Do You Take This Rebel? (16 page)

An expression of such dismay crossed his face that Cassie’s heart sank. What she had viewed as a hopeful beginning Cole obviously saw as nothing more than another lapse in judgment. Rather than solving anything, tonight had only complicated their lives, perhaps more than either of them was ready to cope with.

“I assumed you were on the Pill,” he said stiffly.

She shivered as ice formed where only moments before there had been fire. “Why would you assume such a thing?” she asked. “I haven’t been involved with
anyone. You certainly haven’t come near me since the wedding. Why would I be on the Pill?”

An unreadable mask slid over his face. “Because it would be the mature, responsible thing to do if you intended to come into my room and seduce me.”

“And the way you’ve been behaving is mature?” she snapped, losing patience. “You married me, Cole. For better or worse. Did you do it just so you could punish me till the end of time?”

He stiffened at the accusation, but he didn’t deny it.

She stared at him incredulously. “You did, didn’t you? Well, I don’t intend to live like this.” She leaped out of the bed and started grabbing clothes and putting them on haphazardly, not worrying with buttons or snaps, just the most basic decency so she could get from his room to her own.

“Oh?” he said with deadly calm, his gaze hooded as he watched her. “What will you do? Run?”

“Only across town,” she said. “I’ll take Jake and—”

“You won’t take Jake anywhere,” he said. “Jake stays with me.”

“Not until a court says he does,” she retorted.

He leveled a look at her that might have daunted her if she hadn’t been so furious.

“Are you willing to take that chance?” he asked. “Are you willing to risk losing your son? I won’t go about this halfway. I’ll go after full custody.”

She met his gaze and saw that he was absolutely serious. Fury died as fear crept back in. She wouldn’t let him see that, though. She couldn’t.

“Why do you want to keep me trapped in marriage, Cole? Have you asked yourself that? I think it’s because a part of you loves me, a part of you wants to
know that I’m yours anytime you get around to forgiving me. You like dangling the prospect of forgiveness in front of me just to torture me, just to get a little revenge for what I did to you.”

He didn’t deny any of it, not even her claim that he loved her. He couldn’t, because they both knew it was true. The last hour had proved that. More than sex had been involved. They had made love. For a little while anger and hurt had slid away and their hearts had spoken. Cole had wanted this as desperately as she had. He just couldn’t make himself admit it.

Cassie might have pitied him for that, but right now she had no pity to spare. She was fighting not just for her son but for her marriage.

“If I stay,” she said firmly, her gaze clashing with his, “
if
I stay, then both of us have to work to make this marriage real. We have to do whatever it takes, see a counselor if we can’t figure things out on our own. The time has come for drastic measures, Cole. I’m willing.” She challenged him with a steady look. “Are you?”

He studied her warily. “Meaning?”

“No more separate bedrooms. No more separate beds.” She was adamant about it. There would be no compromise. “I love you. I always have. And I’m sorrier than I can say that I kept your son from you, but the truth is out now. You know. Either we deal with it and move on, together, as a family, or I take Jake and move back in with my mother and we go to court.”

Taking such a stance was a risk. She knew it even as the words left her mouth, but she had no choice. She would not live in emotional limbo. Maybe if Cole hadn’t mattered to her, she could have done it, but he did matter. He was the love of her life, the father of
her son, and the distance between them was killing her bit by bit, day by day. It was worse than when they’d been separated, when she’d thought he had abandoned her.

He gave her a measured look, then said with a degree of bemusement, “You’ve changed.”

“I hope so. I’m not a teenage girl anymore.”

“No, I mean in the past few weeks. You’re stronger.”

Stronger? She wasn’t so sure about that. But she did recognize that this was no way to live. If she didn’t fight for her future, who would?

“I love you,” she said quietly. “If I’m stronger, it’s because I’ve stopped denying that. Maybe there’s a lesson in there for you, too. Loving me doesn’t make you weak, Cole. It takes a strong man to forgive.”

Before he could respond to the challenge of that, she walked out of his room and headed back to her own for what she prayed would be the last time. She would give him until tomorrow to come for her, to say that he was willing to try.

And just in case he stayed stubbornly away, she would begin to pack her bags.

C
ole spent a long, lonely night after Cassie left his bed. He cursed himself for letting it come to this, for weakening his stance, for letting his determination slip.

He debated with himself for hours, wanting one thing, needing another and hating himself because of it. She had betrayed him. She wasn’t to be trusted. It was as simple—as black and white—as that.

But it wasn’t. It was murky as hell. Maybe there weren’t any rights or wrongs. Maybe there wasn’t any such thing as justice when emotions were involved. Maybe what was in his heart was all that mattered.

If only he knew precisely what that was. Until today he’d been able to convince himself that he’d married Cassie only so he wouldn’t have to fight her for custody of Jake. He’d seen himself as the magnanimous one. Practically a saint, he thought wryly.

But, holding her in his arms, burying himself deep
inside her, he had known better. He was no saint. Far from it. Just as she’d said, he had married her because he couldn’t bear the thought of losing her for a second time.

But that was exactly what was going to happen if he didn’t get over the anger that ate at him during every waking minute. He’d seen the determination in her eyes last night and again this morning before she’d left for work. She would go, even if that meant a court fight. That she would risk so much proved to him just how serious she was. She wanted all or nothing.

There was only one problem. He wasn’t at all sure he could give her what she wanted, not without resentment bubbling up. What chance would they have if it was always there, just below the surface, something to throw in her face whenever they hit a rough patch?

Just let it go, forgive and forget. If he’d asked a half dozen people, five of the six would have told him that was what he needed to do. The sixth would tell him to cling to the anger, to remember it, so she could never hurt him again. That would have been his father’s advice—which made it suspect right off.

Frank Davis hadn’t let up once since the wedding. Despite the show he’d put on during the reception, he hadn’t gone out of his way to welcome Cassie any more than Cole had. He seemed to have forgotten all about his own role in keeping Cassie and his son apart.

At the same time, he was doing everything in his power to turn Jake into the rancher that Cole himself refused to be. It frustrated Frank no end that Jake showed more interest in Cole’s computers than he did in cattle.

“You’re ruining that boy,” Frank grumbled when
he stopped by the hotel the morning after Cole’s argument with Cassie and found father and son squinting at the computer screen.

His arrival was a good distraction. It meant Cole wouldn’t have to deal with Cassie and the feelings that had come roaring to life the night before. He could ignore them for a little longer, put off having to make the decision he’d spent the night debating.

Jake, unaware of the undercurrents or the depth of his grandfather’s disapproval, regarded the older man with innocent excitement. “But this is so cool. Cole’s letting me write a real program for a game, one I made up myself. One of these days every kid in America will play it,” he said with complete confidence. “Cole said so.”

Frank scowled. “What are you doing calling your daddy Cole?” he demanded, seizing on that, rather than commenting on the game that had his grandson so excited.

“Leave it be,” Cole said tightly, though it bothered him some, too, that Jake hadn’t started calling him Dad.

Jake blinked rapidly at his grandfather’s criticism, then gazed up at Cole. “Can I?”

“Can you what?”

“Call you Dad?”

Cole’s heart crept into his throat. “Of course you can.”

A smile spread across the boy’s face. “You never said, so I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t want to ask Mom, ’cause she looks kinda sad a lot, especially when you and I spend a lot of time together.”

“She needs to get over it,” Frank grumbled even as Cole shot a warning look in his direction.

“I’ll speak to your mother,” Cole promised. “I’m sure she won’t have any objections.” How could she? he thought. There was no denying the relationship. The whole town knew about it by now.

The things he and Cassie needed to discuss were adding up…and most of the topics promised to be uncomfortable.

“Jake, why don’t you come out and spend the night at the ranch with me?” Cole’s father asked. “That horse I bought for you needs to be ridden.”

“I’m not very good,” Jake protested.

“And you won’t get any better by avoiding it,” Frank said.

“Okay, enough,” Cole said, frowning at his father. “Don’t push him.”

“I want to learn to ride,” Jake said, regarding his grandfather earnestly. “But that horse is too big, and he doesn’t like me.”

“Part of learning to ride is learning to control the horse. You’ll get the hang of it,” Frank insisted.

“Maybe he should start out on Buttercup,” Cole said. He grinned at Jake. “She was my first horse.”

That was recommendation enough for Jake. “Could I?” Jake begged his grandfather.

“Absolutely,” Cole said, not giving his father a chance to refuse or to label the boy a sissy because of his preference for a gentler horse. “Shall I come along?”

“I’m perfectly capable of giving the boy a riding lesson,” his father grumbled, clearly understanding Cole’s unspoken message. “On Buttercup, if that’s the way you want it. The poor old mare can barely make it out of the barn, though.”

“Which means she’s not likely to run off with him,”
Cole said. He winked at Jake. “Take her an apple, and she’ll do whatever you ask of her.”

Jake ran to grab one from the basket of fruit the hotel had sent up. “Okay, Grandpa, I’m ready.”

Frank looked momentarily taken aback by his eagerness, but he finally gave him a gruff pat on the back. “Let’s go, then.”

“Jake, shouldn’t you get your toothbrush, at least?” Cole asked.

“I don’t need one. Grandpa gave me one last time. And there are some jeans and shirts and stuff in my room at the ranch.”

Cole regarded his father evenly. “Is that so?”

“No point in having him haul stuff back and forth. He might as well feel at home when he’s there.”

“Just don’t get carried away,” he warned his father. He wouldn’t put it past the old man to try to convince Jake to move in.

“I have no idea what you mean,” Frank retorted, heading for the door at a brisker pace than usual, clearly eager to avoid a drawn-out explanation.

Cole let him leave, then sat back with a sigh and braced himself for Cassie’s return from work. He had a decision to make between now and then. He could agree to her terms or go to war. With his body already squarely on her side, in fact eager to join her in bed, the decision was all but made.

He just had to figure out if he could live with it.

Cassie wiped the counter at Stella’s with slow, distracted strokes.

“I think it’s clean now,” Karen commented.

Cassie’s gaze shot up. “What?”

She had almost forgotten her friend was there. Karen
had come in right at closing, claiming that she’d had a sudden yearning for a piece of Stella’s apple pie. Since Karen’s pies had been winning ribbons at the local fair for years now, the explanation hadn’t rung true.

Karen placed her hand over Cassie’s to still the idle motion. “I said that the counter is clean.” Her gaze narrowed. “What’s on your mind? Did you and Cole have a fight?”

“We don’t exactly fight,” Cassie said. “Though yesterday we came as close as we ever have.” She sighed. “He’s so cool. Even when he’s furious with me, he refuses to let down his guard. He just makes some sarcastic comment that’s designed to put distance between us.”

“Don’t let him get away with it,” Karen advised. “Call him on it.”

“I do. Last night I told him he had to make a decision. We either work at a real marriage or I walk and I take Jake with me.”

Karen’s eyes widened. “You didn’t?”

“What choice did I have? Things are impossible the way they are now. And after yesterday…”

“What happened?”

“We made love,” she said, feeling the heat climb into her cheeks at the memory. “And it was the way it used to be—better, in fact.”

“That’s wonderful. And it’s progress.” She studied Cassie intently. “So why did you issue an ultimatum after that?”

“Because he would have gone right back to the way things used to be. He was already pulling back even while I was right there next to him.”

“He’s scared,” Karen concluded.

The comment was so ludicrous that Cassie laughed. “Cole Davis isn’t scared of anything.”

“Sure he is,” Karen said. “He’s scared of the same thing all men are scared of, letting down their guard and getting hurt. Frankly, I think that’s very positive.”

“Pardon me if I have a little trouble following your logic. Why is that a good thing?”

“It means he loves you. You still have the power to hurt him and he knows it. It terrifies him. So what does he do? He puts those walls up to protect himself.”

Cassie considered the explanation thoughtfully. It made a lot of sense. Unfortunately she wasn’t sure how much longer she could fight to try to tear those walls back down. A lot depended on what Cole said when she got back to the hotel today. If he agreed to her terms for staying, they had a chance. If not…

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” she admitted. “I’ve tried everything I can think of, including threatening to leave.”

“Which would only prove to him that’s he’s been right all along not to trust you,” Karen pointed out.

Well, hell. She was right about that, too. “I can’t talk about this anymore. My head is spinning. Let’s talk about you. How are you doing?”

“I’m getting through one day at a time,” Karen said. “Lauren’s been a huge help. She refuses to go away. I feel as if I am totally disrupting her life, but the truth is I’m glad of the company. And she’s working as if she’s obsessed. She’s always had a magic touch with horses, but she’s turning into an all-around rancher. I dread the day she goes back to her own life.”

Her shoulders slumped and a weary expression settled on her face. “I don’t know what I’d do without her. I thought I could do it all, but I can’t, and I can’t
pay for extra help. If I lose the ranch, I’ll feel as if I failed Caleb.”

“You’re not going to lose the ranch,” Cassie said fiercely. “We’ll all do whatever it takes to see to that.” She studied her friend’s face. “Unless, one of these days, you decide there’s something you’d rather be doing. If you decide you want to sell, it will be okay, Karen. Caleb would understand.”

“I’m not so sure of that,” Karen said, then sighed.

“He would,” Cassie insisted, then gave her friend’s hand a squeeze. “You have to do what’s best for you now. And you don’t have to decide what that is today or even tomorrow. You take your time. And if you need extra help, call me. I might not be experienced, but I’m willing. And Jake’s been learning to do chores at the Double D. He could just as easily do them for you. In fact, I’d prefer it.”

Karen forced a smile. “Thanks. Now go home to your husband. Your work with me is done.” Her grin spread. “And that counter hasn’t been that spotless in years, so you’re off the hook with Stella, too.”

They walked out of the diner together, then went their separate ways. It wasn’t lost on Cassie that both of them were heading home with unmistakable reluctance. There was a difference, though. Karen could never get her husband back, while Cassie still had a fighting chance with hers. Watching her friend climb dejectedly into the battered pickup that had been Caleb’s, Cassie resolved to make the most of the chance she had.

Cole looked up when he heard Cassie’s key turn in the lock. His pulse ricocheted wildly. This was it, the moment of truth. Do or die. A few more clichés rattled
around in his head as he dared to face her, still trying to decide what to say.

“You’re home,” he said. Now there was a brilliant beginning, he thought, cursing his stupidity. He tried to salvage the moment. “Rough day?”

That was better, he concluded. It sounded like the start of a perfectly normal conversation between husband and wife. Unfortunately, there was nothing normal about any of this. It was awkward as hell.

“It was okay, at least until Karen came in.” Her expression turned sad. “I’m worried about her. She’s not handling Caleb’s death well at all.”

“How could she? He’s only been gone a few months. It must be a terrible adjustment to make.”

“She ought to sell the ranch before it kills her, too,” Cassie said. “But right now she won’t hear of it. She thinks she owes it to Caleb to stay.”

“And as long as she thinks that, then that’s what she needs to do,” Cole said. “You can’t push her. That ranch is her connection to him. It’s little wonder she doesn’t want to lose that.”

Cassie sighed. “I know. Some things can’t be rushed.”

Her gaze locked with his, and they both knew that she wasn’t talking only about Karen. “I’m sorry if I pushed too hard yesterday. I just want…I want things to be okay, to be good between us.”

Cole nodded. Here it was, the moment of truth. “I want that, too,” he said quietly. “I really do. I’m not saying it can happen overnight, but it is what I want. You need to know that. You need to believe it, even when I’m shutting you out.”

“I’ll try.”

“And sleeping in the same bed will be a start,” he added quietly. “If that’s something you still want.”

Hope lit her eyes. “I do,” she said at once. “With all my heart.”

“Good.”

They stared at each other, neither of them moving, neither of them knowing what else to say, until finally Cole could bear it no longer.

“Come here,” he said, beckoning her.

She hesitated.

“Cassie, you’re not changing your mind already, are you?”

“No, but—”

“Come here,” he commanded.

She took one step toward him, then eventually another, until their knees were touching. He reached up and touched her cheek, surprised to find it was damp with tears he hadn’t noticed in the room’s shadows.

“Oh, baby,” he murmured, drawing her into his lap. “It’s going to be okay.”

“Is it?” she whispered, sounding more uncertain than he’d ever heard her.