Dr. Campbell's Secret Son (16 page)

‘He’s a bit young for bacterial meningitis,’ Jamie tried to reassure Sarah. ‘And even if he does have it, many, many pull through and lead perfectly healthy lives. We have to stay positive.’

‘We won’t know whether he has meningitis, or which form until we get the results,’ Dr Carty agreed. ‘Let’s keep our fingers crossed, but even if it is viral meningitis, he’s still pretty poorly.’

Sarah felt utterly wretched. Why had she waited so long? She should have acted sooner.

Jamie was clearly reading her thoughts. ‘You couldn’t have known, SJ. Think. You know this illness comes on very rapidly. You brought him in as soon as you could.’

‘He’s started on IV antibiotics. I think we’ve caught it in time. But we are going to have to admit him to the paediatric intensive care unit for observation. The next twenty-four hours will be critical,’ Dr Carty informed Sarah. ‘You know that there are lots of viral illnesses that can cause rashes, although I’m afraid it almost certainly is meningitis. But I won’t be sure until we get the results of all his tests some time tomorrow.’

As Calum was being taken up to Intensive Care, Sarah turned to Jean, who had arrived while Calum had been in Resus. Seeing the stricken look on her mother’s face, Sarah almost broke down.

‘Could you go home and collect some stuff for me, please, Mum?’ she said, tears close to the surface.

‘Of course, darling,’ her mother replied, clearly struggling to keep her own emotions under control. ‘But I don’t want to leave you on your own.’

Jamie stepped up, lines of worry evident on his face. ‘Don’t worry, Jean, she won’t be. I’ll stay with them both.’

‘Go home, Jamie,’ Sarah said wearily. ‘I can manage. Besides, one of us has to be fit to work tomorrow.’

‘You can stop worrying about work. I’ll see to everything. As for going home, not a chance—he’s my son, too.’

Sarah looked at his face. She was surprised to see that how much he was also suffering. He was right. Whatever happened between them in the future, it would be too cruel to stop him being with his son when he so obviously needed to be.

She reached out for his hand and felt his strength flow from him to her. For now she needed him, too. Right now nothing else mattered.

The nurses in the intensive care ward had offered to make up a bed in the relatives’ room for Sarah or Jamie should they wish to catnap.

‘We’ve sedated Calum and he seems peaceful. Why don’t you try and get some sleep?’ they had suggested. But both Jamie and Sarah had refused. Sarah didn’t want to leave her son for a moment in case he woke up and wanted her. Instead, they found a couple of armchairs and made themselves as comfortable as they could by the bedside without getting in the nurses’ way.

The night wore on. Jamie and Sarah watched over their son as he lay in the cot. More than anything Sarah wanted to hold her son in her arms, but the leads and drips that fed him and monitored his condition prevented her from doing anything except stroke his face with her finger.

She was barely conscious of Jamie standing behind her, massaging her shoulders and stroking her hair, but she was glad of his presence.

‘God, what’s taking so long? Why haven’t they brought us some news?’ The words sounded as they had been ripped from Jamie’s body. ‘Sorry. I know these things take time. But not being able to do anything makes me think of my father. It reminds me of how helpless I felt then, too. What is the point of all our medical training if we can’t help those we love?’

‘At least your father loved you,’ Sarah said quietly. ‘Mine didn’t seem to care whether I lived or died.’ Memories of her father’s betrayal came rushing back. ‘He left Mum and me when I was about Calum’s age,’ she went on, almost as if she was talking to herself. ‘He came back to see me once or twice, but then his visits fizzled out and I never saw him again.’ As always, the memory of sitting waiting for a father who had never come caused her almost unbearable pain. She was determined her son would never suffer the same feelings of abandonment and rejection.

‘I’m sorry, SJ, I didn’t know about your father. You never told me.’

‘It turns out there was quite a lot we never told one another,’ Sarah replied with a small smile. ‘I guess somehow we were too wrapped up in just being together to ever really talk. I always thought there would be plenty of time for us to really get to know one another.’

The time they had been together had been spent in a flurry of activity. There had never seemed to be a right time to tell him about her father.

‘And then I left,’ Jamie said flatly.

‘Yes. I thought you were different. I never believed that you would do to me what my father did to my mother. Against my better judgement, I allowed myself to trust you and what we had.’

‘I had my reasons,’ Jamie reminded her. ‘I know now I was wrong, but I did what I did to protect you. I knew I was falling in love with you, and I guess I panicked.’ He turned her towards him. ‘You have to believe me when I tell you that I will never abandon my child.’

‘What if there’s no choice?’ Sarah’s voice broke. ‘What if we lose him, Jamie? I couldn’t bear it.’

‘Sarah, listen to me,’ Jamie said urgently. ‘That is not going to happen. I won’t let it.’

In the early hours of the morning Dr Carty came in to see them.

Sarah held her breath as she waited for him to bring them up to date.

‘The initial results are back. It is meningitis, but it looks like it’s most likely to be the viral strain. We’ll know for sure when we get the rest of the results later in the day.’ When she heard the news, Sarah was powerless to stop the tears. Although it was a less deadly strain than bacterial meningitis, Sarah knew that Calum was far from out of the woods. They couldn’t be sure he’d recover. Not yet.

Oblivious of the staff around them, Jamie pulled her into his arms and held her as sobs racked her body. ‘Shh.’ He stroked her hair. ‘It’s going to be all right, I promise you.’

Sarah looked into his eyes. He returned the look, his eyes grim, but whatever she saw there calmed her.

For the rest of the long night, Jamie and Sarah sat in silence, each preoccupied with their own thoughts. Neither could bring themselves to discuss what could happen to Calum. Every now and then Jamie would get up and fetch them both a coffee from the vending machine. Nurses recorded Calum’s vital signs at regular intervals. ‘He seems to be holding his own,’ they kept reassuring the worried parents. ‘And so far there doesn’t seem to be any signs that he’s developed septicaemia.’ Sarah shuddered at the thought of her tiny son battling the deadly blood infection. But if Calum survived, it would be the next big worry. With septicaemia there was always the possibility that amputation would be required. Sarah pushed the negative thoughts to the back of her mind.
Calum was going to be all right—he had to be!

As dawn was breaking, Jamie left the ward. ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can,’ he whispered. ‘Any change—even the slightest—get the ward to page me.’

Calum was still sleeping when Jamie arrived back a couple of hours later. He had changed into theatre greens and had shaved, but he still looked tired and drawn. Sarah couldn’t remember ever seeing him look so vulnerable.

‘I’ve arranged for the locum who was covering at the weekend to stay on and cover nights. I’ll manage the day shift on my own. The ward can easily page me here if I’m needed. In the meantime, management is trying to find us some extra cover.’

Sarah simply nodded. She couldn’t bring herself to care. All that mattered was her son.

As the hours wore on staff from the all over the hospital popped their heads in, asking about Calum, how he was, was there anything they could do? Although Sarah appreciated their concern, anything that took her attention away from Calum was a distraction she didn’t need.

Jamie was there most of the time, occasionally leaving the room to answer the phone or go to the ward. Jean had come and gone. Sarah had insisted she get some rest. Her mother couldn’t survive on no sleep. Sarah was used to it and while Calum’s life was still in danger, she couldn’t bear to close her eyes for a moment.

By late afternoon the next day, Calum’s condition was beginning to improve. ‘He’s responding well to treatment and you picked it up so quickly that, although it’s early days yet, I think he’s going to make a full recovery. He’s a tough little mite. Takes after his mother, obviously.’ Dr Carty smiled at Sarah’s relief. ‘We’re going to start reducing the sedation. He should wake up soon.’

Again Sarah broke down in tears. But this time, as she found comfort in Jamie’s arms once more, her tears were of relief. Calum had survived the first twenty-four hours without developing septicaemia. This was the news they had prayed for.

‘Thank God,’ Jamie whispered into her hair. His voice shook with suppressed emotion. Clearly the last hours had taken their toll on him too.

Although still poorly, Sarah knew that her baby was well on his way to recovery. She pulled free of Jamie’s arms and made a feeble attempt to smooth her ruffled hair.

‘The department’s quiet just now, SJ. Why don’t you go home and try and catch a couple of hours’ sleep? You look exhausted.’

‘You don’t look so hot yourself,’ Sarah teased wearily. But she felt a pang of sympathy for him. The lines around his eyes and brows seemed to have deepened overnight, and his eyes looked even darker with fatigue. After all, he had been running the department in between spending every spare moment at Calum’s bedside.

‘I’m all right. I’m more used to staying up all night than most. But you need to get some rest.’

‘I’ll have a shower in the department and maybe snatch a couple of hours in the side ward,’ Sarah compromised. ‘I’ll come and relieve you after that. But—’

‘I know, I know. If there’s any change, I’ll call you immediately. Now, shoo, woman, before I carry you out of here.’ Seeing Jamie taking a step towards her as if he had every intention of carrying out his threat, Sarah beat a hasty retreat.

When she returned a couple of hours, later feeling a whole lot better for her shower and nap, she found Jamie asleep with a sleeping Calum in his arms. As she looked at the two figures she felt her heart twist. Whatever she tried to tell herself, these were the two most important people in her world. She shivered at the thought that she had almost lost one permanently and would never truly have the other. As if conscious of her scrutiny, Jamie’s eyes flickered open.

‘Hi, there,’ he said softly. ‘Feeling better?’

‘Much,’ she said, her throat tight with emotion. ‘Why don’t I take over here and you get some rest?’

‘Perhaps in a little while,’ Jamie stalled.

Sarah sat down in the chair beside Jamie and Calum. Her son seemed so settled in his father’s embrace. She reached over and tenderly stroked his fine baby hair.

‘I’m going to miss him so much. The thought of being on the other side of the world from him doesn’t bear thinking about,’ Jamie said hoarsely.

Sarah felt tears well up as she watched him gaze, mesmerised, at his sleeping child.

‘Then stay,’ she said quietly

‘Don’t you know that’s what I want to do more than anything else in this world? But I have to go back. See Sibongele, work at the hospital at least until they find someone to replace me.’

‘And then? Will you come back?’

‘You leave me no choice, SJ.’ He looked down at his sleeping child. ‘I don’t want him to grow up not knowing his father.’

‘What about the hospital in Africa? Won’t you miss it? Won’t they miss you?’

For a moment she could see the sadness that clouded Jamie’s eyes.

‘Yes,’ he said heavily. ‘I’ll miss them and I know they will miss having an experienced doctor around. But…’ He hesitated, as if unsure whether to go on. ‘But it’s not just the work and the feeling that I’m letting the hospital down. It’s Sibongele. I feel as if I’m letting him down, too. I don’t know how he’ll feel when I tell him I’m leaving. I just know he’s going to think I’ve abandoned him as well.’ Jamie stood up with his son in his arms and strode towards the window. He looked out without saying anything.

‘But,’ he continued, his back still facing her, ‘if you and Calum won’t come back with me, and it’s the only way to be with you both, then I have no choice.’ He turned and smiled briefly at her, as if to reassure her he felt no bitterness towards her.

He must love Calum, Sarah thought, if he was prepared to make such a sacrifice to be with his child. But where did that leave her? Why couldn’t she believe that he cared for her? But how could she when he was prepared to leave them both? Surely, if he meant what he said, if he
really
cared about her and Calum, he would put them first—no matter how he felt about his responsibilities in Africa. And perhaps if he had, she would have started to believe in him again. But this way, his insistence that he had to go back made her think that he only truly cared about those he had left in Africa, and his son, of course. She had no doubts that he loved his son and wanted to be with him. Her head was beginning to ache from asking herself questions that didn’t appear to have any answers.

‘When will you go?’

‘I’ve provisionally booked my flight for next Monday. They expect to discharge Calum home in a day or two and I want to make absolutely sure he’s well before I go. That will give you the rest of the week off to be at home with him.’

‘And when will you be back?’ Suddenly Sarah couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing him every day.

‘Why? Will you miss me?’ he teased, a wicked glint in his brown eyes. ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can, but it may some time—several weeks, even a few months.’

A few months? Sarah was aghast. She had been thinking a couple of weeks, three at the most.

‘Calum will miss you. And, besides, we’ll be a doctor down before you come back.’ Sarah wasn’t prepared to admit just how much she was going to miss him.

‘I know. I’m sorry about that. But the other locum will continue to cover while I’m away. And the interviews for the third post are next week. Apparently they’ve got a couple of outstanding candidates lined up who are ready to start straight away.’

Sarah couldn’t tell him that she didn’t care how outstanding the potential appointees were, it was Jamie she wanted working beside her. More than just working beside her.