Down the Shore (9 page)

Exhausted and happy the night was over, I pulled my tips out of my pocket. It had been a successful night; I had made one hundred and ten dollars and felt really happy with the job I had done. I gathered my things and walked out to get some fresh air. I felt like I reeked of hamburgers, french fries and onion rings.

I wanted to shower so badly. Colin lounged on the other side of the boardwalk, smoking a cigarette as usual. He was alone. I couldn't stay away. I wanted to talk to him, to hear his voice. I studied his body. My eyes ran from his head down to his toes as I approached. He looked insanely beautiful in the moonlight.

"Hey, Colin, how did you do?” I shivered, nervous as I walked up to him.

He leaned against the railing of the boardwalk, watching me as I made my way toward him, almost as if he'd been expecting me.

"Grand and yourself?"

"Great! What are you doing?"

"Waiting for you, to walk you home,” he said, sounding so sure of himself.

"Waiting for me, why?” Did he not understand the ‘whole seeing somebody else thing'?

"Oh, I am, love.” He ground his cigarette into the boards. “I don't want you walking home by yourself. Ya never know who's watching at night."

I turned my head away from him, smiled and edged a little closer.

"Are you going to walk me home every night?” I asked with a teasing smile.

"Am I annoying you?” He grinned.

I shrugged, “No, I just didn't know I would have a personal chauffeur all summer.” I smiled.

He gave me a courtly little bow. “At your service.” He wore his black pants from work and a V-neck short-sleeved white T-shirt. His linen shirt was draped over his shoulders. I could see the tattoos on his arm, the silver cross hanging from his neck, the black hair neatly tucked under his shirt.

"Nice tattoos,” I teased, pointing to his biceps.

He laughed. “You like that, do ya?"

"It's cute."

"Cute? It's not cute. It's manly,” he said smiling as he touched his tattoo.

"What is it? A cross?” I reached out, touching his arm.

"The Celtic cross, love, it's an Irish thing,” he stated with pride.

"How ‘bout you, any tattoos?” he asked.

"Are you kidding? My folks would kill me. Besides, I don't like pain.” I shuddered.

He just laughed at me. It felt easy talking with Colin. He made my evening much better than it had been. I realized that spending all my waking hours with him could make me happy.

"Why do you want to walk me home? What's really in it for you?” I glanced up at him, hiding my eyes with my hair.

He grabbed my hand and placed it on the side of his face.

"Not sure, really.” He paused. “Since you told me about the other bloke."

I turned away, shyly, pulling my hand down and into my pocket.

"Don't be afraid. I didn't mean it to be weird in any sense.” He winced.

"I'm not afraid of you, I like you. I just don't want to hurt your Irish pride is all,” I joked.

"Is that all it is, then?"

I could see him thinking of what to say next. His eyes roamed over my body and then down to his feet. Nerves ran wild though me wondering where the conversation might be heading.

There was a brief moment of silence between us.

"Do you remember the first time we met?” He picked up my other hand and intertwined our fingers.

"Of course I do—it was at work.” I looked up at him, not letting go of his hand.

"Ah, not really, lass. That was the first time we officially met, but the first time I saw you was at the pizza place, remember?"

I nodded, quickly recalling that night. How could I have forgotten?

"You waltzed in with your short shorts, a pink tank, your hair pulled back. You were breathtaking. Your skin, your eyes. I didn't really know where you came from. I saw you and something clicked. I just knew I had to know who you were, to touch you, to see if you were real."

I dropped my hand from his, not knowing how to react.

"The first minute I saw you,” he repeated looking so sincere. “You took my breath away."

I couldn't speak. I just stood there looking him. He had caught me completely off-guard; he talked and talked and I just stood there saying nothing.

"I can't explain the feeling I had when I saw you. I just knew I had to meet you—and then,” he paused. “You walked into work. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was so simple. I thought I would have to search high and low for you. I know you don't feel like that toward me, not yet, but I needed to tell you so you had...options. I just know I want to be with you."

He played with a strand of my hair, running it through his fingers.

I pulled away again, looking at him. I didn't know how long I'd been frozen in place. Why would he say these things, knowing I was going to turn him down? I didn't want to hurt him—I liked him, probably too much. I felt slightly guilty for wanting him and enjoying quiet moments like this. Being alone with him and not having to share him with anyone else in the world.

"Colin, I told you I was seeing someone.” I shook my head, feeling guilty.

"The bloke that was in earlier, right? The one you've known for all of five minutes,” he retorted.

"Yeah, that was him. You saw him?” I asked, wrinkling my forehead in confusion. “Were you watching me?"

I wasn't surprised by his answer; I had seen him stare at me several times throughout the night.

"It was hard to miss.” He sighed deeply. “He's not right for you, Abigail,” he insisted.

"Really, why not?” My teenage sarcasm burst out in full swing.

"Just trust me on this one. I know guys like him."

"Guys like him, what do you mean by that?” I felt irritated with him. He realized it quickly, lightening the conversation.

"All right, so tell me about him then. Why him?” he asked with complete interest.

Why did he want to know all this? I wasn't sure how to answer. I wanted to be honest. I wanted to tell him I was happy, but truth be told I wasn't sure if I was. I wasn't sure how I felt about Nick. He had been the first real boy, the first real kiss and I wanted him to like me.

"I already told you on the beach the other day, Colin. I guess because he came first,” I blurted out, not even sure if I meant it. Could he feel my hesitation?

"Cause he came first? Are ya kidding me?” he laughed under his breath. “That's your reason."

"I'm not that kind of girl."

"And what kind is that, love?"

"The kind that leads two guys on. It's not me, it's not who I am.” I paused to look at his perfect face. “I'm sorry."

"I'm not asking for your fooking sympathy, Abby.” He was angry with me.

"Well, what
are
you asking for?"

"You! For Christ's sake, don't you see? It's you, it's bloody
you
I'm after."

"Why me? You can have anyone."

"I don't want just anyone. I want you.” He reached up and grabbed my chin, tilting it up, forcing me to meet his eyes. I did briefly, then looked away. He sighed, turning his back away, running his fingers through his hair.

He turned to face me again. “Want to get some ice cream?” he pointed over to the little parlor on the corner.

I nodded, feeling a sudden sense of relief. I didn't want to leave him, not yet, and I knew that I wasn't playing fair.

We took a booth in the back and shared a banana split. I didn't know why it felt so easy with him. It just felt natural to be with him. I felt like telling him everything. I wanted to share my thoughts, my feelings.

"Nick's a good guy, a little pushy, but a good guy,” I commented.

"What are you saying—he's a little pushy, how?"

"He's just touchy. Typical guy and all.” I shrugged.

"He didn't hurt you did he, cause if he did—” I cut him off.

"He's never hurt me, Colin, relax,” I assured him. He grabbed both my hands and looked into my eyes. “You really like him then?” he asked.

"I think so. I feel like I owe it to myself to try at least.” I stopped momentarily. “I'm not sure how to do this, this love thing. It's all very new to me,” I admitted.

He looked at me, confused.

"Can I still walk you home after work?” he asked.

"Why?"

"Well, for one, you just said you weren't even sure how you felt about him. Secondly, I already told you, or would you like me to write it on my forehead?"

"But...” I tried to interject.

He stopped me, “Just tell me when, Abigail.” His hand touched my shoulder.

"When what?” I was confused.

"When you're ready for me, I'll be waiting. I'll still be here. If that's okay.” He kissed my upper lip softly before pulling away. The softness of his kiss overwhelmed me. It was so quick, but for some reason my body went completely numb.

"Why do you want to wait for something that may never happen?” I spoke softly.

He sighed. “It will,” he said confidently.

I didn't know what to do.

I reached up and grabbed the scruff growing on his chin, kissed him and said good night.

"You're a good friend, thanks."

I felt him staring at me as I turned to walk out the door. I sprinted home. I couldn't erase everything Colin had just said. Colin wanted me and only me. No one had ever talked to me like this, not Nick, not anyone. He made me feel beautiful, special, like I was the only girl in the entire world. Deep down I wanted him too, but for now I was tired, and I was hoping to see Nick.

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I still felt dirty from work and decided to shower and change before going up to knock on his door. His Jeep was parked in the driveway, and I assumed he had gotten back early. I lingered in the shower, letting the hot water flow over my body. I couldn't stop thinking of Colin. I forced myself to keep moving, washing my hair, brushing my teeth. I didn't stop to blow dry my hair. I threw it up in a ponytail, still wet. I quickly pulled on my shorts and tank and ran upstairs. I heard people moving around inside, glad to know he was home.

Bill answered, “Hey, Abby. Ah, Nick's not here."

I frowned, “Oh.” I turned and looked out to the street. “His car is here."

"Er, yeah, he got picked up."

"Okay, will you tell him I came by?"

"Sure thing,” and with that, the door closed in my face.

As I stumbled back down the stairs, my mind raced with different thoughts. Where could he be? He was with his friends, who could he be with? His friends were upstairs. I tried to call his cell, but it went straight to voicemail. I felt frustrated that he hadn't called or left me a note. I assumed we would see each other; I thought we made plans at the restaurant. Quickly, I realized he never confirmed we would see each other tonight. I decided not to worry about him.

I walked into the back hall to see if Makenna was home. She was already fast asleep. I pulled her bedroom door slightly shut trying not to wake her. I tiptoed back out and turned the television on, and passed out. I left my cell next to me, waiting for Nick to call. The phone never rang that night. I wasn't sure what time he got back. I had hoped his footsteps going up the stairs would wake me, but my dreams kept me peacefully asleep all night.

I peeled my body off the couch to take a much needed hot shower—my aching body confirmed that the couch had not been the comfiest. I wanted the heat of the water to wash away any worry I had from the night before. Suddenly it dawned on me and I quickly dialed.

"Hey Mom, it's me."

I heard her sigh and relax; she was excited to hear my voice. I, too, took comfort in hers.

"Abby, honey, you're up early."

"Mom, it's ten a.m.” I yawned, still tired from the night before.

"How are things? What have you been up to? How's the job?"

"Slow down. I just talked to you other day. There's not much new.” I paused. “Although I did meet someone, a boy."

I was a little nervous telling her. There was silence in the background.

After a minute, she asked, “Oh, really? What's his name?"

"Nick. He's really nice. He lives upstairs.” I could hear her worried breathing through the phone, and wished I could take that one back.

"Upstairs, so close.” She started to sound concerned, nervous.

"Mom,” I calmly told her. “It's nothing. We're just friends. I promise."

"Well, I hope you're making other friends and not letting this boy take up all your time?” I heard the question there.

"I've made a ton of friends at work. Makenna and I made good friends with one in particular. Her name is Megan. Oh, there is another boy from work, Colin, from Ireland. He's really great, you would like him."

"He's just a friend?” Mom asked, her tone suspicious.

I quickly reassured her, trying to figure out when I would learn to keep my mouth shut.

"Does he know that?” she asked with tension in her voice.

I heard pots and pans behind me banging in the kitchen.

"Yes, Mom. I gotta run, Makenna's finally awake. I'll talk to you later, okay? Tell Daddy I said ‘hi'.” I blew a kiss through the phone and hung up.

I jumped off the couch, and scooted into the kitchen. “Morning! Whatcha making?” I asked, leaning over the counter and grabbing a banana.

"Eggs, you want some?” I nodded. I was starving.

"Want to go the beach?” I asked.

She looked down at her watch, “I can't. I have to work the lunch shift today,” she reminded me. “Eggs are in the pan. How about going to the beach tomorrow?"

"Sounds good, I'll catch you later.” I walked over to the stove and dished out the scrambled eggs, devouring them quickly as I stood over the sink.

I hurried back to my room to get ready. I flopped down on my still-made bed, trying to figure out what to do. I couldn't help but think of Colin. His words were so beautiful. Why couldn't I have met him first and not Nick?

Why couldn't Nick be my Colin?

Why couldn't I just see both of them at once?

Why did a relationship with Colin completely freak me out?

I wasn't that kind of girl, I reminded myself. But, I wish I were. Makenna can do that, juggle five guys at once. I could barely juggle one.