Divorced Dating and Damn Drama (15 page)

The clock strikes 2:30 and I sit nicely, hands folded in my lap. I am wearing a light baby blue dress with frills around the bottom hem. The dress is paired with knee high white socks and a pearl necklace. Well, not real pearls, but the fake ones. He will be here any minute; I watch the door-any minute now. The cookies are on the glass coffee table along with a picture of lemonade and two sparkling clean glasses. I wait for an hour before, finally, the door opens. My heart leaps, but it is only Sara (I should have known! Rubio is a real gentleman and would have knocked before entering to sweep me off my feet and shower me with kisses...Back to reality). She is alone this time wearing ridiculously big earrings. They look painful. She looks at me, strolls over and pours herself some lemonade. She then contents herself with shoveling my cookies into her lap. She looks at me. "What, he's not coming." Sara says casually. Her dress is so low cut when she leans over to grab a cookie her full left nipple is exposed.

"How do you know?" I snap, folding my arms across my chest. She stuffs more cookie bites into her mouth and downs half a glass of lemonade.

"He didn't even text you he was going to be late." She remarked with ease. She then picks up the remote and starts flipping through the channels. "If, and that's a big if, he was coming and was going to be late he would have called or texted." She explained settling on some chick flick to watch. "Want some popcorn?" Sara asked getting up and strolling into the kitchen. I don't even respond, she doesn't get to just analyze my life like that. It's not nice, I choke back the truth.

"I'm gay." Spits Tony, 21, average build, sexy green eyes
. He is breathing hard and starting to sweat. I really want to tell him
to calm down but I have a feeling it will just make him feel worse. H
e is wearing a dashing blue shirt, tight orange pants and white Gossip sneakers. He is
sporting a luxury watch and expensive silver chain. Either this guy comes from money or he is riddled with debt. To be honest, he kind of looks like someone Henry would have hung out with. He is good looking and gives off the impression he has oodles of money. We are outside at the famous park, you know, the one that I meet guys at. I didn't know this park was so popular, maybe because it acts as a part of the divider between the rich and poor parts of town. The poor people come here because it's the only park they have and the rich come here to slum it up and reaffirm their commitment to make scads of money and keep all those other lowlife people from making any. The park was a donation from the rich side for some sort of charity. Probably for some sort of restitution for some white collar crime they committed. This place used to be an abandoned field when I was young.

"Oh, ok." I say pretending that we are best friends and his coming out is just a casual conversation that we might have over hamburgers.

"I haven't told anyone yet." He says gauging my reaction.

"Why not?" I ask stuffing another bite of my burger in my mouth. What? I was hungry and these were homemade. I'm trying to cut down on expense by making my meals at home then just bringing them with me. I just keep forgetting to bring twice as much as I can eat to supplement all the food my future husband of the moment eats from my plate.

"I just don't know how they will react." He says fidgeting in his chair.

"How do you want them to react?" I ask, poring extra salt on my fries.

"I want them to be accepting of who I am." He says with a sigh.

"I think they will be accepting." I reassure him, taking another bite of the burger.

"I don't know, I just don't want everyone to hate me, or worse, just say I'm going through a phase." He confesses.

"At first they will test you, but by being who you really are, you will triumph." I say as if I'm a self-help specialist. Well, I sort of am a self-help specialist-If I don't help myself, no one will. Just saying! We all know everyone was thinking it!

"They want me to get married and have kids." He says frustrated.

"You can still get married and have kids." I answer honestly. What? He can. There are millions of kids out there who need a loving home.

"I just don't know what to do." He says putting his head on the table.

"Do what your heart tells you." I say with a full heart.

"I'll think about it." He says then walks off. Well that was a first. I head back to my car in the parking lot. Upon arriving, I notice my car isn't there. Panic-stricken I began to look around, then remembered I had walked the mile to get here. Well at least Tony didn't eat the burger I had brought for him(hey, sometimes I remember to bring the current Mr. Right some food) so now I have something to eat on the way home. All in all, an awkward date; but still a good day. Half way home it begins to rain and I get soaked. Yep, that's my luck.

I have never gone to college. It's something I have regretted, only because I feel like my youth was wasted in a loveless marriage, well there was love on my end. So, although I have never gone, doesn't mean I don't understand. I understand it is hard. I understand a lot of people drop out. What I do not understand is how going to college gives guys a free pass to be jerks and hound dogs

"You should come over to my house now, and service me." Charles, a college boy, coos. Charles is 26 and attending the local Gossip community college.

"No." I say. I'm talking to about three different guys right now and I don't have time for hookups. I'm looking for a boyfriend, not a one night stand. This is something I wonder: do guys know the difference? I think now a day's people have sex first; then decide later whether or not to have a relationship. This isn't a bad thing; however I think guys use this as a method to get laid and that they have no intentions of being in a relationship. Guys promise a relationship if the women is good at sex-that alone is their basis. What happens when you go out to dinner and have nothing to talk about? Do you
break up and become sex buddies? Ok, b
ut then, where does that leave the women? The guy got what he wanted, but now she must start over. I think if you are both looking for sex that is fine, but if one is looking for a relationship that it is wrong to dangle that belief in front of her face in order to trick her into sleeping with him. That however is a conversation for another day. Let's stick to guys in college being entitled little pricks.

"Come on, I'm in college, I need this to pass my classes." Charles says, then sends me a photo of his aroused junk. This is not what I want, but it is one of the many excuses to have a glass of wine. What? It's just one glass.

"First, you don't need sex to pass your classes. Second, I do not want to have sex with you just to help you pass your class." I respond clicking from the dating site to the Gossip celebrity update site. What? I like knowing the gossip once in
a while.

"You don't understand what it is like to be smart." Charles says bluntly. Wow, so I don't want to sleep with you and because of my decision you decided that I'm not smart.

"Really?" I reply. Does he think that I'm retarded or something?

"Yes, I'm in college, I don't get the luxury of making a ton of money just sitting around." Charles accuses scratching his crouch. I really don't know where he gets off thinking I make tons of money.

"That's not what I do." I reply. I scroll the gossip site and find it is overrun with photos of Henry
. Why is Henry considered a
celebrity? I really hate how popular he is. I flip back to the dating site.

"Just come over here." Charles demands.

"No." I reply. Living in a small town is supposed to be so great. Everyone knows everyone. But in reality it kind of sucks, well sucks if your Ex is considered a local celebrity and everyone worships the ground he walks on.

"Why are you alive, I wish you stopped breathing air." Charles whines. So because I am not going to sleep with him then I should stop breathing air. I learn something new every day.

"Can I breathe water then?" I ask. What? That's an honest question. What? I just want to understand what exactly he is suggesting as an air replacement.

"No, you cannot breathe nothing." Really? I hate to be the grammar teacher today but I think he means anything. I cannot breathe anything. See, doesn't that sound better.

"I'm glad we cleared that up." I say not paying any attention. How is it that Henry is considered a celebrity to be praised however I am the spawn of satin only to be shunned?

"Just go die already." Charles says then logs off. So if I don't rush over to service a guy I should die. Please! People should really get over themselves! I say googling myself. Oh, the irony.

Disturbing as this conversation was, it got me thinking; why don't I go to college? I'm smart! I did all of Henry's homework. For crying out loud, I even passed the Bar Exam for him! I mean, they have all sorts of cool stuff nowadays and I can take classes online to earn my degree. I get to searching and after days of looking, I finally found the right trade school. What? A trade school is a college. Anyways, it is completely online and offers a certificate in book analyst. What happens is they pick out various books that I must read and I analyze them. I can submit my papers in an online drop box courtesy of the school's website. This is a course that can take as little as three months. However you can take as long as you want to complete it, up to 30 years. Now I have no idea what I will do with the certificate but at least people will stop calling me stupid. I am not stupid. I just made a stupid choice marrying Henry. The course cost two thousand dollars, and books are separate. I can't believe I am doing it. I'm going to an online line trade school. This is so exciting!

As I sit at home, in my room-where I don't have enough room to put a chair for my desk. Isn't it ironic that in my room I don't have enough room? I have a child's bed spread across my small twin mattress. I don't have any sheets just a crudely made comforter that I got for free on the side of the road. Before you ask what happened to my stuff, Henry took everything and by that I really do mean everything. I was just lucky Sara was throwing out her bed frame a week after I moved in, or I wouldn't even have that. I'm lucky to have a laptop, it was hidden in my over the shoulder knapsack during the hearing and luckily my ex forgot that I had it.

It's the night before jury duty and I admit that I am nervous; I have never been on jury duty before because of my ex's chosen profession. Now that he is out of my life, I fear they will make me serve in order to make up for years of not serving. I have no one to share my fears with. It's times like this that I wonder if maybe I could have avoided the divorce. I'm not saying that I would be in a marriage just to get out of jury duty. But maybe I could have been in one to end the loneliness. Sure, Sara's my best friend and Ruby counts as something too; but they aren't really what I need. I need someone to confide in, to tell my fears without being persecuted for them. I miss my old life. All the time I was married to Henry, I didn't realize how good I had it. Sure I constantly worked, did housework, and studied his law books; but now that things are exponentially worse, I realize how good I had it then.

Today is my first day of jury duty. I usually get out of this by being married to a lawyer, but apparently being divorced from
a lawyer is a big draw, so I have been picked for a month long jury. The judge
explicitly told me to dress nicely. I showed up in my work clothes with my hair gelled back. Eleven chosen jurors and I shuffle into the court room and take our assigned seats in the jurors'
box. I look up and scan the room, my eyes fall on the judge. T
o my surprise it is the same judge that presided in my divorce case, and because I really have the worst luck in the known universe, it is no surprise to see that the defense attorney is my Ex, Henry. Honestly? This doesn't really happen does it? I sink down into my chair. Now this is a conflict of interest. Yes, "this is a conflict of interest" I pipe up.

"What is it young lady" asked Judge Right. His name may be Judge Right, but he is wrong in so many ways. I personally have never met a more corrupt man.

"It's a conflict of interest. The defense is my Ex and I hate him." I say with pride. What? No one wants to serve jury duty.

"What are you saying exactly?" Judge Right asks taking his glasses off and looking right at me.

"I cannot be impartial, I will side with the defendant because I hate my ex, and evidence means nothing to me." I say, now feeling a bit guilty.

"You will be instructed to be impartial." Says Judge Right and bangs his gravel two times.

"But I can't be." I protest.

"You will be impartial or I will hold you in contempt." Judge Right rules; banging his gravel a total of two times again. See, See. Does anyone see this? That judge is out to get me. The week slowly creeps on, the only upside is I get to work less hours. I hate work, and at least here I get to sit all day instead of running around. I do hate Henry's objections though, he sounds like a whiney little sissy. He gets flusters, then screeches objection "your honor." Placing a great emphasis on the h in honor. He also is dressed to impress, smiling and hitting on several jury members throughout the trial.

The shear torment of having to see the two people I hate the most on the planet has propelled me into a light depression. I call it light because I see depression like alcohol
. I'm a functioning
depressed person like Sara is a functioning alcoholic. What? She is. Will this Jury Duty torture never end?

I get into some twisted games online. I meet a school teacher who, guess what, has a school girl fetish. Now I don't judge, but does anyone else not want their child going to class with a man who has a school girl fetish? But in my insanity I over look this. Mr. Brown wants pictures upon pictures. I know this is wrong, but only a click away are thousands of photos of Sara. So I use these, and because she is a professional attention whore, her photos look the best and her dress is always spot on. So I get playing.