Authors: Marissa Farrar
“Why don’t yo
u get some sleep? We’ve got a bit of a
drive.”
“Okay
, Mommy,
”
she said. Instead of closing her eyes, though, she turned and stare
d out of the window.
They pulled out onto
the freeway
. Elizabeth was quieter than normal, her usual co
nsistent chatter
missing.
“Yo
u can talk to me, you know,” Serenity
said, assuming the nightmares
to be responsible for
her
daughter’s silence. “Whatever is bothering you
, you can tell me.”
“Why don’t you want to marry Daddy?”
Seren
ity glanced back
at her in surprise. “What makes you think that?”
Elizabeth pressed her lips together and arched an eyebrow in an expression that was far too old for her age.
Serenity sighed
again
.
She should have realized
Elizabeth would already know what had happened between her and Sebastian. She could never keep anything from her daughter.
“It’s hard to explain, sweetie.”
“Don’t you love him anymore?”
“Of course I still love him!”
“Then why don’t you want to marry him? Isn’t that what grownups do? They fall in love and get married.”
Serenity stared at the road ahead. There was no p
oint in lying to Elizabeth. She
would figure things out for herself sooner or later.
“You remember Mommy was married before?”
Elizabeth nodded.
“To the bad man who hurt you.”
“That’s right. When I was married
,
I was very unhappy. I wouldn’t want for your Daddy and
me
to end up in the same situation.”
“But it would be different with Sebastian,” Elizabeth
said, all of a child’s enthusiasm lifting the tone of her voice. “He would never hurt you.”
Serenity thought back to the dried spatter of blood she’d spotted on Sebastian’s shirt. Some women checked for lipstick on their lover’s collar, she had to check for blood. How ironic that she’d gone from one violent relationship into a relationship with someone who needed violence to survive. Perhaps that said more about her than it did about the men in her life.
“I know he wouldn’t, sweetie. It’s just the thought of being married again makes me
...”
She trailed off, unsure of how
exactly the thought of marriage
did make her feel.
“Scared?” Elizabeth offered.
Serenity smiled.
“Yeah, definitely scared.”
“You don’t need to be scared, Mommy. I’d look after you.”
Sudden tears clogged Serenity’s throat. “You’re a good girl.”
In response, Elizabeth yawned, long and wide.
“You need to get some rest,” said Serenity. She leaned back and hooked a jacket from the foot well of the
backseat. “Here,” she said, rolling the material
up into a ball. “Use this as a pillow and try to get some sleep.”
“Okay, Mommy.” This time
,
she wedged the jacket between the back of the seat and the window and put her head down. She gave a long, exhausted sigh and her eyes closed.
Serenity refocused her attention on the road, while her thoughts once again wandered. Was she being selfish
in
not marrying Seb
astian? If Elizabeth thought getting married was
the right thing t
o do, what was stopping her? For
a child to want her parents to be married
was only natural
. She would do anything for Elizabeth, even marry someone.
Except she
didn’t want to marry Sebastian for the wrong reasons.
If she changed her mind and said yes
,
she wanted to do so because she wanted to be his wife.
Elizabeth moaned in her sleep and muttered something Serenity didn’t catch. She cast an anxious glance
back
at her sleeping child.
“Elizabeth?
Honey?
Are you okay?”
Elizabeth said something else and shifted in her seat as though she were uncomfortable.
S
e
renity
reached
back
to touch Elizabeth’s hand, but as soon as their skin made contact, Elizabeth jerked away.
“No, Daddy. Don’t go
...”
Her words came out
mumbled
,
but clear enough for Serenity to understand.
“Daddy!”
Elizabeth yelled. “Leave him alone!”
“Hey, Elizabeth!”
Serenity spoke louder.
Trying to keep control of the vehicle while leaning back, s
he grabbed her daughter’s knee and gave it a quick shake, h
er eyes darting between the free
way and her child.
“No
... no
...” Her head thrashed from side to side, her eyes open
in
slits
, the
pupils unseeing.
“Daddy!” she shrieked.
The road was miraculously empty. Serenity
swerved the car onto the hard shoulder
and leapt out of the driver’s side and ran around the vehicle. She dragged open Elizabeth’s door and pulled
the little girl
from the car and into her arms.
Elizabeth screamed, an ear-splitting shriek, and battered at her mother’s shoulders with balled fists. “You’ve got to help h
im! Something’s got Daddy!
”
Panic surged through her.
Elizabeth was only seven, but she was tall for her age—all gangly limbs—and getting hold of her felt like fighting a pack of monkeys.
Another vehicle drove past, the people inside
craning their necks
to watch the woman shake her hysterical daughter, but they didn’t stop or even slow down.
Elizabeth finally opened her eyes fully. She took one look at her mother and burst into tears.
Serenity wrapped her in an embrace and held her close. “Shhh,” she said, stroking Elizabeth’s hair to sooth
e
her. “Everything is okay. You’re safe.”
Elizabeth sniffed and pulled away so she could look her mother in the face. “
I’m not
frightened about
me
. Something’s got Daddy.”
Serenity crouched to Elizabeth’s level and focused her
attention. “Listen to me, Elizabeth. Your daddy is safe and sou
nd at home. I checked on him right
before I left to come and fetch you. No one
has got him. We’ll be home in less than
an hour and then you can see for yourself. Okay?”
“But my dreams
...”
“I can’t explain your dreams, sweetheart. But I believe what’s right in front of my eyes
,
and no one has your father. He and I went out last night and
I left him sleeping in bed
.”
“I dreamed he wasn’t with us anymore. He was somewhere dark and something bad had him.
Something really bad
,
worse than any of the vampires.
It was pulling him away and he was screaming—” Her voice broke off in a choked sob.
“Hey, it’s okay. It was only a dream.”
“No it wasn’t
,
Mommy. They’re never only dreams.”
Serenity didn’t know what to say to that. Elizabeth was right.
No, she’s not,
she
reminded herself.
Elizabeth has nightmares just like any other girl.
Serenity had
once
read
her
a book about cartoon rats and
Elizabeth
kept thinking s
he saw rats in her room until Sebastian had thro
w
n
the book out.
Another time
,
someone at school told her about a monster that lived under the bed and grabbed the ankles of children when they tried to get into bed. That time
,
she’d had nightmares and spent weeks trying to jump onto her bed from the other side of the room because she didn’t want the monster to grab her.
Serenity felt a brief stab of guilt for speaking harshly to
Veronica
. If this was what they
’d been
dealing with, no wonder they thought it better for Elizabeth to be
at
home.
Sebastian opened his eyes and
started back
in surprise. He’d been expecting Serenity, but instead Elizabeth sat on the edge of the bed, drumming her heels against the base.
“Elizabeth?”
She tu
rned at his voice and her eyes widened
with delight.
“Daddy!”
His daughter
jumped on him, her arms wrapping around his neck in a hug.
Each time he woke, Elizabeth
seemed to have grown just a
little bit
bigger. T
he way she’d transformed from a c
ute, chubby toddler to the long-
limbed child she was today
was almost miraculous. Tall for her age, Sebastian was starting to see the young adult she would become. Nothing made him more aware of the passing of time than watching Elizabeth grow up. Where previously nothing in his existence changed, she was a constant reminder of his own stasis.
His dream of the strange city lingered
with him
.
D
ream
... vampires
don’t
dream!
Finding
Elizabeth here instead
of Serenity furthered his confusion.
“Shouldn’t you still be on your trip?”
he asked.
“Mommy came and got me early. I was having bad dreams again.
I dreamed something bad hurt
you.”
His
mind went to the incident with the body in the forest, how its dead eyes still managed to glare with hatred. How it had kept on coming, even after he’d broken the thing’s neck.
He forced a smile. “I’m right here, as you can see. No one has got me and I’m not planning on going anywhere.”
Uncertainty rippled across her small features, her eyes large and worried, but she returned the smile.
He gave her a squeeze and kissed the top of her head. “Well
,
I’m glad you’re home anyway. Where’s your mom?”
“Downstairs. I think she’s mad at you.”
Sebastian grimaced. “Yeah, you’re probably right. Let’s go down and check.”
He swung his legs off the bed and took Elizabeth’s hand. Together
,
they made their way downstairs to find Serenity sitting at the kitchen counter, a cold mug of coffee clutched between her hands. She looked up
,
but didn’t smile at the sight of him.
“Elizabeth told me about her nightmares,” he said. “And that you had to go and pick her up.”
Serenity pushed a hand through her hair, tucking some of the l
ong strands behind her ear. “Her Girl Scout leader
called and said we needed to come get her. She had another bad dream in the car on the way home, didn’t you
,
honey?” Elizabeth pressed her lips together and nodded.
“She’s dreaming about you.”
The words hung in the air like an accusation.
“I know,” Sebastian said eventually. “She told me.”
“Does she have any reason to be?”
“Not that I’m aware of, Serenity.” His gaze flicked to where Elizabeth had positioned herself on the stool beside her mother.
He didn’t intend on
discuss
ing what
happened in the f
orest with Elizabeth right beside them
. If she was having nightmares before, she’d be guaranteed to suffer even worse after hearing about
that
!
Serenity must have sensed his reluctance to talk. “Hey
,
Elizabeth, you want to go watch some television for a bit?”
Neither of them liked to use the television as a babysitter, but sometimes necessity overruled good parenting.
“Sure!” Elizabeth bounced down from the stool and ran into the living room. She was old enough to work the flat screen by herself now
,
and within seconds
,
the sound of cartoons filled the house.
Serenity
’s
eyes were fixed on a spot between Sebastian’s shoulder and neck
. “Don’t you think you should have changed your shirt?”
He
frowned and lifted
his
hand to pull his collar out
into his line of vision.
He’d thought his jacket had protected the rest of his clothing, so he’d removed the item when he’d
come home
and washed his hands and face. The specks of blood on his shirt were tiny, but they hadn’t escaped Serenity’s attention.
Damn it.
How had he missed them
? He was slipping
—
off his game.
“Serenity, it’s not what you think.”
“No? So you didn’t go out and kill someone last night?”
His stomach sank. So this was what she was angry about. He’d thought she was upset with him about the proposal and then him walking out on her during their conversation. He’d not realized she was mad because she’d seen blood on his clothes and put two and two together.
He put his hand
s out toward her. “Serenity, it isn’t what you think
—”
“Don’t lie to me, Sebastian.”
“I wouldn’t lie to you.”
How could he explain this to her without terrifying her? He didn’t want to scare her. But she didn’t give him the chance to explain.
“I
f we fight and you go out and hurt someone, that’s as bad
as if you’ve been violent toward me or Elizabeth
. Am I supposed to have that death on my hands now? Should I be forced to placate you out of fea
r that you’ll kill someone else?
”
“No, Serenity, you don’t understand—”
She shook her head and focused her dark eyes on his. “That’s just it. I do understand. I understand only too well. I’ve been living with this since I met you.”
He stepped back as though she’d slapped him and then spat back, “Because your life was so perfect before I came into it.”
She stared back at him, angry tears trembling in her eyes.
Sebastian caught sight of Elizabeth standing in the doorway, watching them with wide, dark eyes, tears trembling in their
depths, so reminiscent of her mother
.
“I hate it when you guys fight!” she said, be
fore turning and running away. Sebastian f
ollowed the sound of her footsteps as she ran back upstairs. Her bedroom door slammed.
“Elizabeth!” Serenity called afte
r her. She shot Sebastian a glare
that said ‘
N
ow look what you’ve done.’
Then she
gave a deep, exhausted sigh. “We’re tired, Sebastian. It’s been a long day. I’ve b
een driving half the
day and Elizabeth
hasn’t been sleeping well. She’s
bound to be upset by all of this.
”
“I’ll go up to her.”
“No, let me. I think you’ve done enough.”
Pain and resentment hung between them. Sebastian didn’t want to feel as though he was being pushed out, but he couldn’t help himself. Elizabeth and Serenity had always had a special bond—something he’d expect considering he’d missed out on the first few years of her life—but he’d hoped he’d made up for that.
It seemed no matter what he did, it would never be enough. What he was would always come back to haunt them.
All of Serenity’s emotions seemed
to have balled together in the base of her stomach. How had this happened? Only the previous night, Sebastian had been asking her to marry him. Now, the tension between them was strained to the point of breaking.
His presence burned into her back. She knew he stood watching her, his arms folded across his chest, smoldering at her with his green-eyed gaze. She didn’t dare look back, knowing she would crumble and fall into his arms, kissing his face and dragging him up to see his daughter. She wanted them to be a family, but though she’d taken a step away from that with her rejection of his proposal, he’d also played a part in how she felt now.
He needed to understand that killing just because he was upset would never be okay, no matter what the circumstances. No excuses could cover an unnecessary death.
But he’s a
vampire and an adult
,
she reminded herself. Who was she to tell him what to do or try to control him? She knew what she was getting herself into when she took him back. The very idea of her trying to control him was ludicrous. Plus, she’d been so worried about anyone controlling her, yet she was trying to do the same thing to him. Wasn’t she punishing him now in order to get him to behave the way
she
wanted? Weren’t her actions equally as manipulative?
Her emotions churned. Perhaps she was reacting so strongly because of what she’d been through with Jackson. She’d gone from being completely controlled to being terrified of anyone having any hold over her at all.
Elizabeth’s muffled sobs drifted down to her as she mounted the stairs. Her heart twisted.
She knocked gently
and popped her head around Elizabeth’s door. The little girl lay on her stomach on her bed, her face buried into her pillow.
“Mind if I come in?”
Elizabeth didn’t look up, but she shrugged. Serenity took her response as a “yes” and entered the bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her daughter’s back.
“Everything’s okay, sweetie.
Your daddy and I were just talking.”
“No, you weren’t,” she said, her voice muffled in the pillow. “You were fighting.”
“Okay,” Serenity admitted. “Maybe you’re right, but sometimes grownups fight.”
Elizabeth sat up, sniffed, and wiped her face with the back of her hand. “Does this mean Daddy is going to go and live somewhere else?”
“No!” Serenity said, surprised. “Why would you think that?”
“Some of the other kids at school have Moms and Dads who don’t live in the same house.”
“Well, that isn’t going to happen to us.”
“But it did happen before, didn’t it? When I was a baby, Sebastian didn’t live with us.”
Serenity sighed. “Things are different now.”
“Are they? So why won’t you marry him and why are you fighting?”
“Sometimes grownups don’t agree on everything. But don’t worry, we’ll work things out. I promise.”
Elizabeth’s eyes searched her mother’s face and seemed to accept what she’d said. “Okay, Mommy.”
Serenity smiled. “You’ve had a long day. I expect you’re tired. Why don’t we get you ready for bed?”
Elizabeth didn’t put up much of fight. “Can I have a story?”
She’d grown out of having a story every night, the request a childlike need for routine and comfort.
“Sure, honey.
Go brush your teeth and wash your face first, though.
”
Elizabeth grabbed her pajamas from beneath her pillow and wandered off to her bathroom. Within seconds, Serenity heard the faucet running and the sound of scrubbing as her daughter got herself ready for bed. She lay down in Elizabeth’s spot, the pillow warm and slightly damp from her daughter’s tears.
Elizabeth
came back from the bathroom and grabbed a book
about a princess and a dragon
from her bookshelf and snuggled up next to her mother. Serenity put an arm around her, pulling her child close, and began the story. Something about having her near always made life a little sweeter.
“What would dragons eat?”
asked
Elizabeth
, interrupting the story
.
“
Mice,” said Serenity, resolutely. “Dragons eat mice.”
Elizabeth rolled her eyes.
“Mom!
Dragons would not eat mice!”
“Why not?”
She thought for a moment. “I don’t know!
Where would dragons live?”
“They live in the clouds.”
“Don’t be
silly.” She put her hands in her lap, punching down the blankets. “Anyway, I don’t believe in dragons.”
Serenity gave a gasp of horror. “Don’t say that! Every time a child says they don’t believe in dragons, a dragon dies.”
Elizabeth laughed. “That’s fairies, Mommy!”
“No, it’s dragons as well.”
“Well
,
I don’t believe in them.”
Serenity darted forward and clapped a hand over her
daughter’s mouth.
“Shhh!
You’ve killed
two
dragons now.
Any more
and they’ll come after you. And you don’t want to make a dragon angry.”
Elizabeth squealed with laughter, twisting her head away to try to get out of her mother’s grasp.