who's forty-six. Probably starting menopause. Weighs one hundred pounds less than you."
I showed her the chewed up pizza in my mouth as she angled the screen so I could see it. The video started with the little kids stomping on my back. The mom raised the shovel above her head, the edge of the blade pointing down. That blow probably would have killed me. Everyone froze in place at the same time for several seconds, before looking around in bewilderment. Soccer Mom dropped the shovel and bent down to check on me.
The police and a ton of paramedics came a few minutes later. They obviously recognized me because they slapped the handcuffs on before throwing me in the back of an ambulance and driving off. The rest of the paramedics went to work on the flattened government agents.
"What are they saying about the insanity at the cemetery? No way they could cover that up."
"They're calling it a terrorist attack. It doesn't look like they're releasing too many details yet. No mention of you. The major networks are already blaming Iran for causing the incident. People are getting very pissed off. President Thomas is giving a massive speech in front of the Washington Monument in a little bit. They're expecting a huge turnout, too. Everyone thinks he's going to announce we're invading Iran. It looks like he's finally going to be able to start his war."
I found myself wondering, again, how I managed to go from watching television to being at ground zero of a possible war.
"What happened with Murdock?" I asked between bites.
"Apparently he anticipated the satellite surveillance. We lost him when he ran into a recreation center a block away. His disguise was found in a hallway. We think he forced a volunteer to drive him further into the city, as she has no memory of leaving the rec center," Nami said without looking up from her laptop.
Grabbing another piece, I leaned back in my chair and looked at her for a full ten seconds while I chewed.
"That doesn't make any sense. If the goal was to take Murdock out, why not just use a sniper? Sending in those agents was a suicide mission. And with all the crazy technology and resources at Smith's disposal, how could he lose one man after he ran into a rec center?"