Drowning in Her Eyes (41 page)

Susan read and re-
read the letter until the thin airmail pages were tearing on their folds. She read about his undying love, of his great sadness, his despair that he would never find her. She read about his Vietnam experience, about how Jimbo had wanted to kill him, about the action at Bien Long and how the helicopters found them that wonderful morning. She read about his visions at the thinking place, how they had kept his spirit alive, how they had guided him in his search for her and Jacqui, how they had strengt
hened his love for them.

Unbeknownst to her, he didn
'
t mention Karl, or speak of the other men he had killed, or of his bravery in rescuing Jimbo. His gallantry would be for others to applaud, for like many brave men before him, he was a modest man. Susan read all this and wept; and, as she wept, her hatred for her mother grew. Marci had destroyed Sarah
's happiness; she had nearly destroyed Susan and Jack. She had driven Jimbo into that madness in Vietnam, where he might have
killed
Jack
and
where
his
own l
ife was very nearly forfeited.

When Marci came home, she found her daughter smiling at her.
“Jack is coming for us
,
Momma,
” she said,
“
He
'
s coming for me
and
Jacqui. He will take us home.
” Marci was cowed, shaken, but she had one shot left. She fired it.
“He cannot take Jacqui. Legally he is not her father, his name was never registered.
”

“Momma,
it was. I let you think it wasn
'
t; but I put his name on the form. There is nothing you can do to us now. Go away.
” Marci left the room, grim
-
faced. Behind her on the table,
she left a copy of
USA Today
. A headline blazed across the front page:

AUSSIE HERO SAVES U.S.
SOLDIERS
AT
BIEN LONG BBQ

* * *
*

Victoria Barracks, Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
—1967

It was a beautiful day in the
harbour
city
.
T
he sun shone
, and
the water sparkled across its great waters, from Circular Quay to Manly. The parade ground, surrounded by crisp green lawns, had rows of chairs for guests. Helen and Maree were there,
along with
a couple of his old mates from school. Bob O
'Connor was there with his new wife Margie.

The Sydney University Regiment has a long and proud history, numbering a Victoria Cross winner amongst
its former members. A
n honour guard from the Regiment
was
there for him, and the Regiment
's Pipes and Drums provided the music.

The Chief of the Defence Force was there to present Jack with his Military Cross. There was a military attach
é from the US Embassy, for the Americans had awarded him the Silver Star. Finally, an official from the South Vietnamese Government pinned the Vietnam Gallantry Cross to his breast. The Military Cross is a beautiful decoration. The purple and white ribbon, the silver cross, was the best a junior officer could do, short of the Victoria Cross, Australia
's highest award for gallantry.

After the ceremony, he met with his old company commander. Colonel McIntosh was effusive in his praise.
“Will we see you back in Armidale?
” he said.

“For a short time only, sir. I have to go home for a while and then on to the United States. I intend to marry soon. I will have to apply for leave for quite a long period.
”

“Before you go, Captain
,
I have a proposition to put to you.
”

Jack gave him a quizzical look.

“I suppose you will be leaving the Regiment since you are no longer one of our students. I know you will be busy at home and that you will not be able to devote the time to military matters as you have done in the past.
”

Jack said,
“
Yes s
ir
, I will have a family and
property to run now. What did you have in mind?
”

“There is a new unit being formed to handle the increase in enlistments due to the National Service Act. This unit is to cater for those who live and work a long way from our current
r
egiments. The unit will be officially the
Thirty-
Seventh
Battalion, Royal Australian Infantry Corps,
and
has adopted the
nick
name
of
The Bushme
n
's Rifles
. They will meet once a year only, for recruit and other training. They need an experienced officer to design and run their advanced courses, and to act as battalion intelligence officer. It will mean a promotion to Major. Can you spare three weeks a year?
”

Jack said,
“I
'd like that sir
, but I
'
ll have to consult my family. If they concur, then I will accept the appointment.
” McIntosh gave him a wide smile.
“Well
,
then
,
Captain, I will make the appropriate recommendations. Good luck to you.
”

There was a reception to follow, where Jack met numerous important people. The Chief of the Defence Force was an Admiral.
“I don
't know much about land operations, Captain. Tell me, how are things going up there? Are we doing any good or is the enemy winning?
”

Jack hesitated, but then he decided to be frank. He did not have a regular army career to jeopardise.
“With respect,
s
ir, that is a question requiring several answers.
Firstly, our troops are doing a very good job. Secondly, I believe the Americans are not performing very well. Their troops are sloppy in the field, and their large numbers of draftees do not want to be there. They do not grasp the fact that their poor performance is putting their own lives at further risk. Thirdly, I think the present government of South Vietnam is a lost cause. They are corrupt and their people know it. Desertion from the ARVN is rife.
”

“Well,
” said the Admiral,
“that
's not what we are hearing from our American friends. Those longhaired demonstrators may have a point after all. Thank you for your frankness, Captain. Good luck in your career. I think you might go a long way.
”

In Australia, as in America, the public mood, at first in favour of the war, was changing to opposition. The demonstrations had become more frequent and violent. In Sydney, members of his Regiment had been attacked physically, an unwise act as the attackers soon discovered to their discomfort. In Armidale, there was opposition
,
too. However, the large number of rural, conservative students balanced this
out
. They had even organised a demonstration supporting the war. As a soldier, Jack had no public opinion either way, but private
ly he had some doubts about the
of the country
's leaders who had committed them to the war.

Jack enjoyed the reception, but was a
nxious to be on his way. He hadn
'
t been to
Ballinrobe
for some time,
and
he was looking forward to America more than anything
else
in his life.

Goondiwindi, Queensland, Australia
—1967

In early December,
Ballinrobe
was looking spectacular. There had been good early summer rains, and everywhere
it
was clothed in soft waving grass. The cattle were shiny and sleek. The wheat was tall, approaching harvest. Jack reckoned it would be ripe before he came back. No worry, his men could handle the harvest. There were about
three hundred
cows now, and the sheep had vanished. Jack had not dismissed them entirely. He had fond memories from his boyhood of the smell of the shearing shed, of raw wool, jute bales, sheep dung, redolent with ammonia. Soon, he thought, they might play a part again.

He drove around the property in his old Land Rover as always. Sam had welcomed him home in a frenzy of barking and leaping. Ollie told him about her vigils at the thinking place. She had ceased these, Ollie said, about three weeks ago, about the time Jack had landed back at
Seventh
Cavalry Headquarters.

He was pleased to see his Land Rover still immaculately maintained. They had even given it a fresh coat of paint and new seat cushions. As he drove, he noted the straight, taut fences, neat water points. Thank God for Ollie and Mick,
he thought. T
hey had been a product of Paddy
's man management skills. Paddy would not have recognised the term, but he had had it in spades. There was no master-
servant relationship on
Ballinrobe
. His men had been his
‘mates
'. He had treated them fairly and with respect, and this had b
r
ought out the best in them.

Jack had done the same w
ith the men he commanded. That
's why he
'
d been so successful as a
p
latoon
c
ommander. That was the reason his platoon was so upset when he had to leave them. Eventually, he came to the thinking place. He sat for a long time on the grass where he and Susan had made love, where they had given the spirit of their unborn child to the land. He felt the spirit of the land settle on him like a blanket. His heart filled with joy. Soon all three of them would be here, spirits as one with the land.

Sam looked very pleased with herself, as she ran backwards and forwards around the fireplace. Somehow, she knew things were back to normal. A large flock of noisy miners settled in the trees around him, and, to him, their riotous chatter was a song of pure joy. Four lovebirds landed on the water trough. They regarded him gravely, and squawked their welcome.

Logan International Airport, Boston, Massachusetts, USA
—1967

Susan had waited so long for this moment.
What will he look like? What had the war done to him?
Now that he was reall
y coming, she was filled with
nervous energy. Will he still want her? Will he like Jacqui? Thousands of questions filled her head.
Oh
,
God
, she thought,
how can I wait another moment?