Doctor Who: Ultimate Treasure (8 page)

'About eight minutes, relatively speaking.'

'Just time to freshen up then.'

Bag slung over her shoulder, she had taken a dozen steps down the corridor towards her room, when a sudden urgent beeping sound emanating from the console brought her running back.

'What is it? Something wrong?'

The Doctor was working the controls rapidly, his face set and intent. The beeping faded and died in a burst of static, then grew stronger again. 'A hyperspace distress beacon on minimal power.

Somebody's in trouble. Interestingly enough it seems to be in normal space on a line between Astroville and our destination.

I'm trying to get an exact fix on it... ah.' He touched another sequence of switches and the descending tones of rematerialisation sounded.

The scanner screen, which had a moment before been filled with the grey of the deep interdimensional void, now swirled with colour that resolved into a hard image. It was the interior of a spacecraft cabin, dimly lit by green-tinted emergency lights.

Trailing wires were strung about the walls, and several gaping splits in the bulkhead were patched over with strips of glistening transparent plastic. In one corner was a discarded pile of emergency-ration-pack wrappers and several oxygen cylinders, while in the other was a large chair. Looking up in astonishment from it, a section of disassembled control panel resting across his knees, was the man who called himself Sir John Falstaff.

'A remarkable contrivance you have here, Doctor,' Falstaff said five minutes later, after they had taken him and his few salvageable belongings on board. He had recovered his composure with remarkable speed.

"T'was most fortunate that you heard my hails, for I was beginning to give up hope of salvation, and commend my soul to God and beg his understanding for any trifling transgressions I may have committed over the years. But now I can rest easy once more. Have you any decent food aboard? I am a shadow of my former self. Bad enough to be so disabled by a device planted in such a knavish manner, but the blast destroyed my source of fresh victuals, since when I have had to survive on morsels that would not keep a church mouse alive.'

Peri, however, was in no mood to play along with his fantasy.

'You can drop the act. We know you're a phoney,' she said scathingly.

Falstaff looked affronted and hitched his belt a little higher over his massive belly. You accuse Falstaff of being an imposter, Mistress Brown? What, old Jack? Never.'

'I think you should know, we are familiar with the work of William Shakespeare,' the Doctor said helpfully. 'Even if he is currently out of fashion in this part of the galaxy.'

To their surprise this did not appear to trouble Falstaff. 'Ah, so you have heard of my chronicler.'

'Chronicler?' Peri exclaimed.

'Certainly. Thou didst not think such a man as Jack Falstaff could be conjured out of nothing by some pen scratcher? The fellow used some licence with my adventures, I grant you, but Falstaff was cut from whole cloth.

'Falstaff was a fictional character,' Peri insisted.

'No, you have it turned about. The fiction came after the fact.

'Well if you are the real Falstaff, that would make you about fifteen hundred years old. Unless you've also got a -'

'Another means of travel,' the Doctor cut in. He looked at Falstaff narrowly for a moment, then said a few words in a flowing tongue, to which their guest stared back at him blankly.

'No, I didn't think you were Gallifreyan. So how do you claim to have lived so long?'

'Now, sweet wag,' Falstaff admonished. 'I do not inquire of your origins. Pray allow a man to call himself by whatever name he chooses, unless you can produce another to contest his right.

Besides, it is not mannerly to tax your guest so, especially when he is fainting away from lack of sustenance.'

Peri gave an audible 'Huh!' of disbelief at the claim. The Doctor tried a more direct approach.

'Tell us how Hok came to be selling the location of Rovan's treasure.'

For the first time, Falstaff seemed taken aback. Ah, the secret is out, I see. Poor Hok. It would have been his most profitable venture.'

'And how did you find out what was on offer?' Peri asked.

'I had dealt with Hok before in the matter of some rare folios of my chronicler's work, and learnt then that he occasionally dabbled in darker dealings. I received word, as one of his more discerning clients, that he had something of value to offer, namely the transcript of an ancient ship's log from which the true resting place of Rovan's hoard could be deduced. My offer for the item was accepted and I was attempting to meet with him to conclude the deal, a little earlier than planned I admit, when we had our memorable encounter.'

'After which you bugged out, leaving us to explain everything to the police without anybody to back up our story,' Peri reminded him.

'Do I get no thanks for so masterfully saving your lives first?

Ingratitude, thou art truly marble-hearted! Besides, I was sure the matter was in capable hands, and I had to pursue those whoreson cutthroats to ensure they did not profit from their villainy.'

'Really?' said Peri dubiously.

'Verily so. I was hard upon their tails when they turned like cornered rats. What a battle it was! Two of their craft dived upon me, their lasers spitting fire -'

'You didn't say anything about a battle,' Peri protested. 'I thought they planted a bomb on your ship?'

'Nay, you misheard. 'T'was a battle royal that laid me low.

There were these four ships, armed like men o' war -'

'I thought there were two ships.'

'Pray do not interrupt or I'll lose the thread of the tale. Now, six ships bore down upon me -'

'Sir John, would you like something to eat?' said the Doctor brightly, stemming the flow. 'Peri, please show our guest how to use the food synthesiser.'

Leaving Falstaff in a corner happily stuffing himself, Peri and the Doctor conferred quietly.

'Just who is this guy really?' Peri wondered.

'I don't know,' the Doctor admitted, 'but he seems determined to stay in character.'

'You don't think he believes himself that he actually is Falstaff?'

'Perhaps. It can't do any harm to humour him for the time being, as long as we don't rely on him for anything important.

Remember, Falstaff was a liar, cheat, and pragmatic coward.'

'Well, anyhow, now we know what happened at Hok's. I guess he had a copy of this data on Rovan's treasure and those crooks got hold of it before we came in.'

'Yes. Hok must have examined the data first and worked out the vital coordinates, which was what he passed on to us. He probably planned to sell it on in another form to other interested customers. Or perhaps he had already done so,' the Doctor added thoughtfully.

'You mean there might be others heading for the same place?'

'Well, there's only one way to find out. The Doctor turned to the controls and the TARDIS dematerialised. 'We'll be there in a couple of minutes.'

'No you won't, Doctor,' said an unexpected voice. Falstaff froze with a fork halfway to his mouth as Peri and the Doctor twisted round.

Myra Jaharnus was standing in the doorway leading to the rest of the ship. She was holding a dull black pistol-like object in her hand in a very assured manner. Suddenly Peri realised why the inspector had not returned the TARDIS key to them in person.

'Ah,' said the Doctor, recovering his voice first, 'I see we have a stowaway on board. I don't think you've met our other guest. May I present Sir John Falstaff? Sir John, this is Inspector Myra Jaharnus of the Astroville police force.'

Falstaff recovered himself, rose to his feet and made a sweeping bow, doffing his cap with a flourish. 'Your servant, madam.'

'He's the man you never believed existed,' Peri explained helpfully.

'So I understand from what I've already heard.'

'May I add,' Falstaff continued smoothly, 'that it is a great comfort to know the forces of law and order are ever vigilant? I know I can leave it to your capable hands to apprehend the villains responsible for the murder of dear old Hok. If the Doctor would be kind enough to set me down on some convenient planet, I won't take up any more of your -'

'Sit down and be quiet,' Jaharnus snapped. Falstaff sat. 'Now, Doctor, you will pilot this... this craft back to Astroville.'

'Oh, why? For that matter, why the gun? We're really not dangerous you know.'

'I'm not sure what you are, Doctor, but I do know you're all under arrest. He's guilty of leaving the scene of a crime and you two are guilty of withholding evidence, namely the figures Hok revealed, which you claimed earlier you could not recall.'

'Evidently you believed otherwise.'

'As I said then, a suspicious nature goes with the job. It also caused me to check up on your researches in the archives.

Rovan's treasure would be motivation for anything, and that's reason enough to take you into custody until we find out the truth.'

'I think you may be out of your jurisdiction, here,' the Doctor pointed out.

'Perhaps, Doctor. But I do have the gun, which like possession, is said to be nine points of the law. Now turn this thing around.'

'But we're almost at the place given in Hok's coordinates,' Peri exclaimed. 'Those men you're after will be coming here as well.'

'One thing at a time. With a new witness and further evidence a proper squad can be sent out here, but for the moment we return to Headquarters.'

The Doctor shrugged, turned back to the controls and reached out a hand to reset the coordinates. Peri saw a strange look come over his face as his hand froze over the row of buttons. His jaw tightened but his hand did not move. He took a step back, flexing his fingers.

'Peri,' he said in a slightly strained tone. 'I seem to have a slight problem. Could you press the black, green, and blue buttons on that row in order?'

Frowning, Peri reached forward. The muscles of her hand and arm locked. She knew what she wanted to do, but she simply could not make it happen. She pulled back with a little gasp of alarm.

'What's happening?'

'I think some extremely powerful mental force is at work here.'

'Don't try any tricks with me,' Jaharnus warned him.

'I'm not, Inspector,' the Doctor said with a compelling intensity in his words. 'If you disbelieve me, try for yourself.' Jaharnus reached forward, only to find her own hand refused to obey her.

'It would seem somebody is determined that we finish our journey,' said the Doctor matter-of-factly. 'Whether we want to or not.'

The materialisation pulse faded away into a solid thump of reality.

Cautiously the occupants of the TARDIS unbent their knees and stood upright once more.

'Well, we've arrived,' the Doctor announced. He tried to reset the coordinates, but his hand refused to obey him once again.

'Sorry, Inspector. We'll have to postpone our return to headquarters. Somebody would seem to have other plans for us.'

'Can't you send a distress call? Hasn't this thing got a hyperwave transmitter?'

The Doctor looked pained at the slur on his TARDIS and moved to a different section of the controls. 'I'm afraid I can't operate this either. Whoever is responsible obviously doesn't want anybody else to know where we are.'

Jaharnus looked at him intently for a moment, then apparently decided he was telling the truth. 'Remember, you're all still under arrest,' she said, holstering her gun. 'Now, can we at least find out where we are?'

Nothing prevented the Doctor activating the scanner, and they all peered intently at the image.

It showed a grassy glade, ringed by tall trees bearing large heart-shaped leaves. Fingers of golden sunlight slotted between the interlaced branches and made dappled patterns on the close-cropped grass, which was itself speckled with clumps of small purple and white flowers. The Doctor panned the camera and more of the same type of scenery rolled across the screen. Peri, prepared for something more alarming, began to relax. Then the Doctor stopped the camera. A man in a long yellow robe was standing on the grass watching them, his hands folded before him inside his voluminous sleeves. His costume and placid stance reminded Peri somewhat of an oriental priest.

'I guess that's the welcoming committee,' she said aloud. Even as they looked at him, the man withdrew one arm from his robe and beckoned gracefully to them.

'There seems to be no point in staying inside,' said the Doctor, reaching for the plunger lever that controlled the doors.

'I'll do the talking, Doctor. Understand?' Jaharnus said.

Falstaff managed to be the last to leave the TARDIS by bowing Peri and Jaharnus through in front of him in a show of apparent gallantry. 'After you, ladies,' he said. Peri grinned ruefully.

Outside the air was mild and flower-scented and the grass springy underfoot. A light breeze rustled the leaves of the trees, accompanying the twitter and shrill of what Peri presumed was birdsong. All in all it was very tranquil, and she felt a sense of overwhelming calm descending upon her. Surely there could be nothing to fear in a place like this. She saw the Doctor looking round him intently, his deep eyes glittering, his lips pursed. Then a look of understanding crossed his face and he smiled slightly.

'This place has the flavour of Merrie England about it,' Falstaff remarked. 'It lacks only the Boar's Head Inn nestling through yonder trees to be a veritable paradise.'

'And do you like it as well, Peri?' the Doctor inquired.

'It's beautiful - though it reminds me more of parts of the States.'

'Yes, of course it would. That's due to a very subtle mental field being cast over us. Somebody wants us to feel untroubled and peaceful. We've already had one demonstration of their power, so don't necessarily believe everything you see.'

Jaharnus alone seemed unmoved by their surroundings. After a quick glance about her, she strode determinedly up to the robed figure, her tail tip flicking from side to side, and held up her official identity badge.