East Fortune (18 page)

He began to carve. Jack tried to anticipate what it would be like when his father was no longer with them; how the family dynamic would change.

‘Did you get the chicken from the farm?' he asked his mother.

‘I think it was about the most expensive organic bird I've ever seen.'

‘None for me,' said Sarah.

Ian stayed his knife.

‘Aren't you having any?'

‘I'm a vegetarian.'

‘Since when?' Angus asked his daughter. ‘You don't even like vegetables!'

‘I do.'

‘I'm not sure you've ever eaten a vegetable in your life. It's been nothing but pizza and chips.'

‘That was when I was fifteen.'

‘It's all right,' said Tessa. ‘Let her have the roast potatoes.'

‘You could have warned us.'

‘I thought you knew.'

‘I did tell him,' said Tessa, ‘but your father has had a lot on his mind.'

‘Hitler was a vegetarian,' said Douglas.

Angus turned to his brother.

‘What's that got to do with it?'

‘I've always thought it explains a lot. That and the watercolour painting.'

He wondered how far he could push it. Didn't Saddam Hussein become a vegetarian in prison? And wasn't Pol Pot a vegan? Perhaps there was enough for a documentary:
The Vegetarianism of the Great Dictators?
He began to think that if he drank enough he might even enjoy himself. He could bait his brothers and even, perhaps, get back at Krystyna.

Sarah gave him a nudge as he cut into the meat.

‘Murderer.'

‘It's just a chicken.'

‘Do you know how they are kept?'

‘Perfectly well. So you don't need to tell me now. And are you wearing leather shoes?'

‘Don't start …' said Jack.

Angus had chosen a light Burgundy, which, he said out loud, was crisp on the palate and long on the finish.

‘You don't really mean that, do you?' asked Jack.

‘It's refreshingly unpredictable,' said Douglas, ‘the hint of bubblegum enhanced by the sharpness of barbed wire.'

‘All right,
all right,'
said Angus. ‘I don't know why we always have to argue.'

‘We're not arguing,' said Jack.

‘Yes, we are,' said Douglas.

He remembered a Christmas long ago, when his parents had still seemed young. The girls had given their grandparents bath salts.

Steep the bag in the bath,
Ian had read from the packet.

‘That'll be you, my darling. Now what do I do with the salts?'

His wife had left the table and refused to eat her pudding. Now the tension was just as palpable.

Douglas sneezed.

‘Na zdrowie!'
said Krystyna.

‘I'm sorry?'

‘It's what we say when someone sneezes.'

Douglas sneezed again.

‘It also means “Have a drink soon” – like “Cheers”.'

‘Have a drink soon,' said Emma. ‘That shouldn't be too much of a problem. You're not having any wine, Krystyna?'

‘No, I don't drink.'

‘Oh well,' said Emma, ‘perhaps you could pass on a few tips. How you've done it, that sort of thing…'

‘I do not think your husband will listen to me.'

‘He doesn't listen to anyone.'

‘That's enough,' said Douglas. ‘I only sneezed, for Christ's sake.'

‘And how is your film coming along, Douglas?' his father asked. ‘Got a good researcher?'

‘I'm doing most of it on my own.'

‘Don't you normally have an attractive girl in tow?'

Emma poured herself some mineral water.

‘They're getting a bit young for him these days, aren't they, darling?'

‘I don't know about that …' Douglas looked at Krystyna. ‘Age doesn't always matter, does it?'

‘Anyway, it's not the researchers I'm worried about,' Emma said. ‘It's all those other women.'

‘What other women?' Ian asked.

‘The ones he meets on his travels. He thinks I don't know about them but I do.'

Douglas let out a theatrical sigh. Why on earth was his wife starting on this? Was she deliberately trying to provoke him in front of his family?

‘It's all very boring,' he said quickly. ‘I spend most of my time waiting around. There are long periods when nothing much happens and then when it does it's all over very quickly. It's a bit like sumo wrestling: a lot of build-up and then, bang, it's over.'

‘It's nothing like sumo at all,' said Emma.

‘You must meet many famous people,' said Krystyna.

‘They're not famous. I make documentaries.'

‘Have you met Michael Palin?' she asked.

‘No. Everyone asks me that.'

Emma tried to explain.

‘Douglas prefers working with women.'

‘No, I don't. I work with everyone. It doesn't make any difference what sex they are.'

Elizabeth tried to calm her son down.

‘It's all right, darling. There's no need to be cross. We all love you.'

Krystyna caught her eye. She was not sure she loved Douglas at all.

Imogen tried to cheer up her uncle.

‘Tell us one of your funny stories. What have you been doing?'

He could only think about Julia.

‘Oh, you know, the usual. Poncing about.'

‘Then tell us about your poncing about.'

Douglas could hardly tell them all
that.
Instead, he started on his list of anecdotes about television presenters behaving badly in restaurants:

Never mind the fucking cutlery. Bring me my Pinot Grigio.

His mother interrupted, ‘Try not to swear so much, darling,' but Douglas went into full anecdote mode, telling stories of the celebrities he had met, their eccentricities and their demands:

I cannot sleep in this hotel. That's the problem with Rome. The Vespas go on all night.

I know. Those Gregorian monks never know when to stop.

I mean the scooters
…

He told a story about Windsor Castle and seeing Charles and his new wife leaving.

‘Camilla Parker Bowles is, of course, a sentence,' said Jack. He stood up to clear the plates but then stopped. ‘I keep thinking of her in her whites on the village green.' He performed an underarm gesture. ‘Camilla Parker bowls…'

Douglas looked at his brother. It was extraordinary to think that they were related.

‘Your work sounds very glamorous,' Krystyna said to Douglas. ‘You must travel all over the world.'

‘I don't know. I'm sick of airports.'

‘You should be so lucky,' said his father.

‘I used to love to travel …' his mother began.

Soon, Douglas realised, she would be talking about Switzerland after the war and dancing through the night with people who ‘knew how to behave'. Then it would be a short skip to
The Sound of Music
and everyone's plans for Christmas.

Douglas drifted off to think of Julia. He wondered what she might be doing and the type of family she had. Did they have intimate dinners at home, sit in front of the television, or go out to restaurants? He found it hard to imagine her as a wife and mother and impossible to think of her meeting his parents.

‘You're not listening at all,' said Emma. She appeared to be expecting a response.

‘Sorry?'

‘I was just saying how you find going away a lot more interesting than staying in boring old Glasgow with me.'

‘No, that's not true …' Douglas replied but he was too late.

Ian was determined to keep the mood good.

‘We all need to bring things back from the world into the home. Marriages can become very introverted, I find.'

Elizabeth cut in.

‘Speak for yourself.'

‘I'm not talking about
our
marriage, of course.'

‘I should hope not.'

‘Every marriage is different, isn't it, Douglas?' said Emma.

‘It is. And that's what makes it so interesting.'

How much longer was he going to have to keep up this pretence, and how was he going to avoid giving himself away? He couldn't stop thinking about Julia at all.

He helped stack the dishwasher in the kitchen while Elizabeth made the coffee. He knew that people were already beginning to notice that he was tense as well as drunk.

His mother suggested that he should see a doctor.

‘You know how I can always tell when something's the matter.'

‘There's nothing wrong.'

‘Do you have someone to talk to?'

‘I don't need to talk to anyone.'

‘Jack's always been a good listener.'

‘My brother is the last person I'm likely to talk to. What's he still doing with that girl?'

‘She's not a girl.'

‘She's young enough to be his daughter.'

‘No, she isn't. Would you like some coffee?'

‘No. I think I'll just have brandy.'

‘I presume Emma is driving.'

‘You shouldn't be doing this, Mother.'

‘I like doing it…'

Douglas knew he should apologise.

‘I'm sorry about everything. Sometimes I just can't do it all. I don't think anyone realises the stress I'm under.'

‘It's all right. You're home now.'

It was absurd how much he was giving away. In his drunkenness Douglas asked himself if it was because he wanted to be discovered. Then this whole charade would be over.

He had to stop. He could hardly bring Julia to East Fortune and introduce her to his family. It would be absurd.

This is Julia.

He couldn't imagine it at all.

‘It's not good, is it?' said Tessa as she began to undress.

Angus was already in bed.

‘I know. But at least we got through it. The children were great.'

‘Honestly, though, your brothers.'

‘What about them?'

‘Where do you want me to start?'

‘I don't know. It was the same old story with Douglas and Emma.'

‘They seem to get worse every time they come. And I don't see why he always has to get so pissed.'

‘It's become a bit of a routine.'

‘You should say something.'

Angus cupped his hand under his beard as if he was checking that it was still there.

‘I don't know. Every time I try he just flies off the handle.'

Tessa climbed into bed.

‘You don't think he's having an affair, do you?'

‘Why do you say that?'

‘He just seems so grumpy all the time.'

‘That doesn't mean he's having an affair.'

‘No, but…'

Angus turned away, preparing for sleep.

‘Jack's the one having the affair…'

Tessa gave her husband's shoulder a little shake.

‘Actually, darling, that's just where you're wrong.'

‘Of course he is. I don't know why my parents are so accommodating and I can't believe Jack has the nerve. Even the children are embarrassed.'

‘I think they're more amused than embarrassed. But there's no hanky-panky. It's separate rooms, you know.'

Angus turned back.

‘Are you sure?'

‘That's what she told me.'

‘How did you get that out of her?'

‘People tell me things,' said Tessa. ‘You know how frightened Jack is of women.'

‘He's not frightened. He's just distant.'

‘And he's terrified of sex.'

‘No, he's not. Don't be ridiculous. And even if he is, how would you know?'

‘Maggie told me.'

‘God,' said Angus. ‘Why can't people be more discreet? There is such a thing as too much information. I hope you didn't start telling her about
our
sex life.'

‘Of course I didn't. Anyway, what would I have to complain about?'

‘Yes, I see your point.' Angus put his arm round his wife. ‘She might think that you were showing off.'

‘Careful. It's not that good.'

‘Oh really?'

‘Only teasing.'

Tessa began to stroke her husband's face.

‘Let's not worry about anyone else.'

‘I can't really believe it about Jack and Krystyna.'

‘I hope you're not jealous,' said Tessa.

‘Of course I'm not. What would I have to be jealous about?'

‘Are you sure?'

‘Honestly.' Angus turned away once more. ‘You don't think I fancy her, do you?'

‘Just checking,' said Tessa.

Krystyna was given the same room in which she had stayed on the night of the play. Elizabeth had told her that the three Henderson boys had all been born in the house.

She thought of the child growing inside her. It was fourteen weeks old. She had always been thin but surely it was obvious now? She tried to think who else might have suspected. Tessa? Emma?

She could not keep up the pretence for much longer. It was not fair on this family and it was not honest to Jack.

She felt the yield of the bed and tried not to think of the future. She wished that she could sink further; that she could leave everything behind. She was frightened of everything.

Perhaps that was what it had been like for Sandy.

She dreamed of his dead body: how white he was, how the stubble still grew.

She tried to understand the fear he must have felt on his last day of life; fear of the night streets and of the future without her; fear of pain, or loss, and of being alone; fear of hope, fear of love, fear of trust, the very fear of being alive.

What would it mean to have his child?

Tessa was still not convinced that it was a good idea to start a new life abroad but had agreed, despite her reservations, to a holiday in Rome. Angus wanted to use the time to talk about the future without distraction.