Duskfall (51 page)

Winter laughed mirthlessly. “Now you wish you hadn’t left Pranna with me in the first place. I tried to warn you, dummy.” She nodded. “It’s good you’re leaving. You need to get home.”

“What in Oblivion are you talking about? I ain’t going nowhere. Would you just let me apologize?”

Winter stared at Lian in shock. What could he possibly have to apologize for?

“I abandoned you when you needed me most. I was envious, I’ll admit it. The power you developed, I wanted it for myself. But that ain’t all of it. I was scared, and I was selfish, and I just… I was wrong, Winter.”

Winter could hardly understand what Lian was saying. She was the one who had abandoned him, she was the one who had turned him away, but
he
was apologizing to
her
? The weight of it all, the secrecy, the lies, all came crashing down on her.

Winter wrapped her arms around Lian and hugged him tightly, just as her tears began to fall.

“I’ve killed people,” Winter said, sobbing into his shoulder. “In Navone, that was me. I killed all those people. I’ve killed others, just to get more
faltira
. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t know how I got here, I don’t know, I just…”

Lian held her as she sobbed. “I know,” he whispered. “I know what you’ve done. I don’t care. I still love you.”

Winter pulled away. “How can you say that? I lied to you, to Knot and everyone else. In Navone, I
slaughtered innocent people
. How can you love me after all that?”

Lian shrugged. “Never said you were perfect, princess. Just said I love you.”

Winter laughed despite herself. She wiped the tears from her cheeks.

Lian smiled. “Don’t get any ideas, though. You’re a married woman. I’m talking about love in the friendly, non-touchy sense. But you need to know I care for you, and I’m here to help.”

“Thank you,” Winter whispered, hugging him again.

“This don’t mean we ain’t got work to do. You’ve got issues. Just wanted to tell you that you don’t have to face them alone.”

Winter’s pain was still there, but it was less somehow. Not the way it dulled when she took frost—this was different. This felt more like relief. This felt more like healing.

Lian left the room, and Winter waited. There was one person she still needed to talk to.

* * *

Knot arrived shortly after Lian left. He looked at Winter for a moment, then closed the door quietly behind him. The room was a disaster. Winter had tossed Knot’s belongings out of his pack and all over the floor looking for his
faltira
, before Lian had arrived.

“Sorry about the mess,” Winter said, looking up at him.

“What’re you doing, darlin’?”

This is your chance. You can tell him everything, right now. Let it go. If Lian can still love you, after all you’ve done, perhaps he can, too.

So Winter told him, starting with her first conversation with Kali and Nash, about actuals and variants and
faltira
. She watched Knot’s eyes widen as she told him about the first time she took frost. She told him about the crystals Kali and Nash had given her, about the powers she had discovered and the pull frost began to have on her, how strong it was and how strong she felt when she took it.

He watched her intently through it all. She ached for him to come to her, to put his arms around her, to tell her that everything would be all right and that he would help her get through this, but he remained by the door, his arms at his sides.

She almost didn’t tell him about the events in Navone, but she somehow found the courage. The massacre had been her fault. Knot needed to know that. Then she told him the rest: how she had decided to keep it a secret, how she had resolved to stop using frost at first but the pull had been too strong, how she had snuck away to gather more. Winter told him about all the times she had
wanted
to tell him.

And then she stopped. Her voice had long ago become hoarse.

Knot was still staring at her, she knew, but Winter didn’t want to meet his eyes. She looked at the floor, her face burning.

But her burden had eased somewhat. The pain was still there, but she felt better. Better than she ever had with frost, she realized. A great weight she hadn’t even known she had been carrying had been lifted.

The floorboards creaked. Winter saw Knot’s boots out of the corner of her eye. He knelt down in front of her. She didn’t feel his touch; instead, he began gathering up his things, folding the clothing and placing it neatly on the bed.

Winter remained where she was, unsure of what was happening. She had just told him everything, she had bared her soul, and his reaction was to tidy up?

“Are you going to say anything?” she whispered.

He continued as if he hadn’t heard her.

Winter felt a sob rising from deep within her chest, but willed it down. She had cried enough. There was no point in more tears.

Then Knot sighed. “Won’t say it ain’t your fault,” he said. “Won’t say you haven’t hurt me and others. You lied to us all, put us in danger. You’re more of a liability than any of us could have suspected, that’s the truth.”

He looked into her eyes, kneeling before her.

“But I love you,” he said.

Winter fought the lump rising in her throat. Was it too much to hope for? She could hardly believe this was real.

“I love you, too,” Winter said. And, perhaps for the first time, she meant it.

Knot helped her stand. She felt his arms around her, holding her tightly.

“I’d say I forgive you, but for two things.” Knot pulled away and looked at her. “First, I’d already forgiven you, the moment you said anything. And second, I’m pretty sure I need forgiveness just as much as you. So that’s something we can both work on, darlin’.”

Winter smiled, and reached up to kiss him. “I like that idea,” she said. Deep inside, she still wondered. It couldn’t be this easy. No one was this forgiving. She knew they were not out of the woods, yet. But they might make it.

K
NOT STARED AT THE
cloaks Lian had just thrown at his feet. Two of them, both dark green in color.

“You need to get into the palace, right? Figured these might help,” Lian said.

They all stood in the room Knot and Winter had shared the night before. Lian had called them together that morning to discuss a plan for infiltrating the palace. They were all here—Cinzia, Jane, Kovac, Lian, Astrid, Knot, and Winter—standing in a circle.

Knot’s thoughts strayed to all that had happened with Winter. If he blamed anyone, it was himself. If Knot hadn’t arrived in Pranna, none of this would have happened. That didn’t change the betrayal he felt. He’d said last night that he’d forgiven her, and he wanted that to be the case. But Knot was beginning to wonder whether it might take more time than he’d hoped.

Astrid nudged him. “You there, nomad?”

Knot chewed his cheek. “Where’d you get these?”

“The attack by the river. Before me and Jane caught up to you, I grabbed the robes from two of bodies. Figured they might come in handy.”

Knot rubbed his chin. “How will these help us get into the palace?” Knot had an idea brewing, but he wanted to hear from Lian first.

“I’ve been watching the palace gates,” Lian said.

Astrid snorted. “When have you had time to watch the gates?”

“I snuck out yesterday, while you all were eating.”

Kovac frowned. “You should not be going out alone.” The Goddessguard glared at him. “Sending even one tiellan into the city is too great a risk.”

Lian shrugged. “Desperate times. But I noticed something. The only people who get in and out of the palace are nobles and these Ceno monks. The green-robes just walk right in. The guards send everyone else away, unless they’re accompanied by the ones wearing robes. Just like those ones.” He looked at Knot. “Winter and I need to wear hoods anyway. All we’d have to do is escort you through the gate. Then you’re free to find the emperor.”

“What about Astrid?” Knot asked. He hadn’t asked the girl, but he assumed she was coming with them.

Astrid smiled up at him. For a moment, Knot felt the same sensation he’d felt in the crowd the day before, when he had locked eyes with the boy on his father’s shoulders; he felt that twinge of attachment and concern in the back of his mind.

“I can handle myself,” Astrid said. “You all make your way in and I’ll meet you inside. Getting over the wall won’t be any trouble.”

Knot raised an eyebrow. “Don’t kill anyone.”

Astrid’s smile broadened, like a child about to eat a sweet roll. “Won’t unless I have to.”

“What happens once we’re inside?” Knot asked.

Lian smiled. “The noble district is north of here, between us and the palace. I stopped by this morning—the nobles just walk about their district without a care in the Sfaera. It’d be an easy thing to stop one of them, find a discreet place, and ask some questions about the palace.”

“Why would a noble answer your questions?”

Knot glanced at Jane, who obviously hadn’t understood Lian’s meaning.

“Because he’ll have a rabid vampire threatening to eat him if he doesn’t,” Astrid said.

“You mean you’re going to… to…”

“We’ll kidnap a nobleman,” Knot said. “We’ll scare him a little. Just enough for him to tell us what he knows.”

For a moment Knot thought Jane would protest, but she surprised him.

“You will do what you must,” was all Jane said.

“What if the particular noble you capture has not been to the palace? What if he has no information to give?” Cinzia asked.

Knot looked at Lian. It was his plan, after all.

Lian shrugged. “We capture another? I don’t know. Never said my plan was perfect.”

Knot nodded. It was crude, but the plan had merit. The green robes were a valuable contribution. If Knot had more time to think, he could probably come up with something better. But for now, this would have to do.

Astrid raised her hand. “I know I’m probably the only one who cares, but I’d just like to point out, for the record, that this plan isn’t that great.”

“It’s fine,” Winter said quietly. “Not perfect, but we’re all ears if you have a better idea.”

Astrid shrugged. “Not my department. I criticize strategies, I don’t make them.”

“We’ll follow Lian’s plan,” Knot said. “Lian, Winter, Astrid, and I will go to the noble district this afternoon and see what information we can gather. After that, we go to the palace.”

Winter squeezed his hand.

“What about you lot?” Lian asked Cinzia.

“I believe we shall sit this one out,” Jane said. She glanced at Knot.

Knot shrugged. “Fine with me. You’re the ones who wanted to get into Roden. What you do here is your business. Best to stay at the inn, though.” The fact that Knot wasn’t sure he would return didn’t seem worth mentioning.

“And if it is too dangerous to meet here?” Jane asked. “If you cannot get here, or we have to leave… where shall we meet, in that case?”

Knot nodded. It was a good point. Honestly, he hadn’t thought much about what would happen after he confronted the emperor.

“What about our last camp site?” Astrid suggested. “Outside the city.”

Jane nodded. “I think we can get there. Very well.” She looked back to Knot. “Canta willing, we can get a large chunk of work done before we see one another again.”

“Your mysterious translation?” Astrid asked.

Jane nodded. “We have fallen behind. Catching up is important, for all of our sakes.”

Knot expected Astrid to respond with disdain, or at least sarcasm. Instead, the girl surprised him. “Canta guide your path,” she said.

Both Jane and Cinzia bowed their heads in response.

Knot cleared his throat. “Well, that’s our plan, then. We’ll regroup just after noon to prepare and run over any final details. Until then… rest up.”

Astrid snorted. “Rest up? That’s the best you can do? No rallying remarks, no encouraging words?
Rest up
?”

Knot frowned. Of course the girl couldn’t stay serious for long. Then he realized everyone else was laughing.

* * *

Before they left for the noble district, Winter confronted him. She wore one of the robes Lian had pilfered. It was a bit large on her, but for all Knot could tell, she looked like a Ceno monk.

“I still don’t know why I can’t have
one crystal
,” Winter said, glaring at him.

Knot shook his head. “Don’t know why you’re fighting me on this. Wasn’t that part of our agreement? Keeping one crystal with you wasn’t part of the bargain.”

“I can help in a fight,” she said. “If things get bad, if we’re ambushed, I can be
useful
. I can protect us.”

“You can help us most as you are. You’re too much of a risk otherwise.”

Knot couldn’t help but notice Winter’s tight grip on the dagger at her waist. Her knuckles were white. She took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s just… it’s hard, knowing I can’t take it. But you’re right.”

“As soon as we’re through here, we’re going to those shamans Astrid mentioned. We’ll do whatever it takes. Hold out until then. If you can’t do it for yourself, then do it for us.”

“You think she meant what she said?” Winter asked.

Earlier that morning, Astrid had told them about a group of shamans in western Khale who had supposedly found a cure for addictions to hero, devil’s dust, and grit. Knot hoped the girl was right. If she wasn’t, he didn’t know what they’d do after Roden. They certainly couldn’t continue like this.

“I think she did.” Best to not reveal his concerns just yet. He didn’t even know whether they would survive the night.

“At least keep a crystal ready?” Winter asked, looking back at him. Her grip on her dagger had relaxed slightly. “That way, if I need to—if
you
think I need to—then you can give me one, and I can help. At least give me that hope. Otherwise, I think I’ll go crazy.” She laughed, but the sound was hollow.

Knot believed her about going crazy. What he had seen in the past few days certainly qualified. He patted the pouch at his belt. “I’ll keep them ready,” he said. “But I decide if you need it. Don’t ask me; you already know the answer.”