I read the letter over and over again before I text everyone to let them know Ben sent us proof of life. Then, one by one, I call them to relay his personal message. Keesh and Josh laugh at his reference to our girl-on-girl action. Steph is ready to start baking for him. Both Travis and Dom don’t want to talk about the meaning behind Ben’s words and that’s fine with me. As long as they get it, that’s all that matters. Andi is psyched that he loved her artwork.
Jon says being away is probably worse for Ben since he’s been completely cut off for so long.
“So when are we going to see you again?” I ask him. “I bet my parents would be cool if you stayed with us during one of the breaks.”
“Dang, Meg. That would be cool. But you don’t need to do that. I could always stay with Josh if I could get there.”
“Ah. Damn transportation. Be on the lookout for any relatives traveling this way. I miss your face.”
“Skype me then.”
“That’s not good enough. I wanna see it right in front of me.”
“Hold up the phone closer then.”
“I wanna hug you. And I want my friend to be able to hug you too.”
“Shit, don’t go there. I’d be there in a heartbeat if I could. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about running away and moving back on my own.”
“I’m sorry, Jon Jon. I don’t mean to make you feel bad. I’m sure things are great over there until one of us calls you and talks a bunch of shit.”
He laughs. “Nah, don’t worry about it. I have friends here. I go out and all. But it’s not the same as you guys. I’m glad you all still think about me. I’ll be home soon. After graduation, I’m moving back somehow. I have to.”
“I’m sure Keesh knows this?”
“Yeah. We’ve talked about it so much it feels like we’re just counting down the days.”
“I’m happy for you guys.”
“Be happy when I get back. Until then, wish us luck.”
After a long conversation with Jon, I finally call Alex. By this time, it’s past nine and I know he’ll be home.
“Hey,” he says, answering the phone.
“Hi,” I practically squeal.
He chuckles. “Still on cloud nine from your letter, huh?”
“Yup. Yours is coming, he said. But I got one first. Haha.”
“Have you put it down or are you gonna sleep with it?”
“I might put it under my pillow.”
He chuckles again. I can just see him shaking his head at my silliness with a big smile on his face. “Should I be jealous?”
“Of course. You should always be a little jealous. Of everyone. It’s an easy way to make a girl feel good.”
“I know of better ways to make you feel good.”
I sigh just thinking of those ways. “Speaking of that. I think you need to show me when you come home for Thanksgiving. Give me something to be thankful for.”
“You don’t have to tell me twice. I plan on it.”
My heart is racing and I have to kick off my blankets. If this talk is getting me all hot now, I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like when he actually shows me. I’m going to erupt like Andi’s volcano.
“You still there, Meg?” Damn, his deep voice is making my girl parts tighten.
“I wish I had a car. I’d drive up there right now. Or meet you somewhere in between for a quickie.”
“Whoa, baby. You do know what a quickie means, right?”
“Yes. I know exactly what it is.”
“Megan, when we make love it’s going to be anything but quick. Well, maybe the first time. But I plan on taking my sweet time with you and enjoying every second of it. And when it’s over, I want to fall asleep with you in my arms. So a quickie is not an option.”
Wow. He’s really thought this through. My heart swells with emotion.
“I love you, Alex.”
“I love you too, baby.”
I don’t say anything for a few beats, soaking in the moment. I’ve loved this boy for so long, I can’t remember not loving him. Even when I hated him, I still loved him. So many times, I thought we were over for good, but we have something even distance and age can’t fight.
We’re meant to be.
And here comes that damn word again.
Someday.
Chapter 7
Counselors have been calling in their seniors to discuss our plans for the future. Applications for four-year universities are open and deadlines are just a month away. I guess it’s time to really start making plans. It seems a little ridiculous to make plans for the rest of my life at the immature age of seventeen.
“Who knows what their future looks like at this age? I’m still a kid,” I tell my counselor.
She smiles. “No one is asking you to decide your future now. We’re suggesting you choose a path. And that path can lead in many directions. Once you’re on it, there will be forks in the road and you’ll have even more decisions to make for what’s best for you at that time. But now, you’re just deciding where to apply. The big decision comes in March when your acceptance letters start coming in. That’s when you’ll make your final choice.”
My head spins with all this big-decision-making talk. “So right now, I’m just applying. Nothing is definite.” Logically, I know this. But it doesn’t make me any less nervous. What if I don’t apply to the same school I want to go to in March? Who the hell knows what I’ll be thinking then?
“This is what I suggest. Apply at a variety of schools. One large. One small. A few public. A few private. Some all over California. And one out of state.”
“No, no. I don’t want to leave the state.”
“Now, we’re getting somewhere. No out-of-state schools.” She hands me a few papers. “These have all the websites you’ll need to apply at schools in California. You need to talk over your options over with your parents. When you decide, I’d love for you to come back and let me know where you’ve applied.”
“Okay, I’ll do that.” I fold up the papers and put them in my bag.
“One more thing,” she says, stopping me before I run out of her office. “If your parents can swing it, it’s always a great idea to visit as many campuses as possible before you choose. Either now or after you get accepted.”
“I’ll let them know. Thanks.”
I’m late to lunch by the time I make it out of my counselor’s office.
“How’d it go?” Keesh asks.
“All right, I guess. I have no idea where I want to apply. Do you?”
“Kinda. I know I want to apply to either San Diego State or UC San Diego. I love it down there. But other than that, I don’t know.”
I look at my other friends. “How about you, Steph?”
“After our camping trip, I want to go to Santa Cruz. I love that you hike through trees on your way from class to class. It’s a little hippy-ish but sounds so cool.”
“Dude, where’s that at?” Good question, Andi. I don’t know where it is either.
“It’s up north near San Francisco.”
My senses perk up at the mention of
up north
. “Near Berkeley?”
“Yeah, kinda. Probably a couple of hours away.”
Travis nudges me with his elbow. “That’s a lot closer than nine hours.”
“What about you, Travis?” Josh asks. “Where’re you gonna apply, bro?”
He takes a drink of his Gatorade and pauses. “If I go anywhere, it’ll be local. I’m not going far.”
“What do you mean,
if
?” Andi asks. “You’re in honors classes. Kids don’t take advanced courses and not go to college.”
“She’s right,” I tell him.
“Well, it doesn’t matter where I go so long as I get a degree of some kind.”
He seems so uninterested, it makes me wonder why. It makes me think of Ben’s letter. Could Travis be thinking of following in his footsteps?
“What about you, Andi?” Stephs asks.
“Oh, I’m applying to an art school in L.A. It’s pretty much a done deal. Mr. Gelson is helping me with my portfolio. Since I’m his TA now, I’ve had extra time to work on it. I just don’t know if I’ll live at home or commute on the train.”
“That’s a solid plan,” Josh says.
She makes the rest of us look like procrastinators. She knows exactly what she wants. I guess I would too if I had this amazing talent. But I don’t.
“Well, I’m no closer to making any decisions.” I let out an exhausted breath.
Keesh passes me a candy. “Here. Chocolate will make you feel better. Just apply to a few schools near Alex and a few near home. See. Easy. Problem solved.”
That sounds doable. “But how do I know which ones. None of us have even been to a college campus. Well, except for when I went to Berkeley, but that was for like five hours. And I spent most of it in Alex’s dorm room.” They all look at me with accusing eyes. “Nothing happened, remember? Don’t look at me like that.”
“Whatever you say, Megster,” Josh says.
“Hey, Meg has a point,” Keesh says. “We should go on a trip and visit some campuses before we decide on where to apply.”
“That sounds awesome. But who’s gonna take us? I doubt my mom and dad have time.” In fact, I know my parents can’t. They’ve been so busy with work, we’ve hardly crossed paths other than at meals.
Keesh shakes her head. “I don’t think mine can either.”
Steph takes out her phone and starts tapping away. A few seconds later, she says, “I got it. Dom will take us. Let’s plan another weekend road trip.”
I wake up extra early to have time with my mom before school. I know she’ll be listening to her celebrity squeeze, Ryan Seacrest. Usually I try not to disturb her, but this is when she’s in the best mood, imagining the blond-haired hazel-eyed radio host is talking directly and exclusively to her.
“Good morning,” I say when I make an appearance in the kitchen.
Mom is hunched over the counter in front of her Bose radio with a cup of coffee in her hands. The familiar voices of Seacrest and Ellen K have my mother grinning like she just found the last golden ticket.
The segment is over before I catch on to what they’re talking about and they cut to commercials. Perfect timing.
“Good morning, honey. Did you hear that? The show today is a hoot.” She opens the fridge, passes me a yogurt and takes one for herself before sitting at the breakfast table.
“Thanks.” I peel the foil cover back and lick off the strawberry cream. “Hey, I didn’t get a chance to tell you about my graduation planning appointment with my counselor.”
“Oh, tell me. How did it go?”
I go on to tell her about my counselor suggesting the types of schools to apply to. And when I see her interest peaking, I go for it. “She also thought it would be a good idea to visit as many schools as possible. She said it makes sense to get a feel for the campus before making any decisions.”
“That’s an excellent idea but I don’t think we can make it work before the application deadlines.”
“I was afraid of that. Keesh’s parents can’t do it either.” I rest my chin on my hand pretending to be disappointed. “Dominic is gonna take Steph on a college road trip from San Francisco to San Diego so maybe she can take some pictures and collect brochures for us.”
“Really?” Mom says, the skin between her brows furrowed. “Her parents are okay with that?”
“She came back in one piece and not pregnant from our camping trip so I guess they trust them. Plus, this helps them too.” I stir my yogurt to give her time to think. I steal a glance at her and I can tell my plan is working.
“If it’s okay with your dad, do you think you can tag along with them? I’d like to get more details but I think it’d be fantastic for you to visit some schools. I never did and I always regretted it.”
“I don’t think Dom will mind. We’re all going out tonight so I’ll ask him. I’ll mention it to Keesha too. I bet her parents would like the opportunity too.”
“Okay, honey. Ryan’s back on. Go finish getting ready for school.”
I leave the kitchen shaking my head. Good thing my friends love my mother or they’d think she should be locked up in a loony bin with her celebrity infatuations. With her ultimate TV and radio host and New Kids On The Block crushes, I’m surprised I’ve grown up to be a normal kid. Well, there’s always adulthood.
Chapter 8
Operation College Research
is in full effect at my house. The girls and I are sprawled out on the floor in my room with college catalogs, Barron’s Guides, College Board Guides, and every other dummy guide you can think of. We’ve narrowed our searches to California public institutions. My parents both went to private colleges but after looking at the difference in tuition prices, I just can’t bring myself to apply to schools that are three to four times the cost. If I was Ivy League material, I might think differently. But, according to my SAT scores from June, I’m not. So public it is.