“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up.”
“I told him you never left his side, until I forced you to eat and rest,” Owen remarked. He was covering for me, although I’m sure everyone else in the room knew what I had really been doing. I nodded and looked away.
Thara sifted her weight. “I was here.” She stood on the other side of him. Her eyes darted to me and then back to Torin. Her expression was stony and tense.
I gave her a tight smile and turned back to Torin. “I really am sorry,” I said quietly. This apology had nothing to do with my absence.
Torin immediately shook his head, taking my hands in his. “There is nothing to apologize for. You did not do this to me.”
“Didn’t I?”
“Ember, I’ve told you there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to keep you safe. It is I who should apologize. I should have been more careful and ought to have realized she was on to us.”
“There was no way you could have known. She would have made sure of it.” I looked down at our intertwined fingers. “Are you still connected to her?”
Torin once again shifted his head back and forth. “No.”
“We questioned Torin while waiting for you to arrive,” Cole said firmly. “We cannot have him stay here and still be linked to the Queen.”
“She cut all ties to me and took away my position and title.” There was sadness and pain in his voice. He was born to be a soldier, and taking it away from him was like taking away his identity. “Thara saved me. She got me out of the castle.” He turned to her his gaze full of appreciation and admiration. She smiled back at him and squeezed his shoulder. Devotion to him was clear, but was it out of respect or something more?
“Through our union I was able to recognize what door to use to bring me closest to you.”
“Union?”
“Yes. We are linked because of the oath put on us. It connects us. It wasn’t until you came of age and out from under Lily’s protection I was able to feel it.”
The air stopped pumping into my lungs, and I tugged my hands out of his grasp. “Wait. What?”
Torin had told me we had been placed together by the Fae gods and goddesses, and we had been betrothed to each other before I was even born. This was before they learned I was spawned from a Demon instead of my mother’s Fay husband. I knew Torin still respected the agreement, but I figured me being a Dae would have made our union null and void.
“I was too weak to contact you through dreamscaping or our mind link. But our union helped me find you. You are my betrothed, Ember. Don’t you think I couldn’t find my way to you?”
The skin on the back of my neck prickled, and without having to look, I could feel Eli’s eyes burn into me. His voice was tight. “You are betrothed to him?”
Turning, I saw his expression matched his tone. I became suddenly conscious of everyone listening to each word being uttered between Torin and myself.
I faced Torin. “When you told me we were attached, you weren’t just speaking metaphorically, were you?”
He shifted uncomfortably on the bed. “No.”
I had always felt drawn to Torin. Safe. Deep inside I understood we had been meant to be together, even when my heart wanted another. Could all this be because of a bond? Were any of my feelings real? Eli’s blood connected me to him. Now I was being told my feelings for Torin were based on an arrangement out of my control. I did not like feeling manipulated or unable to make my own choices. Fear and fury jumbled within me. Lights above my head began to sizzle.
My mother sensed my control teetering on the precipice and stepped toward me to touch my arm. “Deep breath.”
“Breathe? You want me to breathe right now?” I exclaimed, my arms waving frantically. “What is it with Fae not telling the entire truth? I am so sick of this shit. Nothing is ever what it seems with you guys.”
“Because we know how well you take it,” Eli’s tone was clipped.
I sent a glare his way. “You are the last person who should be talking right now.”
Torin’s pained expression stopped me from completely losing it. It was clear my strong reaction had wounded him. Whether it was me or the bond, it didn’t matter. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. I cared for him deeply, maybe even loved him in a way. Truth be told, if I had never met Eli, I might have accepted this more graciously. Maybe willingly. But I had met Eli. There was no question where my heart belonged. Right or wrong, good or bad.
“Okay, so how do we break it?” I knew I had spoken the wrong thing as soon as I said it, but it was too late to take it back.
Torin stiffened. “You want to break it?”
“
Uhhh yeah... well, you were promised to a pure Fay, and I’m not.”
“I’ve told you time and time again I do not care what you are. You were meant for me. This has never changed.”
A small growl sounded behind me.
Wow, I sure know how to create an uncomfortable situation.
Mom tried to reassure me. “You can’t break it, Ember. As I told you earlier, it is not making you do anything against your will. It only compels you more to want to choose that person.”
“But it didn’t
cause you want to stay faithful to Eris. You were bonded to him, and you still had an affair with a Demon.”
Mom’s eyes grew wide before darting away from mine, and a strange expression moved over her face. Bringing up her past caused her distress, but I was starting to care less and less. For once, I wanted to know the
full
truth.
Her voice was quiet, but steady. “Bonded, yes, but then it was forced. Duty. You and Torin are not and never will be forced. If you grew up in the Otherworld, things would be different. Since this is not how life went, you have a choice,” Mom replied, her voice distant.
“It’s sad it took me being an abomination and hidden from the Otherworld to give me choices and freedoms.”
“Ember, I am sorry this results in your discomfort. It is not what I wanted. I hoped you would want to be with me,” Torin spoke softly.
Guilt poured into my chest. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean... it’s not that I don’t...” Trailing off, I looked around the room. All eyes were on me. Eli’s held no emotion, but the intensity of his gaze was enough.
“Yes?” Torin encouraged me to continue.
“Yeah, don’t stop there. Finish your thought,” Eli commented acidly.
This was a no-win for me. Whatever I said would only hurt people. “Excuse me.” I pushed my way through the crowd and jetted out the door.
Only a few steps into the forest, I felt Eli close behind. “Eli, I can’t deal with you right now.”
“Tough.” He walked around to face me. He cocked his head, his arms crossed. “You’re dealing with me.”
Running my hand frustratingly over my damp ponytail, an exasperated growl hummed in my throat. “What is it you want me to say? I didn’t know about this bond. It obviously wasn’t something in my control.”
“You mean he never mentioned the betrothal to you before?” His tone was more mocking than wondering.
“He did, but...”
Eli stepped over my words. “And did he tell you that you two were bound by the gods?”
“I thought he was speaking figuratively. I mean I always felt something, but I didn’t...”
“Do you love him?”
His blunt words stopped me in place and rendered me speechless. Did I love Torin? I did but not in the way Eli meant or Torin wanted. Without Torin I felt lost, but more like I lost my best friend, not my lover. Still, my feelings for him were strong.
“That’s what I thought.” Eli looked down at his bare feet. “Well, good, he’s who you should be with. You and I were never meant to be more than a few fucks anyway.”
I shook my head. “Don’t do this. Don’t try to hurt me because you are pissed or upset.”
Eli sneered. “I wasn’t.”
His words cut me, even if I thought they were a lie. “Look, I can’t deny I have feelings for him, bond or not. He has been there for me and helped me when I had no one else.” Eli flinched at my jab. “But don’t think it lessens what I feel about you. I do care for him, but I...”
The words stuck in my throat. I had never let someone far enough in to “fall in love” with. I cared and loved a lot of people. But being in love was different, and it scared the crap out of me. Even with loving my friends and family, I had still kept walls wrapped protectively around my heart. Love meant loss. My mother reappearance hadn’t changed my reactions. The damage was too far embedded in me. I was strong, but the mere idea of losing Eli or giving him access to destroy my heart
... I wasn’t that strong.
“But what?”
“Nothing.” I shook my head.
“This goes against everything I am,” Eli barked. “You will always be connected to him. It’s not something which will ever go away. And I don’t share.”
Fire hydrant. Me.
“And I have the same problem with you,” I proclaimed. “Is our connection real, or is it only because of the blood?
His fists and jaw clenched.
“That’s not what I meant,” I babbled.
“Really? I think it was exactly what you meant.” Rage seeped into his words. “Blood may bind us, but nothing else does.”
“Eli
...”
“Let’s make things simple. We’re here to get our family and friends from the Otherworld. That’s it.” He stepped back. “You belong with him, so he can deal with you now.” He swung around and walked away, leaving me standing there with my rebuttal covering my tongue.
Holy shit! Can I screw things up.
Words were usually not lost on me, but when it came to my feelings and heart, they were hard to find. I had hidden them deep down, protecting me from the harsh reality. Because of my fears, I could not tell Eli how I really felt. The instant attraction to each other had grown into something deeper. I couldn’t deny it, but I also wouldn’t admit it. Everything was so crazy, but it only increased the desire to run after Eli and lose myself in him again. Doubt and pride stopped me from acting on it, and I plopped onto the ground with an aggravated scream.
A fluttering sound of wings grew close before Cal landed on my knee.
“Bonded with two different men, huh? Is it fair to call you harlot now?”
I moaned. “Please don’t make me laugh.”
“You may be bonded to other men, but you know you are really thinking of me and those kisses you owe me.”
Pulling my buried head up from my hands, I chuckled. “You’re right. You are all the man I need.”
Cal blushed and looked away from my gaze.
“Can I ask you something?” I sat back and slouched farther into the tree. He nodded. “I am not a trusting person. I’ve always been someone who would assume the worst and then reflect later. But with Torin, I never questioned him. I always trusted him even when it went against my nature. Is this from the bond?”
Cal sat on my knee, getting comfortable. “I think so. What I know about bonds is they don’t pressure you to love the individuals, but they compel you to be more attracted to them. Automatically drawn to them, trusting them, naturally wanting to help the other. You both subconsciously recognize the other as a mate.”
I grimaced.
“Not to say everything goes as planned. It is only supposed to steer you that way. It seems
the women in your family have a certain, how do I say, ‘stubbornness’ to pre-destined fate or to being told what to do in any way,” Cal quipped.
“Yeah,” I scoffed. “We do have problems with authority, don’t we? Even when it’s from the gods and goddesses.”
Cal and I were silent for a few minutes, taking in the distinct noises of the forest. Crickets chirped a loud, mesmerizing tune through the crackling of limbs and the sound of leaves blowing in the wind.
“Do you love him?” Cal’s blunt words wretched my gaze to him.
“Who? Torin?”
Cal tilted his head. “No.”
My first reaction was to agree, but then fear held me back—to even hint it. I let out a long breath, hitting my head back against the trunk of the tree.
“Following duty or what you think is right will only hurt you in the
end. There is a reason life stepped in with you, even though it came in a form of a dickhead Dark Dweller.”
“
Ahhh.” I dug my face into my hands. “What is wrong with me? I really am messed up, huh?”
“Definitely.” Cal patted my knee. “But I still stand by my words. You can’t choose who you love; it chooses you.”
“When did you get so wise on love?” I asked. “Were you ever in love?”
Cal shifted on my knee with a faraway, and a sad look enveloped his features. When he noticed I was still staring at him, he cleared his throat. “Uh, once a long time ago. Didn’t end well.” He shook his head and laughed. “What a team we are.”
“I think we’re a good team.” I leaned forward and lightly kissed his cheek.
He flushed deep red. “Now you only owe me one.”
“Consider it a freebie.”
A loud crunch from the woods had both Cal and me turn to high alert. He flew off my knee when I stood. It was nearly impossible for outsiders to get in, but I still was watchful. Alki had beaten awareness into me. It wasn’t Eli who I felt. It wasn’t any of the Dark Dwellers as they were silent on approach. This was a human.